"Eric Lang" was in something of a quandary. Thanks to recent events, there was a great deal of turbulence between the Altiverses. So much so that by the time he fought his way through to this one, this 000SUPERGUY, he was significantly drained of godly power. Normally, when he was tired or drained or whatever, he would go home and meditate on the prayers of his faithful, thus regaining his lost power. But that wasn't an option here...he could make the trip home as many times as he wanted, he'd always end up worn out by the time he got to 000SUPERGUY. Nor could he try to seek local worshippers. Well, he COULD. But that sort of poaching tended to draw unwelcome attention. The last thing he wanted was to have Jack in his grasp only to see some local pantheon come riding in on misty steeds, intent on kicking his divine ass. He supposed he could wait. He was immortal, Jack was immortal. The turbulence would die down. But he'd already waited nearly three years because of other matters calling his attention away from this Altiverse. He was a young demigod, and he was burning to deal with his previous humiliation, forced to give way before the powers of 666NASTYNASTYNASTY. Bah. So, he had decided to stick around and build up forces from the local talent. They spirits knew he wasn't *their* Erlang, but also knew that he could make it worth their while down the road. Those who were more patient then he, or greedy enough to overcome their impatience, were slowly coming to his banner. And soon... breebreebree! Erlang flipped open his cellphone. "Yes? Fox? You're WHERE?" He sighed. Not all of the local talent was that talented.... @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- \\ // -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ .|,Coherent Comics Presents \\ // #27 - Corporate Ladder --X------------------------- E }X{ ARCHS copyright 2003 by the '|` A Superguy/LNH Tale // \\ Dvandroid (Dave Van Domelen) @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- // \\ -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ [cover shows Jack on a darkened sidewalk, facing a hispanic woman with a gun. He looks more than a little worried.] [June 30, 2003 - Los Angeles] Skysabre looked around the small waiting room for the tenth time, but there was still nothing there to recommend even a second look. It was a secure room away from the main concourse, often used for holding people who violated security and needed to be pulled out of the crowd. It was also used when known Superguys traveled from LAX...to contain the damage if a fight scene broke out. Their flight wasn't visible through the armorplas window, but it was probably nearby. It was a smaller jet, chartered to move troops from the Los Angeles area to Fort Riley by Transport Command, and which would then stop off at Manhattan before landing at KCI to switch back to civilian passengers. He suspected that a number of the soldiers they'd be sharing the flight with had been added to the manifest specifically to keep an eye on his little group. Jack seemed harmless enough, chatting amiably with his father on his cellphone. The fact that he was functionally immortal, a master of a dozen abstruse and arcane martial arts, and standing on a bullseye painted by a group of gods, however, made him probably the most dangerous person in the city to be around (assuming that this Dangerousman he kept hearing about wasn't in town). But Mairi was the one all the soldiers would be watching nervously. An assassin who had mastered her body's chi flow and could emit a disorienting and incapacitating scream, she had been released to the watchful eye of Skysabre's team...who were themselves under many other watchful eyes. The facade of the calm and collected killer was nowhere to be seen, however. Months of domination by the Gentle Gift of Crimson, followed by a rather cathartic release from said domination, had left her picking up a lot of emotional pieces. And it didn't help that she and Jack had been dancing around a relationship for several years, according to Louie (who had already been loaded with the luggage in a pet container mystically enhanced to include a wide-screen TV). It was pretty clear she was attracted to Jack, but also resented him on many levels, and even seemed to feel a certain amount of guilt focused on him. What a mess. Jack folded the phone and put it away. "Well, I just finished telling Father to expect us at about eight at the airport. And about the fox spirit." "About that fox spirit," Skysabre quirked an eyebrow. "I'm still not clear on the whole deal with your home reality's gods. I can see why they were after you, but...Hell stopped them? Huh?" He noticed Mairi trying to hide a guilty downwards glance. Jack must have noticed it too, for he responded, "Oh, that. Well, it doesn't really matter how I ended up working for Hell Inc., the point is that Erlang and the others didn't want to start a war with 666NASTYNASTYNASTY over me, so they decided to bide their time. Hell Inc. wouldn't stand for a 'valued employee' being dragged off by someone *else* for an eternity of torture," he snorted. "So why didn't Hell get involved with Crimson?" "Oh, I don't work for Hell Inc. anymore. But it's a long story." Skysabre nodded at the clock on the wall. "We have over an hour before boarding, let's hear it." "Okay," Jack shrugged. "It started after I got back from a job on Mars, and found I'd been evicted from my apartment...." * * * * [May 3, 1999 - San Francisco] Jack stared dumbly at his bedroll, which he had just picked up off the street. "You've been evicted," Louie smacked him in the ear with a forepaw. "Filthy rich, and you're evicted." "How? I paid the rent in advance before leaving for Mars," Jack looked about in bewilderment. "The