Blue Light Productions presents

L U R K E R  L A D 
"Pleas from the Beleaguered League!"
Part 1(of 3) of the Crisis on Looniearth-B!
By Ben Rawluk and Saxon Brenton

[Cover - The 'Crisis on Looniearth-B' logo is above the LURKER LAD logo, in
bright red. Lurker Lad is staring across the cover to someone looking back,
who appears to be in a Kirby-style costume. In the background, two
Looniearths are smashing into each other.]

The Fan.Boy of Looniearth-B lounged around the LNH's monitor room. He was
unused to the sheer complexity of it; The monitor room in the League's own
headquarters on his native Looniearth was far less complex. Computers
surrounded him, with a seat pulled out, where Multi-Tasking Man usually sat.
F.B had a good 20 minutes before himself, the other prophets, and the
assigned LNHers were to assemble in the Conference room. So, Fan.Boy was a
bit surprised when one of the LNHers who'd be stuck on the mission roster
arrived.  "Uh, hi. I'm Retcon Lad." Retcon Lad stuck out his hand.

"Hello," said Fan.Boy, sticking out his hand. "Fan.Boy."

"Yeah, I kinda guessed," said RL. "You look a lot like our Fan.Boy used to."

"Oh yeah. Dr. Stomper mentioned him." A slightly irritated look passed
across his face for a second. "He lost his powers for the rest of us,

"Uh-huh. Then he went and got new ones when he joined the Alt.Riders."
Fan.Boy sighed, giving RLad pause. "I was just wondering... How are you
doing without those powers?"

"I'm being very careful not get killed anymore," F.B joked morbidly.
"Seriously though, I've had to do a lot more reading in order to keep up
with everything that gets posted, and occasionally I have to go and look up
a reference in the archives. But I'm going okay I suppose."

"What about defensive power?"

"Aahh, the punctuation attack you mean?" he said knowingly. "I use _this_
instead," he said, bringing out a small black book.

"What is it?" asked Retcon Lad, taking the book and signing it.

"My autograph book," F.B replied proudly.

Retcon Lad looked at him. He knew that this world's Barry had a strange
sense of humour sometimes, and it seemed that Looniearth-B's did too.
"_This_ is a reliable defence?" he asked archly.

"It's an artefact that Kid Magic found for me. When you open it in front of
someone and ask them for their autograph, they _must_ sign it." 

Retcon Lad looked puzzled for a moment, then glanced at the book in his
hand, and realised what he had done. "D'oh!"

Fan.Boy shrugged, grinning. "If nothing else, it gives you an extra few
seconds to figure out which way to run. Hey, how well do you know my
counterpart here? Uh, what's he calling himself these days?"

"The Net.Elementalist. Pretty well, I guess. We used to hang around together
a lot, but we've both been a bit busy lately with storylines and stuff. He's
keeping well. He's married now, you know."

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, well, he's got a wife and daughter, though I think they're both
retcons. He loves them though. Keeps sending me baby pictures. He's seems to
be doing fine for the most part."

" 'For the most part'?" Fan.Boy repeated, hearing an unspoken 'but' in that

"He seems to have lost his temper badly a while back. I'm a little worried
for him, so I'm planning on going and having a talk soon. It may be that
he's been influenced by some ghosts who want him to angst some more."

Fan.Boy stared at him.

"It's a long story," RLad admitted. "Basically, he went and blew up part of
Bit.lin in during a fight scene recently. Ticked the Germans off
no end."

"Sounds a bit extreme, so I can't say I blame the Germans. Mind you, they
are being a bit sensitive at the moment, what with the $cience Cult of
Ontology making itself obnoxious over there and everything."

"The Ontologists make themselves obnoxious everywhere," agreed RLad wryly."
Sometimes I wonder how they made it this far without the Order of St. Doomas
deciding to gut the lot of them."

"The Order of..what?"

"You've never heard of the order?"

"Nope...I guess there is no such counterpart on my world."

"They're a bunch of radical quasi-religious types out to purge spham and
idiots from the net.realities."

"Really? Sounds suspiciously like the Newbie Death Squad, back home."

Retcon Lad stared, in bland confusion. "I guess there's not much call for
the Order on your world...which is why you don't know them."


