This is my second posting, but it is my first MiSTing [I took a break halfway through to hammer something else :) ]. Any comments, send them to Jamas.Enright@vuw.ac.nz. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [<insert typical show opening here>] [Scene starts with Tom and Mike tinkering with something inside a box. Crow comes on from right.] CROW: What'cha doing guys? TOM: Mike and I have invented a device to travel in time. CROW: Yeah. Various mad scientists have been trying to do this for years, and now you've succeeded? MIKE: Come on, Crow. Show some support. We've really done it. CROW: Okay then. Prove it. [Mike holds up a plug.] MIKE: I'll just go put this in the power socket. [Mike exits to the left with the plug.] MIKE: [off screen] Okay, Tom. Hit it. [Tom bumbs the start button with his head. The machine ligths up, looking not dissimiliar to Orac. Crow looks at it skeptically.] CROW: Nice light show, botboy. TOM: Hey, give it a chance. We're just warming it up. You just wont admit that we can now travel in time. CROW: I'll believe it when I see it. [Tom's head pops on shot from right.] SECOND TOM: [Voice sounds a bit odd] Hiya, Tom, old pal. Nice to see you. Now that you know you can travel in time, I decided to come back to see you on this momentous day. [Crow is looking at the second Tom, shocked. The second Tom turns to him.] MAGIC VOICE: Commerical Sign in fifteen seconds. SECOND TOM: Oh, and Crow. CROW: [slowly] Yes? SECOND TOM: Pppppppptttt. [Crow faints, and we hear him crash onto the floor.] TOM: Hehehehe. You can come out now, Mike. [Mike comes on from right, holding a copy of Tom's head.] MAGIC VOICE: Commerical Sign in five seconds. MIKE: That was pretty mean, wasn't it? TOM: Yep. MIKE: We shouldn't have done that. TOM: Nope. [Both try to stop themselves laughing, then give up and descend into mad cackling.] MAGIC VOICE: Commerical Sign now. [Mike manages to get himself under enough control to hit the button.] [Commericals. Aren't you glad you have these things?] [Scene comes back to SOL. Gypsy is standing in front of Mike and Tom, berating them. Crow isn't to be seen.] GYPSY: And you agree that you've been naughty? [Both nod slowly.] GYPSY: And you agree to never do it again? [Both nod slowly again, but can't keep it up, and burst out laughing again.] GYPSY: Come on, guys, that wasn't nice. I've put Crow away for a nice rest... TOM: Yeah, a long rest in a mental institute. GYPSY: [Louder] A NICE REST and when he comes back, I want you to apologise. TOM: Aw, Gypsy. You're always ruining our fun. MIKE: She has a point. We should be responsible people, willing to accept when we're wrong. GYPSY: Thank you, Mike. MIKE: Of course, in this case, we aren't in the wrong, but... [Gypsy storms off. The Mads light flashes.] MIKE: Mr. Tactful is calling. [He pushes the button.] [DEEP13] DR F: Ah, Nelson. I see you're busy alienating your robot pals. Before too long, you'll have to deal with these posts all by yourself. [SOL] [Crow comes on from left.] CROW: Never! We'll always stand together, through thick and thin. Nothing can stop us from overcoming your retchedness. MIKE: Why, thank you Crow. That's a rather noble speech. CROW: [low voice] Yeah, yeah. Just wait, Nelson. You'll get yours. Only _I_ want to give it to you, and not let Dr F. do it. [DEEP13] DR F: It's just as well you're faking time travel. You'll fit right in with these posts I found on alt.sci.time-travel. [SOL] TOM: Time travel? Neat. I've always liked dabbling in that area. [Crow looks at Tom murderously.] [DEEP13] DR F: That's good, botbite. You'll really hate these posts then. [He chortles and pushes the button.] [SOL - Divers alarums, etc] ALL: WE GOT THE TIME-TRAVEL SIGN!!!! [6..5..4..3..2..1..] >Article 1839 of alt.sci.time-travel: >Path: comp.vuw.ac.nz!uunet!in1.uu.