Zero Hour MUX
October 20, 1997
Synopsis:
 Setting:  New York.  Various locations.
    Cast:  Impulse, Jack Knight, Jay Garrick, Superboy
    Plot:  The Case of the Haunted HQ.  A silly, Scooby Doo-esque parody
           wherein the Titans HQ becomes haunted and Gory is turned into
           the mad, mad doctor which the sundry heroes must face and
           defeat.

Greenwich Village
Superboy
Jay Garrick

Jay Garrick seems to appear out of nowhere. "Jack Knight ... hello, what
   brings you so far from Opal?"
Impulse walks into the street from the deco-styled Greenwich Studios.
Impulse has arrived.
Jack blinks and stops on a dime, near upsetting the packages tucked under
   an arm. "Jay? I'm ... shopping," he says, stating the obvious for lack
   of anything better to say.
A tall, brick building stands against Greenwich. Although the
   architecture is pure deco, it doesn't neccesarily clash against the
   other buildings in the area - instead it rests as a perfect example of
   the eclectic nature of the area.
Jay Garrick tips his hat. "Oh, something new for the collection? I was
   just taking Impulse to Sea World"
Superboy bounds out the door three steps behind Jay and Impulse, yanking
   his leather jacket onto him as he does so. Stumbling down the stairs to
   Greenwich Studios, nearly tripping over his own boots, he calls out.
   "Wait! I want to see the sharks!"
Impulse snickers.
Jay Garrick blinks. "You're Superman Junior, aren't you? I don't believe
   I've had the pleasure."
Jack glances at the two boys following Jay and nods to the older man.
   "Yeah. You know me. Plus I need starting merchandise for the new shop."
   He smiles at the boys, using it to hide a smirk at 'Superman Junior'.
Jay Garrick says "You're branching out? I haven't talked to you since you
   started the first one ... it's been that much a success? Good, good."
Moving backwards a couple steps to get outta Superboy's way, Impulse
   smirks. "The sharks? Not the squids?" He snrks and facepalms at Jay's
   comment, hissing in the elder Deit- er, elder speedster's direction,
   "Super/boy/..."
At Jay's words, the hair on Superboy's neck visibly stiffens. His eyes
   narrowd into tiny slits of self-confidence and humility, if a
   combination of the two can be found. "Super_boy_," he stresses. "Boy.
   _Not_ Superman junior. Got it? Boy. Get with the times."
Impulse makes a face. "Better than Kid Flash, I can tell ya, SB."
Jay Garrick says "Ah, I am sorry ... I think I was confusing you with
   Captain Marvel Boy."
Superboy shrugs his shoulders. "Sorta like Kid Flash," he says, although
   his attention is riveted on Jack. "We know him?"
Impulse hides a grimace.
Juggling the packages into a semblance of order, Jack gives a small way.
   "Probably not. Pretty small time compared to a media superstar like
   yourself," he says offhand to Superboy. "The name's Jack. Jack Knight."
   He strikes a half James-Bond-esque pose.
Impulse tilts his head, then grins! "You related to Ace Pawn?"
A smile spreads across Superboy's face, and why not? He's been called a
   media superstar. "Hey, Knight. Dig the name. You're in the scene, I
   guess? Superhero n' all that?"
Jay Garrick says "A superhero from a fine old tradition"
Jack's brows pull together in confusion. He turns to Jay for help. "Ace
   Pawn?" he mouths quietly. Turning back to Superboy, he nods. "Yeah.
   More or less. A bit on hiatus for now."
Jay Garrick winks at Jack with a "You'll have to handle this one on your
   own kid" expression.
The wind picks up slightly, blowing the street trash through the gutters.
   A dark cloud drifts across the wanning moon.
Jay Garrick says "Remind me some time to tell you the tale of Aces Wilde,
   the criminal cardshark ... hmm, funny weather all of a sudden."
Impulse gets that 'waiting-for-the-other-guy-to-get-the-joke' look on his
   face, then frowns. Then ers. "Well," he starts, then stops. He looks at
   Jack, and raises an eyebrow. "Jack, ace. Knight, pawn?"
Superboy tightens his leather jacket across his body, wrinkling his nose.
   "You sure we wanna go to Sea World?" he says, aloud.
Jay Garrick smiles. "It's warmer in California, Superboy."
Jay Garrick starts to long for a smoke, but resists with the kids around.
"I'm from Hawaii," Superboy says condescendingly. "Hell, I know warm
   weather. I just don't know if I want to go all the way there to see the
   sharks. I mean, doesn't this city have an aquarium, or something?"
Turning back to Impulse, Jack nods slowly. "Oh ... yeah. Um ... I get
   it." A piece of brown wrapping paper from one of his packages whips
   free of its bindings in the steadily growing wind.
Jay Garrick suddenly has the wrapping paper in hand. he returns it to
   Jack.
Superboy grins at Jack. "Looks like you could use a hand. Want' step
   inside? Take a load off? Or you in a rush?"
Impulse grins. "Even if you're in a rush, we can oblige."
Jack takes the paper from Jay gratefully and glances up at the sky.
   "Yeah. It looks like it's going to rain, and I don't want to be caught
   outside with this stuff. I've got a long walk home." The paper gets
   stuck through his belt, bumping the long tube resting across his back.
Even as the four speak, a slight, cold drizzle begins to fall.
Impulse ewwWWWwwwws. "Yuck, rain, wet. In! Now!"
Impulse prods the other three toward Titans HQ.
"C'mon," Superboy says, spinning on his heels and stepping up towards the
   Greenwich Studios main entrance. "You happen to dig art deco
   architecture?"
Impulse snickers and adds under his breath, "If you don't, too bad..."
Jay Garrick is shielded from the rain by his hat, but is willing to be
   sociable.
Jack smiles grandly, despite the rain that's beginning to flatten his
   hair and drip off his nose. "Did you say deco?" he asks with a hint of
   excitement as he follows the others.
Impulse woos, yeah! "So you -like- deco! Good! Come see it! Before we get
   drippy and cold!"
A crack of lighting slices through the dark clouds. The thunder follows
   on its heels.
Impulse walks into Greenwich Studios.
Impulse has left.
"Yeah," Superboy says as he enters. "Architect was on some sort of art
   deco trip when he designed the place. You'll trip over the smooth
   lines..." his voice fades as he enters.
Superboy walks into Greenwich Studios.
Superboy has left.
You walk into Greenwich Studios.

