From: chm173s@nic.smsu.edu (Robotech_Master) Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn Subject: [AU] An Unwanted Missive Date: 15 Apr 1995 00:14:06 -0500 Andrea is a thief in the grand fantasy tradition, and Jay is a young boy who for various reasons she's ended up adopting as an apprentice. They (along with unicorns Sheryl and N'graytha) have recently moved into a huge house that used to be secretly inhabited by an evil wizard, Raykor (who also happened to be their nemesis). This story is copyright 1995 Chris Meadows, and the characters in it are my trademarks. (Except for the quoted letter...I wouldn't WANT credit for that.) ***** Andrea dropped the featherduster and collapsed onto the couch. Over the last few weeks, the house she and her friends had freed from Raykor's foul influence was beginning to seem more and more like a home to them (albeit a rather overlarge one). But still, there was a good deal of cleaning to be done. Jay had, of course, raised quite a fuss about it. "I have to clean HOW many rooms?!" But he had eventually acquiesced, especially since it meant having more time alone with Sheryl. The way those two got along, you would almost think Sheryl was HIS sister, instead of hers... Andrea closed her eyes. She really shouldn't be stopping now...she still had this entire room to do...but if she could have just a little break... "Andrea, Andrea, look here!" "Wha?" Andrea was fully awake in the space of a second, She opened her eyes to see a parchment being waved in front of her face. "What's this?" "Someone slipped it under our door," Jay said. "I can't make any sense of it...it's just a bunch of gibberish." "Let me see that..." Andrea took the parchment from Jay's hand and unrolled it. It was so lengthy that the end of it fell clean to the floor and rolled along a good distance before finally stopping. Upon examination, Andrea noted that it started out thusly: >From billmc@seanet.com Sun Apr 9 00:40:53 PDT 1995 >Subject: $$$$ FAST CASH LEGAL $$$4 - alt.txt (1/1) >Date: Sat, 08 Apr 1995 20:50:22 GMT >Organization: Seanet Online Services, Seattle WA > >begin 644 alt.txt >M4&%T:#H@:V%L96MA+G-E86YE="YC;VTA;F5WM;W=L86YD+G)EM;VXN;6ET+F5D=2%S96YA=&]R+6)E9&9E;&QO=RYM:70N961U(4YE=W-7871C >M:&5R(75S97(-"D9R;VTZ('-H;65G0'-H;65G;6$N8V]M("A3:&UE9VUA($IO etc. etc. and continued on in much the same vein. "Hmm..." Andrea scrutinized it for a moment. "Ah. I see. This is a special form of wizard encryption called 'uuencoding.' I believe it was named for the wizard Uu, though I may be mistaken." "What does it do?" Jay asked, instantly fascinated by the mention of magic. "Well, it's usually used for preserving pictures or sounds so that they can be written on parchment or paper and sent through the mails." "How do you decode it?" Jay asked. "Can you find out what's on it?" "It should be simple...uudecode is a basic cantrip that any beginning-level magician's apprentice should know." Andrea concentrated for a moment, then pronounced an arcane incantation. "Ewe Ewe Dee Code...Alt Dot Ewe Ewe Ee!" Jay watched excitedly as the strange symbols on the parchment began to rearrange themselves. His face fell as they stopped and he saw that they had simply transformed themselves into more text. "That's peculiar," Andrea said. "Why should someone want or need to uuencode plain text? It typically isn't done...it increases the space needed to transmit it, and parchment can be quite expensive in this day and age. Additionally, the extra effort required to translate it tends to make it unworthwhile." "Maybe there's a clue in what it says," Jay suggested. "Right...let me see what this is..." Andrea's eyes scanned the page. "Hmm...yes...I see...this explains it." The parchment read like an advertising handbill, and not a particularly well-written one at that. After finishing, she nodded to herself. "So, what is it?" Jay asked. "It's essentially an advertisement for a pyramid scheme," Andrea said. "The fellow obviously encoded it so he'd have time to get away before we figured out what it was. Look here." >From: shmeg@shmegma.com (Shmegma Jones) >Newsgroups: alt.binaries.multimedia.erotica,alt.binaries.pictures.erotica,, >alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.anime,alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.blondes,alt.b "What does that mean?" Jay asked. "This article was apparently originally sent to groups of people who like to look at...um...well, I'll tell you when you get older." Jay sensed it would be better not to press the issue, so he continued reading through the article. >Subject: $$$$$ JUST TRY IT!!! $$$$$$ >Date: Tue, 04 Apr 1995 15:41:51 -0400 >Organization: Massachvsetts Institvte of Technology > > > >PLEASE LISTEN BEFORE YOU START FLAMING ME. I THOUGHT THESE >THINGS WERE SCAMS ALSO BUT IN THE LAST WEEK I RECIEVED >$50,000 IN THE MAIL FROM PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD. I DON'T >KNOW ABOUT PYRAMID SCHEMES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT I DO >KNOW I MADE $50,000 AND ALL I GAVE WAS 5. I WANT OTHER >PEOPLE TO JOIN IN MY GOOD FORTUNE!!! > -A satisfied customer! "Why did that person use such big letters?" Jay asked. "He undoubtedly wanted to be sure we could read it," Andrea said drily. "Or perhaps he's only just learned how to write." "And what are all those ^Ms?" "It's an archaic rune that means 'This line is over, go on to the next one,'" Andrea explained. "But why should you NEED such a thing?" Jay wondered. "Why, indeed?" > INSTRUCTIONS > >Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will >have received over 50,000.00 dollars IN CASH. "Wow!" Jay said. "Fifty thousand dollars! Um..." He looked up at Andrea. "What's a dollar?" "I think it's a glitch. Presumably it's supposed to translate into whatever the local unit of currency is. That's how these things usually work." "So...what do we have to do to earn this money?" Jay asked. "This is what you call a pyramid scheme," Andrea explained. "Essentially, they want you to send some small amount of money to several addresses, then put your own name and address at the bottom of the thing and