Blue Light Productions presents

_Etc. House News And Notes_, posted 28th October 1996, signed off with: 
         Aaron, just realized that the LNH doesn't stick out their 
         tongues enough.
Well, we can't have _that_, now can we? :-)

Blue Light Productions presents:
Limp-Asparagus Lad #33
Be Vewy Vewy Quiet. I'm Hunting Alt.stralians.

Written by and copyright 1996 Saxon Brenton
Guest Art by S*rgio Ar*gones

Cover shows Subplot Lad standing in the foreground, with List Lad asking, 
"So. Is this the Century Pact tie-in, or the lead up to Crisis on 
Looniearth-B?", to which the bemused Subplot Lad goes, "Uh, well..."
  In the background are a number of people. These include Writers Block 
Woman and Lipid-Artery Lad glaring and poking their tongues at each 
other, each holding a can. WBW's is labelled 'Beetroot', while Lipid's 
says 'Red Beets'. Retcon Lad and Harris are casting worried looks at the 
Net.Elementalist. PC Person and Limp-Asparagus Lad cast suspicious looks 
at a group of political rabble rousers who are proclaiming, "We will save 
the world!". A man who looks like Doctor Stomper stands, pointing in 
exasperation to a gigantic white silhouette with humanoid form that looms 
over them all. The Stomper look-alike cries, "But how can you save the 
world when the Exponential Man's going to destroy us all?
  A discrete 'Century Pact: Phase 1' logo graces the bottom left corner, 
while a 'Crisis On Looniearth-B' logo sits at bottom right. The 'Blue 
Light Productions' logo sits at top left, with the 'Limp-Asparagus Lad' 
logo beside it on top centre.

[Continuity Note: This story actually takes place in continuity at 
about the time it's posted, roughly late October 1996. Scary. 
Furthermore, it also takes place at some point after _Writers Block 
Woman (and Co)_ #30, immediately after _Alt.Riders_ #3, more or less in 
parallel with the events on _Dvandom Force_ #73+, and concurrently with 
_Net.Titans_ #39. Problems with continuity that arise from this 
juxtaposition will be blamed on either Totally Stuffed Up Continuity 
Lad, or Easily Discovered Man Lite :-P  - Footnote Girl]

  Writers Block Woman picked up her cup of tea, took a sip, and paged 
forward the text on the computer screen she was perusing. She was 
reading through back issues of the Legion of Net.Heroes' archives.
  Very specific issues. This was not a recreational exercise.
  Opening splashpage: Writers Block Woman sitting at a computer terminal. 
She puts down her cup and peers intently at the screen. The title of the 
story is repeated in her word balloon as she mutters to herself, "Be Vewy 
Vewy Quiet. I'm Hunting Alt.stralians."
  The next page starts with a shot of WBW, chin cradled in her left hand 
reading thoughtfully. She was currently combing though the collected 
works of Limp-Asparagus Lad's Writer (which, mercifully, was not 
particularly large at the moment). This was because she was still worried 
about Cultural Cringe Boy.
  It had occurred to her that perhaps that sneaky Writer had dropped 
clues as to the identity of the threatened arrival of CCB. That idea 
had set her off on a new path in her search to unmask and deal with this 
horrid threat.
  Hmm, strange how a supposed omniscient like the Drizzt had not been 
able to tell her anything about him. [_Writers Block Woman (and Mouse)_ 
#23 - Footnote Girl] Perhaps she should have induced Mouse to include 
the Drizzt as one of her substitute sidekicks. Then she would have been 
able to properly motivate the cosmic entity with persistent inquiries. Oh 
well, no use crying over spilt milk; the Drizzt was probably half way 
through the Delta Quadrant by now, and there was work to be done.
  She pages forward again, reading _Limp-Asparagus Lad_ in reverse 
numerical order. Somewhere. Somewhere...
  Writers Block Woman shot upright and flipped back a page as something 
registered. It wasn't obvious, but reading between the lines... She read 
through the text again, carefully. Her eyes narrowed and she let out a 
hiss of triumph. So. Trying to sneak one past her, eh? Well hah, thought 
WBW, poking her tongue out at the screen.
  She stood up and turned on the printer, then made a hardcopy of #16. 
Then she stalked out to confront the viper at the Legion's heart.