The bright mid-morning sunshine illuminated the huge marble structure called
LNHQ, as the single figure walked up the granite steps to the front doors.
He was clad in a trenchcoat and fedora, the artist making sure to properly
set up the shadows and foreshortening of him, to maximise the mystery of the
man's identity. ((Enter identity, please. LNHQ not currently open to the
public, at this hour.)) the computer sputtered, a light illuminating a small
console beside the main doors. 

"I apologise in advance, to your creator." The man said, and raised his
hand, which grew bright, as a burst of Kirbian energies leapt at the
console, which exploded suddenly. The doors opened automatically, and the
man stepped through.


LNHQ's conference room is considered to be one of the finest meeting rooms
on Looniearth. It is capable of encompassing every active member of the
Legion of Net.Heroes itself, with a long table with seats for all of them.
But, it only served to seat Lurker Lad, Limp-Asparagus Lad, Johnny Stomper,
Retcon Lad, Lipid-Artery Lad and Fourth Wall Lass. Across from them sat the
three 'prophets' of doom: Looniearth-B's Fan.Boy, Lord Vincent of Stomper,
and Lean-Apples Lad. Doctor Stomper and Fearless Leader stood at the foot of
the table. "OK, LNHers....We've been asked by the prophets here for help
combating some kind of cosmic entity plaguing the Looniverse of
Looniearth-B. I've been assigned to lead the team. Doctor Stomper...?" said
Fearless Leader, deputy leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes.

"OK, people. According to what the prophets say, a cosmic entity called the
Exponential Man is currently attempting to absorb the Looniearth-B's
Looniverse." Doctor Stomper paused, gathering his thoughts. The LNHers
assembled began to murmur. "Prophets...what can you tell us about what's

"I will do so, for it was on my Looniearth that the Exponential Man first
appeared." Lord Vincent spoke up. "I am of Looniearth-AA. The Exponential
Man materialised in a woodland protected by the Knights of Dvandom, a
shadow-being of human proportions. Our archimages traced his origins to this
Looniearth. Before we could realize what was happening, the Exponential Man
obliterated the woodland and the surrounding Kingdom of Sig.Ago, absorbing
it into himself...and he grew. The Knights of Dvandom were killed in the
blast. Only Sir Douglas the Swift-Footed escape, to warn the mages of
Stomper. Myself, and my nephew, Johnny marshalled the power of our greatest
mystics, and conjured a plot-hole, sending the Exponential Man out of our
Looniverse. But not before he had absorbed the other planets which encircle
our world...and the moon. He was immense."

"That's.....incredible." Lurker Lad murmured.

"Where did he go next?" Limp-Asparagus Lad asked.

"Directly to Looniearth-B?" Lipid-Arteries Lad asked, while gobbling down a
spare candy bar.
"No. He came to world." Lean-Apples Lad took the floor.
"He arrived as a humanoid sized-being as well, but this time, in the heart
of Nutropolis itself. Myself, and the other members of the Legion of Nutty
Heroes, were seriously depleted, many of our number killed, in the war with
the Relaxation Corps..."
"Research Lass mentioned that you said something about that war, when you
were last on this Looniearth." Lurker Lad noted.

"I take it this was all -after- the _Limp-Asparagus Lad of Two Earths_
adventure?" Limp-Asparagus Lad asked.

"_Limp-Asparagus Lad of Two Earths_? Wha?" Retcon Lad piped up, after being
largely silent. Fourth Wall Lass remained quiet.

"It was a never-posted adventure I had with Lipid, Lean-Apples Lad, and the
Limp-Asparagus Lad of Loo..."

"-AS- I was saying, we were depleted from the war, and were unable to stop
him. I escaped to the HQ of Dvandumb Forz, as Nutropolis was obliterated,
and the E-Man eventually destroyed my Looniearth...but I escaped into the
timestream. I presume he sucked up the whole Looniverse, as well."
Limp-Asparagus Lad almost said something, but Leany shot him a look of
death. "Then, I guess the E-Man head to Looniearth-B."

"Yeah...I headed into the timestream after the E-Man arrived in my
reality...though I'm not sure how much damage has been get help.
And then, the three of us were discovered by..."

" the torrents of time!" Vincent interjected.

"Pardon? Then what?" Fearless Leader asked, finally.

"We uh...discovered each other, learned each other's stories," Lean-Apples
Lad mumbled, "And decided to come here for help...since I'd met the
Net.Titans before, as well as Limp-Asparagus Lad, of course. And
Limp-Asparagus Lass, of Looniearth-B, had encountered the LNH as well."