take the one off the top and send it on. Look what it says will happen." >[4] Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000.00 in CASH. Keep a >copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again >whenever you need money. As soon as you mail out these letters >you are automatically in the mail order business. People will be >sending YOU $1.00 to be placed on your mailing list. This list can >then be rented to a broker that can be found in your local yellow >pages listings for additional income on a regular basis. "Wow!" Jay said. "Why don't we do it? If we could earn all that money just by sending a few coins to these people..." Andrea shook her head. "Jay, Jay, Jay, have you forgotten one of the basic tenets of our profession? You can't get something for nothing--that's just not the way the universe works." "But it says--" Jay said. "Look here." Andrea pointed at the next paragraph. > The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. >This is a service. ** IT IS PERFECTLY LEGAL ** >If you have any doubts as to the legality of this service, please refer >to Title 18,hSections 1302 and 1341 of the Postal Lottery Laws. "I think they're disclaiming too much," Andrea said. "On practically every other line they go out of their way to reassure you that this is perfectly legal. The fact is, it's not, no matter what rules or regulations they might quote at you. They're subscribing to a very one-sided interpretation of the laws they quote, while the justice system at large subscribes to an entirely different one." "But Andrea...we do illegal stuff all the time. That's our stock-in-trade." "There's a difference between being a thief and being a swindler... especially in this case, in which we would also be the marks." "What do you mean?" Jay asked. "If this scheme was so great, don't you think everyone would be doing it?" Andrea asked. "And what do you think would happen then? If it worked the way it said it did, people would be getting rich left and right. Nobody would need to do any honest work anymore, they would just send out a letter every time they needed more money. Don't you see how inherently ridiculous that is? There can't BE such a thing that would suddenly and miraculously make EVERYONE rich...where would the money COME from?" Jay thought about it for a little bit. "From the people further down the line?" "Right! And where would they get THEIR money?" "The people further down from them?" "And where would THEY get their money? Don't you see? It goes on forever, and yet it CAN'T. Sooner or later, it'll run out of people. And how do we know that it hasn't run out already?" Andrea shook her head. "In practice, this scheme is not nearly so lucrative as it makes itself out to be. Or if it is, it is only so for the ones near the top of the pyramid, the first few to send the letter out. The rest...well, if they received any kind of a return on their investment, it would probably be little more than a pittance." "But look at that letter!" Jay said. "That person seemed to have a great deal of success with this..." The following letter was written by a participating member in this program. >*********************************************************************** >To those with the COMMON sense to participate in this easy money >opportunity: ...snip... >mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what >happened! I can not say that I received $50,000.00, but it was >definitely well over $35,000.00! For the first time in 10 years I got >out of debt. It was great. Of course, it did not take me long to go >through my earnings, so I am using this excellent money making >opportunity once again. FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND GET >READY TO ENJOY! > Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter >so together we can convince people who are skeptical that this really >does work! Andrea shook her head. "What else would you expect to see in an advertisement? Someone saying, 'Oh, I sent out the money and I got enough back to buy dinner at the local inn...' perhaps? This scheme is designed to play upon people's gullibility and greed...and it does so quite well, I'll admit. I don't know how many times I've seen this same scheme, or a different variation upon it. It's always the same, send so much money to so many people...make money fast, make money fast. So many people have this idea, so many people are gullible...it never dies!" "But how do you know so much about it?" Jay asked. "One of the courses I took on swindling back at the Guild was devoted entirely to schemes such as these. The instructor described the construction of such a scheme and its successful execution. He also talked about a fellow named Roads or Rhoads or some such (*) who had been caught at it. All of his "This is legal, it's selling lists of names!" claims didn't hold up very well in court for him...I believe he's still in prison today." "But if you learned how to pull this kind of thing off...why don't WE do it?" "It's not the way I prefer to do business," Andrea said. "I may be a thief, but at least I steal my money honestly. I don't trick people out of it." "Oh," Jay said. "So, it's better to break into someone's place of residence and go through his possessions than it is to send him a 'make money fast' letter?" "You'll understand when you get older," Andrea said. "For now, I'm going to burn this parchment, and you need to get back to work." Jay sighed and nodded. "The sooner this CLEANING is over with, the better." Andrea grinned, tossing the parchment in the fireplace as Jay walked back out of the room. "One of these days I'm going to have to see about reactivating some of those booby-traps outside...keep away the kind of people who shove this kind of thing under doors, I bet it would..." (*) Dave Rhodes, author of the most-widely-seen "Make Money Fast" post. -- Chris Meadows | Author, Team M.E.C.H.A., Crapshoot & Co., CHM173S@NIC.SMSU.EDU | on the Superguy Listserv (bit.listserv.superguy) ROBOTECH@ | Check out the Superguy WorldWideWeb homepage: EYRIE.STANFORD.EDU | http://www.halcyon.com/superguy/