Title: Batman Thinks X-MU*s Are Dumb Players: Batmitter, Superboy, Impulse Scene: Central Park Hefting his raygun, Impulse pauses and looks at it thoughtfully for a moment, then aims it at Superboy and pulls the trigger. ... "This thing used to work," he grins, gesturing with it. "Was /so/ ginchy. It's like...Allred. Very Allred. But when Cassie and I blew up the Zantrosian base, its power source went kabong." There's a sudden rush of air and a red and yellow explosion of energy from the direction of Central Park. A crowd of bystanders slow down, looking in the explosion's direction. Inexplicably, though, they continue on their ways as if nothing happened. The Boy of Steel just shakes his head. "Dude, whatever. That is -so- a toy you picked up from somewhere." He walks with Bart, both dressed in civilian clothes so they won't get mobbed. Well, so Superboy won't get mobbed. However, when the explosion takes place, Superboy slaps his red visor on his face almost as if on reflex, and rises a few feet in the air. "What the hell?" There's definitely some sort of battle going on in the park now. There's the noise of laser blasts and trees being rent from the earth. And, yet...the crowd in the vicinity is scarce. rent=wrent "Uh-huh, sure. That's why it's made out of heavy-duty titanium alloy and diamond," replies Bart, rolling his eyes and clipping it to his belt. Then, kaboom. You know the drill. He flashes the Kid of Steel a wild grin, and takes off. Too bad he doesn't have the costume ring and all. He's just a fast guy with a raygun, yeah. Yeah! "C'mon, slowpoke!" A bench flies through the air, shatters a shop window of a nearby gift shop, and settles in the glass and debris, which includes the ruins of a dozen odd statuettes of liberty.. The Boy of Steel is by no means slow, but not as quick as the future-freak. He flies straight for the park, frowning. He tries to focus on the park with his visor, hopefully cutting through whatever's in his way with the X-Ray vision. "Slowpoke..." He mutters, shaking his head. The front of the Hava Java Coffee Bar is a ruin of splintered wood and shattered brick. The front window was exploded open by some sort of intense heat ray, looks like. A kid in would-be gangsta attire is watching the goings on across the street. Across the way in the park, a quarter of figures in colorful costumes are throwing pieces of scenery at one another. There's a large figure with a meaty body and an odd sort of visor on his head. There's a slender woman with a skinny waist, large bust, and tight purple ninja attire. She has a tattoo that covers her face that looks like a big 'no smoking' sign. The third combatant is a broadshouldered man with a gentle demeanor on his face even as he telekentically drives another park bench through a tree. He's dressed in a stylish suit and trenchcoat. The last person in the fight is an underage girl...close to 8 years of age...with black hair in a bun. She wears a set of yellow tights, and has a shoulder holster, and goggles. She throws fireballs. The sides are hard to discern at the moment. And, again; surprisingly, there's no crowd. Stylish Trenchcoat announces "Oh, really, old sport. You're being incredibly trifling over a little bit of genetic theft, old bean." in an eternally bored voice. He squints slightly, and stylishly mentally zaps Meaty Visor. Meaty Visor says "Gaaah!" and stumbles back, momentarily stunned. No Smoking bends forewards provacatively as she speaks to Goggle Girl over the various noises "You're okay, Sally?!!" Impulse pauses, looking at Superboy. He lowers his voice. "Are we interrupting a movie shoot or something, y'think?" Superboy arches a brow, frowning. "Sure looks like it." Then he catches sight of the ninja, and smirks. "Dude, I'll take the chick with the tattoo on her face. You keep Miss Fireball busy." With that, he flies over to the woman in the ninja costume, landing behind her and attempting to tap her on the shoulder. "Whassup, hotcakes?" "Rightright, sure, okay." He puts a pair of sunglasses on, protecting that Not-So-Important Semi-Secret Identity, and zips up behind the Kid Sister. He tries the Looming thing, y'know, standing up behind her with that extra couple feet, and deepens his voice. "BOO!" Maybe it'll scare her? Maybe...? No Smoking turns around, her incredible ninja reflexes allowing her to immediate notice