Blue Light Productions presents

L U R K E R  L A D
"Attack of the Fifty-Million Foot Tall Man!"
Part 3(of 3) of the CRISIS ON LOONIEARTH-B!
By Ben Rawluk and Saxon Brenton.

[Cover - The cover is taken up by a view of space, with the 'LURKER LAD'
logo done is silver, with the Crisis on Looniearth-B logo, also in silver,
beside it. On the left side of the cover, a large, humanoid form of
blackness is standing in front of the stars, with Lurker Lad, Limp-Asparagus
Lad, Plot-Device King, as well as the League of Heroes, all floating in
front of it.]


Fearless Leader
Lurker Lad
Limp-Asparagus Lad
Fourth-Wall Lass
Retcon Lad
Plot-Device King
Johnny Stomper

Hero Lad
Psi Girl
Celestial Kid
Limp-Asparagus Lass
Kid Magic

Lord Vincent Stomper (of Looniearth-AA)
Lean-Apples Lad (of Looniearth-I)

Mega-Boy and Virtue zipped across the skyline of Looniearth-B's Net.Ropolis
at tremendous speeds, continuing in every way they could. "You sure this
will work?"

"It must," Virtue answered back, to the Boy of Lightning. "Celestial Kid
said so. And, you'll find he's hardly ever wrong...!"

"But how are all our molecular vibrations and speed to heat up the city?"

"Who knows!" Virtue vanished into the eternal night.


The Warroom of League of Heroes Headquarters was a flurry of activity. In
the center of the chamber sat Kid Magic of the League, and Lord Stomper.
They floated a few inches off the ground, a wave of retcotheric energies
being tapped. Retcon Lad continued to use his powers to alter the
probability of the sorcerers' success. "It is time!" Stomper screamed, and
Johnny Stomper stepped back from behind him, a bit frightened by the forces
his uncle's counterpart was unleashing. 

The room was filled with a series of mild POP sounds. Ultra stepped forward,
unleashing a field of Cosmic Energies around the group, to protect them, as
a hole in space/time opened up...and Plot-Device King stepped forward.

"PDK..." Lurker Lad mumbled, amazed by the arrival. "We found you!" 


Meanwhile, elsewhere on Looniearth-B, the struggle against the threat of
perpetual night continued:

In the harbor outside Net.ropolis, Polarity Girl holds a plate of steel
across a gaping hole in a tanker (created by an impact with an unexpected
iceberg) until the oil could be pumped into other storage holds.

In Eng.LAN.d the Crimson Continuity Crusader rescues motorists trapped in a
mountain pass by a sudden avalanche.

In the mid-West of the Use.netted States the L.E.A.G.U.E. (Cyril Clocks,
Wyldfire, Daemon Lad, Iona and Pyro Lass) work to repair damage done to
shelters caused by high winds.

In Montre.alt,, Jonah Occult and Net.Glider of the League of
Alt.ernate Heroes rush some desperately needed blood donations to hospital.


"So...this Exponential Man is eating worlds?" Plot-Device King looked
confused. "Isn't that, like, a cliche?"

"No, really?" Lurker Lad muttered, sarcastically. "And, he's eating whole
Looniverses, actually. This one's next on the list."

"Oh." PDK nodded, sticking out his tongue. "So, what's the plan?"

At this point, Hero Lad stepped forward, his teeth gleaming as his Heroic
Aura(tm) kicked in. After quickly filling Plot-Device King in [See
_Limp-Asparagus Lad_ #34 - Footnote Girl], the League's Leader looked around
at the strike force. "You all will be sent up into space, by the E-Man, on a
space.thingee." He adjusted his helmet. "Lets move out, peoples!" 


One half-hour later. Space is a cold place, and as dark as a pit. The
Members of the Combined Legion and League arrived, aboard a space.thingee,
from a warp-field from Earth. "Okay, people." Hero Lad got up, and activated
his trans.suit.thingee. "Suit up, and let's go...we don't have the time we
may need."

The heroes scrambled out of the space.thingee, into the darkness of the
void. They were a colourful lot: Psi Girl, Hero Lad, Lurker Lad, Plot-Device
King, Lord Stomper, Fan.Boy, Lean-Apples Lad, and Limp-Asparagus Lad.
Limp-Asparagus Lass and Johnny Stomper remained onboard.