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com! [Mike and the bots enter the theatre and settle down.] MIKE: We're sorry Crow. TOM: Yeah. Honestly. [They cover their mouths as they start giggling again.] CROW: Bite me. >news.uoregon.edu!sanjuan.amtsgi.bc.ca!denman.islandnet.com!user >From: rhb@IslandNet.com (RHB) MIKE: RHB? CROW: Really Hokey Boy? TOM: Rather Hippy Bopper? MIKE: Rack Hack Back? CROW: Roger His Be- MIKE: I think that's enough. >Newsgroups: alt.sci.time-travel >Subject: 22nd Message From Future TOM: The 22nd? Where are the first 21? CROW: Quiet. Don't give Dr. F. any more ideas. >Date: Wed, 30 Aug 1995 17:51:59 -0800 >Organization: IslandNet MIKE: [singing] Islands in the Net, that is all we are... >Lines: 91 >Message-ID: <rhb-3008951751590001@denman.islandnet.com> >NNTP-Posting-Host: denman CROW: Hey, man! It's the Denman! > .islandnet.com > >What follows is one of the eight messages that arrived during my stay in >hospital. While I still remain in a convalescent ward, I have obtained MIKE: The complete set of Magic: The Gathering(tm) cards. >the messages from my secretary and am releasing them to the various >networks. My change of mind is directly related to CROW: Being bashed around the head by a brick. MIKE: [as Richard Briers] I now have a thirty second attention span, and think ads are more real than life. TOM: Well, aren't they? > a visit I have had by >a rather serious young woman claiming to be the Pauline McKinnon from the >"Messages From the Future". To make matters worse she was accompanied by TOM: A ten foot gorilla with a machine gun. >Ms. JoJo Braun, the private detective I had the misfortune to hire. Ms. >McKinnon spoke to me in lawyerly qualifications but her message was >clear- MIKE: [still as Briers] But not as clear as it could be. New "Spammo" cleaning fluid gets those whites bright, and those colours white! > -disassociate myself entirely from the "Messages From the Future" or >I would suffer consequences. Men of my generation did not back down from >the Nazi brutes nor the military machine of the Japanese, I'll be damned >if I'll be intimidated by a lawyer of all people. TOM: [Nerdy voice] Hello. I'm from Brackham Lawyers, and we're doing a study on how we intimidate you. > What follows is the >22nd message from the future along with some comments my secretary somehow >felt obliged to include. By the way, the mysterious four have recently >sent me a near fully contructed Web Page CROW: But didn;t supply assembling instructions, so I used some cRaZy GlUe. > to use as a public receptacle for >their messages and to serve as a forum for discussion. The address is as >follows (please use no spaces and be attendant to the respective upper and >lower case): http://www.islandnet.com/~rhb/Future_Page.html -- RHB -- [All get up and try to hide the address from Doctor Forrester.] > >Here's a message from these rude young men. It arrived on Mr. B's TOM: Mr. B Flat? CROW: Mr. B or not to B? MIKE: Mr. B Natural? TOM & CROW: AAARRRGGGHHH!!! >computer board just like he said it would. I think the problem with these >young men is that they don't have young women to be keeping them in line. [Crow opens his beak.] MIKE: [warningly] No. >Probably have acne, don't wash and spend all their time inside playing >those silly games. TOM: [falsetto] Those women are a disgrace. > They're right about Mr. B though--he's going to be >just fine or so the surgeon says--although the doctor not looking much >more the 15 years old does not inspire much faith. CROW: [as Doogie Howser] Hello. I'll be your fifthteen year old doctor tonight. > I'll close now and put >this message in Mr. B's disk. -- Miss Dorothy Littlejohn > >Hey trogs, we bet you're going to miss old RHB's usual spiel about how >much he loves us and believes us. Hey, we miss him too. Not to >worry--the operation was a success. Sorry about that baggy you have to >wear, RHB TOM: So this is how people talk in the future? MIKE: Yep. 