L U R K E R L A D #5 "Pleas from the Beleaguered League!" Part 1(of 3) of the Crisis on Looniearth-B! By Ben Rawluk and Saxon Brenton ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- [Cover - The 'Crisis on Looniearth-B' logo is above the LURKER LAD logo, in bright red. Lurker Lad is staring across the cover to someone looking back, who appears to be in a Kirby-style costume. In the background, two Looniearths are smashing into each other.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- The Fan.Boy of Looniearth-B lounged around the LNH's monitor room. He was unused to the sheer complexity of it; The monitor room in the League's own headquarters on his native Looniearth was far less complex. Computers surrounded him, with a seat pulled out, where Multi-Tasking Man usually sat. F.B had a good 20 minutes before himself, the other prophets, and the assigned LNHers were to assemble in the Conference room. So, Fan.Boy was a bit surprised when one of the LNHers who'd be stuck on the mission roster arrived. "Uh, hi. I'm Retcon Lad." Retcon Lad stuck out his hand. "Hello," said Fan.Boy, sticking out his hand. "Fan.Boy." "Yeah, I kinda guessed," said RL. "You look a lot like our Fan.Boy used to." "Oh yeah. Dr. Stomper mentioned him." A slightly irritated look passed across his face for a second. "He lost his powers for the rest of us, apparently." "Uh-huh. Then he went and got new ones when he joined the Alt.Riders." Fan.Boy sighed, giving RLad pause. "I was just wondering... How are you doing without those powers?" "I'm being very careful not get killed anymore," F.B joked morbidly. "Seriously though, I've had to do a lot more reading in order to keep up with everything that gets posted, and occasionally I have to go and look up a reference in the archives. But I'm going okay I suppose." "What about defensive power?" "Aahh, the punctuation attack you mean?" he said knowingly. "I use _this_ instead," he said, bringing out a small black book. "What is it?" asked Retcon Lad, taking the book and signing it. "My autograph book," F.B replied proudly. Retcon Lad looked at him. He knew that this world's Barry had a strange sense of humour sometimes, and it seemed that Looniearth-B's did too. "_This_ is a reliable defence?" he asked archly. "It's an artefact that Kid Magic found for me. When you open it in front of someone and ask them for their autograph, they _must_ sign it." Retcon Lad looked puzzled for a moment, then glanced at the book in his hand, and realised what he had done. "D'oh!" Fan.Boy shrugged, grinning. "If nothing else, it gives you an extra few seconds to figure out which way to run. Hey, how well do you know my counterpart here? Uh, what's he calling himself these days?" "The Net.Elementalist. Pretty well, I guess. We used to hang around together a lot, but we've both been a bit busy lately with storylines and stuff. He's keeping well. He's married now, you know." "No, I didn't." "Yeah, well, he's got a wife and daughter, though I think they're both retcons. He loves them though. Keeps sending me baby pictures. He's seems to be doing fine for the most part." " 'For the most part'?" Fan.Boy repeated, hearing an unspoken 'but' in that sentence. "He seems to have lost his temper badly a while back. I'm a little worried for him, so I'm planning on going and having a talk soon. It may be that he's been influenced by some ghosts who want him to angst some more." Fan.Boy stared at him. "It's a long story," RLad admitted. "Basically, he went and blew up part of Bit.lin in Germa.net during a fight scene recently. Ticked the Germans off no end." "Sounds a bit extreme, so I can't say I blame the Germans. Mind you, they are being a bit sensitive at the moment, what with the $cience Cult of Ontology making itself obnoxious over there and everything." "The Ontologists make themselves obnoxious everywhere," agreed RLad wryly." Sometimes I wonder how they made it this far without the Order of St. Doomas deciding to gut the lot of them." "The Order of..what?" "You've never heard of the order?" "Nope...I guess there is no such counterpart on my world." "They're a bunch of radical quasi-religious types out to purge spham and idiots from the net.realities." "Really? Sounds suspiciously like the Newbie Death Squad, back home." Retcon Lad stared, in bland confusion. "I guess there's not much call for the Order on your world...which