Psi Girl mentally probed the Exponential Man, looking for some weakness that
would make what she planned easier. She was acutely conscious of the
positively charged piece of plot devicium she had on her, since it was
perhaps the only thing that would keep her mind from being annihilated by
backlash from the immense entity she was facing. Then her eyes widened, and
she broadcast in somewhat pleasant surprise, =(There's a human mind in there.)=

"There is?" asked Lord Stomper. "Is it conscious?"

=(No, it's dormant for the most part. It seems to be in a dream-state.)=

"It doesn't have to be fully active," he said, "but if we have something
human to work with it will make things much easier then trying to force back
an inexplicable cosmic mind."

=(Okay then, I'll try stimulating it a little,)= Psi Girl agreed. A few
seconds later she said =(It's working. It's a bit groggy and disorientated,
but I suppose that will make him more tractable anyway.)=

Back in the space.thingee, Limp-Asparagus Lass studied the readings from her
scan.thingee, and broadcast calmly to the outside team, "He is about to
increase in size again. Fan.Boy, we will need more time."
"You got it," Fan.Boy replied. He whipped out a small book and a pencil, and
although the Exponential Man was some 3 billion kilometers tall, he looked
up at it and asked, "Can I have your autograph?"

For a tense moment nothing seemed to happen, but then the Exponential Man
began leaning forward. Slowly a silhouetted void in the shape of a hand
reached forward, because there were few things indeed that had the willpower
to resist signing The Book.

The others felt a chill of apprehension as that planet sized wall of
nothingness advanced towards their proximate location. This would have to be
timed perfectly.

Psi Girl was almost finished, when she felt a surge of frustration from what
she presumed to be the mind of the Exponential Man. In a perverse way this
was a pleasing sensation: it meant that the creature's mind was being
affected. Up till now she hadn't been completely sure.

The hand stopped closing in on Fan.Boy and drew back, enraged, as the
Exponential Man suddenly realised that IT WAS TOO BIG TO HOLD THE PENCIL!

=(We're ready,)= Psi Girl broadcast to the others, =(and it looks like it'll
have to be now! I... Oh no! He's attacking!)=

"Have the others teleported aboard," Hero Lad ordered.

=(No! He's attacking the space.thingee!)= corrected Psi Girl.

Hero Lad paused for half a second. What attack could he make specifically
against the space.thingee that wouldn't affect everything else in the area?

Then Limp-Asparagus Lad noted from the external sensors diplay, "Incoming
meteoroid. Mass: 25 tonnes."

That explain it then. At least it wasn't going to swat them with its hand.
At least, not yet. "Evasive maneuvers!" Hero Lad said.

The space.thingee banked 'upwards', hard. Nevertheless, the hunk of rock the
Exponential Man had sent at them grazed along the bottom of the hull.

"Damage report."

"Critical hull damage. Power down to twenty-three percent. Anticipated
integrity failure in less than... eleven seconds," Johnny Stomper said,
reading off displays.

"Abandon ship then," Hero Lad said. "Activate emergency teleporters."
And then they were gone.
They rematerialized in space beside the EVA group, a few kilometers away
from where the space.thingee now was and protected by their transparent but
nigh-indestructible trans.suit.thingees. They watched as the space.thingee
disintegrated, slowly at first, then with greater speed. They could count
their blessings that at least some of the laws of the Looniverses were based
on anime, since that was what had allowed them to escape before the
space.thingee had been destroyed. For several seconds the space.thingee hung
there in space, slowly splitting up the middle like an overripe fruit. Then,
continuing its anime-inspired destruction, 
it suddenly exploded in a great flower of flame.

And then it was gone, and with it their most direct means of getting back to

But that was something that could be worried about later. If they survived.

"Is he going the attack again?" Fearless Leader demanded of Psi Girl.

She shook her head. =(I don't think so, that was more or less a temper
tantrum reaction. The Exponential Man's conscious mind is beginning to wake
up. I think its going to try to expand again, ahead of schedule.)=

"Is everything ready to go now?" asked Hero Lad.

=(The world.wide.mind.web is prepared,)= she affirmed.

"The plot hole is ready," said Lord Stomper radioed from the direction of
the plot hole, a huge soap bubble looking thing several kilometers across.
"We should do this as soon as possible. It seems this plot hole is unstable
because of its size." Around him, Plot Device King, Retcon 
Lad and Mysterious Man strained at maintaining the hole's cohesiveness.

