Blue Light Productions presents

This oneshot appears after KID MYSTICISM & THE NET.TITANS #35, though the
exact time is variable thanks to the power of retcon.
#1(of One)
"Have Retcon, will Travel!"
A One-Shot
By Ben Rawluk
It's LNH...but bordering on the Elsewhirlish...
*PLOP!*...the noise kind of annoyed him, he recalled. It was sort of
constant, and his other ear wouldn't stop ringing. He was having
difficulty...the answer was on the tip of his tongue, if it was an answer.
He couldn't, for the life of him, remember the question. He was also having
difficulty recalling who he was. Or what he was. All he knew was that he
felt overly warm, and his clothes were skintight. He opened his eyes,
slowly. The inky blackness dissolved. The light was too bright! He reached
out, with what he hoped was his hand, to shield his eyes. He was in a bar.
Sort of. He pulled himself to his feet. "Can I help you?" The new voice was
high and nasal.
He remembered...sort of...the details were all sort of confused and
dis-jointed, but he knew he was something called alive, in a place
called...the Looniverse, he thought. Looniverse...hokey name...He was
called....Retroactive Lad...'lad'...what a hokey name. It took him a moment
to remember what 'hokey' meant. "Can. I. Help. You?" The voice repeated, now
mildly irritated.
"Uhhhhh...." Retroactive Lad mumbled, as he vaguely recalled his encounter
with the so-called Legion of Net.Heroes [*see Kid Mysticism & The Net.Titans
#35- Ben]. He glanced down at himself. The colors of his costume were
drab...shades of grey, really. And he was wearing a trenchcoat for some
reason. He looked up, and finally saw the owner of the voice. A rather
amusing looking figure, more of a caricture than a human being. "Um...sorry.
Where am I?"
"Sir. You are in Thornefire's Bar at the Tuesday before the End of the
"You have GOT to be kidding me..." Retroactive Lad mumbled. He shut his eyes
again...He had tried to retcon the LNH out of reality, but screwed up...and
did it to himself..then he must of accidently reversed it, and ended up
here....But why the shades-of-grey costume and trenchcoat? Maybe if he tried
retconning himself into having better control of his powers?
Retroactive Lad focused, much to the ire of the waiter. A single, tiny
retcon shifted through him, before subsiding with continuity slightly
different. "Hullo there." The third voice was pleasant and calm, yet seemed
to have a mildly-powerful god-being behind it. "Good to see you're figuring
things out...nice characterization, pleasant intro-sequence." RL looked up.
The figure before him shimmered in and out of perception quickly and
quietly. "You look confused...allow me to introduce myself. I am...." He
paused, for simple dramatic effect, "...The Reviewer! Or one of them...but
you, of course, can call me Augie." He quietened his voice. "Not to be
confused with the other one that fought the Net.Titans...some silly fellow
calling himself Chris occasionally." He looked to be a youngish fellow, with
reflective shades covering his eyes, a fedora hat on his head, and a simple
black rain-coat on...not to mention a cool silver cane. A white "RACC"
symbol could be seen in his shades.
"Um...Net.Titans....? I have no idea what your talking about...." RL mumbled.
"You're confused...I can except that." Augie motioned, and reality
crescendoed, the bar dissipating. Suddenly, the two of them were standing
amidst the stars of the Looniverse. "Lemme say this...the coat n' colour
scheme were caused by the retconning...You retconned yourself out of one
perspective of the Looniverse, and into another."
"Uhhhhh....." Retroactive Lad mumbled. "You've lost me."
"*SIGH*...I should have known..even retcon-based net.hero types have
difficulty grasping these concepts...where IS Kid Kirby when I need him?"
Augie sighed, and glanced back at Retroactive Lad. "Look...I need a small,
infinitesimal favour."
Augie waves his hand, and reality crescendoed. The two flashed down the
timestream, to a point somewhere mid-April 1996. Also, it did not escape
Retroactive Lad's attention that they were in free-orbit around a planet,
with metal satellites nearby, each puffing metallic dust into the planet's
atmosphere. "What are we doing here?" Retroactive Lad asked.
"A small favour you could do me. Would you mind retconning a small
hole...the size of a personal the metallic cloud of the
atmosphere?" Augie explained.
"Um...sure..." Retroactive Lad motioned, and a retconnic burst distorted
continuity so a small hole in the cloud materialized, just big enough for a
starcruiser to fly through. Promptly enough, one did. The cruiser flashed
away, towards Earth, and lightspeed. "What the heck?!"
"You see...this is the planet Lar. A small opening had to be retconned into
the atmosphere, so that a Larian youth, B'Enel, could escape, and regain his
superpowers, long enough to get to Earth, and join the LNHaires." [*See
LNHaires: The Original Mini-Series #2-4 - Ben] Augie exposited. "Big help.
The Writer just needed to close up that plot-hole." In an instant, the two
were back in the present. "Ok...your problem is sort of self-image. Maybe a
new name, a new costume...a new place in the Looniversal Balance...and you
could be quite powerful. And I can provide you with that."
"You wouldn't mind? I'd be pretty grateful."
"Done." Augie snapped his fingers, an independant reviewed retcon mixing
with Retroactive Lad, transforming him....
In RL's place, stood a tall, bulky fellow, with a craggy jaw and blueish
skin. He was garbed in a sort of grey body armour, and retconic power
constantly whirled around him. His eyes were contemplative. "You are
"Excellent. My transformation is brought rebirth of both mind and body. My
retconic mind sees the reality of the looniverse, its complex lattice a
simple puzzle to be solved. My need for revenge against the LNH too is
gone..." Retconatos spoke, his voice monotone and awe-inspiring. He glanced
at Augie. "Thank you, Reviewer. Good luck finding your counterpart. I am
off...I would like to solve the puzzle of reality..but first I must select a
piece to start with." Retconatos continued, and closed his eyes. A white
cosmic envelope of existence appeared, sealing him inside, and folded
up...flashed through Hyperspace Priority Post.
Augie shifted on his feet in the blackness of space. Stars winked all around
him. After a moment of quiet reflection, his muttered, "Now...I believe that
Chris fellow was stuck in Forgotten Character Limbo, if I recall."
Retconatos stood on an asteroid, carefully observing as a star went Nova
after a billion-year-existence. The labcoated individual behind him tapped
his shoulder. "Fascinating, isn't it?" Doctor Stomper asked.
"Yes, Doctor. It is QUITE interesting. But now, please do go on about this
adventure called the first Flame War." Retconatos answered. He gazed at the
LNHer, who was showing no signs of explosive decompression.
"It was really neat, you see? 10% of the LNHers vanished, completely, out of
reality! We were in the middle of our encounter with THE EDITORS, when..."
Stomper replied, and started to go on a tirade of excitement.
Retconatos cleared his throat. "While this has been very interesting, I
realize I have things to do. I believe it would be to my benefit to
replicate the Insanity Gems, and study their variety of energies. Therefore,
I must end our conversation."
"Oh, of course, Retconatos. Talk to you later. You have been a very gracious
host." Stomper exclaimed. Retconatos snapped his fingers, and a retcon
swallowed up the simulacrum of Doctor Stomper he had retconned into reality
an hour or so before.Retconatos then glanced off into the distance, and
grinned. A single, small red jewel popped into existence on his palm, which
snapped shut. It was gonna be fun...
The End.
Retconatos and Augie are owned by me. Dr. Stomper is public domain.
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