SUPERHEROES - to the tune of INTERJECTIONS, School House Rock Skysabre got in with his crew, uh-huh-huh The guv'mint knew just what to do-hoo The Exarchs were sat in Just outside Manhattan While the army colonel played at bein' Gen'ral Patton... "Hey! Move out!" "Ouch! They're tough!" "Yow! That's not fair, stocking up mutants in your lair!" Superheroes (Hey!) are what's needed (Yow!) to fight beasties (Ouch!). They're generally set apart from a human by a freaky super pow'r, Or by a gadget when the hero's not as strong. Though Skysabre was a real vet, uh-huh-huh The Exarchs had seen little ye-het They fought the mutations With brave exhultations But Tybalt did not meet their expectations... Well! You've got some nerve! Oh! I've never seen heroes so eager to die! Hey! Stop running away! Superheroes (Well!) are what's needed (Oh!) to fight beasties (Hey!). They're generally set apart from a human by a freaky super pow'r, Or by a gadget when the hero's not as strong. So when you're winning (Hurray!) or not (Aw!) Or dodging (Eeek!) or shot (Rats!) Or still human (Wow!) or rot (Hey!) A superhero starts a conflict right. The fight went on through summer and fall, uh-huh-huh The author found to show it a-hall Would bore him to te-hears And take him five ye-hears But the crowd started shouting out "Get in ge-hears!" Aw! When's episode twelve? Darn! No one's posting stuff! Hurray! Here's a new episode! Superheroes (Aw!) are what's needed (Darn!) to fight beasties (Hurray!). They're generally set apart from a human by a freaky super pow'r, Or by a gadget when the hero's not as strong. Superheroes! Fighting monsters! And mutations! And weird critters! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelu-u-u-u-yay! @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- \\ // -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ .|,Coherent Comics Presents \\ // #12 - Caenosus Duodecim --X------------------------- E }X{ ARCHS copyright 2002 by the '|` A Superguy Tale // \\ Dvandroid (Dave Van Domelen) @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- // \\ -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ "Okay, that was thoroughly embarrassing," Oakthorn winced as a medic dabbed aloe on his burns. "Got our butts whipped by one guy who looked like a refugee from a goth bar." "Well, that happens during a recon in force," Skysabre shrugged. "At least this time we convinced the military NOT to send in any normals," he gestured at the troops manning the roadblock there at the Paxico exit off I-70. "We would have had to leave too many behind in that mad dash." "Thank the gods for that giant squirrel," Anna noted as she taped up her forearm. Another pulled muscle, swinging her giant hammer Forgeheart. Not to mention that she'd burned her clothing off AGAIN and was wrapped in a blanket AGAIN. "No idea where it came from or went to, but it distracted Tybalt long enough for us to make our break." Of the four, only Kat had no injuries, but she still had trouble entering enemy lands without feeling the earth's pain. Her marble skin was always pale, but she looked like she would have been that white even with a human body. "I have GOT to figure out a way to block out all those screams," she sighed. "You need good armor!" an elderly voice half-shouted behind them. "GAH!" they exclaimed in unison and jumped to their feet. They saw a rather odd trio who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and now had a rather large number of guns pointed nervously at them. One was a skinny old Chinese man with bushy hair. Another was a slightly embarrassed-looking young Chinese man carrying the third member of the trio, who was a squirrel. One of them smelled strongly of garlic. "Hiya, toots," the squirrel mimed tipping his hat at Anna, who blushed and picked up the blanket she'd dropped when jumping to her feet. "How did you get here," Agent Brubaker demanded as he stalked over from the communications van. "Squirrel monkey knows invisibility spell," the old man shrugged. "Not useful against demons, ayaaah, but good for getting past soldiers. But that not important now! We have magic armors, recovered from four corners of Earth, to protect you from dark magics!" The young man finally spoke up. "We tried getting into the city ourselves, but father and Louie found that whoever is running the place could detect superguys like me and turn them to his service." He had a wistful tone to his voice that suggested he knew someone personally who had been turned. "We had a couple suits of ancient magical armor along, and it seemed to block that influence, but then we found out about you people. So I suggested we find a few more suits and give them to you." He gestured at a wheeled case behind the trio. "Five suits, one for each element. Although you do not seem to have a representative of water." Skysabre finished binding his cuts and put the Tarsus back on his wrist as everyone stood and approached the case warily. Its dimensional travel abilities had burnt out, but it still claimed to sense the fifth mystic weapon somewhere in this altiverse. Now it screamed at him. "Whoa...getting a strong signal from the Tarsus, everyone," he raised the band with its darkened pink gem. "You," he pointed at the young man. "Do you have any magical weapons on you? And who ARE