landlady didn't appreciate people breaking in all hours of the night and trying to kill you," snarled a voice from the shadows. A slender hispanic woman stepped into the light. "I've been keeping an eye on your stuff." "Oh, hi, Sister Sara!" Jack beamed. "Thanks!" "Ah, Jack?" Louie crept back a bit. "Dat's not a 'welcome home, I missed you' look on her face...." "Huh?" Jack paused. "Why didn't you tell me you work for Satan?" Sara said, cocking back the hammer on her revolver. There was a pause [that lasted about four YEARS. - Ed]. "Is dat a trick question?" Louie finally broke the silence. "Louie has a point," Jack nodded. "You don't strike me as the sort of person who would want to hear that sort of thing coming from an ally. The gun pointed at my head is a bit of a giveaway." "Okay, then. Why ARE you working for Satan? You're not evil...not yet, anyway. And you don't strike me as the sort of person who would want to work for Jonesy, while we're comparing shattered expectations," Sarah snarled. "Well, it all started when I was left for dead in an alleyway...." [Since we're ALREADY in a flashback, you must be crazy or an Author if you think we're doing another flashback inside it. Go read Crazy Guy #11-12 for the full story, available online via the autocollector or at http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~dvandom/SG - Ed.] "...and here I am. Stuck in a contract with the Devil. And while the jobs so far have not been directly objectionable...indeed, some have resulted in what seems to be good, it is clear to me that my boss has long term plans that involve me and are very evil," Jack finished. "Typical deal with the devil," Sarah nodded, lowering the revolver somewhat. Jack did not relax, however, given where it now pointed. "Start out innocently enough, then slowly corrupt you until you're a willing participant in all of his most depraved schemes. How could you be so naive?" "Hey, he's not part of MY religion, how was I to know that? Would you know what to do if an Infernal Programming Director offered you a prime Timeslot or even the immortality of Syndication? Would you check the contracts for Residuals? Would you know to reserve the right to break the contract in the event of a change in Airdates? I think I did pretty well, all things considered," Jack rejoined. Sarah finally put away the gun. "Fine. But I *am* an expert in *this* religion, and I can tell you this: if you don't get out of that contract soon, you won't want to. And then you'll be facing me, or someone like me, and the gun won't be put away until it's empty." "I can't just break my contract, though. That would be wrong," Jack pointed out. "Not ta mention substantial penalties fer early withdraw'l," Louie snarked. "Look, Jack," Sarah put a firm hand on his shoulder. Even though he was several inches taller than she, he felt like she was towering over him. "You can't keep going, hoping that something will turn up and save you from evil. You have to do something about it yourself, make an effort to reject it, or it will cling to you like the stench of old socks. If you can't bring yourself to break the contract, you'll need to find a loophole." "I've given my contract to several mystically-inclined friends," Jack nodded. "They hadn't found a loophole yet when I left. But they are good people, they will keep trying." Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Maybe that's your problem, Jack. You're too good a person to break a contract, and maybe your friends are too. You need to find a BAD person, the kind who sees the loopholes plain as day but has difficulty seeing the contract itself." "Hmmm," Jack hmmm'ed. "I think I know just the man...." * * * * [May 4, 1999 - Los Angeles] Slow Moe Shen, Tong leader...er, upstanding local businessman and pillar of the community, knew a great deal about the making and breaking of contracts. So when he shook his head and set down the sheaf of papers, Jack's heart sank. "Sorry, kiddo...this one's pretty ironclad. Jones has some of the most skilled contract lawyers in the universe under his thumb, and if there's a way to get out of this one legally, I can't see it." "Well, thanks for looking, Mr. Shen," Jack picked up the contract and started packing it away in several boxes. "I guess there isn't any way out." "Nope," Shen shrugged. "Unless, of course, you were the boss of Hell (TM) Incorporated," he smiled weakly. Jack paused. "What do you mean?" "Well...the CEO of Hell (TM) Inc. reserves the right to terminate any employee at any time, with or without cause. And nowhere does it say that this has to be fatal. So if you managed to convince Satan T. Lucifer Jones to fire you, that'd be a way out." "Or if I took over Hell (TM), right?" Jack pierced Shen with an intense gaze. "Would that do it?" Shen looked boggled for a moment. "I was joking...you'd never pull it off, you'd have an easier time convincing Jonesey to fire you." "But would it work?" Jack demanded. "Of course it would. If it was even possible to get into the Armchair of Rancid Naugahyde, that is." "It WILL work!" Jack crowed. "And I thought Father was just punishing me by making me learn Northern Fist Leveraged Buyout Fu...." * * * * [May 10, 1999 - San Diego] While the big commodities trading pits in Chicago and New York got all the attention, there exist scores of regional exchanges. And it was one of these, the avocado futures exchange in San Diego, that had just experienced a day of trading whose like is seldom seen even on the fabled floors of Chicago. Jack stands alone in the very center, hands clenching buy and sell slips, eyes gleaming in triumph. All around him are men in colored jackets, looking about in a daze like fallen warriors after a horrible battle. They still have their