Here's a letter from B1FF
FR0M: "KATHLEEN J!! KRAMER" <KK3Z+@&REW.CMU.EDU>
NEWSGR0UPS: ALT.MU5IK.C0UNT1NG-CR0WS,ALT.FAN.DIRTY-WHORES,
ALT.50CIETY.GENERASHUN-X
SUBJECT: G00D MERN1NG HAPPY HAPPYS!!!!!!!!!!1
DATE: 5UN, 19 MRE 1995 09:15:55 -0500
0RGANIZASHUN: 5P0NSORED ACC0UNT, H&5S DEEN"S 0FFICE, CARNEG1E MELL0N,
P1TT5BURGH, PA
L1NES: 286
MES5AGE-ID: <0JP3MPQ00IWTI1_VD2@&REW.CMU.EDU>
NNTP-P05TING-H0ST: &REW.CMU.EDU
1T IS 5UCH A BEEUTIFUL SUNDAY MERN1NG 1T MAKES ME WANT 2 BE CATH0LIK
AGANE JUST S0 1 C0ULD PUT 0N A PA5TEL PANT5U1T & G0 2 MA5S. HAVE
D0NUTS & C0FFEE 1N THE RECTORY. I D0 TH1NK IT"S A FUNNY RELIGI0N BUT
N1CE U KN0W, EVEN 5PECIAL1ZED WITH ALL THE SAINTS. BUT 1 KN0W THERE
ISN"T A FUCK!! & I KN0W THERE 15 N0 SATAN!! N0 EVIL, JUST WHAT AUGU5T1NE
CALLED "THE VICE 0F THE EYE" THAT REFERED 2 THE PR0BLEMS 1N H0W MEN
PERC1EVE THE WERLD. WELL, MEN!! CRAZY M1SERY TRYING 2 KEEP THEIR PEN15
QUIET!! FUNNY. "HEY MR. ED, QU1ET D0WN THERE, STAY 1N UR DRAWER"
1MAGINE ADAM (N0T DUR1TZ, 1 MEEN THE 0RIG1NAL ADAM IN THE GARDEN 0F J0),
IMAGINE HIS FIRST ERECSHUN. MU5T"VE BEEN PRETTY 5CARY. I W0NDER WHAT
BR0UGHT IT 0N|! D0 U THINK EVE HAD A G-5TR1NG 0N|! 0R WA5 IT LIKE LIFE
N0W & ALL ADAM HAD 2 D0 2 BE AR0U5ED WA5 5LAM H1S MELVIN 1N A CRE
D0ER 0R -- NEVER M1ND!! 1"M N0T TALK1NG AB0UT 5EX ANYMORE. IT 1S A
DI5EESE 1N MY BRANE DR1VING ME PISSED 0FF!!!1! .
BUT I DID DREEM AB0UT THE ADAM DUR1TZ AGANE. TH15 TIME 1 WA5 IN 5AN
FRANCISC0 FOR SUM D0CUMENTERY (0H YEEH, TH15 G1RL 15 G0ING 2 D0 A
M1NI-M0V1E AB0UT MY LIFE. F1RST WE G0 2 MY DAD"5 H0USE AS 1T L00KS N0W.
IN H1S LIV1NG R00M R BLACK VELVET NUDES 0N THE WALL, A ASTR0N0MY CHART
WITH ALL THE CERRE5P0NDING 5EXUAL P0S1SHUN5!! & 1N THE R00M WHERE 1
GREW UP (& 5HRD W1TH MY TO 5I5TER5 & 0NE BR0THER, 1T WAS A
N1GHTMR) ANYWAY, THE WALL PAPER I5 THAT RED VELVET STUFF W1TH
RUBENESQUE NUDE5!! MIRROR5 0N THE CE1L1NG, A WH1P 0N THE RAILS 0F THE
BRA55 BED. YES FR1END5, 1 WA5N"T *BORN* THI5 WAY !! !! .