"Then let's get on with it," said Hero Lad. "Release the plot hole."

With a massive effort of magic and metaphysics the hole was launched at the
Exponential Man at speeds which defied causality, so it was a pretty good
thing that they weren't relying on boring old mundane physics.

"I hope he hasn't moved his head," Fan.Boy murmured.

"Now that we have confirmation that he's thinking, I have targeted his
thought processes to guide the hole. It will make no difference if he moves
now," Lord Stomper explained.
"Impact in thirteen seconds," noted Limp-Asparagus Lass, reading her
scan.thingee, while Limp-Asparagus Lad did the same with his.

They waited. The seconds crept past. Tension mounted. The Writer used 
shorter sentences.

"It's hit," said Lord Vincent, being able to tell by some arcane means.

Psi Girl gritted her teeth. =(Then let's get on with it.)=

The next page is a splash page consisting of one large panel of Psi Girl
floating in space, with numerous small inserts scattered randomly about
showing the faces of Looniearth-B's telepaths, all working in concert on the
world.wide.mind.web. Among them can be recognized ESPer 
Lass, Stand In Boy, Kid Magic, Mystic Lass, and the Emerald Mind, and even
villains such as the Blue King. All of them either show strain from the
effort, or are so deep in their psychic trances to focus their powers that
their faces are blank.

=(It's human mind is resisting,)= Psi Girl reported, (but if anything that
same mind just makes things easier to get a grip on. Almost there... Almost
there... )=

Suddenly the Exponential Man convulsed and shrank. Psi Girl expressed
surprise. =(Huh. It was a tough nut to crack, but once it's mind gave, it
gave up completely and all at once.)=

"How long will it take to leave the Looniverse?" Hero Lad asked.

=(I'm not sure. No more than two hours, I suppose.)=

"Then we'd better get back to Looniearth," he said. "When the sun comes back
on all the damage will probably start repairing itself in the same
accelerated manner, but in the meantime we should try to help to minimize
problems as much as possible."

"Uhm, guys?" ventured Retcon Lad. "We're kinda wasted over here. We should
be fine in, I dunno, half an hour or so, but we're not going to be moving
anyone anywhere just now. But if we've got hours of air in these
trans.suit.thingees, well, we could just wait, or better yet get 
Psi Girl to contact someone back on Looniearth to come and get us, right?"

Hero Lad nodded. "Yes, I suppose we might have to take that sort of time
out, though I don't like the waiting."

"On the other hand, perhaps I could be of assistance," announced a new 

"Who's that?" Lurker Lad asked, looking around, and utterly amazed at
finally getting some more dialogue in an issue of his own series.

A second Plot Device King appeared and said, "I, Plot Device King!" Most of
the net.heroes looked very surprised, especially the first Plot Device King.
Some didn't, though.

"So, you did turn up after all," noted Lean-Apples Lad.

"Indeed," agreed the new arrival.

"What's going on here?" demanded Fearless Leader.

"I will explain all. But first, allow me to transport you all back to 


They found themselves back on Looniearth-B. No one was quite sure what had
happened, they were just there all of a sudden. Lurker Lad noticed no
teleportational effect whatsoever. The group was standing in the Main
Conference Room, back at League Headquarters.

"And, of course, I had best remove the mind-block I placed on you three,"
the second PDK said, gesturing at Fan.Boy, Lord Stomper, and Lean-Apples 

"Well, that's a relief," Lean-Apples Lad said, testily.

"Now, how about some explanations?" asked the first Plot Device King, 

"It's basically pretty simple," said Fan.Boy, throwing a hard look at the
other PDK. "He says that he's the future version of you. He scooped the
three of us up, and warned us about the coming of the Exponential Man, and
sent us off to Looniearth-A in order to get help from some of the LNH. He
knew that Lurker Lad would be included in the group, and that the joint LNH
and LoH would think of calling his past self up out of the timestream to
help in defeating the Exponential Man."

"That's simple?" asked Proto Kid, poking his tongue out incredulously.

"_Then_," continued Fan.Boy, continuing to glare at the future Plot Device
King, "he put a block on the three of us explaining who he was other than as
a Mysterious Person."

"It was to prevent creating a time paradox," explained the future PDK 
simply. "The League and the Legion had to come up with the solution 
themselves, just as I originally remembered it."