  Subplot Lad walked into the TV Room. A number of Legionnaires were 
there, watching the news. They seemed to be currently watching a repeat 
of the bulletin from _Alt.Riders_ #3.
  "...and in international news, has instigated a surprising 
policy, a complete banning of all superhero activity. Any superhero 
action will be met with the most strongest of resistance from local 
forces, their military claims. 
  "Sources say that this may be due to the damage caused to the city 
of Bit.lin when the Alt.Riders member, the Net.Elementalist, fought a 
supervillain, resulting in the destruction of four city blocks, and also 
including several other buildings, including the hospital where the 
Net.Elementalist was taken to recover after being dropped on the 
autobahn. The sources state that the Net.Elementalist called the 
supervillain, Lagneto, leader of the Brotherhood of Net.Villains to the 
city for a rematch, thereby directly initiating the carnage that followed.
  "The Alt.Riders were unreachable for comment, but the Ultimate 
Ninja, leader of the controversial Legion of Net.Heroes, issued a 
statement disavowing any responsibility for the Alt.Riders. He said: 'Let 
them be buried by their own messes.' The LNH has offered aide to the 
Germans, but have received no response. The LNH also said that they will 
obey the superhero restriction, other than assisting in this case, but 
only if asked.
  "And on the international market, cheesecake still proves to be a 
valuable commodity..." 
  Retcon Lad slumped back in his chair. "Oh Geez Barry. What've you gone 
and done _this_ time?" He looked at Harris. "This just isn't him."
  "Well, I don't know," offered Fourth Wall Lass. "I mean, he's always 
been a fun enough guy when he's in a good mood... You know, getting 
people's autograph's and stuff. But he has got a reputation for being 
badass if you cross him."
  Retcon Lad and Harris just stared at her, incredulity etched in every 
line of their faces. Then RLad sighed and muttered, "It's the Ghosts."
  "Pardon?" she asked.
  "The Ghosts of Christmas Pudding," explained RLad. "No, FaWL, he's 
not like that. Trust me, it's a retcon he's been stuck with ever since 
the Christmas Annual." He slammed a fist into a cupped palm. "Damn! 
They've gotten him after all. They've gone and made him into a 
grim'n'gritty(tm) character."
  Harris pushed up his glasses. <"Well, at least he's not a mutant,"> he 
observed. [Rendered into English from Kiwish by translator.thingee - 
Footnote Girl]
  Retcon Lad looked at the green kiwi bird sharply. "What's that supposed 
to mean?"
  <"Don't get so touchy! I mean, it'd be worse if he was a mutant. He'd 
probably contract Wolverine's Disease or something.">
  Retcon Lad shuddered and stuck out his tongue in distaste at the 
thought, as did many of the others. Wolverine's Disease. The dreaded 
affliction that turned perfectly innocent comic book characters into 
raving psycho killer vigilantees who talked to themselves in voice-overs. 
Mutants in particular were vulnerable to the loathsome condition, due 
to their genetic predisposition towards angst. Panta has contracted it 
once, and only the efforts of Lost Cause Boy had saved her before 
permanent harm had been done. [_Integrity Quest_ part 8 - Footnote Girl]
  Across the room Parsifal shifted his weight in his chair. The canidoid 
had been quiet for the time he'd been sitting with them, and there was 
the ever-present sense of him holding himself apart. Now he spoke up to 
ask a question. "This Net.Elementalist, he may be being manipulated then?"
  "That's a difficult question," answered Politically Correct Person. 
"There are a lot of different factors that can affect someone. Many of 
them turn up at some time or another to affect net.heroes." PCP paused, 
then added somewhat apologetically, "It adds drama to out stories."
  Parsifal nodded, slightly bemused but no longer confused. The idea 
of being a fictional character was new to him, but this was probably 
for the best. He had arrived in the Looniverse during Leftovers, a 
refugee from the Net.zi dominated timeline known as Net.Earth-X, and 
Net.ernity only knows what Hitler's goosebumpsteppers would have gotten 
up to if they'd known about the fourth wall.
  Parsifal had, however, demonstrated a desire to _know_, and with this 
in mind PC Person didactically continued. "Generally they can be divided 
into out-and-out mind control and Darkening.
  "The first is the easiest to deal with, since when the outside 
influence is removed there is an abrogation of personal responsibility. 
The person affected wasn't in control of hir actions, and so anything 
done wasn't hir fault. Darkening, however, is where someone's personality 
moves towards a more cynical, less social perspective, often accompanied 
by a tendency towards increased violence."
  Seated next to PC Person, Limp-Asparagus Lad could sense the care with 
which the Person of Social Equity was picking hir words. Parsifal, of 
course, was still somewhat sensitive to the issue of personal 
responsibility, and to L-ALad it spoke volumes that the normally 
outspoken PC Person was trying to present the two possibilities as 
neutrally as possible and leave hir audience to choose.
  It never occurred to Limp-Asparagus Lad that at least some of PC 
Person's exposition was not just making comparisons analogous to 
Parsifal's or the Net.Elementalist's position, but that of Limp-Asparagus 
Lad as well.
  Parsifal considered all this, then carefully asked, "Which one do you 
think it might be then?"
  Retcon Lad shifted uncomfortably before answering. "It more or less 
has to be the latter, from what he told me the Ghosts had been up to. 
And, thinking about it, I can see some changes in behaviour..."
  "Retcon Lad has some abilities for remembering both versions of a 
retconned event," Limp-Asparagus Lad explained in a monotone when 
Parsifal frowned in puzzlement.
  "Still, at least they're only _some_ changes," conceded Fourth Wall 
Lass. "I mean, I still remember him being a fun guy. Goofy, even. Like, 
uh, do you guys recall the time wReam finally posted _Ultimate Ninja_ 
  The panel began to go all wavy. Parsifal sighed. "What is it this time?"
  <"A flashback,"> replied Harris. <"Pay attention,"> he advised. 
<"They're usually put in for a reason.">
  "Although it's probably just for the Writer to show off again..." 
Limp-Asparagus Lad added blandly as the scene broke up entirely.

