Today's content comes from the sister, who delivers an anime fanfic review including the word "tripe" preceeded by the word "pretentious". What more could you ask for?
Fanfic Review: Neon Genesis Evangelion: R Most Useless Fanfic Rating: 3 Warning: Contains dangerously high levels of pretentious tripe. Known to cause fatal levels of constipation in small, helpless animals in laboratories. Ah, yes--Eva-R. Featuring new Evas, new Angels, new Children, and more "..."'s than you can shake a stick at. Summary: The 'fic starts at the very end of the series. I don't know how this is possible, since nobody short of Anno himself probably knows what was going on in those last two episodes... but, because of my extensive reading of various fanfiction, I have developed to a high degree that wondrous ability-- "smile and nod". For the first two episodes, almost nothing happened except for a painfully un-original bout of angst. Oh, yeah, and Asuka recovers. The next episodes cover the arrival of the 6th Child, Lyn Anouilh, who, wonder of wonders, proceeds to not dominate the set. More Angels show up... or not. Then the JSSDF attacks and one of the new characters is an angel and the world gets blown up. Sound familiar? Now, the bad stuph. There were so many small things about this fanfic that annoyed the hell out of me. The author's writing style could have been a whole lot better. The script format of the 'fic was not the problem in and of itself, but it lead to the author using writing techniques that made the story drag like the rear end of a dog on the most expensive rug in the house. If I could only count the number of conversations where at least half of the lines consisted of a "..." and nothing else--well, I don't know what I'd do, but that's not the point. If you don't plan to have somebody say something, DON'T GIVE THEM A GODDAMN LINE! I don't need to see another conversation that follows this format: Shinji:.... Asuka:.... Shinji:..... Asuka:.... Tokyo-3: BOOM Another example of artistic sentence structure was when the author randomly split up sentences and put them on different lines. This was clearly meant to build dramatic tension to keep the audience on the edges of their seats, but when it happened to every other sentence, it not only lost any effect it may have had, but made me want to smack the author. He also had a habit of capitalizing random words, in a way that just smacks of poor editing, but... I could go on about this for days. Although the 'fic itself is alright (the plot is not too bad, and the new characters, with the possible exception of Aoi, don't overshadow the old characters), there are lots of things surrounding the creation of the 'fic that I have to take issue with. For one thing, the author seems to hold the mistaken idea that his fanfic is the greatest work of literature since the Bible. He comes right out and admits that he thinks that his fanfic is better than the original ending to the series. I mean, really! The level of pretentiousness for everything on the Eva-R page is quite simply off the scale. "Join us in this, the final prayer for humanity"? Indeed. Despite all of his bragging, I can't see that this adds anything to the series; all he did was to bring in a couple of new characters and have them angst. I haven't seen the movie, but from what I've heard, and what I saw of the ending to this 'fic, I think that the author may have just re-written the movie with his own characters mucking things up. Another thing is that these people take themselves and the 'fic WAY too seriously. Although it's good that they take their time and not just slap the thing together, is it really necessary to make MULTIMEDIA for the fanfic? I can tell that these people have far, far too much time on their hands. Of course, being the girl who is taking the time to read the 'fic and write snide comments on it, I can hardly be called the shining socialite. Still... these people really need to get a life. They said they were doing it professionally, but if they're professionals, then in God's name WHY AREN'T THEY OUT MAKING MONEY!?! On the bright side, they do seem to be genuinely trying to capture the spirit of the anime series. You can't blame them for this, even though it is a complete failure; what is creative and thought-provoking in the original series is simply pretentious and annoying in Eva-R. Well, they've got some nice fan-art, at least... About the title: this really is just about the most useless 'fic I've ever encountered. It floats in a fanfic limbo: not bad enough to make a good MSTing, yet not good enough to be worth reading anyway. It lacks the horrendous writing that made Hellstorm Evangelion such a wonderful subject for MSTing. With truly good fanfics (Dandelions, Slayers: R, C, R, Obligations, etc.), I read on because I couldn't wait to see what happened next. With Neon Exodus Evangelion, I couldn't help but read on in horrified fascination. With Eva: R I literally had to force myself to finish, I was so bored. Recommended for: I dunno. Masochists, maybe. Additional: I wouldn't normally try to justify my view of a series. There must be something about this one that draws people, though, because I know of a number of otherwise intelligent people who like it. It's meant to be a logical (and more satisfactory) progression from the end of the series, and I suppose it could be, but for me it would have to go through a lot of editing before it could even be considered as such. Perhaps this is because I was actually pleased with the series ending--a phenomenon that is almost unique among Eva fans. More likely, though, the pretensions of the creators turned me against the 'fic before I even started reading it. I'm sorry, but I can't accept the writings of a group of people who are that full of themselves. Until they figure out how to be modest, this will always be, in my opinion, the most useless fanfic ever created.