'Trogs' is now considered a term of affection. > >San Francisco Examiner -- June 19, 2001 >San Francisco -- Several of the city's playhouses and music halls have TOM: Been destroyed by fire. >responded to new American with Disabilities Act (ADA) mandated rest room >laws by scaling back on men's urinals. CROW: So, there're going to be smaller urinals? MIKE: Either that or smaller men. > The ADA was used in a successful >challenge by irate female theater matrons upset with the twenty minutes >waits during intermission. CROW: I take your king with my ADA. > Because of the longer rest room time needed by >females (an estimated five times longer than a man for a comparable bodily >function) ALL: Eew! > the ADA ordered an adjustment in the rest room facilities to >"even the playing field". CROW: [Annoucer's voice] It's the bottom of the ninth, and the woman need twenty more minutes than the men. > Cash strapped theaters responded by tearing out >men's urinals rather than the costly addition of female cubicles. Many of >the city's theaters now have only one urinal available to the male >public. Potted plants have also been removed. MIKE: Now that's an image I can live without. > >New York Times - October 20, 2005 >New York -- Agents of the Justice Department closed down the complete >Science and Engineering Departments of 36 of the nation's universities. TOM: But if a university had an incomplete Science and Engineering Department, they were safe. CROW: [Acned teenager voice] I'll swap you a Comp Sci for a Biology, and then I'll have all the Science Departments. >Citing national security, the President and Attorney General explained >that the leaders of the illegal underground computer network known as >SplinterNet MIKE: SplinterNet: Coming Out Of The Woodwork. > were thought to have infiltrated the hallowed halls of >academia. TOM: Oh no, there's someone in the halls of academia. Kill him! > Attorney General Pauline McKinnon would not comment except to >say, CROW: Bite me. TOM: Hey, Mike, isn't she the woman that was hassling RHB. MIKE: Her and Ms. JoJo. > "I suggest that those students affected, change their majors to >something in the arts." CROW: So they change from having no life to having no life. Big change. > The departments are to remain closed until >further notice. > >Hey, guess what--the feds stopped nuking the Splinternet. TOM: They finally worked out that they can't hit something that only virtually exists. > Carlos says >it's because they want to use the net to find out who everyone is so they >can arrest them. So, what's our plan? CROW: A daylight charge across the minefield! > Carlos says not to worry--yeah, >right. Like the net is totally infiltrated. Guess who shows up in the >general chat this week- TOM: General G.S. Patton? CROW: Bob Newhart? MIKE: Mrs. P. Bottomley? > -Aunt Polly herself. ALL: Oh. > It was hot. The admin gave >her an avatar that he copied from The Wizard of Oz--you guessed it: the >wicked witch. TOM: <Wicked witch voice> "I'm melting, I'm melting." > Before she can say anything Carlos enters the room--he's >chosen Charleton Heston as Moses for his avatar (staff, hair, white beard, >the whole nine yards). CROW: Nine yards of beard? > We bring it to you now courtesy of the wormhole. CROW: Aargh! DS9 is real! > >Aunt Polly: By the power vested in me by the people of these United States >of America, I declare this to be a seditious assembly. All those present >are guilty of treason and, unless they desist immediately, will be >punished with the full measure of the law. MIKE: New from United: Judge Polly staring Sylvester Stallone. > >Carlos: Madame, we are simply exercising our TOM: Fingers, as we take you on in this flame war. > constitutional rights as >guaranteed by the First Amendment. CROW: We didn't have any rights to begin with, so they had to amend some. > >Aunt Polly: I regard supporters of the First Amendment as no better than >pimps for pornographers. TOM: But pimps deal in prostitution, not pornography. CROW: I wouldn't mind dealing in both. TOM: Hey, I'm making a techincal point here. Don't drag it down. CROW: Bite me. > >Carlos: Madame, are you not familiar with the Declaration of Independence. MIKE: [Carlos] I am because I saw a cartoon all about it on Animaniacs. > >Aunt Polly: Don't try to frighten me with the foolish words