is why you don't know them." --- The bright mid-morning sunshine illuminated the huge marble structure called LNHQ, as the single figure walked up the granite steps to the front doors. He was clad in a trenchcoat and fedora, the artist making sure to properly set up the shadows and foreshortening of him, to maximise the mystery of the man's identity. ((Enter identity, please. LNHQ not currently open to the public, at this hour.)) the computer sputtered, a light illuminating a small console beside the main doors. "I apologise in advance, to your creator." The man said, and raised his hand, which grew bright, as a burst of Kirbian energies leapt at the console, which exploded suddenly. The doors opened automatically, and the man stepped through. --- LNHQ's conference room is considered to be one of the finest meeting rooms on Looniearth. It is capable of encompassing every active member of the Legion of Net.Heroes itself, with a long table with seats for all of them. But, it only served to seat Lurker Lad, Limp-Asparagus Lad, Johnny Stomper, Retcon Lad, Lipid-Artery Lad and Fourth Wall Lass. Across from them sat the three 'prophets' of doom: Looniearth-B's Fan.Boy, Lord Vincent of Stomper, and Lean-Apples Lad. Doctor Stomper and Fearless Leader stood at the foot of the table. "OK, LNHers....We've been asked by the prophets here for help combating some kind of cosmic entity plaguing the Looniverse of Looniearth-B. I've been assigned to lead the team. Doctor Stomper...?" said Fearless Leader, deputy leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes. "OK, people. According to what the prophets say, a cosmic entity called the Exponential Man is currently attempting to absorb the Looniearth-B's Looniverse." Doctor Stomper paused, gathering his thoughts. The LNHers assembled began to murmur. "Prophets...what can you tell us about what's happening?" "I will do so, for it was on my Looniearth that the Exponential Man first appeared." Lord Vincent spoke up. "I am of Looniearth-AA. The Exponential Man materialised in a woodland protected by the Knights of Dvandom, a shadow-being of human proportions. Our archimages traced his origins to this Looniearth. Before we could realize what was happening, the Exponential Man obliterated the woodland and the surrounding Kingdom of Sig.Ago, absorbing it into himself...and he grew. The Knights of Dvandom were killed in the blast. Only Sir Douglas the Swift-Footed escape, to warn the mages of Stomper. Myself, and my nephew, Johnny marshalled the power of our greatest mystics, and conjured a plot-hole, sending the Exponential Man out of our Looniverse. But not before he had absorbed the other planets which encircle our world...and the moon. He was immense." "That's.....incredible." Lurker Lad murmured. "Where did he go next?" Limp-Asparagus Lad asked. "Directly to Looniearth-B?" Lipid-Arteries Lad asked, while gobbling down a spare candy bar. "No. He came to Looniearth-I...my world." Lean-Apples Lad took the floor. "He arrived as a humanoid sized-being as well, but this time, in the heart of Nutropolis itself. Myself, and the other members of the Legion of Nutty Heroes, were seriously depleted, many of our number killed, in the war with the Relaxation Corps..." "Research Lass mentioned that you said something about that war, when you were last on this Looniearth." Lurker Lad noted. "I take it this was all -after- the _Limp-Asparagus Lad of Two Earths_ adventure?" Limp-Asparagus Lad asked. "_Limp-Asparagus Lad of Two Earths_? Wha?" Retcon Lad piped up, after being largely silent. Fourth Wall Lass remained quiet. "It was a never-posted adventure I had with Lipid, Lean-Apples Lad, and the Limp-Asparagus Lad of Loo..." "-AS- I was saying, we were depleted from the war, and were unable to stop him. I escaped to the HQ of Dvandumb Forz, as Nutropolis was obliterated, and the E-Man eventually destroyed my Looniearth...but I escaped into the timestream. I presume he sucked up the whole Looniverse, as well." Limp-Asparagus Lad almost said something, but Leany shot him a look of death. "Then, I guess the E-Man head to Looniearth-B." "Yeah...I headed into the timestream after the E-Man arrived in my reality...though I'm not sure how much damage has been done...to get help. And then, the three of us were discovered by..." "By..by the torrents of time!" Vincent interjected. "Pardon? Then what?" Fearless