All media reviewed in this archive will have the following content notations before them, each category being rated from 0 (none at all) to 10 (omnipresent):
| Schmaltz | A measure of how sappy, sentimental or otherwise saccharine this piece of media will be. It's a hard one to quantify, but for a measure of sorts, the higher the rating the better chance that someone will suddenly break into verse. |
| Violence | Just what it says. A rating of how often someone's innards are put on display for your reading pleasure. |
| Romance | Again, self-explanatory. This is not to be confused with pornography, which is a separate category in its own right. |
| Nudity and Sex | This may or may not refer to explicit descriptions of sexual acts; if a passage or two is particularly ribald, then it will receive a higher rating. |
| Plot | How engaging is the plot? This one is often lower than it should be. |
| Buckets o' Blood | Gore-o-Rama! Through how many paragraphs of viscera must you wade? |
| Terror | Are you scared? Should you be? What was that in the closet? |
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