Blue Light Productions presents
DVANDOM _____ ______ _____ _______ #66.6 - "The One-shot that shall
[ ]__ [ ] [] [ ]__)) [ ] ` [ ]__ never, ever be mentioned again."
[ ] [ ] [] [ ] \\ [ ] [ ] copyright 1996 Jamas Enright
[_] [_]__[] [_] \\ [_]___/ [_]____ -------]==+ <*> +==[-------
[Cover shows some very surprised Dvandom Force members staring up
in suspicion at the issue number. Low down in the foreground are
two figures facing away from us.]
"Bluurrgh." Be thankful, dear readers, that this is a text-based comic.
"If I sneeze, I'm gonna scream."
Faq Boy sighed. "You really should have stayed at the HQ."
"And miss out on this?" said Fan.Boy, holding some tissues in
front of his nose. "Never."
"I somewhat doubt that the members of Dvandom Force really want to
see someone that can catch a cold from."
"But superheroes don't get sick," said Fan.Boy.
Faq Boy looked at Fan.Boy without comment.
"Yeah, but my Writer's ill, and so, being a WC and all, I also get
sick. Not my fault. Ah ah aaa-CHOO!! Argh!" Fan.Boy wiped his nose, and
lay on the couch in the Dvandom Force lobby, feeling only the pain in his
throat.
A door opened, and Faq Boy looked up to see Squidman walk into the
room. Faq Boy jumped up and shook his hand. "Nice of you to meet us," Faq
Boy said.
Squidman eyed Fan.Boy warily. "Well, we don't often get visitors
from the LNH coming here. What's up with him?"
"His Writer's sick," Faq Boy confided. Squidman looked
sympathetic.
"Squidman," yelped Fan.Boy, finally seeing the Man of Squid. He
bounced up and grabbed Squidman's hand. Squidman prised it away, and
looked at it gingerly. "Sorry about that," said Fan.Boy, grabbing another
tissue to wipe Squidman's hand. "Forgot I was holding that."
Macroman entered the lobby. "Hey, guests."
"Hey, Macroman. Nice to see you," Fan.Boy oozed. "Nice new back
history, by the way."
"Thanks. Who the hell are you?"
"Fan.Boy," said Fan.Boy. "And this is my dimensional twin, Faq
Boy."
"How'd you get out here, anyway? Buses don't exactly run from the
LNHQ to DFHQ."
"It was a shuttle service. Run by some guy called Dayus X.
MacIna, or someone."
"Ah-huh," Squidman said. "So what brings you to the fair city of
Sig.ago?"
"Her," said Faq Boy, slipping past Squidman, and into the path of
Lynk as she came out to see what all the fuss was about. "Heard you got
yourself a new look," said Faq Boy suavely, as he drew Lynk's hand up to
his lips and kissed it. "Must say that it's very appealing."
Lynk smiled warmly. "Nice to see a real gentleman at last."
"I think she's dissing us, man," said Macroman.
"I think she's dissing us, dude," replied Squidman, with a grin.
"Hey," said Fan.Boy. "What about Paytan?"
"She's currently visiting Brittany's family, or something.
Anyway, I don't think she likes me very much," he frowned.
"How about you introduce yourself before this lady doesn't like
you very much," said Lynk sweetly.
"Allen, at your service, ma'am," said Faq Boy, going into an
exaggerated bow.
"Is Kat around anywhere?" asked Fan.Boy.
"She's currently in a cliffhanger between issues," replied
Squidman. "Y'know how it goes."
"Oh yeah, with that mysterious figure," remembered Fan.Boy. "You
know who I think is it? Mmm-mmm Mm-mm-mmm-mm." His eyes looked annoyedly
at Macroman, who had suddenly moved across the room and placed his hand
over Fan.Boy's mouth.
"Fan.Boy," said Squidman, warningly. "You do know what a plot
point is, don't you?"
"Of course," replied Fan.Boy, once Macroman had removed his hand.
"My Writer's trying to get a big one in my series right now."