lives, but their souls are forever shattered, for they have been in a struggle that was never theirs to win. Most would seek careers in the burgeoning high tech sector to the north, only to be shattered a second time when the tech bubble burst. A few would try to hang on here for a few more months, and some would even recover, convinced that such a horrible day would never happen again. And one would even go on to invent Reality TV, much to Satan's delight. But this was Jack's day. "I am ready," he whispered to the rapidly emptying floor. * * * * [May 25, 1999 - Hong Kong] Jack finished unpacking his suitcases, hanging the elegant suits in the walk-in closet of the luxurious hotel bedroom. He had argued against such luxury, but the Mage Municipal had pointed out that anything else would be false economy. It would not be enough to just buy up shares in Hell (TM) Inc., he had to look the part of a successful man. That meant upscale hotels, fine clothing, the works. A clause hidden in his contract would let him buy voting stock, but those who held such stock were high rollers. They could always refuse to sell if they weren't sufficiently impressed by Jack. "SWANK digs," Louie whistled as he emerged from the main room of the suite. "They even got a geomancer in when they built this place, and he knew what he was doing. The chi flow is suh-weet." "Well, I have to say I'll be happy to see the last of it," Jack shrugged. "The sooner I take over Hell (TM) Inc. and fire myself, the happier I'll be. And I can't shake the feeling that something's going to go horribly wrong." There was a knock at the door, accompanied by a whiff of sulfur. "Something horribly wrong is at the door to see you," Louie eeped, then scurried into the bathroom to hide. Jack walked out into the main room and found the door already open, a familiar figure framed in it. "B.L.Z. Bobb," Jack tried to sound unconcerned. "What are you doing here?" The demonic manager snorted, little yellow clouds emerging from his nostrils. "That's my question, to complete the cliche. The CEO caught wind of your little plan to buy into the voting stock. He doesn't like it. We want those shares spread as widely as possible, corrupt as many people as possible." "And...?" "AND," Bobb snorted again, "you stop at, oh, three percent of the voting stock, and everything's fine. Taking an interest in the company is, of course, officially encouraged, even if we'd rather everyone stay mindless drones. But taking TOO MUCH interest is...unhealthy." "Noted," Jack smiled, just the faintest bit of the carnivore hidden in his pleasant expression. "I'll be watching the tickers," Bobb warned. "Remember, THREE PERCENT, no more!" "Oh, don't worry. I'll remember," Jack nodded. WILL JACK REMEMBER? WILL LOUIE HAVE TO TURN OFF THE BIG-SCREEN TV WHEN THE PLANE TAKES OFF? WILL DVANDOM ACTUALLY FINISH THIS FOUR-YEAR-OLD PLOTLINE? Answers to some of these, especially the last one, if there IS a next...Superguy! ============================================================================ Author's Notes: Finally I wrap up the danglers from my old Crazy Guy series. And it also lets me get some stuff written without crossover concerns. }-> Robotech_Master and I are still wrangling over how deep of a crossover we're going to have (I'm leaning more towards a few cameos in each book, he's leaning towards Grand Tour II or something), and I figured it'd be a good time to stick in Jack's dangler resolution while waiting. Not to mention, it turns out to be a good time for it, since it'll help drive the rest of the new uberarc. This episode and the next, by the way, briefly started life as Exarchs Annual #1, but I decided to break it into two episodes. Annuals aren't really a Superguy thing as much as they are an LNH or ASH thing, after all. Plus, this let me make the B.L.Z. Bobb scene into a cliffhanger, improve the drama flow. I pasted in part of a scene from Crazy Guy #30, see if you can spot the edit I made! Slow Moe Shen first appeared in 36 Crazy Plots #5, and when I was thinking up the "Jack Takes Over Hell (TM) Inc." plot, I had envisioned a somewhat larger role for him. Then again, I'd also seen the plot taking place over a dozen or so episodes, rather than the two I'm using for it now. I think the sheer ambition of that plot was a big part of why I stalled out in the first place. More notes on where the plot was originally going to go in the endnotes to Exarchs #28. Now for the gaming sourcebook section! Here's the Feng Shui stats for Jack. I made him as a Supernatural Creature instead of as a Martial Artist, because while he's exhibited all sorts of supernatural abilities, he's never really done most of the things shown in Feng Shui's "Fu Paths". He does not have the common characteristics of Supernatural Creatures (shambling gait, horrific appearance, needing to be healed by magic, etc) and there's no Juncture Modifiers in 000SUPERGUY. This is how his stats were at the time of the Season in Crimson arc, he has since lost his Signature Weapon permanently, but may find a new one later. He has no Creature Powers skill. Should he develop any powers that are active, like Blast, he would lack any skill in their use initially. Jack Yuen Archetype: Supernatural Creature, sorta. Juncture: 973HONGKONGFILMS Attributes: BOD 6 (Mov 7, Tgh 8), CHI 5 (Mag 8), MND 6 (Wil 8), REF 9 (Agl 10) Skills: Martial Arts +5 (15) Leadership +2 (8) Info/Archaeology +2 (8) Deceit +2 (8) Driving +3 (12) Intrusion +3 (13) Info/Classic TV +5 (11) Schticks: Inevitable Comeback, Regeneration x2, Death Resistance x2, Abysmal Spines (to represent his ability to hit hard, not actual spines), Signature Weapon (Sea-Fixing Pin) Weapons: Punch (11), Kick (12), Sea-Fixing Pin (13), highly concealable Wealth Level: Rich