What Did I Think: You've probably caught a bug in your mouth at one point in your life. Everyone does it except for those restricted to hermetically sealed environments (and for those of you reading this who are, I deeply apologize that this comparison may make no sense) -- it's pretty much all part of being out in the great outdoors and we accept it like skunks stinking and politicos also stinking. Remember how disgustingly chewy the really bloated insects can be? Even worse, remember chewing accidentally only to realise what you've done... too late? I would hope not, but if you have, imagine that someone was walking through the woods and caught a bug in his mouth, like like most of us have done. Imagine his eyes lighting up. 'Wow," he cries, for he is mighty and a marketing director. 'I bet that if I were to suspend a swarm of these in nauseating treacle water, I could sell a bundle!'

Obviously, this is what someone has done, because as near as I can tell, drinking a bottle of Orbitz is much the same as attempting to exterminate through mastication. Its gimmick is that it has little coloured balls suspended in its fluid, just... hanging there. This is the first strike against Orbitz, as what we see done here is a violation of God's plan as well as nature's. Secondly, Orbitz's fluid tastes something like the water you would use to lure the flies you'd be putting into your drink -- sugar-water, but not quite flavoured so it tastes something akin to raw food-colouring. It isn't something that you'd expect a professional bottler to produce -- it's very similar to what you or I made up in the kitchen one Saturday morning when you just didn't feel like another Coke, the milk was all gone and your juice had started smelling like something you'd use to strip the paint from your house. I'm not sure to whom this drink is meant to appeal, but it's not anyone who lacks mandibles.


Only when the bomb drops, flies rule the world and you need something with which to bribe 'em.

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