"Limp-Asparagus LASS!?" Lurker Lad yelped at Limpy.

"NOT my counterpart. She's the daughter of my late counterpart on that
Looniearth." Limpy answered.

"Look, look. We're getting off-topic here, people. Now that we know a story,
we all pile into a Net.Thingee and get a move on...." Fearless Leader took
control of the situation. "So...let's go, LNHers!"

However, before a single costumed crusader could reach the corridor, the
doorway burst open, a tall figure standing in the way. His form cascaded
with low-level Kirbian energies (Nowhere near the intensity of Kid Kirby's
power.), and he was garbed in a Kirbian costume of light fabric. "Steve!"
Lurker Lad gaped at the figure. Everyone else turned to face our hero!


The LNH is famed throughout Looniearth-A, not only for their spectacular
heroics, property damage and spandex, but also for their amazing Thingee
technology. Such an example of this technology is the Net.Thingee, a
flight.thingee gimmicked up by Johnny Stomper and his uncle, Doctor Vincent
Stomper, to apply portals like those in _Sliders_ to move people from one
reality to another.

"We already to go, back there?" Retcon Lad called back into the cabin, from
the pilot's seat.

Back in the cabin, Lurker Lad replied, "Yup....all systems are ready and

"Is this such a good idea? Retcon Lad piloting?" Fearless Leader asked.

"It is the only logical course of action." Limp-Asparagus Lad got up,
walking over to the two. "His ability to retcon events can deflect any
attacks made on us as we shift between alt.ernate is
important that he realize before it happens, so that he can save us."

Fearless Leader nodded, glancing back at Lurker Lad. "I still don't get why
we should be bringing that weird-guy that just showed up, with us."

"He's my cousin, Steve. I don't know how he got those weird Kirbian-energy
powers, or why he now calls himself..."

"Ultra. Call me Ultra." Steve had straddled up to the trio. "We'd best get
underway. From what you've told me, it sounds like time is of the essence. I
will save my origin for an issue after this crossover."

"But you haven't said how...?" Lurker Lad began to say.

"As I said...a story for another time. Wouldn't want to disrupt the flow of
this crossover."

"Uh...right." Fearless Leader turned his head, and yelled into the cabin,
"OK, RLad....lets get going..."

"Um...excuse me...Limp-Asparagus Lad?" Fan.Boy had moved over to Limpy. "I
don't suppose you could autograph my book?"

Limpy looked at the book, and the pen. "Mustn't...can't..." Limpy tried
desperately to resist, and then took it in a sudden burst of energy,
signing. Returning the book, he maintained his utter dramalessness.

"Thank you..." Fan.Boy sang, treasuring the autograph.

As the Net.Thingee prepared to take off, the sound of Fan.Boy-B passing his
sorcerous autograph book to Lurker Lad was heard, Everyone else groaning at
the display of fanboyishness.


In the alt.ernate reality containing Looniearth-B, An infinitesimal meteor
shot through space, vanishing into the humanoid void that sat where the star
Sol-B once existed. The meteor dissolved into nothingness.

And Looniearth-B was gripped by a cold never seen before its published history.


BooBoo the Super-Orangu-tan from Dimension 8 sat up straight in his guest
quarters. His weak extra-sensory perception locked onto the Net.Thingee's
passage from one reality to the next, and he gasped. Carefully, he took out
some equipment, and began to set up an unusual hyperspatial transmat matrix.


Doc Stomper sat in the Monitor Room of LNHQ. He watched the screen as it
showed a shift in the space/time continuum. He mumbled to himself, as he
tapped on the computer screen. "Computer, make a note in the internal
archives...LNH strike force, along with prophets of doom, logged leaving
this reality at approximately 3 o' clock, Eastern Standard Time."

((Affirmative, Vincent Stomper, codenamed Doc Stomper. LNH Strike Force and
prophets of doom exited Looniearth-A's Looniverse at 3pm, EST. Destination?))


((Noted. Archive File Closed. What next?))

"Open a channel to the Cafeteria Kitchen."

((*Bzzt* Channel open.))

"Cheesecake-Eater Lad?"

