First challenge

This weekend ended up being my first major challenge to the new year and my new plans around improving my attitude and some of my habits. Verdict: I fell down some, but it ended on a positive note.

When I'm running a stress surplus and feeling like I'm barely keeping my head above water, it's like the emotional equivalent of running a large credit card debt. As long as everything goes as planned, it all works out and feels somewhat under control. However, what one loses, sometimes without realizing it, is the ability to deal with the unexpected, since all of one's energy (financial or emotional) is already committed and there isn't a nice surplus available.

The unexpected was relatively minor in the grand scheme of things (car battery didn't have enough of a charge to start the car, thus preventing me from going to the store Saturday like I'd planned), but I really felt the impact of not having that surplus of emotional energy. I'm pretty much tapped out right now, particularly given that I'm tackling several difficult things right off the bat this year since I had some momentum: better eating habits, seeing a new doctor and getting my lab work up to date, better work management. So it was a nasty surprise, and I went into one of my tailspin cycles fretting over whether I could use the battery charger that I have safely. (Don't research car battery chargers on the Internet. The warnings are spectacularly dire and overblown.)

The tailspin cycles are a problem. I do this too easily. However, I know from experience that they're mostly another sign of stress, and reducing unrelated stress often helps prevent them quite a bit. Otherwise, I've not found effective ways of dealing with them other than lots and lots of research and questions and then pushing through, doing things, and getting familiar with them. Around anything that involves physical injury, I'm just highly risk-adverse, and I've been that way my entire life, so it's not like I'm going to make any sort of drastic change overnight. Part of the overall stress reduction goal is to give myself permission to fall down occasionally and concentrate on learning from it and moving forward.

The weekend ended well. The trickle charger worked just fine, the car starts without any trouble now (leaving a car for a month and a half without being driven is hard on the battery), and tomorrow I'll see about making an appointment to have it serviced and the battery replaced. Even though the car gets almost no usage, the battery is 7 years old, and the almost no usage part is probably harder on the battery than constant usage. Grocery shopping is now done, which should help with eating healthy. I gave into stress and ate a lot that I shouldn't have this weekend, and didn't exercise yesterday (or write a journal entry), but that's another stumble that I learn from and move on.

I do wish I had another day, since I feel like I only got one day, or less, of real time away.