______ _________ _____ ____ ____ _______ _____ ___ ___ | | | | / _ \ | \| | | /\ \ / _ \ \ \ / / |BLiP| | |~~~~~ / / \ \ | | | | \/ | / / \ \ \ | / | | | ~~~~~| | ~~~ | | | ____ | / | | | | | | | #6 | | |~~~~~ | ___ | | | | | | | /\ ~| \ \ / / | | | | | | | | | | | |\ | | | | ~~ / \ ~ / | | ~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ [Cover has Fan.Boy and Faq Boy glaring at each other across a void.] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Peril Room. Probably the most dangerous room in the LNHQ (with the possible exception of the Ultimate Ninja's office), it had recently starting coming apart, and the Ultimate Ninja was forced to finally shut it down. Contraption Man had also made an appearance at this point and, considering he had built it, the UN put him onto fixing it. Contraption Man succeeded in wiring the room up to the HoloDecStations and the Transmat Chambers before undergoing a strange transformation. [See LNHCP #25 and Fan.Boy #2 for details - Jamas] While this should have completely stuffed it up (and did go someway towards causing several problems by helping introduce B1FFBOTS), the Peril Room, amazingly, wasn't. The scene the next morning went something like this: Cue flashback sequence -- The Ultimate Ninja entered the Peril Room control room, followed by Doctor Stomper. He surveyed the mess left by Contraption Man. "And you say no-one has seen Contraption Man since?" "That's right," replied Doc Stomper. The UN sighed. "I see. Well, now that he's gone, what can you do about the Peril Room?" "What?" Doc Stomper looked surprised. "You're writing off Contraption Man just like that?" "I'm not writing anyone off. I have a very good idea about what has happened to him. Now, what about the Peril Room?" Doctor Stomper walked over to the console and started pushing buttons. "Wha? Hey, this actually seems to be working." He prodded the console for a while longer. "It might ever be working better than it was before." "Is there any safe way we can test it?" Doctor Stomper ran through a list of programs entered in the Peril Room computer. "We could try one of your old programs," he suggested. The ninja nodded and headed downstairs. Doc Stomper loaded the program in and prepared it, waiting for his leader's signal. The UN strode onto the Peril Room floor, turned, and looked into the Peril Room control room window. "Ready," he called. Upstairs, Doc Stomper set the program in action and monitored the room as the ninja started killing the members of the LNH yet again. No matter how many systems he checked, it all worked fine. Looks like the Peril Room is back in business. _-~-_ The Void. This was a place most LNHers visited some time or another, or, at least, some variant on it. In this particular void floated two figures, both looking remarkedly the same. Both were of average height, and both wore black rimmed glasses. Both wore spandex suits, although one was black and the other red. Also one wore a blue cape. Both of them has logos on their chests, both variations on ideograms involving the letters "F" and "B". It could be said, with some degree of truth, that one was a variant on the other. While they both had the real name of Barry Knewbee, they were both members of the Legion of Net.Heroes. One was known as Fan.Boy. He wore the cape. The other was Faq Boy, a Barry Knewbee from a different dimension. Recently they had both been killed. Faq Boy had hoped this would happen. Now he had to work out some way for them to live again. They weren't speaking to each other, both annoyed with the way the other had acted. Fan.Boy was occupying his time with reading various newsgroups, as only he could. For his part, Faq Boy was reading the FAQ, finding out just what he had got himself in for. Neither of them had any idea about what would happen next. _-~-_ The Peril Room. It was now some time after the flashback. It had been tested by trial time and again. The Ultimate Ninja had opted for one last test for before being declared fit for normal use. He hadn't told anyone that it was still being tested, but, hey, that was their problem. Now, the Renegade Programmer, after a suitable fortification of the inner man, was in the Peril Room control room, readying the final test program. Unfortunately, he needed a test subject. Fortunately, the writer prepared for this. _-~-_ *BLiP* "Aaarrghh. Right, I want to know who did that, and what is the state of their medical insurance?" The dulcet tones rang out in the silence of the Peril Room's emptiness, promising pain to whoever was behind this debacle. [Ah, Mouse. So glad you could join us.] "Who the hell are you, and what am I doing here? I'm currently in the middle of a story right now." [That's all right. I've spoken to your writer, and she suggested a cameo appearance like this. Well, I did want to use you, but continuity was a bit off.] "Continuity? I must be one of the most discontinuitous characters in the LNH." [Actually no, you