Blue Light Productions presents:

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       [The cover has Fan.Boy and Deductive Logic Man staring at 
        something below the bottom of the cover. They are front lit, 
        and have expressions of shock on their faces. Behind them is 
	the vague shape of a laboratory.]


Kid Recap: In case everyone is confused by now, I'll just skim over the 
        details. Hey, I want to the see the two Pantas.
           In _Fan.Boy #7_, Fan.Boy and Panta went to the beach. Fan.Boy 
        discovered that Panta wasn't all that she seemed, and brought her 
	back to the LNHQ.
           Meanwhile, in _Tales of the LNH #332_, Panta got up, fought with 
        a Mecha-Spider, and met Panta, who was with Fan.Boy, while going 
           Deductive Logic Man and Fan.Boy convinced the Pantas they wanted 
        a medical checkup, and we now join them outside the Sickbay.


In the LNHQ, Fan.Boy and Deductive Logic Man were standing outside the Sick 
Bay, talking. They had been shooed out of the Sick Bay by Organic Lass, 
so she could run some tests on the Pantas that DLM and F.B had brought her.
        "What do we do if Organic Lass can't tell?" Fan.Boy asked.
        Deductive Logic Man shrugged. "We could always resort to asking 
them questions, hoping that one of them will slip up."
        "I don't think so. All the others have been perfect imitations."
        "What others?" DLM asked sharply.
        "I've been checking my past stories. It seems that this 'morph 
has been several people, all being them perfectly, down to exactly the 
same personality."
        "Any clues to its origin?"
        "Lessee. The first time it changed it was Contraption Man. He 
came back to the LNH in _LNH Comics Presents #25_. There was a comment 
at the end about some woman in"

        DLM blinked. Wow. With Fan.Boy putting the comic titles in 
underscores and actually pronouncing the full stops in city names, this 
was going to take a while. Still, with his ability to read past stories, 
it should be somewhat easier to get information.
        "Any other comics refer to"
        "There's the other series my author writes. _Elsewheres_. Goes 
on a bit about some angsting guy called the Phantom Walker, the Queen 
Bee and Queen Enterprises."
        "The Ultimate Ninja said that the Queen had been killed."
        Fan.Boy shook his head. "Nope. Seems that a clone was involved."
        Deductive Logic Man sighed. "I think you better start at the 
beginning and tell me everything you know."
        And so Fan.Boy did.


The door to the Sick Bay finally opened, and Organic Lass led a Panta 
out. This Panta was looking rather happy with herself. Her tail was 
waving about, and she had a large grin on her furry face. Deductive Logic 
Man and Fan.Boy went inside to see a Panta still sitting on a medical bed. 
Organic Lass came back in.
        "It wasn't easy," she said. "But I was finally able to tell."
        Deductive Logic Man nodded. "Unstability. On the molecular level."
        Organic Lass looked at DLM in surprise. "Yes, but how..."
        DLM indicated Fan.Boy, who was standing beside him. "He was able 
to tell me. At least, he gave me enough clues to work it out for 
myself." He drew Organic Lass off to one side. "I'd like you to check 
something for me, if you would."
        As they went to the medical computer, Fan.Boy walked over to 
Panta and sat down beside her.
        "What happens now?" she asked.
        "What do you mean?"
        "I'm an imposter. I'm not real." Her tail lay limp on the bed.
        Fan.Boy took her hand. He could feel her claws digging into his 
hand. "I will always love you. Whoever you are," he said, feeling a lump 
rise in his throat.
        The look of happiness on Panta's face made him blush.
        The next sound he was aware of was a hiss. He looked up to see 
Organic Lass injecting Panta with something. Panta's eyes slowly closed, 
and she slumped against Fan.Boy.
        Fan.Boy was shocked. "What did you do to her?"
        "Just a sedative," Organic Lass replied.
        Fan.Boy looked up and saw the faces of Deductive Logic Man and 
Organic Lass, both looking not unkindly at him.
        "You know what's going on, don't you?" he challenged.
        "Yes," replied DLM. "It's time for a trip to"
        Organic Lass gasped, bringing their attention back to Panta's 
        What used to be Panta's body. It blurred, changed, whitened. 
What was left was an albino body, with a hint of the vestiges of a 
mouth, ears and eyes.
        "This must be the base structure. The template," breathed 
Organic Lass in awe.
        However, the body changed again, lengthening, becoming someone else.
        "It must change during sleep," informed Organic Lass.
        "Usually," inserted DLM.
        The final product wore a completely white outfit. "Squeaky 
Clean," said Fan.Boy.
        Another blur. "Token Girl," sand DLM.
        The changes were quickening. Blur. "Warbabe?"
        Blur. "LAGNETO!?" said Organic Lass, thrown by this latest 
        "What? Villains as well? What has she been doing?" asked 
Deductive Logic Man, mostly to himself.
        Blur. "Tsar Chasm."
        "Why is this happening?" asked Fan.Boy. "Why all these changes 
        Organic Lass ran her fingers through her hair. "Perhaps the body 
is allergic to something in the sedative," she ventured.
        "Change it quickly," said DLM.
        While Organic Lass prepared another injection, there was another 
change. "Wha? Still Tsar Chasm?" said Fan.Boy.
        DLM smiled. "Obviously she didn't know that Kid G was Tsar Chasm."
        Organic Lass inject the body with something different. A final 
change occurred, this time lasting longer. The body of Hellary lay on the 
medical bed.
        "Come on, Fan.Boy," said DLM, pulling at him. "We'd better get 
to a flight.thingee quickly."