THEN SHE"5 G01NG 2 USE F00TAGE FR0M THE BAG5 0F H0ME M0VYS 1 HAVE FR0M
WHEN I WA5 LITTEL. 1 MEEN T0NS, ALL MY DANCING-5CH00L RECITALS!! H0LY
C0MMUN10N, C0NFIRMASHUN, BIRTHDAY5, CHR15TMA5, EESTER5, & 0F C0URSE,
ALL THE PATRI0TIK H0LIDAYS 0F SUMMER!! F15HING, VACASHUNS, EVEN A M0VIE
0F ME WHEN 1 HAD BR0KEN MY ARM. YEP, IT WAS BU5TED IN 51X PLACE5 CUZ
THE F1RST B0Y I LUV D RAN ME UV R, WHIEL RIDING *MY* B1KE!!
ANYFUCKINGWAY, IT DIDN"T HURT AT F1R5T. 50 MY DAD T00K P1CTURE5 &
M0VYS & U 5H0ULD 5EE H0W GR0S5 MY ARM L00KED...!! )
S0 ANYWAY, THEN WE"RE G0ING 2 MY CHURCH, ST.ALBERT THE GREET"5!! IT HAD
VENITIAN BLINDS!! CAN U BEL1EVE IT|! EVEN THE CHURCH WAS P0ER!! N0
5TA1NED GLAS5, REELLY BASIK!! W1ND0W5 JUST LIKE 5CH00L. BUT 1 BR0KE IN 50
I C0ULD G0 1N THE TABERNACEL & TALK 2 G0D BECUZ MY GRAMM1E T0LD ME
THEY KEPT H1M THERE. BUT 1T WAS EMPTY!! BUT I CRIED CUZ 1 TH0UGHT 1T
WA5 MY FAULT THAT G0D WA5N"T THERE!! EVEN TRY1NG 2 F1ND G0D 1 WAS A
TH1EF. WELL, BECUZ G0D NEVER CAME 2 ME!! N0 G0D W0ULD MAKE A LITTEL
GIRL GR0W UP WHERE 1 DID!! 1 WA5 *C0NVINCED* THAT THERE HAD BEEN A
M1X-UP, SUM MI5TAKE BECUZ I WA5 C0NVINCED THAT DEBB1E REYN0LD5 WA5 MY
REEL M0THER!! & MY FAM1LY STILL JAGS ME AB0UT 1T. I JU5T TH0UGHT IF 1
C0ULD F1NALLY REELLY TALK 2 G0D, THAT WE C0ULDN"T 5TRAIGHTEN THE WH0EL
MATTER 0UT & IT 5T1LL MAKE5 ME WANT 2 CRY.
50 THEN WE"RE G0ING 2 5TRAIGHT 2 THE WELFR 0FFICE WHIEL I"LL SAY
"WH0 W0ULD BELIEVE (& I"LL BE 5AYING THI5 ALL DREEMY) THAT 0UR KATHY
J0 W0ULD SUMDAY GR0W UP & BE 0N WELFR, EVERY PRNT"5 PR1DE &
J0Y|!" FUCK!! LIKE THAT!! & 1"LL S1T IN THE CERNER & DESCRIBE MY FIRST
TR1P 2 THE WELFR 0FFICE. WH1CH U CAN"T EVEN 1MAGINE. 1 MEEN IT 1S
ALM05T A5 L0W AS U G0. JAIL IS L0WER!! BEING A WHERE 1S L0WEST. 50 I
GUESS IN SUM WAYS 1T WAS A G00D DAY!! 0NLY KIDDING!!
THEN WE G0 2 THE BANK WHERE 1 P1CKED UP MY CHECK5. FIR5T WE"RE FILM1NG
THE PE0PEL IN L1NE 0UT51DE, WAIT1NG FER IT 2 0PEN, 5IGN 0F A WELFR
BANK. & THEN I"LL G0 1N!! THERE WILL BE TO CAMERA5, 0NE 0N ME & 0NE
0N THE 0THER PE0PEL. & THEN THE PART *1* CAN"T WA1T FOR, G0 2 THE
G1ANT EEGEL (A GR0CERY 5TERE) WHERE 1 GREW UP, A WORK1NG-CLA55
NE1GHBERH00D TRY1NG DE5PERATELY 2 PRETEND 1T"S M1DDEL CLA5S (THERE"S A
TANNING SAL0N/NA1L PLACE 1N EVERY BL0CK) & WHEN U USE F00D STAMP5 UP
THERE, THEY R S0 FUCK1NG BRUTAL!! 50 I 5T1LL HAVE A C0UPEL D0LLARS
WORTH 0F F00D 5TAMP5 AR0UND HERE S0 1"M G0ING 2 GET THEM & F1LM MY
LA5T U5E 0F F00D 5TAMP5!!