(("Cheesecake-Eater Lad Speaking. Whatcha need, Doc?")) CE-Lad said over to

"*sigh*. I'm heading to the Rec.Lounge to see a couple episodes of the
Twilight Zone. I don't suppose you can get Delivery Dan to drop off some
Raspberry-and-Chocolate cheesecake, with gummi bears?"

(("Sure, sure. Kitchen out." *Bzzt* Channel closed.))


" this slab o' cheesecake up to the Rec.Lounge...Doc Stomper'll be
waiting." Cheesecake-Eater Lad explained, as he handed a plate holding a
hefty slice of cheesecake, to a thin-looking young man possessed of the
ugliest, gaudy, spandex costume. The costume had a variety of colours in it,
none of which really went together. 

"Um...sure, boss." Delivery Dan nodded to CE-Lad, taking the plate. "But,
why have me run it down? Doesn't the LNH already have, like, an Errand Boy,
or something...?"

"Probably...but, you can never have too many similarly-powered characters
running around, can ya? Lurker Lad, Lurking Girl, NetLurker, etc., are proof
of that."

"Um...uh-huh." Dan turned from the LNH Chef/Hero, and spoke into the headset
that was part of his costume. "Delivery Dan to F'd'x-1. Engage delivery
protocol #G23/9ZY/65... destination, LNHQ Rec.Lounge."

An electronic voice answered, [Affirmative, Delivery Dan.]. Orbiting Earth,
a satellite flew into alignment with LNHQ. Its onboard computer system went
about its usual business, with a minute subroutine engaging a
protocol...activating a subprogram.

Bizarre Teleportational fields erupted in the LNHQ kitchen, and Dan vanished
through a portal that closed behind him.


The Net.Thingee materialised in another world, another reality. "We're here,
people." Retcon Lad announced from the pilot's seat, and deftly flew the
group to the ground. "Net.Ropolis..B." The vehicle landed in front of an
immense building, the dimensions of which obviously matched LNHQ's own. But
the property, and building itself was covered with ice and snow, as were all
the buildings and ground, as far as the eye could see. The sky was dark and
not of a hint of sunlight was detectable.

The group quickly assembled outside of the vehicle, to find themselves faced
with a group of net.ahumans. "LNH...welcome." said the tallest of the bunch,
as Fan.Boy ran to the girl Limp-Asparagus Lad recognised as Limp-Asparagus
Lass. The two embraced. "I'm Hero Lad...leader of the League of Heroes!" 

"We suspected as much." Fearless Leader took point, stepping forward. "I'm
Fearless Leader."

Hero Lad nodded, and gestured to the other members of the League. "This is
Psi Girl ...Limp-Asparagus Lass....Fan.Boy, you know...Proto Kid, as well,
and Celestial Kid. There are several others, but most of them are on
missions. You probably want to know why its so cold."

Lurker Lad now stepped forward. "I was about to ask that, actually."

"It is because....the sun is gone!"

"Uh-oh." Lurker Lad mumbled. "How ominous..."


NEXT ISSUE: Part 3 of the startling Crisis on Looniearth-B! But first, watch
out for Limp-Asparagus Lad #34, for Part 2!


Lurker Lad, BooBoo, Delivery Dan, Kid Magic, Hero Lad, Celestial Kid, Proto
Kid, Psi Girl, the League of Heroes, Looniearth-B, Ultra, and Lord Vincent
Stomper owned by me.
Limp-Asparagus Lad, Lipid-Arteries Lad, Fourth-Wall Lass, and Retcon Lad
owned by Saxon Brenton.
The Exponential Man, Lean-Apples Lad and Limp-Asparagus Lass owned jointly
by Saxon Brenton and I.
Fan.Boy of Looniearth-B owned jointly by Jamas Enright and I.
Johnny Stomper owned by Josh Geurink.
Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Doc Stomper, Fearless Leader are public domain. 


Yeah...This is it, guys! Over a year of super-evil scheming, plotting, and
planning has come to fruitation..the first ever LNH/LofH crossover! And a
Lurker Lad/Limp-Asparagus Lad crossover, to boot! 

Its important to understand that the crossover, while still holding a core
than remains unchanged, has morphed a whole lot since we began...from the
use of the prophets, to the inclusion of Ultra (So that I can work on
setting up a couple future stories). So, thanks to Saxon for being able to
remember all of the LofH stuff I'd rather be swept under the carpet! 

Back to the Index.