"Where Is Thy Sting?" an Akiko/Clan Apis Story by Dave Van Domelen, copyright 2000 Akiko created by Mark Crilley, Nyuki created by Jay Hosler Used without permission, but I'm sure they're okay with it. ============================================================================= "...you mean old...wiz...ard?" Something was terribly wrong. Just a second ago, Akiko had been standing in front of the Wizard of Garumple Peak, her friends at her side, demanding the return of King Froptoppit's Royal Jelly. And the Royal Peanut Butter, too. Now? Now she wasn't sure. It was like she was looking through a kaleidoscope at the world. She could kinda tell she was in a sunny meadow or something, if only because there was blue at the top of each fragment of her vision and green at the bottom, and she could smell flowers. Only, if these were flowers, they were certainly pretty weird...they had colors she couldn't even describe! Not, mind you, that this was totally surprising on Smoo. She saw more undescribable things before breakfast most days here than she ever did back on Earth. She tried blinking, but nothing happened to the view. Maybe it'd work better if she took a look around some, she figured, and started to turn. She practically stumbled over her own legs. All...SIX of them?!? "Help!" she shouted, realizing what had happened. No wonder that wizard wore black and yellow stripes and those fake-looking wings! He was obsessed with bees, and he'd turned Akiko into one! She was standing on a blade of grass in the middle of a big meadow nowhere NEAR Garumple Peak, and she was a BEE! "HEEEEELLLLLP!" she shouted again. She smelled something funny, and it only made her more afraid, but she didn't know why. "I'm coming!" came a tiny voice from downwind. "You can stop giving off fear pheromones!" "Ferrawhatsis? Did the wizard turn you into a bee too, Mr. Beeba?" Akiko was starting to get the hang of the weird kaleidoscope vision, and saw another honeybee land next to her. "Nice name for a bee, but my name's Nyuki," the newcomer introduced herself. "So, what's the big panic? Everything looks okay." "It is NOT okay. I'm a BEE," Akiko explained. "And?" Nyuki cocked one antenna. "What's wrong with being a bee? Beats being a dung beetle...at least the food's better." "I'm supposed to be a human being," Akiko explained. "I've heard of hive bee-ing and solo bee-ing, but never human bee-ing. What sort of bee is a human?" "No sort of bee at all," Akiko flailed her antennae in frustration. "Tall as a bush, two arms, two legs, that sort of thing." "Never seen anything that big that *wasn't* a bush, or a tree. Are humans a type of tree?" "Well, we have family trees, but that's not the same sort of thing," Akiko admitted. "Is Mr. Beeba a bee, or a human?" "He's...I'm not exactly sure. Sort of like a human, but his arms and legs are really skinny, and...oh, never mind," Akiko shook her body. "There's this wizard, and he turned me into a bee. Ooooooh," she seethed, "I wish he was here so I could sting him!" Nyuki's antenna went straight with alarm. "No you don't! You shouldn't be so eager to sting!" "Why not?" Akiko paused, realizing she'd almost taken off into the air, just from shaking with anger. "Well, you can only do it once, then you're dead," Nyuki explained. Akiko gasped. "What?" "You didn't know? Who raised you? Oh, right, you're a tree. Anyway, our stingers stay in, and when you pull away, your insides stay attached. Stinging is your last act as a bee...unless the person you're stinging is also an insect. Is this wizard an insect?" "I think he wishes he were one, but he's another human being." "Harumph, I wouldn't bother stinging a tree, then," Nyuki shrugged. "Oh, trust me, it hurts when a human being is stung. I got stung once, this stupid bee landed on me and stung me for no reason at all, then flew away! My mom had to take the stinger out with a tweezers," Akiko remembered. Nyuki shook her head. "Trust me, it wasn't for no reason. Remember, we DIE when we sting things if the stinger stays in, like you're saying it does for human bee-ings. We only sting in defense of the hive. You must have gotten too close, or even stepped on the hive. Some bees build their hives inside rotting logs on the ground...step on that, and you'll bring out all sorts of bees to sting you, especially if you're as big as you say you are." "Gosh, I never knew that!" Akiko exclaimed. "And I thought bees were just mean!" "Well, some are, but most of us honeybees are pretty *sweet* when you get to know us," Nyuki chuckled. Akiko groaned. "Are they all as weird as you?" Suddenly, things started to shift. "Hey, something's happening!" Akiko shouted. "You're fading away," Nyuki gasped. "Whoever you are!" she added. "My name's Akiko..." And then, she was human again, standing in the wizard's chambers. Poog was floating over her saying something in that strange, wondrous and melodic language of his, and he stopped when he saw she was standing in front of him. Spuckler was sitting atop the unconscious wizard, and Gax was nearby, an electrical wire sticking out of his body and sparking slightly. This probably explained why the wizard's hair was all standing out on end. Mr. Beeba looked up from his rummaging around, and batted at the air. "Ah, Akiko...you're back!" he exclaimed, a broad smile on his face. "Now you can help me look for the Royal Peanut Butter and Royal Jelly in this mess... and maybe alleviate my difficulties with these diabolical insects!" "Hey, stop swatting them!" Akiko dashed up the stairs and grabbed Mr. Beeba's hands. "Bees aren't mean, they're just protecting their home, which you must be sitting on!" Mr. Beeba stood and looked down at the "crate" he had been using as a chair. He blushed an interesting shade of russet when he realized what it was. "Oh dear, an apiary." He moved away with quite a bit of speed. Akiko grinned and looked at the bee which had landed on her finger. "See, some bees are nice. Even if they have weird senses of humor," she grinned. =========================================================================== Author's Notes: This story was inspired in part by a posting to alt.comics.fan-fiction about a Jay Hosler signing, and my smart-alecky response to it. I wrote it in about half an hour, plus a few minutes for proofreading. Well, and some time spent mulling over ideas during dinner. }-> Bees have compound eyes, meaning that instead of one big eye on each side of the head, they have dozens of tiny eyes, each of which has its own image. Their brains put these little pictures together into a big picture, but I figure that a human trying to sort it all out might start out thinking she was looking through a kaleidoscope.