Sky reported to be falling, film at eleven


Paranoia or what? Apparently a company has developed a widget, which they call Digital Angel® that is a continuously trackable, tiny little transmitter thing that uses GPS (it's not immediately explained how), thus allowing it to be homed in on to within a few meters by anyone with a proper tracking device.

That's not the fun part.

The fun part is that they're apparently coming out with a version that can be implanted and runs off of the internal, bio-electric charges the human body continually generates just by moving around.

Suddenly all those movies where you see people working to remove hidden transmitters from their bodies aren't quite so funny any more. But at least we won't have to dig it out of our sinus cavity like Arnie did in, er, what was the movie... um, Total Recall. I think. No, we can just gouge it out of our arms. Or hands. Or wherever. Mmm.

Well, now all those people who babble insanely about things like "They put transmitters in our bodies!" will have to find something new to gibber about. After all, it can't be paranoia if you're right.

Okay, so it's not quite at the "we can track you anywhere with our mighty sattelites!" level, as it's sort of like the cell phone network, with lots of base stations required. In the short term, probably pretty handy, especially for those people who tend to go out and get buried in avalanches and things.

Seattle, WA (AP) - Growing Linux software vendor Red Hat is rumored to be announcing their latest takeover rumor today, and excitement is brewing over just what false acquisition rumor will be in the offing. Brewing in this case is literal, as several Seattle residents insist that their favorite cappucino-swilling hangout, Starbucks, will be acquired by Red Hat. "Well, it makes sense," remarked a mildly inebriated man selected at random. "I mean, coffee, programmers, the mutual benefits of a takeover for both companies would be obvious."

In humor news, there's Sluggy Freelance, an online comic of might. Whereas rival strip User Friendly stays, in vaguely Dilbertish fashion, on the almost, but not quite, realistic side of the IT industry, Sluggy Freelance cheerfully meanders over more terrain than a drug-addled Romantic poet. It's good. Read it. Read it now! Now, damn your eyes!

No Bob, Kentucky (AP) - Growing Linux software vendor Red Hat is currently rumored to be in takeover talks in their attempt to acquire a small, tabby cat. "Well, it's clearly a natural thing for them to want," remarked a small, somewhat scruffy child. "The kitty likes to wear hats. Red ones. So, like, red hat. Red Hat. Duh." Further information on this cat-with-hat was not available at press time.

Next episode: Cat-with-muffin.

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