[The comic now switches to a black and white colour scheme.]

The flight.thingee flew in towards the tallest building in It circled once or twice before landing on the roof. Two 
figures got out and looked around. A door opened, and someone dressed 
in uniform came out of a lift that had arrived. He motioned for the two 
arrivals to enter the lift, which they did.
        As they descended, Deductive Logic Man considered what he had 
learnt. While flying here, he had spent the time on the flight.thingee's 
computer, accessing the 'net for information on Queen Enterprises. This 
had meant that Fan.Boy was left driving, but DLM was wise enough to set 
the automatic pilot before takeoff.
        One thing he had learnt was that Queen Enterprises was always 
accessible to any who came to it. Most likely they had picked up the 
flight.thingee on some kind of radar, and sent the guard up when it came 
near the roof. Still, that was rather considerate of them.
        The lift doors opened and the guard stepped out. "If you 
wouldn't mind, sirs, please come this way. Mr. Robert Discumby is 
expecting you." He lead the way, and DLM and Fan.Boy followed, Fan.Boy 
constantly looking around at the expensive furnishings applied to just a 
        They were shown into what seemed to be a plush waiting room. 
Suitably stuffed chairs and loungers were available, and there was even a 
small kitchenette off to one side. DLM sat down in one of the chairs and 
flipped idly through some magazines that had congregated on a nearby 
table. Fan.Boy wandered around the room, staring at the paintings and 
plot plants that decorated it.
        "Who's this Robert Discumby?" Fan.Boy asked while he walked.
        "He's in charge of Public Relations," replied DLM. "He's usually 
the one to contact for any obvious dealings with Queen Enterprises."
        "And now he just so happens to be ready for us?"
        "When they found out that a flight.thingee was landing, I expect 
that they decided that the LNH was due some immediate personal 
attention," said DLM, smiling slightly.
        "Robert Discumby. Robert Discumby. Reminds me of something," 
Fan.Boy muttered.
        "Perhaps it was something you read recently," said DLM, leaning 
backwards and molding his back to the chair.
        Further musings were lost when a medium-sized man with fair 
curly hair entered the room. "Hello," he said, stretching out a hand 
towards DLM. "It's not often that we get a visit from the esteemed Legion 
of Net.Heroes. What brings you this time?"
        "We're here on the behalf of the Ultimate Ninja," said DLM, ignoring 
Fan.Boy gasp of surprise. "Recently, a being arrived at Legion 
Headquarters, a polymorph. We have reason to believe that it came from 
        "Why, certainly. In fact, if I remember properly, I think the 
the Queen, herself, sent a letter along with It-Star -"
        "It-Star?" interrupted DLM.
        "What we call the 'morph," replied Discumby. "Anyway, that 
should cover all you know."
        "Well, we would like to know some more," said DLM. "For example, 
how did you create such a creature? Where did you get the genetic tissue 
        "Ah, well, I'm just a front man. I can't really provide you with 
that sort of information."
        "Well, then, perhaps you could lead us to someone who can."
        Discumby started to look apprehensive. He began to back away. 
"Perhaps I could find someone to help you. I'll be back in a moment." He 
ducked out a side door.
        "Well, that was short," said Deductive Logic Man.
        "What do you mean, 'We're here on behalf of the Ultimate 
Ninja'?" asked Fan.Boy.
        DLM raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you ever heard of a bluff?"
        Fan.Boy looked down at the floor. "Yes. Of course."
        DLM stood in the middle of the room, looking pointedly at his 
watch, tapping his foot, and scanning the walls. Fan.Boy followed his 
gaze and looked at the walls, but could find nothing of interest. He 
heard DLM mutter to himself "There, there and... there."
        "What?" he whispered to DLM.
        DLM shrugged. "We're being monitored. I was just looking for the 
        Fan.Boy looked surprise. "Did you need to say that so loud?"
        "Oh, I don't doubt that this place is well wired, either," 
replied DLM. He checked his watch for a final time. "Five minutes. 
Time's up. Let's go hunting and see how long it takes to annoy them."
        He strode towards the door Discumby left by. Fan.Boy leapt 
forwards and grabbed his arm. "Here. You just can't go wandering about 
like that. That's... that's impolite."
        DLM shook his head and sighed. "Really. Well, I can't think of a 
better way of getting a look around here. I'm sure they'll find us if we 
go to far."
        He pulled the side door open and nearly walked into a brick 
wall. "What the?" That was fast work indeed. He thumped the wall once or 
twice, but it was real enough.
        "Right then." He went to the third door, the one Discumby had 
arrived through originally. This door had a short passageway behind it. 
DLM stuck his head through, but couldn't see anything of interest. He 
slipped out and, followed by an apprehensive Fan.Boy, prowled the 
corridors of Queen Enterprises.