are one of the most tightly written into continuity characters in the LNH. In fact Jaelle goes out of her _way_ to make sure that there is a tight continuity. That's why there are all these problems with it. That's the point Jaelle wanted to make.] [I think.] "Oh cruk. Just be glad you aren't her character. We have trouble working out what she means sometime. Anyway, where am I, and what am I doing here?" [Comically? You're in my _Fan.Boy_ title. Physically? You're in the Peril Room. Why? So you can dodge the robot right behind you.] "What robot?" Upstairs, the Renegade Programmer had activated the program and it had created a large Mecha robot right behind where Mouse appeared. She whirled around and ducked as she saw an arm swing towards her out of the corner of her eye. [Over by the far wall, two ghostly forms appear.] "Couldn't you have at least pulled mum out instead? She's got armour and can fly. What the hell am I supposed to do against this thing?" [There are now two ghostly forms by the far wall.] However, the Peril Room wasn't finished yet. Behind Mouse (she had turned around, remember?), formed another Mecha 'bot. It walked towards the first and hammered it. [Anyone going to notice the far wall where these two figures are?] Mouse scampered out of the way. "What the hell is going on here?" [Hello? The two figures? Over there?] The portly programmer reached over and flipped the intercom on. "Hello down there?" Mouse glanced up at the control room window to see the programmer waving at her. "Thanks for the visit. I needed someone to initiate the Peril Room systems. It needs an outside presence to trigger it. If you could just keep out of the way until the program's finished?" [You know, it's not like this sort of thing happens all the time.] Mouse stared in disbelief. Was this guy kidding? She jumped to one side as one robot crashed down beside her. She was more likely to be a splat on the ground before these 'bots finished. [Hello? Anybody listening? Should I just go make a cup of tea?] "I want out of here!" [Try looking over by the far wall.] "Unless there's some anomaly, I'm not going to stop the test." [Anomaly? You want an anomaly?] Mouse struggled to stay upright while the robots thundered over the ground. "Anomaly, eh? Where the hell is an anomaly when you need one?" [OVER BY THE FAR WALL!] "Sorry. Ninja's orders." [That does it. you're on your own, missy.] "The _Ultimate_ Ninja? He wanted this done? Why? I haven't done anything bad recently." She kept a wary eye on he robots, circling away from them. "Well, nothing that anyone founds out about." Seizing her chance, she turned and ran for the far wall. "What the hell's that?!?" she screamed, pointing at two ghostly figures, hanging in the air. [All right. All right. Let's have a show of hands from all those that saw that one coming. Thank you. :) ] The Renegade Programmer looked at where Mouse was and saw the two figures. "Oh cruk. I'd better stop the program. Hang on. I'll be right there." The robots disappeared and Mouse breathed a sigh of relief. Actually, it was several minutes before the chubby one arrived from the control room, puffing and out of breath. "Never again," he vowed. He took in the sight of the two figures. One was wearing a black body suit, the other red with a blue cape. They looked like twins. "Any idea who they are?" Mouse thought about it for a moment. "Well, considering that this is Fan.Boy's title, and that he looks like the picture in the Wanted posters Fuzzy put up, I'd have to say that he's" pointing to the one with the cape "is Fan.Boy." "In that case," the RP replied, pointing to the other one. "Who's that?" Mouse shrugged. "No idea." "So, what do we do about them?" "Well, since the UN wanted you to do the test, and as these are the results of the test, why don't you go tell UN about this? I'm sure he'll be happy to hear about it," she said sweetly. "While I take care of another matter," she continued under her breath. "Er, okay." The programmer left, looking uncertain as to the reception the UN would give him. "Right. Writer!" [Um. Yes?] "Send me back right now!" [Are you sure?] "YES!!" [Chill out babe.] "BABE!?" *BLiP* And suddenly, the room was empty except for two figures floating in the air. _-~-_ In the void, Fan.Boy had finally tired of being angry. "I thought we got to meet Death. It makes sense, you know. When you die you probably should meet Death." He considered the point for a moment. "I'd go for the foxy lady rather than a skeleton." Faq Boy looked at him irritably. "What are you driviling about? We aren't dead. And if we were, I'd like to think that I wouldn't end up with you." "What's that supposed to mean?" "If you can't figure that one out, you must really be thick." "Well, we are the same person. Why shouldn't we be together in death? Anyway, how do you know we aren't dead?" Faq Boy smiled smugly. "I made sure we wouldn't." Intrigued despite himself, Fan.Boy asked "How?" "After