THEN WE FILM A 5ERGMENT 0N THE BUS 2 MY H0U5E. I HAVE THI5 LITTEL
PICTURE 0F ADAM & 1"M G0ING 2 GET 0N THE BU5 & TAPE IT 0N THE
W1ND0W 0F THE BUS & "R0UND HERE" WILL BE PLAYING & WE"LL CUT 2
5CENES 0F ME IN DANCING SCH00L REC1TALS & REELLY BEEUT1FUL F00TAGE 0F
ME IN THE M0ST BEEUT1FUL DRE55 SP1NNING AR0UND IN MY FAVER1TE CEMETERY.
W0W, I JUST REEL1ZED THAT I USED 2 BE S0 MUCH MORE L0V1NG. BECUZ 1
WAS TH1NK1NG AB0UT MY FAVER1TE CEMETERY & H0W MY NEW FRIEND, THE W0D00D
WH0 5AW MY C0LUMN5 & 0FFERED ME FREE THERAPY, WELL SHE I5 50 C00L!!! &
HA5 BEEN A THERAPI5T FOR THIRTY YEER5 & LUV 5 2 5M0KE P0T & 1 JUST
G0 HER AN 0UNCE. WH0 CAN BELIVE IT|! BUT HER M0M I5 BURIED IN MY FAVERITE
CEMEMTERY & SHE"S NEVER BEEN THERE & 1 FLASHED 2 A SEE1NG U5 G0
THERE & WE W0ULD BE KNEEL1NG THERE & SHE W0ULD CRY & I W0ULD PUT
MY ARM AR0UND HER 2 C0MFERT HER EVEN TH0UGH WE D0N"T HARDLY KN0W EECH
0THER & H0W 1 LUV 2 D0 THAT BECUZ SUMTIME5 THE L0NGER U KN0W
SUM0NE, THE HARDER IT BEC0MES 2 JUST PUT AN ARM AR0UND THEM & STUFF,
BUT THEN EVEN IN THE PICTURE 1N MY HEED,
AW J0!! I PULLED BACK MY ARM. D00D. BUT IT"S JUST THAT I"M N0T AS
AFFECSHUNATE AS I USED 2 BE BECUZ IN THE5E, UM, 5EXUALLY FREE T1ME5
(1T"5 5UCH BULLFUCK!! , 5URE, PE0PEL FUCK !!!!!1 WH0 EVER THEY WANT BUT THAT 15 A
TRAP!! U HAVE 2 HAVE 50 MANY "CUZ U CAN"T FIND JU5T 0NE U WANT.
FOR EVERY LUV R U TAKE 1N LUST, WELL LIFE TAKE5 A LITTEL B1TE 0UTTA
*UR* HEERT. 2 5ATI5FY THE 0NE U T00K 0F UR LUV R"S!! TRU5T ME 0N
TH15!! PR0M15CU1TY 1S MADNES5) YEEH, S0 N0W, I PULLED BACK MY ARM BECUZ
IT U5ED 2 BE 5AFE 2 ACT L1KE THAT W1TH W0MEN BUT N0W THEY EVEN WANT
5EX 0F U. D00D. 1"M JUST 50 S1CK 0F PE0PEL REECTING 5EXUALLY 2 ME.
BUT PE0PEL WANT 5EX FER 5UCH STUP1D REE50NS!! AW, N0T STUPID!! VERY, VERY
5AD. HERE"S A P0EM I WR0TE AB0UT WHY 1 WAS THE WAY I WA5!! & AS SORRY
A5 I AM AB0UT IT, 1 JU5T THINK 1T"5 BETTER 2 JU5T BE AL0NE TRYING 2 BE
THE M05T EXCELLENT J0 & HAVING FAITH 1N T0MORR0W!! HAV1NG THI5 STRANGE
CRU5H 0N ADAM 15 A VEH1CEL FOR THAT FAITH 50 0F C0URSE 1 LUV HIM!! I
JU5T D0N"T THINK THE MU5IK IS DEPRESSING. HI5 H0NE5TY EMP0WERS ME. HIS
MUSIK I5 A TR1UMPTH 0F THE SPIR1T UV R THE W1THERING EFFECTS 0F PANE &
L0NEL1NES5 & EVEN THE FEER 0F DEETH!! 1T"5 THE M05T BEEUT1FUL & YET
M1GHTY!!
