| Schmaltz | 6 |
| Violence | 8 |
| Romance | 7 |
| Nudity and Sex | 1 |
| Plot | 4 |
| Buckets o' Blood | 8 |
| Terror | 5 |
Link in the Internet movie database
Synopsis: A sweet and innocent young woman named Carlotte is stolen from her home by a suitably Gothic gent who comes a-callin' in his Hoss'n'buggy. Her brother (who seems prone to both apoplexy and hiring extras from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly) retains two sets of Vampire Hunters to recover the fair maid before her dark suitor (Meier Link, whose name is this close to being either a grocery chain or a Zeldan Elf) can dimple her neck with his fangs. After that, the chase is on, as both sets of hunters pursue the carriage whilst it darts from one set of random encounters to another... until the final, apocalyptic show down, where a ring is thrown, blood is spilt and not really much of anything happens.
Commentary: I'm a big fan of the original Vampire Hunter D. It's got a lot of fond memories for me -- I found the tape at the time I was really getting into the whole Japanese Animation scene, so it's one of my earliest Anime Fanboy memories (not counting Robotech, Voltron, Gigantor and other early greats, which came out before I knew what animation came from which side of the ocean). In it, we are presented with a plot that dares to ask the question 'what would the world of the future be like if monsters existed, and humans had to coexist alongside them'?
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust makes the bold and daring step as it asks the question: 'what would the world of the future be like if monsters existed, and really stupid humans had to coexist alongside them?'. The hunters of this world are true devotees of the term 'It's In The Script', which refers to the (sadly) common practice of horror movie actors doing utterly plank-headed things simply because a ham-handed dramaturge penned it to be so. If you don't mutter 'what the fsck?' to yourself at least three times during this movie, you really haven't been paying attention to it.
Not that I'd blame you too much if you didn't pay attention; this movie is, unlike its predecessor, rather badly boring. I think I got more character development out of watching my clock than two hours of this film's ciphers (you might say that VHD succeeded because it kept its central character, D, mysterious to the very end. I agree. I do not agree that keeping six to eight bits of Fifth Business mysterious and then not bothering to reveal a whole heck of a lot even at the end is a marker of success in a movie). In the first film, the fight scenes were less... steady than in this one; and again, in the first film there was an actual degree of identification with everyone whom D fought. I mean geez, the repeating battle against the mutant who could turn your sword against you was some seriously wicked stuff in that film! In this one we have things like... a werewolf with a wolf's head on his tummy. Yes, you read that right. Apparently normal werewolves just aren't scary enough without making sure that they can bay at the moon in stereo.
For another thing, was D actually in this film? The plot tries to split its focus too many ways and D's laconic personality gets lost in the shuffle of a half-dozen loud-mouthed secondary characters. Remember what master Yoda said about focus, you people.
Lastly, the ending makes no fuggin' sense. Oh, before you click on the 'email' links, I understood what went on. I just have trouble understanding the chain of motivations which lead from Point A to the (apparently) Point L at which we found ourselves. Though technically, you can come up with a plausible reason for everyone doing what they did if you just add 'x is a moron with the power to see the script' to their character bios.
So with all this bashing, are there good points to Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust? Yes there are. When the movie slows itself down, a rare enough event, it's a lovely crafting to watch. The fight scenes aren't boring in of themselves, so if you're a big fan of puncha-puncha-anime-style, there's a lot to recommend this film. And once again, the Japanese really show us up in how to portray vampires as Very Very Powerful Things What Hurt Us And Make Us Go Pale And Dead. These aren't the vampires of the old Hammer Horrors who could step on a tack and die an agonizing death; these are superhumans who should be feared and respected for their powers (though it makes you wonder how in the name of R'lyath they started going into decline. Must've been all those Barbarian Mummies at their Gates). If you're a fan of the first film, catch this one and you should enjoy parts of it. If you're a fan of Melee combat, catch this film. And if A Tale of Two Cities is just a little too fast-paced for you, give this 'un a miss.
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