of a bunch of >slave-owning dead white males. CROW: How many slave-owning males do you know that are dead white? MIKE: I knew a chap once who always looked rather pale... > I represent the will of the people of the >United States. > >Carlos: You Madame, are a censor. We are the people. CROW: No, we are the people! TOM: No, we are the people! MIKE: No, we are the people! > >Aunt Polly: You have all been warned. > >What a thoroughly nasty woman. CROW: [in a bored voice] Oooh, the sarcasm. I'm hurting here. > Not at all like Mr. Twain's creation, >although, I trust, there's no relation. That's all for now. I'm off to >the hospital with some jello I've made for Mr. B. -- Dorothy Littlejohn CROW: So, has she got a small toilet? MIKE: I don't think so, Crow. > > >Article 1840 of alt.sci.time-travel: >Path: comp.vuw.ac.nz!uunet!in1.uu.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com! >news.uoregon.edu!sanjuan.amtsgi.bc.ca!denman.islandnet.com!user >From: rhb@IslandNet.com (RHB) >Newsgroups: alt.sci.time-travel >Subject: 23rd Message From Future TOM: Yay, another one! MIKE: Are you feeling all right, Tom? >Date: Wed, 30 Aug 1995 17:53:02 -0800 >Organization: IslandNet >Lines: 90 >Message-ID: <rhb-3008951753020001@denman.islandnet.com> >NNTP-Posting-Host: denman.islandnet.com > >What follows is one of the eight messages that arrived during my stay in >hospital. TOM: Haven't we seen this before? MIKE: If we're lucky, we'll never see it again. > While I still remain in a convalescent ward, I have obtained >the messages from my secretary and am releasing them to the various >networks. My change of mind is directly related to a visit I have had by >a rather serious young woman claiming to be the Pauline McKinnon from the >"Messages From the Future". CROW: Remember, that's *the* Pauline McKinnon from the "Messages From the Future", not just any old Pauline McKinnon from the "Messages From the Future". > To make matters worse she was accompanied by >Ms. JoJo Braun, the private detective I had the misfortune to hire. Ms. >McKinnon spoke to me in lawyerly qualifications TOM: LLB. CROW: LLB(Hons). MIKE: MLB. > but her message was >clear--disassociate myself entirely from the "Messages From the Future" or >I would suffer consequences. Men of my generation did not back down from >the Nazi brutes nor the military machine of the Japanese, I'll be damned CROW: <as RHB> If I do, so I'll go sit in a corner far away from everyone, so just please ignore me, thank you. >if I'll be intimidated by a lawyer of all people. What follows is the >23rd message from the future along with some comments my secretary somehow >felt obliged to include. CROW: [as Dorothy] To include the comments I had to feel Obliged. MIKE: Ummm, I don't think that works, Crow. > By the way, the mysterious four have recently >sent me a near fully contructed Web Page to use as a public receptacle for TOM: Ridicule and derision. >their messages and to serve as a forum for discussion. The address is as >follows (please use no spaces and be attendant to the respective upper and >lower case): http://www.islandnet.com/~rhb/Future_Page.html-- RHB -- [Again all try to obscure the address] > > >Mr. B is recovering very nicely, thank you, ALL: You're welcome! > from his surgery. Although I >must say he's even crankier than usual. I feel sorry for those poor >nurses (Mr. B. doesn't know it, but he bought them each a dozen roses and >a very tasteful card). MIKE: Mr. B. has a split personality. CROW: [as Dorothy] Mr. B. doesn't know it, but he just gave me all of his money. > I overheard Mr. B. bullyragging one of the TOM: Mike, how do you bullyrag someone? MIKE: You wave a flag under their nose? >hospital maintenance people (right in the middle of my favorite soap, if >you can imagine that--my those hospital TV's are wee) ALL: Ewww. MIKE: I don't think we needed to know that. CROW: That's what you get when you don't empty your pan. MIKE: I don't think we needed to know that either. > and from what I >overheard, Mr. B. has bribed the man