Superboy even as he taps her on the shoulder. She produces a large double bladed...weapon...of some sort of polearm variant...only shinier and with more edges. Levelling this at Superboy's chin, she switches from her concered mother figure voice to a snarl worthy of Metallo. "What did you call me, scuzzball?!" Goggle Girl emits a "Yipe!" and bats her large blue eyes behind her goggles. She looks at Bart curiously and throws a basketball fireball at him, saying "Eat this!" suddenly. The Boy of Steel blinks a bit behind his visor, looking between the weapon and the woman. "Hotcakes. You know, like pancakes? A very respectable breakfast, if a tad too hard on the carbs. What's going on here?" He doesn't seem too worried about the weapon, although heat vision does get primed and his hands are in a defensive position./ "Not hungry!" yells Bart, ducking at superspeed. Oh yes. He wrinkles his nose. "Nice goggles, but /grife/, kid, bad /manners/. Mind turning off the pyrostuff until we can get this all sorted out?" He straightens his shades...and his vest...and crosses his arms. Meanwhile, Stylish Trenchcoat continues to deride Meaty Visor. "You're quite a fool, friend. You don't believe that my only base of operations was under that coffee shop, do you? I have plenty more where that came from. And many of them are even more secret." Meaty Visor slowly gets to his meaty feet, then launches into a charge at Stylish Trenchcoat, which Stylish Trenchcoat easily dodges and then telekentically flings a street sign at Meaty Visor, which Meaty Visor dodges to one side of before unleashing an uppercut which Stylish Trenchcoat blocks with a force field. The fireball destroys a parked import car across the street, by the way. Nobody in it. Don't worry. Goggle Girl looks confused. "Eat this!" she announces, blinking her big blue eyes once more. This time, there's three fireballs. They're red and hot. No Smoking says "I'm Laxaria of the assassins of Duron, male fool! You will bleed for your jibes!" She then launches into a very complex maneuver that almost defies description and anatomical correctness. The blades swing down at Superboy's body with two pronged deadliness. "Assassin?!?" Superboy says, as he attempts to catch the blades in his hands. If he should succeed, he'll attempt to use his (say it with me) tactile telekinesis to shatter the weapon, albeit not in an explosion, so as not to harm the woman. "So, you do what, like hang out with other assassins? Aren't you people supposed to hang out at night 'n stuff?" He then winks, although she can't see it behind his visor. "Got plans on Friday night?" Wondering if that's the only thing the kid can say, El Bart-O picks up a piece of street debris - which there's always a lot of, for some reason - and flicks it around, at once dodging the fireballs and absorbing them with the piece of whatever. "Ow ow ow!" he yells, as the flotsam becomes too hot to handle, and drops it. With an impatience born of pain, Bart picks up the little kid and dunks her in a local pond. Central Park is great. It has it all. The bladed weapon is broken in several dozen places, and falls from her hands. Undaunted, she lets out a growl, and produces a large twin barreled machine pistol with a large ammunition belt attached to her own slender utility belt. "My only plans are to make you suffer, you testosterone laden imbecile!" The gun jerks to life with a hail of noisesome bullets. Goggle Girl blinks her big blue eyes vaccuously and is dunked. Steam rises from the pond, and she gives out little terrified squeal. The Metropolis Kid gives a sigh. Sure, the bullets can't hurt him, but they might ricochet. Undaunted by the bullets, he reaches forward for the gun and once more attempts to shatter both the gun and the ammo belt. "Sure, you say that now..." Superboy says, "but wait 'til you get to know me when you're not shooting at me. I'm cool." And then, in a more serious tone of voice, calls out for Bart. "Imp, get on the other two!" Meaty Visor starts to rear back a large fist to pummel the constantly smirking Stylish Trenchcoat, but pauses in mid punch as Goggle Girl squeals. He grimaces in Bart's direction, saying (in a shockingly soft and poetic voice) "This will never do! Anastasia Belle! I'll save you!" He then commences to pursue Impulse, trying to zap him with a blue flashing visor ray. "Hah! Hah, I