Leader asked, finally. "We uh...discovered each other, learned each other's stories," Lean-Apples Lad mumbled, "And decided to come here for help...since I'd met the Net.Titans before, as well as Limp-Asparagus Lad, of course. And Limp-Asparagus Lass, of Looniearth-B, had encountered the LNH as well." "Limp-Asparagus LASS!?" Lurker Lad yelped at Limpy. "NOT my counterpart. She's the daughter of my late counterpart on that Looniearth." Limpy answered. "Look, look. We're getting off-topic here, people. Now that we know a story, we all pile into a Net.Thingee and get a move on...." Fearless Leader took control of the situation. "So...let's go, LNHers!" However, before a single costumed crusader could reach the corridor, the doorway burst open, a tall figure standing in the way. His form cascaded with low-level Kirbian energies (Nowhere near the intensity of Kid Kirby's power.), and he was garbed in a Kirbian costume of light fabric. "Steve!" Lurker Lad gaped at the figure. Everyone else turned to face our hero! --- The LNH is famed throughout Looniearth-A, not only for their spectacular heroics, property damage and spandex, but also for their amazing Thingee technology. Such an example of this technology is the Net.Thingee, a flight.thingee gimmicked up by Johnny Stomper and his uncle, Doctor Vincent Stomper, to apply portals like those in _Sliders_ to move people from one reality to another. "We already to go, back there?" Retcon Lad called back into the cabin, from the pilot's seat. Back in the cabin, Lurker Lad replied, "Yup....all systems are ready and waiting..." "Is this such a good idea? Retcon Lad piloting?" Fearless Leader asked. "It is the only logical course of action." Limp-Asparagus Lad got up, walking over to the two. "His ability to retcon events can deflect any attacks made on us as we shift between alt.ernate looniverses....it is important that he realize before it happens, so that he can save us." Fearless Leader nodded, glancing back at Lurker Lad. "I still don't get why we should be bringing that weird-guy that just showed up, with us." "He's my cousin, Steve. I don't know how he got those weird Kirbian-energy powers, or why he now calls himself..." "Ultra. Call me Ultra." Steve had straddled up to the trio. "We'd best get underway. From what you've told me, it sounds like time is of the essence. I will save my origin for an issue after this crossover." "But you haven't said how...?" Lurker Lad began to say. "As I said...a story for another time. Wouldn't want to disrupt the flow of this crossover." "Uh...right." Fearless Leader turned his head, and yelled into the cabin, "OK, RLad....lets get going..." "Um...excuse me...Limp-Asparagus Lad?" Fan.Boy had moved over to Limpy. "I don't suppose you could autograph my book?" Limpy looked at the book, and the pen. "Mustn't...can't..." Limpy tried desperately to resist, and then took it in a sudden burst of energy, signing. Returning the book, he maintained his utter dramalessness. "Thank you..." Fan.Boy sang, treasuring the autograph. As the Net.Thingee prepared to take off, the sound of Fan.Boy-B passing his sorcerous autograph book to Lurker Lad was heard, Everyone else groaning at the display of fanboyishness. --- In the alt.ernate reality containing Looniearth-B, An infinitesimal meteor shot through space, vanishing into the humanoid void that sat where the star Sol-B once existed. The meteor dissolved into nothingness. And Looniearth-B was gripped by a cold never seen before its published history. --- BooBoo the Super-Orangu-tan from Dimension 8 sat up straight in his guest quarters. His weak extra-sensory perception locked onto the Net.Thingee's passage from one reality to the next, and he gasped. Carefully, he took out some equipment, and began to set up an unusual hyperspatial transmat matrix. --- Doc Stomper sat in the Monitor Room of LNHQ. He watched the screen as it showed a shift in the space/time continuum. He mumbled to himself, as he tapped on the computer screen. "Computer, make a note in the internal archives...LNH strike force, along with prophets of doom, logged leaving this reality at approximately 3 o' clock, Eastern Standard Time." ((Affirmative, Vincent Stomper, codenamed Doc Stomper. LNH Strike Force and prophets of doom exited Looniearth-A's Looniverse at 3pm, EST. Destination?)) "Looniearth-B." ((Noted. Archive File Closed. What