| Schmaltz | 7 |
| Violence | 8 |
| Romance | 4 |
| Nudity and Sex | 3 |
| Plot | 5 |
| Buckets o' Blood | 3 |
| Terror | 1 |
Link in the Internet movie database
Synopsis: Lara Croft's amazing foam-rubber latex bosoms race around the world, followed closely by sidekick Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) as together, they attempt to save the world from possible... ah... not good things at the hands of the Illuminati! What exactly the Illuminati will do if they gain the power of time travel is unclear -- though it probably has something to do with ruling the world... (and yes, I don't know if they might not do a better job of things than we have, when push comes to shove, so cram it) -- though it's probably going to be pretty darned nasty, as Lara and her foam-rubber bosoms must travel by LAND! SEA! and AIR! in order to stop them!
Commentary: The very definition of a popcorn movie, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is essentially a literal translation of the game Tomb Raider to movie form. Many weird and wild things show up for Lara Croft to shoot at, including a boss who must be defeated in a very special (and contrived) manner in order for her to end the level! There are vehicle scenes galore (for you TR II and III fans... I never cared for them myself) and many snappy lines to show us that Lara is really a happenin' chick who don't take no guff from nobody (Jimbo Jones voice: Wait... I didn't mean guff, I meant sh--OW!). And as usual with a Tomb Raider gam--er--movie--er--franchise thingie, the plot takes a backseat to feasting your eyes upon the sumptuous visuals and fast action cut scenes.
So, is this film worth seeing? Yes and no, sadly... and here's why.
The good: There are some truly wonderful moments in this film. Angelina does a beautiful bungee combat which is one of the most inspired bits of visual eye-candy that I've seen since the much... much... much... MUCH over-imitated The Matrix. There are some genuinely good lines in this film, and the hint of a plot that doesn't suck. There are also some wonderful character quirks which show up in the film which I dearly wish had been explored (her manservant -- Rimmer? Arnold J RIMMER? -- in particular seems to have a rich back-story which is only hinted at in the movie).
The bad: This movie needed about twenty seconds added to each and every scene to make it hold together as more than really a montage of action. The film suffers from sloppy editing and poor choices of cutting. Much can be said in a few lines; much can be lost when those lines are not said. The plot is fairly nonsensical and Lara Croft needed to be better established as someone who let her passions run away with her common sense for several of the penultimate scenes to make sense.
The verdict: I doubt that I'll ever really pull TR off the shelves to watch it again, though I might sit down and view it with some friends when we're in the mood for a riffable good time. It's not the worst thing you could see this summer, but it's far from the best (cf Memento and A.I.)
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