"KEEP OUT" was the sign on the door, which, as everyone knows, is the 
surest way of getting people to enter. However the one thing, well, two 
things stopping Deductive Logic Man and Fan.Boy from snooping inside were 
the two guards in front of it.
        DLM eyed them from behind a corner and planned. He turned to 
Fan.Boy. "Go and stun them."
        DLM sighed. "I want to have a look inside that room. Go talk to 
them, and stun them."
        Fan.Boy acquired a blank look. "What should I talk to them about?"
        "Tell them about the Ellipsis King," DLM said, pushing Fan.Boy 
out into the guards' sight.
        "Oh. Right." Fan.Boy walked towards the guards, trying to fit a 
smile on his face. "Hey guys, ever hear of a really cool villain called 
the Ellipsis King? He dead now, well, really an elemental, as much as the 
net could be said to have elements... Anyway, he had this really cool 
power of pronouncing ellipsis to create things, you know ellipses don't 
you? They go like-"
        DLM hurriedly put his fingers in his ears and couched down, 
attempting to block out Fan.Boy's drone. He squeezed his eyes shut for 
good measure and was therefore taken slightly by surprise when he felt a 
tap on his shoulder.
        He opened his eyes and saw Fan.Boy standing over him. Fan.Boy 
said something, but DLM didn't hear him. He took his fingers out of his 
ears. Fan.Boy realised what had happened and repeated himself.
        "They're just standing there with amazed looks on their faces. I 
guess I can tell a really good story."
        "Something like that," muttered DLM as he moved Fan.Boy to one 
side and went to examine the door.
        It was electronically locked, but, after a few trial sequences, 
Deductive Logic Man deduced the correct code and punched it in. He 
heard a sigh of escaping gas, and the door slowly opened. It was 
revealed to be a bulkhead, 30 centimetres thick. A blast of cold air hit 
DLM's face.
        Once he overcame the chill, DLM stepped through the doorway and 
into a laboratory of sorts. He glanced around to make sure there was 
no-one else around, then he cautiously moved further in.
        It was a large room, the walls lined with metal shelves, which 
contained jars full of something DLM couldn't quite make out at that 
moment. Taking up the space in the room was rows and rows of metal 
benches, with strange looking apparatus sitting on them. There were 
several beakers bubbling, and smoke poured from various sources. DLM 
shivered as the raw air penetrated his outfit.
        "What is this place?" asked Fan.Boy as DLM heard him enter.
        "I'm not quite sure yet," DLM replied. "But, I'm sure Doctor 
Stomper would have a field day in here."
        He stooped to peer in a nearby jar. It was filled with something 
pink that pulsed horribly as he examined it. Disgust washed over him and 
he hurriedly looked away. He wasn't quite sure what it was, wasn't quite 
sure that he wanted to know what it was, but the logical possibilities 
were already ticking over in his mind.
        He moved from bench to bench, scrutinising and studying the 
objects that lay there. The most likely reason for all this welled up in 
his mind, but he shied away from it. Unfortunately, conformation came 
when he heard Fan.boy call out "Hey, these are full of body parts."
        DLM glanced up to see Fan.Boy standing over by the walls, gazing 
at the jars. He slowly moved to join him, picking his way carefully 
through the mess. The last thing DLM wanted to do was knock over any of 
this stuff. Who knows what he might set loose.
        He arrived at Fan.Boy's side just as Fan.Boy reached out and 
picked a jar up. As Fan.Boy held the jar up, DLM could see something like 
a foetus inside. It stared back at DLM, and DLM, through his own fear 
and disgust, was struck by how pitiful the thing was.
        It moved unexpectedly causing Fan.Boy to drop it. The jar 
shattered on the floor, releasing the hideous creature inside. Lying 
amongst shards and viscous fluid, the being shrieked, searing DLM's 
soul. Something like blood started pouring from its orifices, and the 
body collapsed like a dead shell.
        DLM looked up to met Fan.Boy's eyes, set in a too pale face. As 
one they turned for the main door, only to find more guards entering 
through it.
        "What are you doing here? This is a restricted area."
        Someone in a lab coat came in and spotted the corpse on the 
floor. "My god, what have you done?"
        DLM splutterer from lack of breath, still shaken by what he saw, 
but managed to find a voice. "What have _we_ done? What have _you_ been 
doing? You're creating monstrosities, bringing things into being that 
were never meant to be seen by nature. You are gods to travesties!"
        "They've seen to much, shoot them," the lab coat commanded.
        DLM tried to run and duck behind the benches, but slipped on 
spilled fluid. He crashed onto the floor, his face landing beside the 
dead body. He stared at it as he heard Fan.Boy, who had stood there like 
a frozen rabbit, get shot by something.
        Fan.Boy fell backwards, down onto the remains, sending pieces of 
it flying. DLM could feel vomit rising in his gorge, but tried to get to 
his feet.
        He was on his knees when the dart hit.


