50 WAYS TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE PEOPLE IN THE COMPUTER LAB

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
        scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
 
    2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop
        and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
 
    3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on
        duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's
        turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the
        process for a good half hour.
 
    4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to
        you evily.
 
    5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a
        different screen than the one it's set up with.
 
    6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play
        it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
 
    7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled
        by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
 
    8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into
        top-secret Pentagon files.
 
    9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
 
   10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn
        it on.
 
   11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have
        it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
 
   12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes
        at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue
        typing.
 
   13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as
        if they're crazy while typing.
 
   14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before
        starting.
 
   15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until
        someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say,
        "Oops, I forgot."
 
   16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time
        required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and
        scream "YES!" when it finishes.
 
   17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
 
   18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you
        (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make
        new friends).
 
   19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.
        Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
 
   20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing
        "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time
        required.
 
   21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it
        to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and
        then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
 
   22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disk drive.
        When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
 
   23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly
        where the smiling Apple face is.
 
   24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its
        all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
 
   25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After
        doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person
        next to you.
 
   26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person
        next to you, grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never
        provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases
        tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
 
   27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends,
        cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you
        leave.
 
   28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family
        on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
 
   29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes
        and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by
        layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku
        about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
 
   30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your
        paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain
        about the bad working conditions.
 
   31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and
        continue working.
 
   32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
 
   33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A
        Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key,
        hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
 
   34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
 
   35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse
        me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard &
        taking it.
 
   36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
 
   37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that
        sometimes the old ways are best.
 
   38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
 
   39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again
        until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the
        space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your
        neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times,
        erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your*
        delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space
        bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted
        about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly
        exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar
        this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out
        your document and leave.
 
   40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab
        monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For
        special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk
        drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
 
   41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really
        puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly.
        Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
 
   42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making
       elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the
       mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from
       under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good.
       It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
 
   43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
 
   44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to
       them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they
       get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
 
   45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound
       effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
 
   46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that
       the lead doesn't work.
 
   47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of
       flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then
       laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the
       screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy
       mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then
       the computer assistant, and walk out.
 
   48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then
        calmly sit down and begin to type.
 
   49.  Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker
         chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest
         person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my
         pet crocodile for the next week".
 
   50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

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