Blue Light Productions presents:

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       [Cover has Fan.Boy and Faq Boy glaring at each other across a 


The Peril Room. Probably the most dangerous room in the LNHQ (with the 
possible exception of the Ultimate Ninja's office), it had recently 
starting coming apart, and the Ultimate Ninja was forced to finally shut 
it down. Contraption Man had also made an appearance at this point and, 
considering he had built it, the UN put him onto fixing it.
        Contraption Man succeeded in wiring the room up to the 
HoloDecStations and the Transmat Chambers before undergoing a strange 
        [See LNHCP #25 and Fan.Boy #2 for details - Jamas]
        While this should have completely stuffed it up (and did go 
someway towards causing several problems by helping introduce B1FFBOTS), 
the Peril Room, amazingly, wasn't.
        The scene the next morning went something like this:
        Cue flashback sequence --
        The Ultimate Ninja entered the Peril Room control room, followed 
by Doctor Stomper. He surveyed the mess left by Contraption Man. "And you 
say no-one has seen Contraption Man since?"
        "That's right," replied Doc Stomper.
        The UN sighed. "I see. Well, now that he's gone, what can you do 
about the Peril Room?"
        "What?" Doc Stomper looked surprised. "You're writing off 
Contraption Man just like that?"
        "I'm not writing anyone off. I have a very good idea about what 
has happened to him. Now, what about the Peril Room?"
        Doctor Stomper walked over to the console and started pushing 
buttons. "Wha? Hey, this actually seems to be working." He prodded the 
console for a while longer.
        "It might ever be working better than it was before."
        "Is there any safe way we can test it?"
        Doctor Stomper ran through a list of programs entered in the 
Peril Room computer. "We could try one of your old programs," he suggested.
        The ninja nodded and headed downstairs. Doc Stomper loaded the 
program in and prepared it, waiting for his leader's signal.
        The UN strode onto the Peril Room floor, turned, and looked into 
the Peril Room control room window. "Ready," he called.
        Upstairs, Doc Stomper set the program in action and monitored 
the room as the ninja started killing the members of the LNH yet again. 
No matter how many systems he checked, it all worked fine.
        Looks like the Peril Room is back in business.


The Void. This was a place most LNHers visited some time or another, or, 
at least, some variant on it. In this particular void floated two 
figures, both looking remarkedly the same.
        Both were of average height, and both wore black rimmed glasses. 
Both wore spandex suits, although one was black and the other red. Also 
one wore a blue cape.
        Both of them has logos on their chests, both variations on 
ideograms involving the letters "F" and "B".
        It could be said, with some degree of truth, that one was a 
variant on the other.
        While they both had the real name of Barry Knewbee, they were 
both members of the Legion of Net.Heroes. One was known as Fan.Boy. He 
wore the cape.
        The other was Faq Boy, a Barry Knewbee from a different dimension.
        Recently they had both been killed. Faq Boy had hoped this would 
happen. Now he had to work out some way for them to live again.
        They weren't speaking to each other, both annoyed with the way 
the other had acted. Fan.Boy was occupying his time with reading various 
newsgroups, as only he could. For his part, Faq Boy was reading the FAQ, 
finding out just what he had got himself in for.
        Neither of them had any idea about what would happen next.


The Peril Room. It was now some time after the flashback. It had been 
tested by trial time and again. The Ultimate Ninja had opted for one 
last test for before being declared fit for normal use. He hadn't told 
anyone that it was still being tested, but, hey, that was their problem.
        Now, the Renegade Programmer, after a suitable fortification of 
the inner man, was in the Peril Room control room, readying the final 
test program. Unfortunately, he needed a test subject.
        Fortunately, the writer prepared for this.