the questioning, I had a suspicion that the Roster King was planning something against me, so I altered the FAQ before he could do anything to me first. Here, I'll show you what I did." Although he was already holding one piece of paper, he concentrated and another one appeared in his other hand. He showed it to Fan.Boy: -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q.8 Who is the most powerful LNHer? A.8 The Roster King, of course. He who controls the entries controls those who the entries belong to. Second is Faq Boy. He who controls information controls knowledge. He who controls knowledge, controls the people. (All under the Roster King's kind and benevolent guidance, of course.) After them is the spokesperson for the LNH, the Prodigal Samurai. Add note: Of all the LNHers, only Faq Boy and his counterpart, Fan.Boy, can survive being killed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fan.Boy was impressed, but something still nagged at him. "So, why did we have to die?" Faq Boy sighed. "Because, you don't belong in our dimension. If you're killed and survive, you'll hopefully end up back in your own dimension. I'm tagging along. I'm sick of my one." "So, how do we bring ourselves back to life?" "I have absolutely no idea." _-~-_ "WHAT?" roared the Ultimate Ninja. "What do you mean by that?" The Renegade Programmer trembled in front the the UN's desk. "Just that. We have two ghosts in the Peril Room. They're not Peril Room constructs. I made sure of that. I'm not sure how they got there. One has been identified as 'Fan.Boy'." "Who?" The programmer shrugged. "An LNHer, apparently." The UN stared at the programmer for a moment more, then activated his desk computer. Calling up the roster, he flipped through and located Fan.Boy's entry. It wasn't too hard as it was at the top of the F-R list. "Why haven't I been informed of this? When did he arrive?" The programmer shrugged again. "I don't know." The ninja shut his eyes and sighed. He reached for the intercom. "Will someone who knows about an LNH member called Fan.Boy report to my office." Eventually, it was Doctor Stomper who showed up. "What do yo know about Fan.Boy?" asked the ninja, getting straight to the point. "Well, I wasn't actually here when he arrived, but I examined him straight afterwards." "Who was there, and how did he arrive." "It involved the Peril Room. It had just fused into other systems in the LNH and the short outs pulled a man known as Barry Knewbee" the ninja winced at the name "from another dimension. Possibly the same one as the Writers." "Uh-huh. Who was there?" "Um, Contraption Man was working at the time." "Hump. I don't think we'll be seeing him again." "Oh? Why not?" The Ultimate Ninja waved his hand. "Don't worry about it. Who else was there?" "Squeaky Clean was helping him." "And now he's on vacation." Doctor Stomper wasn't too sure about what the ninja's reaction really was, but he thought it was probably a bit stronger than displeasure. "I think that Cheesecake-Eater Lad and Bad-Timing Boy were also there." "And now they've gone as well. Gaah. Right, come with me. What did you do with Fan.Boy, anyway?" "I stuck him in a room on the fourth floor, well out of everyone's way. Where are we going?" _-~-_ The Ultimate Ninja stood in the middle of the Peril Room and glared at its two ghostly occupants. He spared a brief glance for the Renegade Programmer breathing heavily at his side, then turned his full attention back to the ghosts. "Well. What do you think?" Doctor Stomper was closer to the two figures, gently prodding them, and nodding faintly as if he had some idea of what he was doing as his finger passed through them. "They're obviously in a state of mental flux." "Obviously," said the ninja sarcastically. "But, what are they doing here?" "Something must have happened to Fan.Boy. Probably ended up in alternative dimension where he met another version of himself," Doctor Stomper indicated the second figure before continuing, "and something happened to him. Most likely, he was killed." "So, what is he doing here now?" Doctor Stomper pondered on this. "Since the Peril Room brought him here in the first place, it must also be responsible for bringing him back now." "But why now? What caused it?" The ninja turned to the Renegade Programmer. "What were you doing when this happened?" "I had just started the test that you ordered when these things appeared." "Ahh," said Doc Stomper. "There you have it. It was when the Peril Room was activated that this happened. Only when the Peril Room is activated after Fan.Boy dies will he be brought back to life." The Renegade Programmer looked at the two figures dubiously. "They don't look very alive to me," he commented. It was at this point that Fan.Boy and Faq Boy fully manifested themselves and fell to the ground. Doctor Stomper bent down to help them up. "Ugh," said Fan.Boy. "That was not the nicest thing I've had to go through." "What happened to