"But sending us of to Looniearth-A to get the Legion simply because you
remembered it that way _wasn't_ creating a paradox?" countered Lean-Apples 

"Besides," said Lurker Lad, "with your plot powers it wouldn't have 
mattered if you created a paradox anyway.

"Well, yes, I suppose..." said the future PDK.

Lean-Apples Lad threw up his hands in disgust. "Fine then. If you're quite
finished having us jaunt about running your little errands, I'm leaving. I
want to be prepared to get back to Looniearth-I when the Exponential Man
regurgitates it."

Meanwhile, Retcon Lad was musing on something. "You know, this reminds me of
the time paradox in the final issue of Larry Hama's _Nth Man_..." He trailed
off, then blinked. Then he scowled and said, "Arrgh!" He turned to the
fourth wall. "You complete and utter bar-stool!"

"Retcon Lad!" Fearless Leader remonstrated sharply. "Explain yourself." No
one in either the League or the LNH were quite sure who Retcon Lad had been

"Oh," said RLad, irritated. He crossed his arms and scowled some more. "The
Writer's playing head games again. He's making references to more comics
that I'd anticipated." He stared moodily at the ceiling. "I'm an idiot. I
should have seen that coming. It probably would've 
saved us trouble if I had, too."

"Fine. What's done is done. Just keep ahold of yourself," FL said. RLad
nodded his assent.

Fan.Boy was talking to Hero Lad and Limp-Asparagus Lass. "I'm sorry sir. I
felt really cruddy not being able to tell you the whole truth of the 
situation. I kept worrying the whole time that despite what Plot Device 
King told us that something might go wrong anyway."

"You'd better write out a report on it, but I don't think there are any
grounds for disclipinary action."

"It is nice to have you back in control of yourself again," L-ALass told
him, kissing him on the cheek. Fan.Boy turned a bright chartreuse, at the

"Now then." The future Plot Device King turned to face his past self.
"Things need to be set right. You," He pointed the present-day PDK, "Must be
sent back into the timestream to accomplish your me."

"What!?" PDK looked shocked. "No! Don't I get any choice in---*" And PDK was
gone, without even the slightest hint of teleportation; He was just not 

"PDK!" Lurker Lad lunged like lightning at the future PDK. "How could you do
that to yourself!"

"Necessity, Lurker Lad." PDK straightened his costume. "Now then. All you
who would call yourselves LNHers, and Looniearth-A your home...begone." None
of the gathered LNHers could utter a syllable, before they vanished into the
cosmic wind. He turned to the Leaguers. "I trust you can accomplish the task
of fixing your world?"

"I...I guess." Hero Lad scratched his head, startled by the disappearance of
the others. "We'll manage. I assume you'll drop off Stomper and L-ALad on
your way?"

"Of course." PDK gestured grandly. He, Lord Stomper, and Lean-Apples Lad
vanished, leaving the Leaguers alone.

"Whoa." Proto Kid stuck his tongue out.

NEXT ISSUE: As Ultra explains his origins to Lurker Lad, Johnny Stomper has
an adventure under LNHQ, But, all the while....will LL encounter the "Ghost
Woman" again?! All this and more in LURKER LAD #7, on RACC, brought to you
by Ben Rawluk and Blue Light Productions!


Lurker Lad, Ultra, and Plot-Device King owned by Ben Rawluk.
Limp-Asparagus Lad, Fourth-Wall Lass and Retcon Lad owned by Saxon Brenton.
Johnny Stomper owned by Josh Geurink.
Fearless Leader is owned by Dvandom, used by Saxon Brenton and Ben Rawluk
with permission.
Hero Lad, Psi Girl, Celestial Kid, Fan.Boy-B, Mega-Boy, Kid Magic, Virtue,
Lord Vincent Stomper, Lean-Apples Lad, Polarity Girl, Crimson Continuity
Crusader, Cyril Clocks, Wyldfyre, Iona, Daemon Lad, Pyro Lass, Jonah Occult,
Net.Glider, ESPer Lass, Stand In Boy, Blue King, Mystic Lass, Emerald Mind,
Looniearth-B, Looniearth-AA, Looniearth-I, L.E.A.G.U.E. and the League of
Heroes all owned by Ben Rawluk.
Limp-Asparagus Lass co-created and owned by Ben Rawluk and Saxon Brenton.
The Exponential Man owned by Saxon Brenton.

Comments and Reviews are welcome, please send them to Saxon and I, who both
have too many characters for our own good!
Back to the Index.