Power level one million? Impossible!


Nope, nothing to talk about today, except how darn neato it is to have people recognize you as "that writer guy". Wow, local celebrity. Now, I know I've mentioned this before, but hey, it bears mentioning every now and again. Mmm. Reputation. It's such a lovely thing.
Dragonball Z: Embodiment of Fire

Okay... we've gone from spoil-a-riffic titles to titles someone thought up one morning while brushing their teeth. Maybe it was some deep, insightful thing in Japanese that simply didn't translate. Or, more likely given this show, it was really something like "Take my pocky! Please!" and was changed.

So, we open with Frieza beating on Goku, while the three Johnny Bench impersonators watch the battle and Ginyu/Bulma cackles in the backgr...

Wait a minute.

Who wrote this thing, anyway? Didn't they WATCH the previous episode? Well, obviously they must have, since the footage of Goku getting the snot beaten out of him is from yesterday, but had Our Heroes not already figured out that Cap'n Ginyu had stolen Bulma's body?

Is it not enough that we have a two-minute recap at the start, but now we need stock footage, too?!

Anyway, Ginyu/Bulma's cackling reveals the true nature of what happened. Again. Our heroes manage to figure things out, noticing the frantically gesturing Bulma/Frog. Again. Cap'n Ginyu drops all pretense and prepares to whup some butt. Again.

And now... the action! Cap'n Ginyu proceeds to beat on Krillan some, while the Earth warrior just cowers a bit. But since Bulma's body has all the power level of burnt toast, Cap'n Ginyu quickly realizes that despite Our Heroes' confusion and unwillingness to beat on a girl, he's gonna need more power if he's to kill them. Noticing that he can sense power levels in this body (a trait that, apparently, everyone who trained on Earth has acquired), he eyes the three... and chooses Piccolo. "Piccolo! I choose YOU!"

Gohan, however, remembers what happened LAST time (hey... they learn from their experiences? This shouldn't be!) and as Cap'n Ginyu unleashes the changing attack, he tosses the frog into the attack's path, putting everything back the way it was. Yes, Cap'n Ginyu fell for the same dumb trick TWICE. What a maroon.

Bulma happily pats herself and hops around with glee at being in her own body again, only to be thrown off into the distance by the blast waves coming from the battle between Goku and Frieza. And, of course, nobody flies off to save her. Gee, some friends these guys are.

Meanwhile, Frieza continues to smack Goku around. This continues for a bit. Finally, Frieza actually powers up an energy attack, which Goku barely dodges... and looks down, to see a massive gash cut in the earth, leading all the way off to the horizon (the three Johnny Bench impersonators take this opportunity to comment about how Frieza just cut a slash completely through the planet). Goku stares in horror at the sight of the planet's oceans beginning to drain away into the core. Frieza gives the old "so, do you want to die quickly, or slow and painful?" to which Goku responds with "I'll never surrender, I'll beat you no matter what, etc etc." Frieza mocks him a bit, then starts beating on him some more.

Who writes Frieza's dialog, anyway? He sounds like a bit of a poofter.

In the Next Dimension, King Kaiou sobs a bit as he realises Goku's doomedness.

Anyway, Frieza smacks Goku into the water, then fires an energy blast over his head every time the Saiyan tries to surface to take a breath. Finally, Goku heads up anyway, and Frieza lands on him, balancing on Goku's head and holding him under. Goku struggles about a bit before blacking out.

And, now, we get the various half-blacked-out thought bits. A flashback of Krillan lying dead (this happened many, many episodes ago. he got better.), images of the Earth, thoughts of each of his friends (it takes a LONG time, we'll note, to cycle through all of them. over a minute, in fact.) and then a slow pan out as the Earth is casually detonated.

Realization that this is what's going to happen if he loses brings Goku back from the edge, and he blows free of the water and Frieza. Goku shouts out some more stock heroic dialog, then the two scuffle, apparently even now, as Goku's rage gives him more power. The two do the 'duelling energy blasts' that are so popular on this show, and Frieza actually gets his hands singed by the resulting explosion ("Oh no! Broke a nail!"). The two spend some more time glaring at each other, breathing hard.

Next episode: More of the same.


Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or alien spores of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Certified 'Syndicate Approved'. Squeeze the lemon. Remember, kids, only users lose drugs.

THIS SPACE FOR RENT