you?" asked the Doc. "Well, we were just chatting, when-" "Wait a minute," interjected the Ultimate Ninja. "Who the hell is that?" Fan.Boy turned to see who had spoken and his eyes opened wide. "Wow. It's really you. I'm honoured to finally meet you. Gee, the Ultimate Ninja in the flesh. May I shake your hand?" Taken aback by this barrage of fannishness, the ninja didn't immediately pull back as Fan.Boy grabbed his hand and started to shake it. He then pulled himself together and snatched his hand away. Writing Fan.Boy off as a loony, he turned to Faq Boy. "Who are you?" he asked. "Me? I'm Faq Boy. I'm here to look after the FAQ for you." "We've already got someone to do that." "Well, no. Not really," said Fan.Boy. "You've got List Lad and Master Roster Man to look after the roster, but no-one's really dedicated to the FAQ." The UN didn't look happy at being corrected, but decided to let the matter pass. For now. "How did you come back to life?" Doc Stomper asked. "Well, we were chatting, as I said," said Fan.Boy. "I thought we were dead, but Faq Boy said 'No.' He'd worked out a way for us to live, and it was then, when we realised that we really were alive that we appeared here." "You see," said Doctor Stomper proudly. "What did I say? Mental flux. Until they realised that they could be here, they weren't really here. It's a classic case." "You know," said Fan.Boy to Faq Boy. "I'm sure I saw you split into two." "Oh yeah," replied Faq Boy. "Well, I saw you split into three." "Strange. I didn't feel anything." The ninja cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "Right, since you're both here so conveniently, I'll test you out myself." "Er," said Faq Boy, hesitantly. "What exactly do you mean?" "You two against me, right here, right now. Renegade Programmer, get up to the control room, and fire it up. Doctor Stomper, you might want to clear the area." "Uh-oh," said Faq Boy as the other quickly left. "Don't worry," replied Fan.boy quietly. "A few bits of punctuation and he'll be too stunned to do anything." Since Doctor Stomper reached the control room way before the Renegade Programmer (who was still at the bottom of the stairs) did, he started the safety program. "Right," said Fan.Boy, turning to face his opponent. "!@#$" ("The true ninja can tune out foolish babble," the UN said.) ("Oh $%@@," said Faq Boy, watching as the UN's ginzu katana easily sliced through Fan.Boy's body.) Up in the control room, the Transmat Chambers lit up and Fan.Boy stepped out. "Well, that didn't go exactly according to plan." Another flash from the Chambers and Faq Boy stood beside him. They looked down into the Peril Room to see the ninja standing there, slowly shaking his head. It just wasn't the same anymore. _-~-_ Entering the cafeteria, Fan.Boy and Faq Boy looked around to see what shambles the place had turned into. "We've got to get Steak and Potatoes Man and Frat Boy back soon." Lying on one of the tables was a pile of _Mr. Paprika_s that someone had brought for their turn at making dinner. Fan.Boy reached over and grabbed a six pack. He had never had one before and thought that now was a good a time as any. "What happens now?" asked Faq Boy. Fan.Boy shrugged. "I don't know. May as well head back to our rooms." "Eh? Do I have a room?" "There's an empty one beside mine. Actually," Fan.Boy frowned. "I think all the ones near mine are empty. Oh that's right," his face cleared, "Guitar Man's is also about there. Oh, that reminds me. I'd better feed his goldfish while he's away." He lead the way towards the lifts. _-~-_ They got out of the lift on the fourth floor and made their way down the hall. As he was about to enter his room, Fan.Boy heard a strange sound coming from around the corner. It sounded like someone running in padded shoes. He jumped up against his wall in surprise as around the corner came a piece of jogging cloth. Both he and Faq Boy watched with gaping eyes as the cloth disappeared around another bend. "What was that?" Faq Boy asked. "I don't want to know," Fan.Boy replied. _-~-_ A few minutes later, Faq Boy left his room, looking for Fan.Boy. He pushed the door to his room open and goggled at the sight. Splash page: Fan.Boy lying on his bed, a can of _Mr. Paprika_ in his hand, and an idiotic expression on his face. Now, there's a Fan.Boy's pop. "Retcons and other Running Gags." "by Jamas Enright" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEXT ISSUE: The team-up you've all been waiting for. Fan.Boy meets the one person whose personal enemies are fanboys (and I'm not talking about Fuzzy). Be here for: "How much is that Bloodkitty in the window?" -------- Credits: The Renegade Programmer belongs to Joshua Dinerstein, used with wReam's permission. :) Mouse belongs to Jaelle, used with permission (Jaelle's, not Mouse's :). The Ultimate Ninja belongs to wReam, and was used with permission. Doctor Stomper is Public Domain. Fan.Boy and Faq Boy was created by me.Back to the Index.