  Cheesecake-Eater Lad wandered down the LNHQ hallway, glad to finally 
have the proper Ultimate Ninja back, and not looking where he was 
walking. It was due to this that he tripped over something, and barely 
stopped himself from splatting onto the floor.
  When he regained his balance, he looked down to see a small hole in 
the concrete floor. Glancing around, he saw other holes, all down the 
  His puzzlement increased when he looked up and saw bigger holes in the 
ceiling. "What the?" Was this some new form of attack?
  He followed the trail, and entered the cafeteria, where things were 
even more confusing.
  Holes led CEL's gaze to one of the lights hanging down from the 
ceiling, and, more specifically, to the person hanging own from it. His 
cape had caught on the lightshade, and now the LNHer was slowly spinning 
  As the body tuned towards him CEL recognised the outfit as that of 
Fan.Boy, who sported a rather inane grin on his face. What he didn't 
recognise was why Fan.Boy was hanging of a light. Did the rest of the 
LNHers finally get sick of him?
  CEL then noticed other LNHers grouped below him. He sighted Doctor 
Stomper, and moved over to him.
  "What's going on?"
  "Well, you know that _Ultimate Ninja 15_ just got posted..."
  Doc Stomper shrugged. "He's a fan. You have any idea how long he's been 
waiting for that issue? He came bouncing in here, hitting the ceiling and 
crashing into the floor, before getting his cape caught on the light. 
We're just trying to work out how to get him down."
  CEL could hear Fan.Boy murmuring, "Joy. Joy. Joy."
  CEL shook his head. "Geez. I'd hate to see what happens if another 
_Kid Kirby and Sing-Along Lass_ comes out."
  He joined the others in attempting to calm Fan.Boy down.

  Parsifal blinked as he regained awareness of his surroundings. He must 
be getting used to this sort of thing. He focused his mind back onto 
the subject at hand. "Well, if he's been... 'retconned', then can't you 
just 'retcon' him back to normal?"
  "Uh, well. Nope," admitted Retcon Lad candidly. "My powers do too much 
damage if I'm affecting a big thing, or one back in the past aways. And 
as I recall, the Net.Elementalist said the Ghosts had been working at 
him from the day he arrived in the Looniverse."
  [_Fan.Boy Annual_ #1 - Footnote Girl]
  <"Yeah. So he sticks to the little things, like finding 
translator.thingees for kiwis,"> Harris teased. He rolled his eyes. <"I 
mean, what would Gamer Boy think?">
  "Oh, shut up you," RLad  replied in mock anger. "You're not in a 
position to complain."
  They went back to watching the TV, but Retcon Lad was thoughtful. Was 
there a way to make changes with his power without stretching the already 
far too thin fabric of the Looniverse's reality? Well, no. Probably not.
  But there might be a way to do something similar by another means. It 
wasn't an effect that was used much in comic book universes, but it did 
turn up quite a lot in the role playing game universes.
  Retcon Lad smiled. It was a good thing that skills could be developed 
so quickly in RPGs. It was also good that both comic book and RPG 
universes tended to be such eclectically constructed things: it made 
transportability of ideas between them relatively easy. He should be 
able to quickly develop the abilities he needed for what he had in mind. 
Of course, there were limits on those sort of powers that were almost 
as strict as his current mutant powers. If what he had in mind worked 
then he would be only able to work Changes for truly worthwhile causes, 
but this didn't worry him to much. Miracles did happen.
  Across the room Subplot Lad cocked his head to one side, as if 
listening to something. Then he got up and walked out. He could feel 
another subplot coming on-line, somewhere in the cafeteria from the feel 
of it.