into stringing another line into his >room for a modem. The silly old fool can't stand to be without his TOM: New Raggedy-Ann doll! >beloved computer for a minute. The message that these four young men >promised to send arrived on Mr. B's computer this morning. I still think >they're rude but, then again, I always liked a little sass in a man. -- CROW: [as Dorothy] Drink this root beer, and when we can snuggle down for the night. >Dorothy Littlejohn > >Hey Dorothy, will you be our grandmother, huh, huh, please, please. TOM: Wont they already have a grandmother? MIKE: Perhaps they were orphaned at birth, and would like Dorothy to take the position of surrogate grandmotherhood. CROW: Perhaps they're just stupid. >Greetings trogs. So, everyone on the SplinterNet is guilty of treason. >We guess if you're reading this that you're probably guilty too. TOM: Oh no! I'm going to jail! Help me! MIKE: If they're the future, I think we'd be better off in jail. > Anyway, > things aren't going so good here. The net's down in Boston, Philly, San >Jose, Duluth, and in about 40 other cities. The good news is that our old >friend Bill Gates has started to ship palmtops by the shipload (yeah, >that's ship as in big boat) TOM: So, he's *big boating* palmtops? CROW: [Looking at his hand] I wonder how much the top of my palm is worth? Get it? Top of my palm? Palmtop? [sighes] Never mind. > --only they don't look like palmtops. The look >like cigarette boxes, DATmans, Big Macs, MIKE: [whiny voice] Would you like fries with your palmtop? > you get the picture. Oh, right, >you trogs are probably scratching your heads and thinking "where's room >for the keyboards?" Here's a little financial tip, boys and girls: MIKE: Always remember to take the money out of the wallet before using it to pay for something. TOM: [as a salesclerk] That'll be $39.95. CROW: [motions handing over a wallet] D'oh. Gotta remember: take the money out first. > Voice >Recognition. The young nerd in 1995 has no penmanship--the young nerd in >2005 can't keyboard. Okay, so we take back all those nasty things we said >over the years about Billy G. TOM: [in Rap mode] Billy G., he's a he, that makes a lot of... money. > Hey, that whole Windows 95 thing he did >back in the 90's to secretly make Apple look good so he could buy the >company pissed us off. Talking about devious. TOM: So Bill Gates is making Apple look good so he can pay lots of money to buy it? CROW: That isn't devious, that's stoopid. > Anyway, here are a couple >of news bulletins you can look forward to. > >New York Times -- Dec. 10, 1998 >St. Paul Minnesota -- The Center for Advanced Feminist Studies in >conjunction with the Center for Women in International Development and the >Women's Studies Department at the University of Minnesota have amended the TOM: So, that's the CFAS with the CWID and the WSD at the UOM. MIKE: Pay attention. There'll be a quiz afterwards. >university's sexual harassment code to include the prohibition of words or >statements critical of feminism. Ms. Patty Foxglove, the chief university >officer for sexual harassment characterized the new amendment as TOM: <as Patty> "Something for everyone!" >"Criticism of feminism is an attack on all women, an effort to keep women >in their subjugative role--in other words, it is sexual harassment." The >new written code goes into effect immediately. TOM: Wow, so saying anything bad about feminisim is a crime now? CROW: Bet they can say anything they like about men without it being considered sexual harrassment. MIKE: That would only happen if life was fair, Crow. > >Los Angeles Times -- Jan. 6, 2000 >Truckee, California CROW: [Bunkin accent] Howde, folks. I'm from Truckee, Cal-i-for-ni-a. MIKE: [same] Howde, folks. I'm from Pitchfork, Tennesse. TOM: [same] Howde, folks. I'm from Hell's Angel, Wisconsin. > -- Frank and Anna Scanlon a Truckee couple have >launched a six million dollar damages suit against Coors Breweries. TOM: I poured six million dollars of Coors on my suit, and it damaged it. > Mr. >Scanlon, a