next?)) "Open a channel to the Cafeteria Kitchen." ((*Bzzt* Channel open.)) "Cheesecake-Eater Lad?" (("Cheesecake-Eater Lad Speaking. Whatcha need, Doc?")) CE-Lad said over to comm. "*sigh*. I'm heading to the Rec.Lounge to see a couple episodes of the Twilight Zone. I don't suppose you can get Delivery Dan to drop off some Raspberry-and-Chocolate cheesecake, with gummi bears?" (("Sure, sure. Kitchen out." *Bzzt* Channel closed.)) --- "Ok....run this slab o' cheesecake up to the Rec.Lounge...Doc Stomper'll be waiting." Cheesecake-Eater Lad explained, as he handed a plate holding a hefty slice of cheesecake, to a thin-looking young man possessed of the ugliest, gaudy, spandex costume. The costume had a variety of colours in it, none of which really went together. "Um...sure, boss." Delivery Dan nodded to CE-Lad, taking the plate. "But, why have me run it down? Doesn't the LNH already have, like, an Errand Boy, or something...?" "Probably...but, you can never have too many similarly-powered characters running around, can ya? Lurker Lad, Lurking Girl, NetLurker, etc., are proof of that." "Um...uh-huh." Dan turned from the LNH Chef/Hero, and spoke into the headset that was part of his costume. "Delivery Dan to F'd'x-1. Engage delivery protocol #G23/9ZY/65... destination, LNHQ Rec.Lounge." An electronic voice answered, [Affirmative, Delivery Dan.]. Orbiting Earth, a satellite flew into alignment with LNHQ. Its onboard computer system went about its usual business, with a minute subroutine engaging a protocol...activating a subprogram. Bizarre Teleportational fields erupted in the LNHQ kitchen, and Dan vanished through a portal that closed behind him. --- The Net.Thingee materialised in another world, another reality. "We're here, people." Retcon Lad announced from the pilot's seat, and deftly flew the group to the ground. "Net.Ropolis..B." The vehicle landed in front of an immense building, the dimensions of which obviously matched LNHQ's own. But the property, and building itself was covered with ice and snow, as were all the buildings and ground, as far as the eye could see. The sky was dark and not of a hint of sunlight was detectable. The group quickly assembled outside of the vehicle, to find themselves faced with a group of net.ahumans. "LNH...welcome." said the tallest of the bunch, as Fan.Boy ran to the girl Limp-Asparagus Lad recognised as Limp-Asparagus Lass. The two embraced. "I'm Hero Lad...leader of the League of Heroes!" "We suspected as much." Fearless Leader took point, stepping forward. "I'm Fearless Leader." Hero Lad nodded, and gestured to the other members of the League. "This is Psi Girl ...Limp-Asparagus Lass....Fan.Boy, you know...Proto Kid, as well, and Celestial Kid. There are several others, but most of them are on missions. You probably want to know why its so cold." Lurker Lad now stepped forward. "I was about to ask that, actually." "It is because....the sun is gone!" "Uh-oh." Lurker Lad mumbled. "How ominous..." TO BE CONTINUED! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- NEXT ISSUE: Part 3 of the startling Crisis on Looniearth-B! But first, watch out for Limp-Asparagus Lad #34, for Part 2! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- CREDITS Lurker Lad, BooBoo, Delivery Dan, Kid Magic, Hero Lad, Celestial Kid, Proto Kid, Psi Girl, the League of Heroes, Looniearth-B, Ultra, and Lord Vincent Stomper owned by me. Limp-Asparagus Lad, Lipid-Arteries Lad, Fourth-Wall Lass, and Retcon Lad owned by Saxon Brenton. The Exponential Man, Lean-Apples Lad and Limp-Asparagus Lass owned jointly by Saxon Brenton and I. Fan.Boy of Looniearth-B owned jointly by Jamas Enright and I. Johnny Stomper owned by Josh Geurink. Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Doc Stomper, Fearless Leader are public domain. AUTHOR'S NOTES Yeah...This is it, guys! Over a year of super-evil scheming, plotting, and planning has come to fruitation..the first ever LNH/LofH crossover! And a Lurker Lad/Limp-Asparagus Lad crossover, to boot! Its important to understand that the crossover, while still holding a core than remains unchanged, has morphed a whole lot since we began...from the use of the prophets, to the inclusion of Ultra (So that I can work on setting up a couple future stories). So, thanks to Saxon for being able to remember all of the LofH stuff I'd rather be swept under the carpet!Back to the Index.