  Lord Vincent Stopper, the Eldrich Explainer of Looniearth-AA, wandered 
through the halls of the LNHQ. He and his two companions, Lean-Apples 
Lad of Looniearth-Irritation and Fan.Boy from Looniearth-B, had arrived 
just minutes ago [_Net.Titans_ #38 - Footnote Girl] and had then split 
up in order to try to find help. Limp-Asparagus Lad or the Net.Titans, 
Lean-Apples Lad had suggested. But as it was he was hard pressed to find 
_anyone_. Perhaps he should cast a scrying spell...
  Then he caught sight of a costumed woman up ahead, striding across a 
side corridor. He hurried to catch up with her, but by the time he had 
reached the intersection, she was gone. In frustration he poked out his 
tongue. This just wasn't working.
  Further along the corridor, in a state of absolute fury at what Doctor 
Stomper had said to her in _Net.Titans_ #39, Research Lass stormed along 
oblivious to almost everything until she came across Linguist Lass.
  "MEN! I am NOT taking that speed-feeb Kid Quickclick with us... NOT 
in a million YEARS!" RLass snarled before vanishing down the corridor.

  Subplot Lad arrived in the cafeteria just in time to see Writers Block 
Woman enter and call for quiet. The room fell silent as the various 
LNHers turned to look at her, wondering what was up _this_ time. "Ladies 
and gentlemen, I have uncovered details to the identity of Cultural 
Cringe Boy," she announced.
  A number of Legionnaires rolled their eyes at her continued obsession 
with the subject.
  "So #@&*in' don't keep us in $!%#in' suspense," groused Innovative 
Offence Boy. "Who the %@+# is it?"
  Writers Block Woman pointed dramatically at Lipid-Artery Lad. "Him!"
  "Who? Me!?" exclaimed the very surprised Oddball LNHer.
  "Do you deny it?" she interrogated.
  "Uh, well, no..."
  "But I don't even know what my real name is, let alone my origin or 
nationality. I could be anything! Hmm," he mused speculatively, then 
tried some sample dialogue, " 'I'll chuck a shrimp on the barbie for 
you'." He shook his head. "I think it'd need practice." Then, with great 
curiosity he looked at WBW. "What makes you think I'm an Alt.stralian?"
  "Beetroot!" WBW exclaimed, pointing a finger with melodrama.
  "Beetroot?" asked the assembled Legionnaires as one.
  "Yes! Beetroot!" affirmed Writers Block Woman.
  "What's beetroot?" someone asked.
  "My point precisely!" replied WBW. She turned on Lipid, "In the 
Culinary Disasters issue of this series you gave yourself away with the 
following statement: 'Takeaway burgers just aren't ever dribbly enough. 
Nowhere near enough beetroot, tomatoes an' sauce.' " She glared at the 
Oddballer. "If you were an like Limp-Asparagus Lad, you would 
have said _red beets_!"
  There was a murmur among the LNHers; it seemed they were divided on 
the issue. A reactionary few, such as Happy-To-Persecute-People-Just-
Like-In-Ditko-Stories Man, would join in any attempt to belittle anyone 
on any ground whatsoever, and indeed it was from this group that Self-
Righteous Preacher drew much of his authority in his ongoing crusade 
against Panta.
  Others, however, were not quite so redneck, and found the accusation 
to be more than a little bit silly. "That's rather slim evidence, WBW," 
pointed out Fearless Leader. "It could be just a simple dialogue error."
  "Correct," said a female voice. The LNHers turned to discover Louise 
'Wheezie' Alt.Comics.LNH, the Continuity Cop of the Looniverse. She had 
a disc-like body with the LNH logo on it, and was holding a clipboard 
in her stick figure hands. "And if there's any chance of it being an 
error, it has to be investigated," Wheezie stated firmly. She looked 
around. "All right people, let's get on with this. I'm running behind 
schedule as is."
  Perhaps too eagerly, Writers Block Woman asked, "And what happens if 
it's not an error?"
  Wheezie looked at WBW. "If it turns out he really is an Alt.stralian, 
then it becomes an internal matter for the LNH. I'm only interested in 
discontinuities. But at least the matter will be confirmed one way or 
  Writers Block Woman nodded thoughtfully. It was not quite what she'd 
hoped for, but it was a good enough starting point.
  "How do you plan to find out the truth of the matter?" Fearless Leader 
  "I plan to cut to the heart of the matter," Wheezie replied. "I'll 
ask the Writer what his intention had been when he wrote that scene." 
With that she issues a Cosmic Summons (or is that a Comic Book Summons?) 
and a slightly overweight man in his late 20s appeared in the LNHQ 
cafeteria. He had short brown hair and eyes a washed-out green colour.
  "Something wrong?" Saxon asked, a bit bemused.
  "Possibly," replied Wheezie. "I need you to answer some questions in 
order to clear up a bone of contention."
  The Writer shrugged. "Okay."
  Wheezie continued. "It's alleged that in this issue of _Limp-Asparagus 
Lad_," and here she held up WBW's hardcopy of #16, "that the dialogue 
of Lipid-Artery Lad could be construed as being that of an Alt.stralian, 
rather than an as he should be if he were a true counterpart 
of Limp-Asparagus Lad."
  The Writer looked at the printout. "Oh yeah. The Culinary Disasters 