say, you hellspawn demon chil- what?" cackles Bart, standing, then blinking and looking over to his friend. "Oh right," he says, tugging the kid out of the water and leaving her, soggy, by the side of the pond. Then! He doesn't have to go to the guy, the guy goes to him! With an astoundingly B-movie line! Aghast at this wanton display of Claremontism, it takes the young speedster a full half-second to react, pulling his useless (but impressive) raygun from his belt and pointing it at Stylish Trenchcoat. And, of course, ducking the blasts. "One step further, wisenheimer, and I'll butter yer necktie -- with SQUEEZ CHEEZE RAY POWER!" The gun is shattered now, and No Smoking...or Laxaria or whatever...says "You will scream a hundred times for every insult!" She pauses, looking in Goggle Girl's...Anastasia Belle, presumably...direction, her face forming into a pained and shocked expression. "Oh no?! Anastasia Belle!" She turns and runs towards the edge of the pond, shouting "Dog paddle honey!" in a motherly tone. As if on cue, Meaty Visor splashes into the pond while Anastasia Belle is retrieved. Stylish Trenchcoat smirks. Bart yells, "I'm not kidding!" Stylish Trenchcoat smirks. "Don't be daft, my little friend. I've got your number." Superboy just rolls his eyes, and swoops down to retrieve the No Smoking woman. If successful, he graps her by the arms and flies for the roof of a nearby building. "Now, sweets, you just wait here and I'll pick you up 'round eight, alright?" He sets her down on the roof, before winking. "And try to look nice. Put on some make-up." With that, he bolts back down for the fray, aiming directly for the back of Stylish Trenchcoat. Impulse blinks, gun lowering. "Really? What is it?" Stylish Trenchcoat pauses, and says "I...I'm sorry, what?" Bart says, "My number! You said you had my number. What is it? I wanna know!" No Smoking twitches around for a few moments, but is scooped and then dropped onto the rooftop. She lets out a hissy fit that grows distant and faint as Superboy returns to attend to Stylish Trenchcoat. If he can, Superboy just bowls Stylish Trenchcoat. "Billy! Billy don't you lose my number!" *WHAM* He keeps going, circling back after he hopefully knocks the man in the trenchcoat down. "'Cause you're not anywhere, that I can't find you." Stylish Trenchcoat attempts to provide a smug response, and pauses for a moment, trying to then look Machievellian. He then grimaces and says "Well, it was a figure of speEEAAGH!" He gets sent hurtling into a hot dog vendor's stand as Superboy's flying form bashes into his back. There's an explosion of mustard and cheap plastic. Stylish Trenchcoat lies still. Meaty Visor dog paddles and Goggle Girl watches with the same blank, wide-eyed, innocent child stare from nearby, sopping wet. Bart hehs. "Dork." Superboy smirks himself, as he finishes the song, and then looks for Meaty Visor heading for the young girl. "Imp! Stop that dude from gettin' pedophiliactic with that girl!" He keeps the heat vision primed, just in case, and swoops down to attempt to lift the girl from the man's path. Impulse scratches his head, putting his gun back on his belt. "I have the oddest feeling we're being filmed. Y'know? That was unreal. Even by my standards. What should we do with the kid? I ain't sending her to the DEO." He gacks, and runs forward, splashing through the water. Swimming over, he whacks Visor upside the head, and scowls. "Are you /stupid/? She's outta the water. C'mon out and explain to us what's going on." Goggle Girl is again startled by the action of Superboy (as she is by all actions, really) and says "Put me down." Meaty Visor says "You...you people." in a pathetic sort of seething. He says "Annabelle, honey? You alright?" looking towards Goggle Girl. Superboy continues to swoop around with the girl in his arms, before setting down on the edge of the pond, and sets her down like she asked. "Girl, what're you doing hangin' out with those losers? I mean, hello? You need to hang with kids your own age. Barbies and stuff." He gazes over the pond. "Impulse! Get out've the water before you cause a tidal wave!" Making a huge splash as he swims, um, a little too fast out of the water...then an even better one as he dries off, Bart wrinkles his nose at Superboy. "Bet you can't even swim, smarta- umm, wiseacre." He cups his hands around his