AH HA HA 1 50UND LIKE BEN HUR BUT I MEEN 1T. 1 51T 0N THE BUS WITH TEERS
IN MY EYES, BUT TEERS 0F DETERM1NASHUN, 0F 5AY1NG "N0" 2 THE ENERVATING
WEER 0F DAILY LIFE BE1NG P0ER & L0WLY & UNLUV D & BIG-TITTED &
YET STILL TRYING S0 HARD JUST 2 BE LUV D!! BECUZ I WA5 S0 LUCKY THAT I
HAD SUMTH1NG 1NS1DE 0F ME, THE 5AME PART 0F MY WH0 LUV 5 THE C0UNTING
CR0W5, KNEW I DESERVED 2 BE LUV D & REFU5ED 2 FERGET 1T!!
HERE"S THE P0EM!! & I AM N0T A T0PLE55 DANCER BUT SUM GUY 0N THE BUS,
0N A CR0WDED BUS, ASKED ME IF 1 WAS A DANCER AT THE ED1S0N H0TEL, THE
M05T N0TOR10U5 T1TTY BRE IN PITT5BURGH!! S0 1 SAID "WELL U D0N"T HEER
THAT EVERYDAY" ANYWAY, BUT HERE"5 THE P0EM!! EERLIER IN THE MANUSCR1PT,
U GET A DESCRIPSHUN 0F HER R00M. PA1NTED W1ND0WS IN5TEED 0F CURTA1NS,
H0T WATER HEETER IN THE CERNER WITH A 5TRING M0P & A T1N BUCKET 0N
WHEEL5 THAT SHE W0ULD DANCE W1TH WHEN SHE WAS DRUNK & 1N TH1S 0NE VERY
SAD P0EM 1 HAVEN"T F1N1SHED, SHE FALL5, S0 5AD THAT THE M0P HAD MORE
GRACE THAN 5HE!! S0 ANYWAY, WELL HERE 1T 1S.
5TARRY EYED
THE WATER HEETER 1N THE CERNER GURGLED
REGRETS BEH1ND A 5ILVER 5ATIN 5CREEN
AS S1M1LRE STRANGERS BURNED RUBBER
LEEVING THE L0NG-EMPTY PARKING L0T!!
THE M0P"5 M0LDY P1NE 5MELL WAS ENUF
R0MANCE FOR ME, *5TELLA 5TARR*, THE *EX0TIK* DANCER
WH0 KNEW THAT BE1NG 5EDUCED
WA5 L1KE BE1NG LAUGHED AT. BUT N0THING
WA5 A5 BAD A5 BE1NG AL0NE 1N THE DARK!!
MERN1NG5 AT THE PIRANHA L0UNGE
CAME 1N THE AFTERN00N!! 1 MADE C0FFEE
LIKE I 1MAGINED WIVES DID, RE-CLEEN1NG
& MET1CUL0USLY MEE5UR1NG EVERYTH1NG!!
I UNF0LDED THE MORN1NG PAPER LIKE I WAS 1MPORTANT,
MAK1NG A L0T 0F N0I5E, 1GNOR1NG CREE5E5,
MAK1NG A P01NT 0F BEING AL0NE.
WHEN U MAKE A L1V1NG BEING STRD AT,
U CAN"T BE 2 AL0NE!!
BARS 0F HARD YELL0W SUN PINCHED
THR0UGH VENET1AN BLIND5
MAGN1FY1NG EVERYTH1NG
1N2 UGLINE55!! 1 C0ULD SEE
BR0WN DIRT 0N BLACK PAINT,
TINY CRACKS 1N MY CUP, MEMORYS
UV RTAKING THE BACKS
0F MY H&5 TREMBLING
FER THE WHI5KEY 1N MY C0FFEE!!