        "Aaarrghh. Right, I want to know who did that, and what is the 
state of their medical insurance?"
        The dulcet tones rang out in the silence of the Peril Room's 
emptiness, promising pain to whoever was behind this debacle.
        [Ah, Mouse. So glad you could join us.]
        "Who the hell are you, and what am I doing here? I'm currently 
in the middle of a story right now."
        [That's all right. I've spoken to your writer, and she suggested 
a cameo appearance like this. Well, I did want to use you, but continuity 
was a bit off.]
        "Continuity? I must be one of the most discontinuitous 
characters in the LNH."
        [Actually no, you are one of the most tightly written into
continuity characters in the LNH. In fact Jaelle goes out of her _way_
to make sure that there is a tight continuity. That's why there are
all these problems with it. That's the point Jaelle wanted to make.]
        [I think.]
        "Oh cruk. Just be glad you aren't her character. We have trouble 
working out what she means sometime. Anyway, where am I, and what am I 
doing here?"
        [Comically? You're in my _Fan.Boy_ title. Physically? You're in 
the Peril Room. Why? So you can dodge the robot right behind you.]
        "What robot?"
        Upstairs, the Renegade Programmer had activated the program and 
it had created a large Mecha robot right behind where Mouse appeared. 
She whirled around and ducked as she saw an arm swing towards her out of 
the corner of her eye.
        [Over by the far wall, two ghostly forms appear.]
        "Couldn't you have at least pulled mum out instead? She's got 
armour and can fly. What the hell am I supposed to do against this thing?"
        [There are now two ghostly forms by the far wall.]
        However, the Peril Room wasn't finished yet. Behind Mouse (she 
had turned around, remember?), formed another Mecha 'bot. It walked 
towards the first and hammered it.
        [Anyone going to notice the far wall where these two figures are?]
        Mouse scampered out of the way. "What the hell is going on here?"
        [Hello? The two figures? Over there?]
        The portly programmer reached over and flipped the intercom 
on. "Hello down there?" Mouse glanced up at the control room window to 
see the programmer waving at her. "Thanks for the visit. I needed 
someone to initiate the Peril Room systems. It needs an outside presence 
to trigger it. If you could just keep out of the way until the program's 
        [You know, it's not like this sort of thing happens all the time.]
        Mouse stared in disbelief. Was this guy kidding? She jumped to 
one side as one robot crashed down beside her. She was more likely to be 
a splat on the ground before these 'bots finished.
        [Hello? Anybody listening? Should I just go make a cup of tea?]
        "I want out of here!"
        [Try looking over by the far wall.]
        "Unless there's some anomaly, I'm not going to stop the test."
        [Anomaly? You want an anomaly?]
        Mouse struggled to stay upright while the robots thundered over 
the ground. "Anomaly, eh? Where the hell is an anomaly when you need one?"
        "Sorry. Ninja's orders."
        [That does it. you're on your own, missy.]
        "The _Ultimate_ Ninja? He wanted this done? Why? I haven't done 
anything bad recently." She kept a wary eye on he robots, circling away 
from them. "Well, nothing that anyone founds out about." Seizing her 
chance, she turned and ran for the far wall.
        "What the hell's that?!?" she screamed, pointing at two ghostly 
figures, hanging in the air.
        [All right. All right. Let's have a show of hands from all those 
that saw that one coming. Thank you. :) ]
        The Renegade Programmer looked at where Mouse was and saw the 
two figures. "Oh cruk. I'd better stop the program. Hang on. I'll be 
right there."
        The robots disappeared and Mouse breathed a sigh of relief.
        Actually, it was several minutes before the chubby one arrived 
from the control room, puffing and out of breath. "Never again," he vowed.
        He took in the sight of the two figures. One was wearing a black 
body suit, the other red with a blue cape. They looked like twins.
        "Any idea who they are?"
        Mouse thought about it for a moment. "Well, considering that 
this is Fan.Boy's title, and that he looks like the picture in the 
Wanted posters Fuzzy put up, I'd have to say that he's" pointing to the 
one with the cape "is Fan.Boy."
        "In that case," the RP replied, pointing to the other one. 
"Who's that?"
        Mouse shrugged. "No idea."
        "So, what do we do about them?"
        "Well, since the UN wanted you to do the test, and as these are 
the results of the test, why don't you go tell UN about this? I'm sure 
he'll be happy to hear about it," she said sweetly. "While I take care 
of another matter," she continued under her breath.
        "Er, okay." The programmer left, looking uncertain as to the 
reception the UN would give him.
        "Right. Writer!"
        [Um. Yes?]
        "Send me back right now!"
        [Are you sure?]
        [Chill out babe.]
        And suddenly, the room was empty except for two figures floating 
in the air.


In the void, Fan.Boy had finally tired of being angry.
        "I thought we got to meet Death. It makes sense, you know. When 
you die you probably should meet Death." He considered the point for a 
moment. "I'd go for the foxy lady rather than a skeleton."
        Faq Boy looked at him irritably. "What are you driviling about? 
We aren't dead. And if we were, I'd like to think that I wouldn't end up 
with you."
        "What's that supposed to mean?"
        "If you can't figure that one out, you must really be thick."
        "Well, we are the same person. Why shouldn't we be together in 
death? Anyway, how do you know we aren't dead?"
        Faq Boy smiled smugly. "I made sure we wouldn't."
        Intrigued despite himself, Fan.Boy asked "How?"
        "After the questioning, I had a suspicion that the Roster King 
was planning something against me, so I altered the FAQ before he could 
do anything to me first. Here, I'll show you what I did."
        Although he was already holding one piece of paper, he 
concentrated and another one appeared in his other hand. He showed it to 
Q.8     Who is the most powerful LNHer?