mouth and bullhorns to the guy in the water. "Hell-OOO...get out of the WA-ter..." Meaty Visor looks angry, stands, and steps out of the water, and says in his soft voice "We're from another time in the far future. I am Hemingway. This is my daughter Annabelle. My wife Laxania is around here somewhere. We came to rescue Annabelle from the clutches of that man." He gestures to the be-mustarded form of Stylish Trenchcoat. "He's an evil geneticist from our dimension, and was hoping to splice Annabelle's Incredi-Chromosone from her body." He gets tears in his eyes, clutching a fist and shaking it at the sky. "He nearly succeeded!" "Dude, hello? The Fortress of Solitude is on the ocean's bottom! It's not like there's a train you can take!" He sticks his tongue out at Bart, when Visor-Boy launches into his tirade. His face falls a bit. "She's your wife? Bummer. I guess I should go get her off that roof. Bart, make sure the Highlander-wannabe doesn't get off the dog stand." With that, he launces back into the air and attempts to grab No-Smoking woman, and land her back down with the group. The frothing Laxania begins to prepare a hand of death for Superboy, but Hemingway's puppy dog eyes weaken her resolve, and she moves to hug Annabelle. Its touching, really. Laughing again, Bart shakes his head and mutters, "Dork." He grins, then makes an effort to look serious. "Okay. Look here, folks. You made a hell of a mess. Isn't there something in the Time Travel Handbook that says not to mess with the past? Er, at least, as little as possible? What if someone in the cafe was the ancestor of some war hero in between your time and this time? WHat if you go back and find out that a kangaroo is president?" He scowls, adjusting his shades again. "You'd better be ready to answer for this stuff." What troubles Superboy more is the fact that no one noticed this. "Yeah, what he said," the Kid says, frowning as the wheels in his head desperately try to work. He flies over to the hot dog stand, and attempts to use (that's right!) tactile telekinesis to encase the man within it, and then drops the metal/style bundle on the lawn near the rest of the group. A grin is given to the cart attendant. "Don't sweat it, you'll get re-imbursed." He then floats over to the supposed 'base,' checking it out with his X-Ray vision. Laxania looks balefully at Bart, saying "Unfeeling cur." Hemingway then says "We're from another dimension's time period, I think, actually. We've been doing this for a while actually. Never had a problem. No idea what /you're/ talking about. " Annabelle hugs her mother and says "I wuv you." Hemingway smiles proudly, then says "Oh, don't worry about that place. We tore out the flooring and were sure to destroy all electrical workings around the place to disable our nemesis's base. Its quite destroyed." Superboy notes that there's something that must be a microwave thats been reduced to its base components, along with a few smoldering tables and expresso machines. The biscotti is burnt badly. Narrowing his eyes behind his shades, Bart crosses his arms over his chest again and shakes his head. "I don't buy it. Everyone knows other dimensions are science fiction. And how are we to know it was a base? You destroyed all the evidence...if there WAS any! How do we know you aren't a couple of crazy Bonnie and Clyde mooks in a protection racket, paying the kid off with candy?" He straightens, pointing at the two adults, and raises his eyebrows. "How do I know you're not the followup invasion force from Zantros?!" Hemingway looks confused. "I...don't know what you mean. But we don't have time for an explanation, friend. We've got to get back to our time period and stop the Theta-Executionor from unleashing the Crudity Virus." The Kid of Steel flies back, landing near Impulse and scratching the back of his head. "Well, check it out. No matter who you are where you're from, but you gotta fix this stuff you broke. And what do you mean you don't have time? You're friggin' time travelers, right?!? I mean, c'mon, you can't just trash this place and leave." He claps his hands, purposefully. "C'mon, hop to it! What kind of role-models are you for your daughter, making messes and not cleaning up for yourselves!" He tries to be stern. Annabelle nods cutely, saying "Pathogen bad." Bart pauses. Then starts to say something. Then pauses