you, anyway?" "Oh, I am sorry, manners. I am Jack Yuen, sometimes known as Crazy Guy. This is my father, and Louie here is a squirrel. The only magical weapon I have is this," he pulled a slim red needle out of his left wristband. A quick shake, and suddenly it was a full-sized staff, red with golden ends. It clanked firmly on the roadbed. "It is sea-fixing pin stolen from the dragon kings by Sun Wukong and won from him by me in a card game," Jack's father explained somewhat smugly. "Tell me, when you first grasped it, did all sorts of weird elemental effects happen? You know, geysers, storms, whatever?" Anna asked. Jack shook his head. "No. Should they have?" There was a brief, disappointed silence. "Well, we have the weapon located, I guess the fifth Exarch will show up eventually." "Okay, now it is my turn to be confused," Jack looked around pleadingly. "Lemme sum it up, Jacko," Louie jumped off his shoulder and started gesturing. "Dese guys are all from other altiverses, just like you. Dey got some sorta elemental powers because of it, but you don't. Dey represent four elements, and need a fifth. And each seems t' have some funky weapon dat's powered by their element. You gots da water weapon, but apparently if da right person grabs it, it goes all crazy and lets dem know dey got a fift' fer bridge. Meanwhile, we been running around findin' armor for dem, but it looks like you get to wear one of da suits fer now." "It is GOOD armor!" Jack's father proclaimed as he opened the case to reveal a number of mesh bags, each containing a jumble of pieces. "It looks like junk, but it's magic," Louie explained, but Jack's expression was quite skeptical. "I suppose it would be too much coincidence if it all fit us perfectly," Kat snorted, picking up a bag that contained a breastplate, a helmet and a few small pieces besides. "Mountain motif...I guess this one is for me." Anna was looking over the pieces as the bags were opened and the contents spread on the ground for inspection. "Wait a second...each of these suits has an alchemical symbol for one of the elements on it. But that suit is clearly not European in origin...and I can't place this one's origin at all." "Ancient armorsmiths work with wandering alchemist against future need foretold in prophecy," Jack's father shrugged, as if this sort of thing happened all the time. "This one must be for me," Anna gestured at a full suit of armor that seemed to use overlapping bands of metal for flexibility. "But I don't see how I'll even be able to move wearing it. And it was made for a man." "Hey, at least you get a suit. I don't see anything there that looks like it's for me," Oakthorn shrugged. "Then again, I grew my own armor." "Armor is magic! Put it on!" Jack's father demanded. After a few minutes and the help of some soldiers, Anna, Kat, Skysabre and Jack had donned their armors. The results, to put it mildly, were somewhat ludicrous. "I can barely stand up," Anna mumbled, peering over the high neck guard of her armor. "And all this armor on my right arm is heavier than Forgeheart!" "I don't even see why I need this," Kat grumbled. "I'm made of stone. And it doesn't really fit." Jack just clanked as he experimentally walked around the cleared area, looking very dubious at this whole plan. "Maybe they need to be turned on," Skysabre mused, reaching for his namesake weapon. As soon as he touched it, the blade flared to life and suddenly the armor crackled with lightning. A dustdevil whipped up around him, briefly obscuring him from sight. When the wind cleared, the cracked and pitted old armor looked polished and new, and it had reshaped itself to the contours of Skysabre's body. "Now that's more like it," Anna nodded. "Could someone hand me my hammer? And then step back...." A firestorm and a minor quake later, the bulky old armors had reformed to fit the female contingent of the Exarchs. "Wow! It's like powered armor now," Anna enthused. "Forgeheart feels light as a wand!" she said as she waved the mighty hammer around to emphasize her point. "I'm not sure what this gets me, but it looks better," Kat reached up to feel that cat ears had grown from the already ornate helmet. "Cute. Wait...I don't feel the pain of the land now." "It is psychic armor," Jack's father explained. It was now very clear, even to Kat, that he was the source of the garlic odor. "Mine doesn't work," Jack sighed. "Must be because I'm not one of them." "It is GOOD armor," his father insisted. "It will still protect you from evil MIND MAGICS." "I think it may be time to pay Tybalt a return visit," Skysabre clashed his sword hilt on the chestplate of his armor. IS IT TIME TO PAY TYBALT A RETURN VISIT? IS JACK'S ARMOR ACTUALLY ANY GOOD? WHAT THE HECK *IS* HIS FATHER'S NAME, ANYWAY? IF JACK ISN'T THE FIFTH EXARCH, WHO IS? Answers to some of these questions, and maybe even a big brawl, on the next...SUPERGUY! ============================================================================= Author's Notes: Yeah, yeah, still haven't really gotten back into the swing of things. Hopefully finessing my way past a bunch of fight scenes will help me get going. Like with Crazy Guy, I have a very good idea where this will go eventually, but the details between here and there are a bit hazy. I'll try to avoid leaving everyone hanging, though.