I W0ULD PL0P MY FEET UP 0N THE TABEL
& BUMP MY P1NK FUZZY SLIPPERS T0GETHER
IN A SHAFT 0F SUN, SENDING B1TS 0F 5PARKLING
DUST TUMBLING L1KE L0ST STARS IN THE TEERS
C0NFU51NG MY EYES ~ 0NE FOR EVERY KI55
THAT MADE THE NIGHT A LITTEL DARKER,
MADE THE DAWN BLAZE
W1TH A BR1GHTER SHAME
REMIND1NG ME
0F MY BEEUTY
BUY BLIND1NG ME!!
S0 ANYWAY, 1"LL GET 0FF THE BUS 1N FR0NT 0F THE CHURCH, CR055 THE 5TREET
2 THE MCD0NALD"S AT THE BEGINN1NG 0F 5UNCRE5T STREET, 0H & U CAN
SEE THE T0PS 0F THE B1GGE5T BU1LDINGS D0WNT0WN FR0M MY 5TREET!! I5N"T
THAT WILD|! ANYWAY, THEN THERE WILL BE ME 1N MY R00M!! 0H, I PUT UP LITTEL
EESTER DECERASHUNS & G0T ALL K1NDS 0F SEED5 & WILL HAVE A FLAG
GARDEN MADE WITH RED WHITE A BLUE 1MPAT1ENTS THAT I G0T. I AM S0 FUNNY!!
50 THAT WILL BE THE CL051NG IMAGE!! BUT ME IN MY LITTEL CHA1R W1TH THE
0LD CHANNIEL BLANKET WITH FL0WER5, WERN THREED-BR, BUT I SEWED IT UP
WITH THE 5AME FABRIK I MADE THE CAN0PY UV R MY BED W1TH & MADE THE BED
RUFFEL WITH. U 5H0ULD 5EE MY R00M!! U"D NEVER BELIEVE 1T!!
BUT TH15 I5 G0ING 2 TAKE ALL 5UMMER & FUCK!! WH1CH REM1ND5 ME THAT 1
HAVE 2 G0 WR1TE MY REPORT 0N G0ING 2 WASHINGT0N!! 0H, I"M 5UDDENLY 50
T1RED. 1 HAVE 50 MUCH FUCK!! 2 D0 & WERKING TEN H0URS A DAY WH1EL
TRY1NG 2 D0 1T I5 K1LL1NG ME & H0NESTLY, 50 MUCH 0F IT IS BECUZ 0F
THE TIME 1 SPEND 0UT HERE!! 1 TH1NK 1T IS WORTH THE GR1EF BECUZ THE
INTERNET I5 50 CLA55-B1ASED & SUCH AN INCRED1BEL S0URCE 0F
1NFERMASHUN. WELL, 1 JU5T HAVE 2 BE HERE!! & EVEN TH0UGH PE0PEL HATE
ME "CUZ 1 D0N"T WR1TE 2 THEM PERS0NALLY, WELL, 1 D0N"T KN0W, I JU5T
KN0W THERE R SUM C00L!!! PE0PEL 0UT THERE I TALK 2 WH0 UNDER5T&!!
50 ANYWAY, 1T 15 A BEEUT1FUL ALM05T-5PRING MERN1NG IN PITTSBURGH. I"M
G01NG 2 5EE FEREST GUMP W1TH LE0!! 1T"5 HI5 FAVER1TE M0V1E N0W. & 1
NEVER SAW 1T 50 1T"LL BE FUN.
0H, MY DREEM AB0UT ADAM!! 1T"5 VERY WEIRD. I KEPT GETT1NG UP ALL NIGHT.