In which Goku AND Frieza both reveal that they aren't left-handed.
We begin with Goku and Frieza staring at each other. Frieza makes Goku an offer, join me or die. Goku, not having read the Things I Will Do If I'm Ever The Hero list, refuses. Frieza shrugs, comments about how much of a waste this is, and states that he'll now show a portion of his true power. Goku shrugs, states that he's holding back his reserves as well. Frieza scoffs at this and powers up to fifty percent of his true limit.
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Ginyu/Bulma and Bulma/Frog are flying along (this body-swapping thing makes it really hard to keep everyone straight). Ginyu/Bulma has appropriated Bulma's airbike, but Bulma/Frog has hitched a ride, intent on reclaiming her body if it's the last thing she ever does. Ginyu/Bulma notices and tries to shake the frog off, but Bulma/Frog attacks, splatting onto the villain's face. Much confused zipping about happens, as the airbike approaches the vicinity of the battle, and is noticed by the three Johnny Bench impersonators, before finally crashing spectacularly. Ginyu/Bulma dismounts skillfully, whirls about in the air, and lands in a dramatic pose.
The Johnny Bench impersonators chat with Ginyu/Bulma a bit, while Bulma/Frog tries to convince Gohan what's going on (as the idiots can't figure out that it's not Bulma, despite Cap'n Ginyu's really bad attempt at a female voice). Gohan seems like he understands, only to reveal that he really thinks the frog is Cap'n Ginyu. The whole situation isn't helped by the fact that Ginyu's occasional surl ("Remind me to kill you guys later...") is actually in character for Bulma ("Hmm... she's threatening us again. She must be all right after all.")
Meanwhile, back in the uninteresting plotline, Frieza proceeds to beat the snot out of Goku.
Back on Earth, Chi-Chi and Co prepare to take off in the space-ship. Chi-Chi and Kamesennin are stoked, while Oolong is wondering how he got talked into this, Yamcha's cat is enthused about somehow wishing Yamcha back, and Yajirobee is panicking. Meanwhile, outside, lots of small animals watch. Also, Chi-Chi's father shouts helpful advice like "You can let Goku die, but please, save Gohan!" - aren't in-laws great?
The ship rumbles, everyone tenses dramatically, Oolong complains bitterly, Yajirobee loses it and tries to flee, and finally the engines sputter and die. Oops.
Meanwhile, Frieza continues to beat up Goku.
The three Johnny Bench impersonators are beginning to wonder if Bulma got hit on the head, as she seems enthused about the battle despite the fact that Frieza's winning.
Meanwhile, in the Next Dimension, King Kaiou is worried. The three dead guys try to keep their hopes up by pointing out ways that Goku might be holding back. Is he holding back some power? Nope. He could always use the 'Kaiou-Ken' techniques to increase his power... Nope, he already is. Finally, everyone accepts that Goku is going all out and still getting slapped around like a scrub, and thus, they're clearly doomed.
After one too many comments from Ginyu/Bulma enthusing about Frieza, the three Johnny Bench impersonators finally figure out what happened, and do their now traditional pose-and-grr.
Next Episode: Frieza continues to beat up Goku, and the three Johnny Bench impersonators must try and avoid the most feared of all fates in a manly universe - getting their butts kicked by a girl.
Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or alien spores of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Certified 'Syndicate Approved'. Squeeze the lemon. Remember, kids, only users lose drugs.
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