Range10* once, 1 now

What Did I Think: This is McDonald's long-forgotten attempt to create a veggie-heavy sandwich for the common man. The concept was almost 100% marketing gen-i-us: we all know that Styrofoam possessed magical properties, correct? Ergo, if you place a sandwich within a Specially Created Container, it will magically keep the Hot Side Hot and the Cool Side Cool. How did we know of this arcane magick? Because Mikkie D's spent millions upon millions of advertising dollars to tell us this fact, even going so far as to hire Seinfeld's George (before he was a star) to lead a city in a McDLT dance (in what still remains one of the most energetic and nonsensical commercials known to Western Man). It's certainly true... the hype was there. But what happened?

Sadly, I'm not sure. Perhaps it just never caught on; which is a shame, as it did with me. For a while during my halcyon days of youth, the McDLT replaced the Chicken McNugget as the McYummiest McChoice when I McVisited McDonalds, and you know something? The sandwich was good. There was absolutely nothing special about it being part cool and part hot -- you could easily achieve the same effect by popping half your Big Mac onto a warming tray and letting the lettuce chill a while -- but what the McDLT had was Volume. It was big, it had tons of lettuce, scads of tomato and plenty of that artificial meat-flavoured wood pulp that Ronald McDonald likes to call beef (mmm, Iron-man roughage...). Heck, when the servers were feeling generous, you could make a salad out of the lettuce that fell out of your sandwich, top it off with the gobs of Mayo -- Your Key To a Healthy Heart! -- and enjoy a nice side that wasn't the fried, salted hellspawn of Mr and Mrs Potatohead.

When I think of what I used to eat as a child, I do sometimes get absolutely ill. I wonder how many years I cheated myself of with this addiction.

Like every 'mistake' which McDonalds makes, the McDLT has been spiked and buried hard. This means that if you walk into a restaurant and ask for one, the servers are required to drag you outside and repeatedly squeeze you through the drive-thru window until the manager comes by to bathe your head in month-old fry-grease until your face resembles his. However, for those of you who wish to remember the olden days; or for those of you who are too young to remember the lost McDLT, here is the only way that I know of to get one.

The Secret, Untested, Highly Experimental Recipe For The McDLT!: Warning! Following this recipe might cause the servers at McDonalds to look at you funny and call for the manager. You can take him! Trust me, unless your stage name is Pee-Wee Herman, he can be snapped like a twig. YMMV.

That's it. That's all there is to it. That is, in the end, the McDLT minus a little size, and a little 'cool' vs 'hot'. But hey, it sure fooled me as a child.

Again, I apologize to those McDonalds' employees out there who actually manage to pretend to have a little pride in their work -- Lord knows that I couldn't under those conditions. Perhaps one day you can get out of there and leave behind the folks who have made all of my experiences at McDonalds' a lining Hell. Keep that dream alive!


If you think that your body can stand to be exposed to a little fast-food, I do recommend making one of your own.

No Clowns were harmed during the making of this review.

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