A.8     The Roster King, of course. He who controls the entries controls 
those who the entries belong to. Second is Faq Boy. He who controls 
information controls knowledge. He who controls knowledge, controls the 
people. (All under the Roster King's kind and benevolent guidance, of 
course.) After them is the spokesperson for the LNH, the Prodigal Samurai.

Add note: Of all the LNHers, only Faq Boy and his counterpart, Fan.Boy, 
can survive being killed.

        Fan.Boy was impressed, but something still nagged at him. "So, 
why did we have to die?"
        Faq Boy sighed. "Because, you don't belong in our dimension. If 
you're killed and survive, you'll hopefully end up back in your own 
dimension. I'm tagging along. I'm sick of my one."
        "So, how do we bring ourselves back to life?"
        "I have absolutely no idea."


"WHAT?" roared the Ultimate Ninja. "What do you mean by that?"
        The Renegade Programmer trembled in front the the UN's desk. 
"Just that. We have two ghosts in the Peril Room. They're not Peril Room 
constructs. I made sure of that. I'm not sure how they got there. One 
has been identified as 'Fan.Boy'."
        The programmer shrugged. "An LNHer, apparently."
        The UN stared at the programmer for a moment more, then 
activated his desk computer. Calling up the roster, he flipped through 
and located Fan.Boy's entry. It wasn't too hard as it was at the top of 
the F-R list.
        "Why haven't I been informed of this? When did he arrive?"
        The programmer shrugged again. "I don't know."
        The ninja shut his eyes and sighed. He reached for the intercom. 
"Will someone who knows about an LNH member called Fan.Boy report to my 
        Eventually, it was Doctor Stomper who showed up.
        "What do yo know about Fan.Boy?" asked the ninja, getting 
straight to the point.
        "Well, I wasn't actually here when he arrived, but I examined 
him straight afterwards."
        "Who was there, and how did he arrive."
        "It involved the Peril Room. It had just fused into other 
systems in the LNH and the short outs pulled a man known as Barry 
Knewbee" the ninja winced at the name "from another dimension. Possibly 
the same one as the Writers."
        "Uh-huh. Who was there?"
        "Um, Contraption Man was working at the time."
        "Hump. I don't think we'll be seeing him again."
        "Oh? Why not?"
        The Ultimate Ninja waved his hand. "Don't worry about it. Who 
else was there?"
        "Squeaky Clean was helping him."
        "And now he's on vacation." Doctor Stomper wasn't too sure about 
what the ninja's reaction really was, but he thought it was probably a 
bit stronger than displeasure.
        "I think that Cheesecake-Eater Lad and Bad-Timing Boy were also 
        "And now they've gone as well. Gaah. Right, come with me. What 
did you do with Fan.Boy, anyway?"
        "I stuck him in a room on the fourth floor, well out of 
everyone's way. Where are we going?"