W0KE UP VERY THIRSTY!! BUT 1 D0N"T KN0W, IN ALL MY DREEMS AB0UT HIM, WE
SPEEK VERY LITTEL. AW, BUT HE ALWAY5 HAS THAT BEEUTIFUL SMIEL!! BUT
DUZN"T TALK & I5 KINDA 5HY!! 0H, EXCEPT FOR THE 0NE TIME HE WA5 TRY1NG
2 HAVE MY BURNED ALIVE!! 0H, & THE 0NE TIME WHEN I WA5 1N HI5
CHEMISTRY CLA55 & 1 AM THE M0ST IMMACULATE 5TUDENT AL1VE, I"D 5EE H1M
RUNN1NG UP & D0WN THE H1LL5 0UT51DE THINK1NG HE D1DN"T NEED 2 BE IN
THERE BUT HE ENDED UP HAVING 2 C0ME UV R MY H0U5E FER MY N0TES & I
TALKED 2 MADGE 0N THE F0NE & MADE H1M SIT THERE & A5 HE L1STENED
2 ME, HE 5TARTED 2 UNDERST& THAT 1 WAS VERY D1FFERENT THAN HE
TH0UGHT!! & HE FUCKED UP BUY TREET1NG ME L1KE SUM GEEKETTE!! FUNNY. J0EY
THE GEEK. YEEH, & I TH0UGHT IT WAS WE1RD CUZ I NEVER T00K CHEM15TRY.
& TO DAY5 LATER, 0N THE NEXUS C-64 AT 5CH00L, 1 LEERNED THAT HE
WR0TE H15 F1R5T 50NG IN A CHEM1STRY CLASS. FUNNY.
BUT LAST NIGHT HE WAS 5TRANGE!! WELL 1T ALWAYS I5, BUT I REMEMBER BE1NG
AT THE 0CEEN & H1M F0LL0WING ME AR0UND BUT AT THE 5AME T1ME WAS
DEM&ING I F0LL0W H1M. VERY STRANGE H0W WE G0T ANYWHERE AT ALL. 0H
YEEH, BUT THEN HE P1SSED ME 0FF BECUZ HI5 C0NFUSI0N SEEMED 50 PETTY IN
LIGHT 0F 0UR LIGHT. I MEEN M0ST 0F THE T1ME HE WA5 BEHIND ME AS WE
WALKED, BUT 1"D HAVE 2 5EN5E IF HE WA5 5T1LL CL0SE & IF HE WA5
FALL1NG BEHIND, 5L0W D0WN. & THEN 1"D TURN AR0UND & WHEN WE"D L00K
AT EECH 0THER, WELL THE EFFECT 0N H1M WA5 50 AMAZING. 1T WA5 LIKE 1
WATCHED HIM BEC0ME A CH1LD AGANE, 51ZE & ALL BUT THEN HE"D K15S ME &
GR0W HUGE.
YEEH, TELL ME 1"M 0N DRUGS BUT 1 LUV MY BRANE!!
ANYWAY, I CAN"T BEL1EVE 1 SPEND S0 MUCH T1ME 0N TH1S BUT TH1S 15 L1KE,
WELL, U NEED A L1TTEL HAPPY TIME WHEN U CAN CUT THE STR1NGS 2
REELITY & GRAV1TY FOR AWH1EL. BUT N0W I KN0W I MU5T WRITE MY C0LUMN!!
0NE 0F THE WERST THINGS I D0 W1TH MY WR1T1NG 15 NEVER G1VING IT ANY TIME
2 "S1T." & 1 HAVE 2 WORK ALL DAY T0MERR0W & I REELLY AM S0 TIRED
& D0N"T KN0W IF I"M G0ING 2 HARRISBURG. IF I D0, I"M N0T TELLING
ANY0NE IT"S MY BIRTHDAY 0R THEY"LL TRY 2 FORCE ME 2 EET CAKE WHEN 1"D
MUCH RATHER DRINK BUT I D0N"T KN0W!! 5EEMS L1KE EVERYTIME I G0 0UT, I
0NLY GET MERE DEPRESSED. BUT AT JACK"5, SINCE WE CAN HEER PEERL JAM &
THE CR0W5 & NE1L UNG & MEL1SSA ETHER1DGE, IT DUZN"T MATTER WH0"S
THERE!! JUST THE TUNES & WE 5ING & DANCE & THEN G0 ACR05S THE
STREET & GET THE LAST BUS 2 J0 T0WN!!
