In other news, my opinion of eBay has been colored by a few encounters with 'snipers', who are rather interesting types who wait until the final minutes, or, in fact, seconds of an auction to swoop down from above and out-bid you by a few dollars. It's people like this who make it so you can't just slap down your maximum and wander off, because they'll boost you by $2 no matter what. So you slap down a paltry sum, then return in the last few minutes and scuffle vigorously with them in a desperate, no-holds-barred grudge match over the item in question.
Or, alternately, you snipe them right back, by waiting until the last fifteen seconds of the auction, when the scuffling is fast and furious, to blow them all out of the water.
And it still generally ends up being a bargain.
Ah, eBay. Whatever would I do without ye?
In other news, I am suffused with address labels.
You see, a while back, I gave to a charity, the Civil War Trust, I believe it was, for the simple reason that they go around trying to buy up old civil war battlefields, much to the irritation of developers. This is good for several reasons, first the fact that the South is about 75% civil war battlefields by weight, what with most of the whupping of ass having taken place down here. And, second, because anything that makes developers surly is a good thing down here. We have enough sprawl as it is, thank you.
However, to increase their funds, they seem to have put me on the list of people which we shall simply call 'suckers for a good cause'. With the result that every charity in my fields of interest, and some that aren't, regularly send me letters to pester me for money.
And, to try and get on my good side, they always include lots of neat little printed return address labels.
It's a testament to just how vigorously they'll pursue anyone who might, conceivably, be persuaded to cough up some cash, that I am literally swamped with return address labels. I can't send out letters fast enough to deplete the growing supply, and, pack rat that I am, I can't bear to throw them away. Will I eventually have no space left in my apartment, due to the growing piles of return address labels? Only time will tell! Tune in next week for the next installment of the 'address label saga'.
It's December 17th. Do you know where your Apocalypse is?
Well, actually, he's over in Marvel comics.
Apocalypse is a villain, you see. A villain of power and might. At least, that's what Marvel keeps telling us. And if they repeat it enough times, it might actually come true.
It all started many years ago, back in the time when Marvel was capable of producing comic books that didn't completely suck. There was a team of surly mutants known as X-Factor, protecting the world from equally surly mutants, one of whom called himself Apocalypse. Apocalypse was, at best, a laughable goon. I mean, for crying out loud, he was a big blue guy with a giant 'A' on his belt buckle, just in case he forgot what his name was. He was big into a stupid brand of Darwinism, ie the "The strong deserve to kill the weak, and I will demonstrate this by popping off your head" type. It never seemed to work. His henchmen were laughable, the Four Horsemen and the Dark Riders (a villain group so pathetic that the only person they ever beat was... Apocalypse himself. To everyone's disappointment, Apocalypse failed to follow his own philosophy and pronounce himself a weak little scrub. But we digress.)
But, regardless, he was a disposeable goon of a villain, trotted out whenever they couldn't think of anyone better for X-Factor to beat up. Then, as often happened, Marvel played Musical Writers.
People started thinking that Apocalypse was keen. Suddenly, he began to be behind vast, scheming plots spanning centuries, despite the fact that he was clearly never intended to have an actual functioning brain. Apocalypse went from a disposable scrub villain, a brick (ie, someone whose powers are entirely related to being tough and strong) for the heroes to beat on, to a brilliant mastermind who was not only behind most of the events in that section of Marvel's comic book line, but who appeared in every single alternate future issue. Whenever someone came back in time (which they tended to do with frightening regularity), it was always to escape a future where Apocalypse ruled. Or try and kill Apocalypse. Or warn people about how evil Apocalypse was. Or... You get the picture.
The retcons flew fast and furious, with Apocalypse suddenly becoming the world's oldest mutant, having gained his powers in ancient Egypt. This no doubt came as a surprise to Selene, who had been the previous "world's oldest mutant" at around 5 times Apocalypse's age. Selene was a surly old witch who had been alive since Lemuria reigned supreme over all the Earth and Conan went around whacking things in the ear (Conan comics being, oddly, in continuity for Marvel). Suddenly, however, Apocalypse became the latest Neat Thing, and Selene began being written as "well, okay, she can't be the oldest mutant. Apocalypse is. So she's, uh, not really that old. And not a mutant anyway. Yeah, that's the ticket." This was similar to the manner in which every single Marvel comic book features the world's most powerful telepath. There are a lot of "world's most powerful telepaths" running around in the Marvel Universe, apparently.
So, now, apparently all the neat plot hooks that Marvel comics had scattered about in them over the years were, in fact, just an evil scheme by Apocalypse, who, as we all know, is the oldest and most bad-ass mutant villain around, mainly due to the fact that whenever he shows up, all his opponents lose at least half their IQ, as well as any history that would leave them older or more bad-ass. Comics are convenient that way.
Apparently, he's now toddling about beating up Our Heroes, who have suddenly become incredibly stupid. Stupid enough that they wander into obvious traps commenting "Gosh, what an obvious trap. We must be complete idiots to wander in here, hunh?"
Not unsuprisingly, this apparent culmanation of years of comic history has drawn the attention of only one thing, Wizard Magazine, Your Comics Information Source. But then, if you pay Wizard enough, they'll be enthusiastic about anything.
So, that's where your Apocalypse is.
Next episode: Muffin Man puts a giant 'M' on his belt buckle, just in case he forgets what his name is.
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