issue. Well, keep in mind that the Oddballers aren't the exact counter-
parts of the LNHers, any more than all of the Golden Age heroes of 
Earth-2 were exact duplicates of their Earth-1 counterparts. So it's 
false logic to assume that Lipid has to be an like Limpy." 
As Saxon said this Lipid leaned forward, a look of eagerness on his face. 
"But, in this case, no, I hadn't intended for Lipid to be an 
Alt.stralian." He looked at WBW, in the process missing the way Lipid's 
face fell, "If it's any help Writer Block Woman, Cultural Cringe Boy 
will be a totally new character."
  "Hmf," hmfed WBW. She crossed her arms, clearly miffed.
  Saxon shrugged and turned back to Wheezie. "I simply didn't know 
exactly what red beets were until several months later when I was doing 
research for the first two issues of _Antipodean Antics_. Only then did 
I realise they were the same thing. Is that a specific enough answer 
for you?"
  "It'll do," she said, writing on her clipboard.
  "Fine then, so if there's nothing else..." Then he caught sight of 
Lipid's morose expression. Thinking quickly, he asked Wheezie, 
"Nevertheless, maybe we could just patch it with a retcon and say he 
always was an Alt.stralian anyway?"
  Writers Block Woman stared at him in horror, while Lipid's face took 
on a look of wild hope. "Yes! Oh please!"
  Writers Block Woman rounded on Lipid. "Why in the world would you 
want to be an Alt.stralian?" she demanded, spitting out the last word 
as if it tasted bad.
  "I don't _care_ what nationality it is," exclaimed Lipid. "The 
important thing is that it's a start! If I work hard at it, it may even 
develop into a Secret Origin. One day I may even get a real name!"
  Writers Block Woman gave him a sour look. "You're _depraved_," she 
accused, and stomped off.
  Lipid poked his tongue out at her as she left.
  Wheezie, meanwhile, looked dubious. "Do you remember the last time 
a Writer made a mistake and tied to backtrack with a retcon?" she asked 
  The Legionnaires and the Writer collectively shook their heads.
  [_Refugees of Net.ropolis_ #s 6.5 and 6.9] supplied Footnote Girl from 
the other side of the room.
  The Legionnaires stared in horror as this fact sunk in. Old Comics Man, 
who had been in those issues, put his head in his hands, stuck out his 
tongue, and grumbled, "We're up to our necks in it this time, yessiree. 
In my day we didn't worry about all this continuity stuff and just went 
around fighting Mad Scientists with death rays, even if they were trying 
to kill Chris Gumprich. Nowadays people get all uptight about it and go 
crazy at the drop of a hat..."
  "Okay people, hold it. Stop picking on Abhay," called Saxon. "The 
Legion of Net.Heroes has a long and noble history of creative silliness, 
and he was just trying a little too hard to live up to standards. Just 
leave off." He looked at Wheezie. "Is there any reason why I can't retcon 
_my_ slip up?"
  She shrugged. "No definitive reason. Is it going to affect long term 
plot development?"
  "No." He cast a look at Lipid, decided that it wouldn't matter whether 
or not this particular future plan was known or not, and said, "I know 
what his origin is, and nationality doesn't matter. It needs to be in 
a country that's fallen into the clutches of multinational fast-food 
conglomerates, but that could be almost anywhere in the world. Even 
the French haven't been completely successful in holding off fast-food 
  Wheezie nodded and noted this down on her clipboard too, as did List 
Lad among the crowd of LNHers. With the issue settled, most of the 
Legionnaires went back to there lunch. Lipid, meanwhile, was in a state 
of almost hysterical glee. "I get an Origin!?"
  "Yes," the Writer confirmed. "Just don't get yourself worked up about 
it. It's still a long way off. There's still a lot that I want to write 
first. But look, in the meantime, I don't want this Alt.stralian thing 
to go to your head, okay?"
  "What do you mean?"
  "When people think about other countries, they generally think in 
cliches. Most people's perceptions of Australia are clouded by Paul 
Hogan. Geez." He stuck out his tongue in embarrassment.
  Slightly calmer now, Lipid shrewdly said, "An' that's why Cultural 
Cringe Boy's coming?"
  "You got it. Anyway, what I'm saying is, just be yourself. Don't go 
acting like a stereotype or anything. And especially don't go out of 
your way to antagonise Writers Block Woman. I'm not a hundred percent 
sure why she's got her spandex in a twist, but I think it's because 
Net.Zealanders and Alt.stralians are really quite similar. They're kind 
of like siblings who are sometimes too similar to get along all the time, 
and when other people get them mixed up they get cranky because they 
feel their self identity is being undermined. You get what I'm saying?"
  Saxon nodded. "Good. Well, I'd better be off. Take care Lipid."
  "Yeah. You too. Oh! Hold up. One more thing."
  "Bahhh!" went the dozens of Legionnaires in the cafeteria, poking 
their tongues out at the Writer and pulling down their left eye-lids.
  "Oh. Good," he said, pleased but somewhat bemused. "Rampant silliness. 
Keep up the good work guys."