1 CAN"T WAIT 2 G0 BACK 2 CITY C0UNC1L MEETING5 AGANE. I"M G01NG 2 BE
PART 0F A GR0UP 2 PETISHUN FOR THEM 2 RAI5E THE M1NIMUM WAGE HERE,
F0LL0WING BALT1MERE"S EXAMPEL. I WANT 2 MEET THAT 0NE D00D ALTH0UGH 1
CAN TELL 1 W1G H1M 0UT FR0M TWENTY FEET. MEETING HIM MIGHT BE 2 MUCH.
5EE|! & HE NEVER EVEN HEERD ME 5PEEK!1! 1 CAN UNDER5T& A D00D WETTING
H15 B00TS FR0M HEER1NG ME TALK W1TH0UT BREETH1NG FER FIVE H0URS BUT TH1S
GUY NEVER EVEN 5AW ME GRAB MY TATA"S IN PUBLIK 0R HEERD ME CUS5IN" L1KE
A SA1LOR J0!! BUT HE IS S0 CUTE & 1 C0ULD HAVE 5000 MUCH FUN WITH HIM 1
CAN TELL.
BUT IT"LL NEVER HAPPEN. I W0ULD RUIN H15 CRER. 5UCH A C0NTRUV RSIAL
J0. 1 AM 50 GLAD I WAS C0NVICTED 0F A FEL0NY S0 N0 0NE W1LL EVER ASK ME
2 BE A P0L1TIC1AN!! BUT 1 C0ULD SEE ME A5 A 5PEECH WRITER. 1 JU5T PRAY
THAT G0D U5ES ME WHERE EVER I W1LL BEST 5ERVE. 50 I MAY N0T BE A M0V1E
STRE AFTER ALL, WH0 KN0W5|!
S0, WELL I G0TTA G0, J0!! 1 FEEL S0 TIRED & U KN0W, WELL, I H0PE
THERE R 5TILL U GUYS 0UT THERE WH0, WELL, I H0PE I AT LEE5T MAKE U
LAUGH A L1TTEL. I DEFINATELY GIVE U SUM0NE 2 FEEL BETTER THAN 1F
U"RE M1SERY BUT 1 NEVER GET ANY THANX FER THAT!! BUT, WELL, 1"D L1KE
2 KN0W 1F I MAKE ANY0NE FEEL BETTER, MAKE THEM TRY SUMTH1NG MAYBE THEY
W0ULDN"T HAVE, I D0N"T KN0W. 1"D JU5T LIKE 2 KN0W WHAT WORKS &
DUZN"T!! 0H, 1F 1 B0THER U, THAT"5 0N U!! D0N"T REED MY GARBAGE, EH|!
THERE I5 NEVER A P0INT EXCEPT IN BEING H0NEST, 0KAY|!
& 1 HAVE 2 PLANT SEEDS & BULBS, 2!! & THEN 1N 6 WEEKS, IT"LL BE
5AFE 2 TRAN5PLANT THEM!! I HAVE 50 MUCH WORK 2 D0 1N THE YARD
HEY!1! MY FRIEND SUE JUST CAME UV R 2 DEL1VER A BAG 0F P0T. D00D, P0T I5
50 M15UNDER5T00D.
ANYWAY, 1"LL PR00FREED TH15 FER U T0DAY, TH0UGH, 0KAY|! BUT MY BRANE 1S
STRA1NED S0 JUST CUT ME A LITTEL BREEK. 1 AM SPENT BUT I NEVER GET 5ICK
0R ANYTHING. FUNNY!!
S0 KIS5 AN ANGEL G00D MERN1NG
& LUV HER L1KE THE DEV1L
WHEN U GET BACK H0ME.
AW, I LUV THE 50NG "BLACK R05ES, WH1TE RYTHM & BLUES"
G0TTA G0 FOR REEL TH1S T1ME,
KATHY CAN-U-HEER-THE-V01CES J0
--- 775-06 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Scott Panzer <stenor@pcnet.com>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh great oracle,
>
> what do you do with a supplicant who leaves his .sig at
> the end of his questions?
> --
> --
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} WHAT R U TALK1N' ABOUT MAN? SIGZ ROOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
}
} LATER MAN.
}
} BIFF.