retired quadraplegic rodeo rider CROW: He rides quadraplegic rodeoes? MIKE: I.... don't think so. > and confessed "beeraholic" has >been unable to remove the twist tops from the eight beers he consumes >daily. TOM: And I can't move my arms! Who can I sue? CROW: The other guy. > Mrs. Scanlon, who cares for her infirm husband, has developed >painful Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in each hand. MIKE: If I had a car tunnel in my hand, it'd be pretty painful too. > Spokespersons from the giant >brewery have declined to comment. > > >Hey, guess what? Now that the feds say we're all criminals, Carlos says >it's time we started acting the part. TOM: [Thick accent] Ya got da things, boss? > Last week the inner circle met with >the heads of the five biggest crime families in the country. CROW: Their bodies had to stay home. Get it? Met the heads, but the bodies... never mind. > Yeah, that's >right--we're talking the "M' word --organized crime. TOM: Since when did 'organized crime' begin with a big "M'? MIKE: Since it was spelt M-A-F-I-A. Either that, or they don't need to spell in the future. CROW: Well, in that case, Ratliff would be a god. [All contemplate this concept.] ALL: Naaaaa! > These guys are, >well, organized. They got more nerds with computers than goons with >guns. Anyway, it's all settled. SplinterNet's gonna run it and the >families are gonna provide the money and, as they call it, security. CROW: We call it security, but you can call it Sir! >Meeting these guys was wild. They all had like snake's eyes and looked >like they could put a bullet through your eye as easy as taking a leak. >As tough as they were, Carlos seemed like 10 times tougher. CROW: He can put a bullet through your eye ten times more easily than taking a leak. > These crime >guys were funny too--they loved Aunt Polly, couldn't get enough of her. TOM: The new highly delicious Aunt Polly Pie! MIKE: Ya can't get enough. >One guy, who looked a couple hundred years old, dressed in old fashioned >golf clothes like he just stepped off a course, said, "Love that >dame--every time the government outlaws something--it's a business op for >us". CROW: <as Michael Corleone> I'll make you a business deal ya can't refuse. > So anyway, we're in the underground arcade business now. We're >opening 24 spots in cities across the country next week. Each place is in >the worst part of town--gangs, muggings, you name it. TOM: We feel right at home. > Cops don't even >bother patrolling. But if you want to play in our arcade, you got free >passage, guaranteed. Let's see the f...ing LUD's bust these places up. TOM: Yay, let's go play in the arcade. MIKE: I don't think we can get there from up here. > > >Article 1831 of alt.sci.time-travel: >Path: comp.vuw.ac.nz!uunet!in1.uu.net!news.delphi.com!news.uoregon.edu! >tank.news.pipex.net!pipex!news.sprintlink.net!howland.reston.ans.net!usc! >news.cerf.net!ni1.ni.net!usenet >From: <prh> CROW: Hey, what is it with TLA names? TOM: Some of us have taste. >Newsgroups: alt.sci.time-travel >Subject: Proof of alteration of history...REALLY! CROW: Oh yeah, like that's real. TOM: Yeah. If history had changed, our memories would change as well, so we wouldn't notice. CROW: Gee, thanks for that, Servo. >Date: 30 Aug 1995 06:17:21 GMT >Organization: Network Intensive MIKE: Network Intensive: The Network that gets real close. >Lines: 41 >Message-ID: <420vph$3m3@ni1.ni.net> >NNTP-Posting-Host: thewall TOM: <a la Kryten> It's the waaallllllll!!!! > .bossnet.com >Mime-Version: 1.0 >Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii >Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit >X-Mailer: Mozilla CROW: It's yet another bad Japanese movie: Godzilla versus Mozilla - The dinosaur with a mohawk. > 1.1N (X11; I; AIX 2) >X-URL: news:alt.sci.time-travel#Pine.SUN.3.91.950823102055.26856D-100000@ >parallel.park TOM: Yeah, no parallel parking. This is a yellow zone, mister. > .uga.edu > >This IS NOT a joke or hypothetical example. Our history has been altered. MIKE: Are you