  Subplot Lad left the cafeteria. Well, that was one subplot, certainly. 
But it was not the one he could feel building. He looked around, feeling 
with senses attuned to subplots. The Foyer? Yes, the Foyer, it felt like.
  He went to the Foyer and found a thin man in spandex who he didn't 
recognise looking around in bemusement and frustration. This newcomer 
looked, in fact, like he was about to start sticking his tongue out. 
  "Hello," said Subplot Lad. "Can I help you?"
  The newcomer looked at Subplot Lad with relief. "I certainly hope so," 
he replied in a somewhat nasal voice. "I'm looking for the Legion of 
Net.Heroes. Limp-Asparagus Lad or the Net.Titans, preferably, but at 
the moment _any_ of them will do."
  "Well, I'm Subplot Lad. Just about everybody else is busy just at the 
moment. What's the problem?"
  The other looked somewhat frustrated again, but said. "My name is 
Lean-Apples Lad. I'm one of three people sent by a Mysterious Figure 
to warn you of the imminent arrival of the Exponential Man."
  Subplot Lad recognised the first name. He was supposed to be another 
one of Limp-Asparagus Lad's counterparts from another Looniearth, and 
who had supposedly escaped his world just before some catastrophe 
overtook it. [_Kid Mysticism and the Net.Titans_ #18 - Footnote Girl] 
He didn't recognise the second name, though. "Uh, okay. Who, precisely, 
is the Exponential Man?"
  "He's this humanoid figure that appeared in space in my looniverse. He 
looks kind of like a human-shaped white space. A void in anthro-
pomorphic form. Anyway, he began sucking up matter and energy and began 
to grow. Eventually it became clear he'd eat the entire solar system."
  "What happened?"
  Lean-Apples Lad frowned irritably at the memory. "The Relaxation Corps 
and the League of Nutty Heroes went to war over how to deal with him. 
They actually did more damage than the E-Man did. Up until the moment 
he consumed Earth-Irritation, of course. I got out just before then.
  "Anyway, I came here via Ultimate Cringa's Cowardly Transmat. But 
just a few hours ago I got scooped up by this Mysterious Figure, who 
nabbed two other people as well. He told us that the E-Man had eaten 
my looniverse, and several others as well, and he was on his way here. 
Supposedly his next stop will be Looniearth-B, and if he's not stopped 
there, he'll be unbeatable. We're supposed to get help for Looniearth-B."
  Subplot Lad was staring. "But he can be stopped, can he?"
  "Oh yes. Apparently the mages of Looniearth-AA sent him off packing." 
Lean-Apples Lad looked thoughtful. "We'd better ask Lord Vincent exactly 
how they did that. It'll probably be useful."
  Subplot Lad sighed. Great. A Cosmic adventure, and thanks to his powers 
the closest he'd be able to come to participating in it would be to 
introduce this guy to the rest of the Legion to hear his story, then 
wave bye-bye to them as they all went off to Save The Worlds. "Come on," 
he said. "The rest of the guys are this way."