}
} --
} BBBBBBBBBBBBB IIIIIIIII FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
} BBBBBBBBBBBBBB IIIIIIIII FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBBBBBBBBBBBB III FFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFF
} BBBBBBBBBBBBBB III FFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBB BBB III FFF FFF
} BBBBBBBBBBBBB IIIIIIIII FFF FFF
} BIFF@BIT.NET BBBBBBBBBBBB IIIIIIIII FFF FFF BIFF@PSUVM.PSU.EDU
} BIFF@BIFFVM.BIT.NET BIFF+@ANDREW.CMU.EDU
} B1FF@AOL.COM B1FF@DELPHI.COM B1FF@PRODIGY.COM B1FF@COMU$ERVE.COM
} B1FF@NETCOM.COM B1FF@WORLD.STD.COM B1FF@MCS.COM
} B1FF@B1FFNET.FIDONET.ORG B1FF@WELL.SF.CA.US
} B1FF@ATHENA.MIT.EDU B1FF@CYBER.SELL.COM
} BIFF@MSN.COM
}
} MY SIG /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ WAITING
} CAN BEAT !@@@@@@NUKULAR@@@@@@@@! 4
} UP YOUR ------------------------- ARMAGEDIN
} SIG !@@@@@@@@BIFF@@@@@@@@@! IT"LL B
} !!! \--------! !--------/ AWESOME!!!!
} ! !
} --------- THIS SPACE 4 RENT CALL BIFF
} /\\\ ! ! HA HA FOOLED YOU!!!
} ||| / \
} /-\
} /----/-\------------------------------------------------------------\
} | BIFF|@|AOL.DELPHI.PRODIGY.COMPU$ERVE.NETCOM.WORLD.MSN.B1FF.EDU DUDE!>
} \----\-/------------------------------------------------------------/
} \-/
} |-| BANG THE FALSE METAL HEAD THAT DUZZN"T DRINK BEER!!!
} \/// HOT METAL TUBS RULE IN A MAJOR WAY DUDEZ!!!
}
} __________ __________ ___________ ___________ __
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}
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} B1FF@AOL.COM B1FF@DELPHI.COM B1FF@PRODIGY.COM B1FF@COMU$ERVE.COM
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} B1FF@ATHENA.MIT.EDU B1FF@CYBER.SELL.COM
} BIFF@MSN.COM
}
} K0M1NG S00N T0 THEATREZ NEER U!!!!!!
} _______ _______*_______ _______ _______ _______ _______ __ __
} +. /____ //______//______//______/ /______/ /____ / /______//_/ /_/
} ` _____/ / __ _____ . _____ , __ _____/ / ______ ____
} , / ___ _/. / / . / ___/ '/ ___/ +. / / / _ __/ / ___/ / /
} / /__/ | __/ /__ / / . , / / , . / / / / \ \ / /___ / /\ \
} /______/ /______//_/ * + /_/ *, ` ,/_/ /_/ \_\ /______//_/ \_\
}
} FEETUR1NG THE GRATE B1FF1NSK1 AS C4PTA1N B1FF!!!!!!
}
} B1FF 4RUOND TH4 W3RLD!!!!!
} .
} _--_|\
} P3RTH--> / \<--SIND3Y
} \_.--._/
} v<---B1FFSM4NIA!!!!!!!
}
} ___ (_)
} _/XXX\
} /XXXXXX\_ <-- MT. B1FF1NGT0N __
} __ __ /X XXXX XX\ MT. K1BO (SHORT3R _ /XX\__ ___
} \__/ \_/__ \ \ TH4N B1FF'Z) ----> _/X\__ /XX XXX\____/XXX\
} \ ___ \/ \_ \ \ __ _/ \_/ _/ - __ -
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} /_______\________\__\_/________\_ _/_____/_____________/_______\____/___
} /|\
} / | \ _____ ____
} / | \ \ V /
} THE RO4D T0 B1FFN3SS!!!! / | \ | R00T |
} / | \ | 666 | +---------+
} ALL MUST TR4V3L 1T / | \ \___ ___/ | B1FF |
} / | \ V | R00LZ!! |
} SUMD4Y!!!!!!!! / | \ | o +---------+
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} / | \ | |\__/| .~ ~.
} / | \ | /o=o'`./ .'
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