sure it's not a joke? > >Though I have noted a few examples over the years, one is an outstanding >historical event which is known world wide concerning celebrity and death. TOM: Elvis Presley is really dead. CROW: No he isn't. TOM: Yes he is. CROW: No he isn't. MIKE: Quiet guys. >Before I state my notion of a proof, TOM: This is what I think a proof is, even though I created it just by hitting the keys on my keyboard. > let me explain my assumptions. > >First, I conclude that, not unlike "smoothing out" historical incongruity, >chaos works to cover most alterations. TOM: [as advert] So if you have an unsightly alteration to cover, you can use the new all-powerful Chaos! > Like the "beating butterfly wings" >starting the hurricane, chaos finds an appropriate "butterfly analog" if >needed to support the factual hurricane. CROW: I think his mind got stuck in a hurricane. > >Second, if a time traveler has altered the past, you should find physical >evidence occasionally which does not match remembered or noted past events. TOM: Why? If they happened in the past, why shouldn't we remember them? >An example might be the .30 caliber hole between the eyes of a prehistoric >water buffalo skull found in excellent condition. How did a "cave man" >shoot it with a .300 Mag rifle? MIKE: You know, guys, that's quite a good point. CROW: Yeah, but nothing like that has actually been found though. > >Now to my offered proof... MIKE: Okay guys, let's be quiet for the great revelation. > Bruce Lee, per current historical remembrance, >made "Return of the Dragon" BEFORE "Enter the Dragon". I remember it the >other way around. I find it humorous that the special which gave me the >current INACCURATE time line droned on about the movie time line and didn't >even note the fact that "Return..." implies that "Enter..." came first. [Silence] TOM: So... so that's it? CROW: That's his entire reason for thinking history's been changed? MIKE: Some TV program gets it wrong, and he thinks he's in alternate universe? CROW: I wish he was in an alternate universe. TOM: That's like saying that Star Wars 1-3 was made before Star Wars 4-6. CROW: Yeah. > >My conclusion of this time line change is not based on the language, it is >based on my own memories. It is based on my own movie viewing time line. I >KNOW that "Enter the Dragon" was made prior to "Return of the Dragon". CROW: And because you remember seeing it first makes it first? Yeah, of course we believe you. > >Before you flame me for having a poor memory, I will concede that a current >check of historical fact will fully support the "Return..." prior to the >"Enter..." history. TOM: Either that, or your sources are wrong. > I am contending that no matter how compelling the >factual representation of current history, it has been changed to match >the alteration. It could be no other way...history matches the alteration. TOM: Then why doesn't you're memory match the alteration? MIKE: I'm special. My memory doesn't conform to any known timeline. > >Once again, I sincerely do not offer this to amuse or start a discussion. CROW: I offer this as a poor excuse to start mail bombing me. >I offer it as one of the most outstanding of my own tracking of altered >time line events CROW: Especially as the others are along the lines of me vomitting up things I don't remember eating. > which prove to me, if no one else, that time travelers >are interacting with us. I continue to note such events when I have >certainty of my memory and find disagreements MIKE: I disagree with the certainty of your mind. > or when physical evidence >(like the water buffalo) crops up. CROW: <farmer's accent> Hey, how'd you like them crop of water buffalo? > >P. R. (Phil) Houtz CROW: <Texan accent> Hi. I'm P. R. (Phil) Houtz, but you can call me dickweed. MIKE: Crow! CROW: Come on, Mike. He deserves it. > > > TOM: Let's get outta here. [Mike picks up Tom and leaves, with Crow following close behind.] [Commercials - Save MST3K! ]Go to Part 2.
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