"Well, the point of having cliffhangers is to get minor plot
points, and if you go around spoiling them, then you get shot!"
"Ah, right, of course. Forget I said anything. By the way, has
anyone suggested to Kat that her internal anomaly is mm-mm-mmm.... Mmm
mmmm?"
"Plot point," agreed Squidman.
A noise distracted him. "Hey, where are you two off to?" he asked
Lynk and Faq Boy, who were making their way towards the main door.
"Lynk is going to show me around Sig.ago, while I'm here," Faq Boy
said.
"We are between issues right now. We just can't go traipsing off
just because we're in a one-shot, in-between thing."
"Sounds like the best time to me," said Lynk.
"Yeah," said Faq Boy. "Who shot your leader?"
The room went, in a phrase, deathly quiet.
"Er, I think that was a no-no, Allen," said Fan.Boy.
Squidman looked away from Faq Boy, and saw Macroman fingering one
of his macro buttons on his wrist comp. "Better not do that one,"
Squidman said. "We don't have a cleaner hired for this issue."
"Be careful what you say, Faq BOY," said Macroman. "That is a very
touchy subject around here."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Faq Boy.
"You don't know?" asked Lynk.
Faq Boy grinned. "Of course I do. Just having fun."
Lynk shook her head sadly, and moved away from Faq Boy. "What?"
he asked.
"And you wonder why Paytan doesn't go out with you," said Fan.Boy.
Faq Boy was scowling at Macroman. "What was that BOY emphasis in
aid of before?"
"Perhaps it meant that some of us have matured enough to know
better," said Macroman,
"Perhaps some of us aren't pretentious enough to call ourselves
men," replied Faq Boy. "No.. wait.. that came out wrong."
"This is just like a cross-over," said Squidman. "Heroes get
together, and start beating on each other. All we need now is some
overwhelming menace to unite us as friends."
"That's my cue, folks," said a gentleman, who redefined portly as
bigger than the eastern seaboard. "Neddie Seagoon, fresh from the house of
Prague, delivered by wire euphonium, and here for lunch."
"AHH NOO!" everyone screamed. "How can we stand that?!"
"Folks. Don't worry, folks," said Neddie. "I'm only here for a
cameo before I pop off for a brandy."
"Think I'll join you, mate," said Squidman.
"Why? Am I coming apart?" Neddie quipped. "Hahaha. Coming apart...
get it?.. haha... ahem. Anyway, folks, I'm off!"
**KABLOOM**
Ladies and gentlemen, indeed, Lord Seagoon, late of the fifth
command, and fifth grade, went off, leaving a small fine layer of Neddie
Seagoon covering everything in the room.
"Eeew," said Lynk. "That does it. Your Writer better pay for
this."
"Never fear," said Faq Boy. "This is a one-shot, and he's hoping
no-one will acknowledge it, and therefore, this never happened."
"Isn't that a bit of a cop-out?" asked Macroman.
"It's a lot of a cop-out," replied Fan.Boy, "but it's a cop-out
that we can get away with."
"Say, what do you guys do around here for fun, anyway?" asked Faq
Boy.
"How should we know? Our Author's never really expanded on the HQ
in any really sufficient way to tell us what recreational facilities there
are here. Just enough to to get in into trouble every issue," said
Macroman.
"That's kind of the point," began Fan.Boy.
"Oh no," said Squidman. "If you even hint at doing any sort of
exposition on the reasons for the existence of superheroes, you're outta
here. We don't like those sorts of games around here."
"Okay. Touchy sort, aren't you?" A panicked look came over
Fan.Boy's face. "Oh no."
"What is it?" Faq Boy asked.
"I have to swallow." Fan.Boy did so, and winced in agony.
"What's up with him?" asked Lynk.
"He's sick," said Faq Boy. "Strep throat."
"And you brought him here?"
"No, I just suggested a trip out to see the guys at Dvandom Force
Headquarters, and he begged to come along. The shuttle actually brought
him here."