again. A smile starts quirking at the corner of his mouth, and all of a sudden, he starts laughing hysterically. "Oh Valor! The /Crudity/ Virus? This is classic! Man! You had me goin' there for a second, but that...wow! *bwahahahahaha*!" He's rollin' on the ground, folks. Hemingway looks at Lexania, who shoots him an angry stare. He opens he mouth once, starts to quote a Russian poet, but decides against it. With a sulky air, he nods to Superboy. "I'll get started on the cleanup." Lexania smiles briefly, then looks angry in Bart's direction. "Can't you shut him up?" she asks. As the man begins on the clean-up, Superboy walks over to the mother and daughter, taking a look at them when he places his hands on his hips. "So, where are you all really from?" He asks, tone softening just a bit as he cheks out their cellular structure with his visor. Bart finally runs out of air and laughing energy, and lays face-up on the ground, panting and grinning. Every once in awhile, he lets out a chuckle. "Hoo...hah...wow! The Crudity Virus...dude! Oh my god...Valor, what a...wow..." He rubs his face tiredly, letting his arms fall back down again. "I should come up with this stuff...I really /am/ a time traveler, and the stuff *I* talk about isn't even anywhere near as goofy." Annabelle and Lexania's cellular structure is pretty much what you'd expect. No signs of them being vampires or robots or aliens, really. A few oddities in their DNA, but that much is obvious once you begin to talk to them. Hemingway starts working on cleaning up the coffee shop wreckage. Lexania says "The dimension we're from is much like your own, scuzzball. Not much to be said about it. Lighting here is better, though." "You know, you -could- tone it down on the scuzzball stuff," Superboy says, placing his hands once again firmly on his hips. "I mean, we did just save your daughter from the evil trenchcoat dude. On our planet, it's customary to reward such bravery with a kiss." A glance is given to make sure the husband isn't looking, and then a warning glance is given to Bart, before he smiles back up to Lexania. Sitting up, running a hand through his hair, Bart grins. "Yeah, better suited for cinematography." He gets to his feet, brushing himself off. "What year, lady?" Lexania looks at Superboy as if he were a repugnant toad, then at Bart as if he were a repugnant toad. "The year was 1993." The Kid holds up his hands as 'What?' gesture, looking displeased. "C'mon, you can't just step on other dimension's cultures. And admit it, you think I'm cute." He winks once more at the woman, even though she can't see it, so then takes off his visor, heat vision powering down. Bart Allen starts laughing again. "The far future? What the heck year you think you landed in?" He shakes his head, grinning widely. "Next time you go running around the timeline, even if you're REALLY lucky again and don't run into the Linear Men, I'd check my, um, VCR if I were you." He pauses, and glances at the Kid. "That /is/ how everyone tells what the date is here, right?" As Lexania is about to attempt to suckerpunch Superboy, Lexania, Annabelle, and Hemingway suddenly vanish in a purple flash of energy. Bart heys, "Hey!" Superboy blinks, scanning around the area with his X-Ray vision. "Dude, she was -so- totally about to kiss me," he mutters under his breath, also checking to make sure the damage was repaired. A few pieces of brick have been arranged in a trashcan and Hemingway apparently moved some debris away from the front of the store onto the sidewalk. Thats about it. "Oh, goddammit," mumbles Bart, taking off his shades and hanging them off his vest collar. "That means /we/ gotta do it." Stylish Trenchcoat's body has vanished from the dessicated-hot-dog-cart as well. About this time, a crowd starts to form around the ruined coffee shop and the park. Bart Allen looks around. And pauses. "Or maybe not," he says softly. "Let's be very, very quiet and normal. Okay? We didn't do it, it was a bunch of, um, superguys. We're so normal." The red visor is quickly stashed away as the crowd begins to gather, and Superboy begins to whistle innocently. "Dude, what'd you think of that Knicks game last night?" He says, trying to play dumb, walking aimlessly as he slips on a regular pair of sunglasses. "Sports suck," says Bart cheerfully. "I was watching Invasion of the Body-Snatchers."