The Ultimate Ninja stood in the middle of the Peril Room and glared at 
its two ghostly occupants. He spared a brief glance for the Renegade 
Programmer breathing heavily at his side, then turned his full attention 
back to the ghosts.
        "Well. What do you think?"
        Doctor Stomper was closer to the two figures, gently prodding 
them, and nodding faintly as if he had some idea of what he was doing as 
his finger passed through them.
        "They're obviously in a state of mental flux."
        "Obviously," said the ninja sarcastically. "But, what are they 
doing here?"
        "Something must have happened to Fan.Boy. Probably ended up in 
alternative dimension where he met another version of himself," Doctor 
Stomper indicated the second figure before continuing, "and something 
happened to him. Most likely, he was killed."
        "So, what is he doing here now?"
        Doctor Stomper pondered on this. "Since the Peril Room brought 
him here in the first place, it must also be responsible for bringing 
him back now."
        "But why now? What caused it?"
        The ninja turned to the Renegade Programmer. "What were you 
doing when this happened?"
        "I had just started the test that you ordered when these things 
        "Ahh," said Doc Stomper. "There you have it. It was when the 
Peril Room was activated that this happened. Only when the Peril Room is 
activated after Fan.Boy dies will he be brought back to life."
        The Renegade Programmer looked at the two figures dubiously. 
"They don't look very alive to me," he commented.
        It was at this point that Fan.Boy and Faq Boy fully manifested 
themselves and fell to the ground. Doctor Stomper bent down to help them 
        "Ugh," said Fan.Boy. "That was not the nicest thing I've had to 
go through."
        "What happened to you?" asked the Doc.
        "Well, we were just chatting, when-"
        "Wait a minute," interjected the Ultimate Ninja. "Who the hell 
is that?"
        Fan.Boy turned to see who had spoken and his eyes opened wide. 
"Wow. It's really you. I'm honoured to finally meet you. Gee, the 
Ultimate Ninja in the flesh. May I shake your hand?"
        Taken aback by this barrage of fannishness, the ninja didn't 
immediately pull back as Fan.Boy grabbed his hand and started to shake 
it. He then pulled himself together and snatched his hand away. Writing 
Fan.Boy off as a loony, he turned to Faq Boy. "Who are you?" he asked.
        "Me? I'm Faq Boy. I'm here to look after the FAQ for you."
        "We've already got someone to do that."
        "Well, no. Not really," said Fan.Boy. "You've got List Lad and 
Master Roster Man to look after the roster, but no-one's really 
dedicated to the FAQ."
        The UN didn't look happy at being corrected, but decided to let 
the matter pass. For now.
        "How did you come back to life?" Doc Stomper asked.
        "Well, we were chatting, as I said," said Fan.Boy. "I thought we 
were dead, but Faq Boy said 'No.' He'd worked out a way for us to live, 
and it was then, when we realised that we really were alive that we 
appeared here."
        "You see," said Doctor Stomper proudly. "What did I say? Mental 
flux. Until they realised that they could be here, they weren't really 
here. It's a classic case."
        "You know," said Fan.Boy to Faq Boy. "I'm sure I saw you split 
into two."
        "Oh yeah," replied Faq Boy. "Well, I saw you split into three."
        "Strange. I didn't feel anything."
        The ninja cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. 
"Right, since you're both here so conveniently, I'll test you out myself."
        "Er," said Faq Boy, hesitantly. "What exactly do you mean?"
        "You two against me, right here, right now. Renegade Programmer, 
get up to the control room, and fire it up. Doctor Stomper, you might 
want to clear the area."
        "Uh-oh," said Faq Boy as the other quickly left.
        "Don't worry," replied Fan.boy quietly. "A few bits of 
punctuation and he'll be too stunned to do anything."
        Since Doctor Stomper reached the control room way before the 
Renegade Programmer (who was still at the bottom of the stairs) did, he 
started the safety program.
        "Right," said Fan.Boy, turning to face his opponent. "!@#$"
        ("The true ninja can tune out foolish babble," the UN said.)
        ("Oh $%@@," said Faq Boy, watching as the UN's ginzu katana 
easily sliced through Fan.Boy's body.)
        Up in the control room, the Transmat Chambers lit up and Fan.Boy 
stepped out. "Well, that didn't go exactly according to plan."
        Another flash from the Chambers and Faq Boy stood beside him.
        They looked down into the Peril Room to see the ninja standing 
there, slowly shaking his head. It just wasn't the same anymore.


Entering the cafeteria, Fan.Boy and Faq Boy looked around to see what 
shambles the place had turned into. "We've got to get Steak and Potatoes 
Man and Frat Boy back soon."
        Lying on one of the tables was a pile of _Mr. Paprika_s that 
someone had brought for their turn at making dinner. Fan.Boy reached 
over and grabbed a six pack. He had never had one before and thought 
that now was a good a time as any.
        "What happens now?" asked Faq Boy.
        Fan.Boy shrugged. "I don't know. May as well head back to our 
        "Eh? Do I have a room?"
        "There's an empty one beside mine. Actually," Fan.Boy frowned. 
"I think all the ones near mine are empty. Oh that's right," his face 
cleared, "Guitar Man's is also about there. Oh, that reminds me. I'd 
better feed his goldfish while he's away."
        He lead the way towards the lifts.


They got out of the lift on the fourth floor and made their way down the 
hall. As he was about to enter his room, Fan.Boy heard a strange sound 
coming from around the corner. It sounded like someone running in padded 
        He jumped up against his wall in surprise as around the corner 
came a piece of jogging cloth. Both he and Faq Boy watched with gaping 
eyes as the cloth disappeared around another bend.
        "What was that?" Faq Boy asked.
        "I don't want to know," Fan.Boy replied.


A few minutes later, Faq Boy left his room, looking for Fan.Boy. He 
pushed the door to his room open and goggled at the sight.
        Splash page: Fan.Boy lying on his bed, a can of _Mr. Paprika_ in 
his hand, and an idiotic expression on his face.
        Now, there's a Fan.Boy's pop.

        "Retcons and other Running Gags."
        "by Jamas Enright"


NEXT ISSUE: The team-up you've all been waiting for. Fan.Boy meets the 
one person whose personal enemies are fanboys (and I'm not talking about 

Be here for: "How much is that Bloodkitty in the window?"


The Renegade Programmer belongs to Joshua Dinerstein, used with wReam's 
permission. :)

Mouse belongs to Jaelle, used with permission (Jaelle's, not Mouse's :).

The Ultimate Ninja belongs to wReam, and was used with permission.

Doctor Stomper is Public Domain.

Fan.Boy and Faq Boy was created by me.

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