"Whatever," said Lynk, picking a bit of Neddie off her. "I don't
know about you, but this issue is happened far too much for my liking
already. I'm gonna take a shower."
"Can I help? Ow," said Faq Boy, rubbing his arm where Lynk punched
it.
"You just don't learn, do you?" asked Squidman.
"Sometimes it's the persistence that gets you through," replied
Faq Boy, winking.
"But, she has a point. What say we this isn't ignored, and we end
up with Neddie wallpaper for next few issues."
"Don't worry," said Fan.Boy. "Tell you what. I'll get some
professional redecorators in, no charge to you. Ahh.. ahh. aahh-CHOO!!
Ow..."
"That's really nice..." began Squidman, and Faq Boy handed him a
card. "What's this?"
"LNH charge card. Never leave home without it."
"Wont the Ultimate Ninja notice?"
"Name one company that has actually dared to send a bill, and
expect to have it paid?"
"You have a point," Squidman admitted. "Maybe we should try
something like that."
"And they say the bad guys are nasty," said Macroman, with a hint
of admiration in his voice. "At least they pay. So I've heard," he added
defensively at the others looked at him.
"Eeew, what caused the mess?" asked a new voice, and the others
turned around to see Kat standing in the doorway.
"Hey, I thought you were in a cliffhanger," said Squidman.
"Never stopped other cameo appearances," said Kat. "Besides, the
'mysterious figure' you guys don't know about left for a cup of coffee."
"Ohh, babe," said Faq Boy, sidling up. "How about me being your
mysterious figure?"
Squidman and Macroman grinned, waiting for the pain they knew was
coming. "How about you being my toy I cut into a thousand pieces?" Kat
asked sweetly, bringing her left hand up, and extending her fingernails
into long, deadly claws.
"Oh, please," said Faq Boy, his smile flashing. "Been so long
since anyone treated me so good."
Fan.Boy pulled him out of the way, just before Kat's claw swished
through the air that used to contain his chest. "I think that's a 'No',
Allen," said Fan.Boy.
"But we were getting on so well," said Faq Boy.
Kat pulled herself up to loom over Faq Boy, nearly touching the
ceiling. "Getting on? How about I help you get on with a hundred tonne
weight?" she offered.
"Now, now, Kat," said Squidman, placantingly. "We're all friends
here."
"Huh," was Kat's repsonce. She turned and stood haughtily from
the room, Faq Boy watching her every move.
"I heard that!" yelled Kat. "Put your tongue back in!"
Faq Boy winked at Macroman. "Nice girl. Reminds me of an
axe-weilding homocidial maniac I used to know."
The front door opened, and the VAXX entered. "There's someone
called Dayus out here looking for some pickups from this place."
"I guess that means us," said Fan.Boy.
"What were you doing out there?" Macroman asked.
"Waiting for the Bonzai pizza delivery, of course," the VAXX
replied, ducking back out.
"Nooo," yelled Squidman, rushing out after him.
"You guys going then?" asked Macroman.
"Looks like it. Short but... well, can't really say sweet, but
it's been an issue," said Faq Boy.
"You go on ahead," said Fan.Boy. "I want to ask Macroman
something."
"Fine. I'll be outside." Faq Boy left, and ducked into the waiting
shuttle, waving to Squidman as he passed by, Squidman being to busy trying
to dissuade the VAXX from starting another multi-dimensional cross-over to
do more than wave back.
A few moments later, Fan.Boy came out, and got in beside Faq Boy.
"What did you ask for?" asked Faq Boy, as the shuttle pulled away.
"It was a present for you, actually," said Fan.Boy, handing
something over.
The laughter nearly drowned out the sounds of Lynk screaming:
"Hey, who took one of my sheep dolls?"
==========================================================================
Author's Notes: It wasn't me. It was my evil twin brother, Timmy. Honest.
On a completely unrelated note, I shall now be taking a holiday to
an undisclosed location that does not accept letter bombs. For no
particular reason. Nothing to do with those death threats at all. No
sirree. Byyeeeee!
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