"What do we do with them?"
        "What can we do? They'll know they're missing."
        "Right. We'll have to send them back. Have you called for the 
        "Yes. She'll be here soon."
        "Is the treatment ready?"
        "In a few minutes. The doctors are scrubbing now."
        "They'll go back, but they wont be going back whole."


[We return you to your regularly coloured format.]

Deductive Logic Man slowly aroused. Light formed fuzzy patterns on his 
eyelids. He opened his eyes, but too much light flooded his retina and 
he shut his eyes in reflex.
        He heard a cool voice saying "Just relax. You've been 
unconscious for a few days. Don't try anything too quickly."
        DLM cracked his eyes open, and let the light filter in. Soon, he 
felt able to open them fully. Figures waved fuzzily in front of his 
vision, but features soon dissembled themselves into proper images. 
Standing over him, looking down at him concernedly, was Organic Lass. 
DLM had seen worse visions in his time.
        "What happened?" he croaked. His throat flamed up, too dry. 
Organic Lass feed him a few sips of cool water, and the burning eased.
        "We found you on the roof, just lying there. Our senses picked 
up some craft of some sort, which landed, but soon departed. We found 
you two just lying there."
        "How's... how's..."
        "Fan.Boy? He'll be all right. In fact, he awake now."
        He heard Fan.Boy's voice say "I believe the proper phrase is: 
'Did anyone get the number of that truck?'"
        DLM gave a tired chuckle at the cliche.
        Organic Lass continued. "You've had some surgery performed on 
you. Very fine work, possibly better than what we can do. Parts of 
your brain have been operated on. How do you feel?"
        DLM probed at his mind. He felt all right, just weary. He ran 
his memory back and tried to ascertain what happened. He remembered... 
he frowned. Something wasn't right.
        "I met with Robert Discumby. We talked for a while, and he told 
us that Queen Enterprises had sent the polymorph as a gift. Apart from 
minor confusion it'll cause as various people, it's harmless. It doesn't 
have any powers, except mental skills."
        "Yeah," Fan.Boy said. "That's what I remember too."
        "But, that can't be right. Why have we had surgery performed on 
        "What happened after your meeting?" asked Organic Lass.
        "We left in the flight.thingee, and.. it crashed."
        Organic Lass shook her head. "But, that's not right. We know 
it's not."
        DLM sighed. "I don't think we'll be able to prove any of this. 
Except.. Fan.Boy, what does this issue say?"
        "This issue. What does it say happened? You can read it, can't 
        Fan.Boy shook his head. "Not yet. From our point of view, it's 
just being written. I can only read it once it's posted, after the 
story's finished."
        DLM cursed silently. He didn't really think it would do any good 
though. No judge would ever accept a comic book as admissible evidence. 
They'd just have to keep an eye on Queen Enterprises from now on.
        Splash page: The Sick Bay. DLM in the foreground, lying on a 
bed, with Organic Lass sitting beside him. Behind them can be seen 
Fan.Boy. DLM is holding his head in his hands. A thought bubble from DLM 
reads 'They messed with my head, and there's not a damn thing I can do 
about it'.

        "It-Star Light. It-Star Bright."
        by Jamas Enright


NEXT ISSUE: Erm, don't really know. Could be a cross-over with 
Limp-Asparagus Lad. Could be a two-parter. Could be something to do with 
Flame Wars III.


Fan.Boy - Mine

Panta - Hubert Bartels'

Deductive Logic Man - wReam's

Organic Lass - Rebecca Drayer's (used without permission)

Kid Recap created by Josh Geurink

Robert Discumby and Queen Enterprises are owned by the Queen Bee.

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