  Back in the TV Room the news continued.
  "...and a group calling itself the New American Order held a rally in 
Net.ropolis. Campaigning on Law and Order issues, they drew several 
thousand people."
  The soundbyte cut in with a man in suit eschewing presidential 
presentation in favour of sound-and-fury rabble rousing: "...where the 
streets are not safe! Monsters like this George Farnsworth shouldn't 
just be put away! Hard labour's too good for them! The current 
administration limp-wristed handling of society's safety is a disgrace! 
Well, _we_ believe that there should be tougher measures taken against 
these degenerates, and we promise to implement them by the turn of the 
  "You know," said the Incredible Man With No Life, "I've noticed a lot 
of groups making claims like that recently. Including the ones that 
aren't partisan." [For example, in _Dvandom Force_ #73 - Footnote Girl]
  "It's just millenialism," PC Person opined, somewhat irritably. 
"People think that just because a year is a type of anniversary that it's 
special, and a reason to make extra efforts. If people were properly 
civic-minded they would make the effort all the time."
  Through all this Limp-Asparagus Lad observed warily.  .oO(Watching 
these groups make their ill-defined promises, I cannot help but get a 
feeling of unease,) he thought.  .oO(I wonder, does every other net.hero 
have the same sense of foreboding about this that I do?)

  Well, gosh Limp-Asparagus Lad, I don't know. I guess we should all 
go and read a net.comic that _actually has something to do with the 
Century Pact_ in order to find out.

Next Issue:
  Crisis on Looniearth-B. A crossover with _Lurker Lad_ #4 (though I'm 
still not sure which issue will come first...)
  Then, probably another issue that has only tenuous relevance to the 
Century Pact. :-P

Character Credits:
  Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Doctor Stomper, Fearless Leader, Incredible Man 
With No Life, Innovative Offence Boy, List Lad, Old Comics Man, 
Politically Correct Person, and Wheezie Alt.Comics.LNH are Public Domain.
  Fan.Boy (now the Net.Elementalist) created by Jamas Enright.
  Fourth Wall Lass, Lipid-Artery Lad, Parsifal, Retcon Lad, and Subplot 
Lad created by Saxon Brenton.
  Harris created by Saxon Brenton and owned (as are all the Looniverse's 
kiwis) by Descri (Ian Porell).
  Limp-Asparagus Lad owned by Saxon Brenton, created by Mystic 
Mongoose (Robert Armstrong) and wReam (Ray Bingham (Chaos and Entropy 
  Lean-Apples Lad, Lord Vincent Stomper, and Research Lass created by 
Ben Rawluk.
  Linguist Lass owned by Ben Rawluk and created by Martin Phipps.
  Writers Block Woman created by Jaelle (Jessica-Ihimaera Smiler).

All characters copyright and tm 1996 their owners and/or creators.

Add Notes:
  Hmm. Another issue where the title character made only a token 
appearance. Oh well.
  The flashback was indeed posted by Jamas immediately after the 
release of _UN_ #15.
  Research Lass' dialogue lifted more or less as shown from 
_Net.Titans_ #39.
  The Century Pact was concocted by Dvandom (Dave Van Domelon).
  Inspiration for choreographed tongue poking from Aaron :-P
  Additionally, Jamas wants it made perfectly clear that he does not 
approve of my remarks about similarities between Alt.stralians and 
Net.Zealanders. Jaelle's only comment was that I'd better not let 
Writers Block Woman read them.

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