Created, assimilated and edited by JACK BUTLER [FIDO 1:363/166.0] "Ah, here we go... Fireball... wonderful spell." -- Fizban "All trust is foolish." -- Drow Proverb "And the mage draws her two handed sword." "We're in trouble." "And then you turn the corner," as the DM chuckles... "As I go forward, I hold my sword high in honor of you." "As swords part, I bid you good battle!" "As the dew forms upon the morning rose, I bid you farewell." "A thing here more than a week is an heirloom." -- Kender Proverb "Axe held high, I go." "Back in the saddle again." "Shut up, bard." "But where does the water buffalo fit in?" -- Vladmyr Tethosh "By the gods, I'm adventuring with a troup of dancers! "Darkness is both friend and enemy." -- Drow Proverb "DM's lie.": AD&D Players Golden Rule "Do as you are ordered, and live." -- Drow Proverb "Don't worry about the bugbears; I'll talk us out of this." "Don't worry. Nothing ever happens at first level." "Geez... have you ever seen so many frigging Orcs? Guys? Guys?" "Geez! I must be Lawful Good! I believe in the Rules!" "Gimme a light!" SHIRAK! "Uhm... Bud Light." "Gosh, I bet that dragon bite really smarts!" "Humph! Bugger off!" -- Dwarven Proverb. "I bet it's an illusion." "I can give you a deal on this Gnomish Helm..." -- The Arcane "I could always kill you and ask your corpse." -- Strahd "I couldn't *find* any traps." "I have a tarasque for a familiar, you know." "I hope you don't fight like you talk!" -- Sherman Cliverbun "I'm a *real* boy!" -- Alaeseus Starbreeze "I've been to the Abyss. NOT a fun place." - Tasslehoff Burfoot "I've never been at a siege before." - T. Burrfoot. "Lolth be praised; all victory is her doing." -- Drow Proverb "Matron Mothers know best." -- Drow Proverb "May the seasons turn many times for you see evil again." "May your sails be dry and blade slick with blood." "Never swallow a Halfling." -- Half-Giant Proverb "No road is ever old." -- Tasslehoff Burrfoot "Not me. I thought *you* were mapping!" "Of course I'm a wizard, son. I've got a tall pointy hat!" "Oh, great, a chasm. Okay, who's got the rope?" "Oh, wizardry has really very little to do with magic." -- Ingold "Olore." "Paladine, Father of Good, teach your servant not to fear." "Paladins is *sooooo* stupid!" -- Many Games, Many Times. "Push the red button, and then the blue. No wait!" "Show me a rich roleplayer and I'll show you a thief!" "That damn plate mail o' his didn't save him from the oil..." "That wasn't a demi-lich you just stepped on, was it?" "The best knife is the unseen one." -- Drow Proverb "The foolish and unwary find waiting death." -- Drow Proverb "The DM lies." Note inside a used Player's Handbook. "The DM won't hit us with anything till we get to the dungeon." "They're just kobolds." "They're just kobolds. What are you worried about?" "This just in... GDW apologizes for Dangerous Journeys..." "This looks like a safe place to camp." "Uh... why has our torch flame turn blue." "Until the stars fall, I think of you!" "'Ware and were, friend." "You bash the Balrog, while I climb the tree..." A bard with a 10 charisma. Not good. A dagger in the back will cramp any wizard's style! AD&D: 15 Years as a Player. 14 Years as a Dungeon Master. AD&D players do it for the experience. Aquatic Huge Giant Space Hamster. A wizard, huh? I throw my drink at him. A wizard without a sword, thank you. B.A.D.D. news, kid. Roleplaying is dangerous! Bards do it for audiences. Bards do it then make into a bawdy tale. Bards do it to music. Bards make good cannon fodder. Bard, smard. I want a fighter. Beware of magicians, they manifest anger in strange ways. *BOOM* So much for the find traps roll. Carpe DM: Sieze the Dungeon Master. Chain Lightning: For when you just can't stop at one. Damn all wizards, anyways! Damn it, Jim! I'm a doppleganger, not a doctor! Damn it, Jim! I'm a roleplayer, not a Satanist! DM Advice: All dice rolls are whatever you want them to be. DM Advice: Cast Detect Magic on a TSR module and it'll explode. DM Advice: Conan cannot safely be translated to AD&D stats. DM Advice: Dead monsters are *always* naked and penniless. DM Advice: Every tavern scene should end in a brawl. DM Advice: He who buys the pizza, lives. DM Advice: Lead figures do not taste very good. DM Advice: Magic items should be as rare as Drow romance novels. DM Advice: Maps on the table have a tendency to attract soda. DM Advice: Never grab a miniature after picking your nose. DM Advice: Never kill a character without first humiliating him. DM Advice: Never let a monster die without doing some damage. DM Advice: Never let the PCs get your bag of Doritos. DM Advice: The only wands are those with 1 charge and sticks. DM Advice: The rulebook you want is at the bottom of the stack. DM Advice: The rules shouldn't. DM Advice: To maintain game balance, all wizards must die young. DM Advice: Used character sheets make good tinder. DM Advice: You'll never find dice that are thrown in anger. DM's don't lie, they just arrange the facts to suit them. DM's Lie Alot. Players just Cheat. DM's love a hero; DM's also love a good joke. Think about it. Egg-Laying Giant Space Hamster. Elf-Eating Giant Space Hamster. Elves do it in the trees. Explosive (And Messy) Giant Space Hamster. Giant Giant Space Hamster. Giant Space Hamsters are sexy! Giant Space Hamsters: Better pets than Giant Space Pit Bulls! Giant Space Hamsters: Fluffy, but with substance. Giant Space Hamsters never get lost behind the fridge. Giant Space Hamsters offer a veritable plethora of wonders. Giant Space Hamster spit cures male-pattern baldness. Giant Space Hamsters: Tastes great. Less filling. Giant Space Werehamster. Go get the bard off the floor. We got some killing to do. Great. Just what we need. A manic bard who can't sing. I am a mere dabbler compared to some of the wizards in here. I disarmed the trap. Magically Endowed Polka-Dotted Sabre-Toothed Giant Space Hamster. Magma Giant Space Hamster. Miniature Giant Russian Dwarf Giant Space Hamster. More hit points than you can possibly imagine. *Munchkins* cast Control Cthulhu. Never ask a bard to play the banjo. Nightmare: A bard who plays the accordian. Normal hamsters ar cute, but Giant Space Hamsters are cuter. No true wizard ever breaks his word. Play it again, bard. Poisonous Displacer Adamantine Giant Space Hamster. Quick! You! Make a Fright Check at -6 now! Radioactive Giant Space Hamster. Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing! Slaads are schmucks. Space Hamsters Rule! Death to Unbelievers! The Dyslexic Bard: Master-of-all-trades, jack of none. The Incomplete Handbook (Class to Be Named Soon). The only good troll is a fireballed troll! The very idea of a Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen. Mwah Hah Hah Three thieves and a bard. What a pitiful group. Valley Elves do it on the beach, man! Van Richten's Guide to Rabid Beaver Zombies. Van Richten's Guide to Van Richten. Van Richten's Guide to Zombies with Red Hair. Vegepygmy... And I thought bugbear was bad. We need to get a new bard. All this one does is sing and drink. Why be an Abjurer? Illusionists throw better parties! With a Mage's THAC0 Vampiric Touch isn't much of a spell. Within the earshot of the bard, everyone is annoyed.Back to the Strange page.