Main Foyer - Titans HQ(#716RJ)
Superboy
Impulse

Jay Garrick enters the foyer from the front door.
Jay Garrick has arrived.
The temperature in the room seems far colder than it should be, as if
   someone forgot to pay the heating bill.
Superboy shakes his head from side to side, watching as small beads of
   rain slap across the room. "Home," he says cheerfully. "Sorry about the
   cold. 'Least it's dry."
Jack stamps his feet. "Brr ... Well, beggars can't be choosers. Mind if I
   set these packages down here?" His eyes roam the foyer, taking in the
   distinctive architecture and furnishings.
Impulse icks, standing there dripping for a second. "Be -right- back," he
   says, a bit annoyed. He disappears, and true to his word is back in -
   dare I say it? - a flash. You probably don't want to know what he got
   soaked in order to get dry. "Anyone else want towels or something?"
Jay Garrick vibrates, and the water drops to the floor beneath him. "No,
   I'm fine Bart, thanks."
"Couldn't care less," Superboy grins at Jack. "What've you got?"
Impulse shrugs, in a whatever-floats-your-boat fashion. In this case, as
   in many others, it seems to be water. In Bart's case, it's usually
   Jolt.
Jack laughs under his breath at the collective energy gathered in the
   room. "No thanks," he says to Impulse, shaking the water from his hair. 
   "I've been through worse." At Superboy's question, he begins to get
   that excited little boy look. "You wouldn't believe the steals I made
   today." The packages fall in an ordered mess as he offers, "Go ahead
   and look through it. If you're into 'old stuff', that is."
Superboy walks over to the packages and kneels down, sorting through them
   with an interested gaze. His eyebrows rise and fall, like one more
   interested in the search than in the possibility of trasure. "Wow," he
   says, "how old _is_ this stuff?"
Jay Garrick lokks over the lads' shoulders.
Impulse peers down at the stuff SB is rooting through. He blinks. "Grife.
   Stuff's gotta be at -least- ten years old."
Jay Garrick says "More than that, Bart. I remember some of these items
   from my prime."
"Ten?" Superboy exclaims, glancing over his shoulder. "Your vids're
   getting to your head, man."
Impulse blinks at Jay. "Twenty-five, then?"
Impulse shakes his head emphatically at Superboy. "No way, SB."
Jay Garrick whispers, "Double that"
Impulse gapes at Jay. "_No_. Really??"
Superboy grins at Impulse, momentarily neglecting the antiques. "Look,
   I'm not gonna say there's anything wrong with it. But when you start
   looking at meals as "power-ups", man .. there's something wrong."
Jay Garrick says "Oh, at least."
"S'okay, though," Superboy admits. "I keep thinkin'f all the girls I come
   across as captured princesses." He grins, turning back to the packages.
   "Whoa!" he exclaims, holding up one antique. "What'm I looking at?"
Impulse gives Superboy the standard mock hurt look and protesting stance,
   "Well, like, hey. Meals -are- powerups. 'S why I eat so many."
Jay Garrick says "Fuel is important for the body, Bart, but a sense of
   taste is good for the soul."
"Soul?" Superboy mutters.
Jack kneels down next to Superboy as he goes through the stuff. "Some of
   them are definitely older than I am." He nods to Superboy's piece. "An
   old pitcher that the woman I bought it from claims is from her mother's
   mother and was as far west as Colorado. I've gotta get it dated, but it
   looks cool, so I bought it anyways." He picks up an old video. "And
   this I bought just for me." It's a copy of 'Seven Brides for Sever
   Brothers'. "This is the classic hokey musical."
Impulse looks puzzled, then relieved. "Well, I definitely have one of
   those. In fact, I can -still- taste that last taco," he finishes with a
   bit of an -oogh- look on his face.
A heavy thud come from the direction of the ceiling. A fat pigeon just
   dive bombed the wall? Or a dropped bowling ball.
Impulse jumps! Six and nine-tenths inches!
Superboy's eyebrows raise at that. "Hey!" he exclaims, "Seven Brides for
   Seven Brothers! That's a Sting son .. err ..." he looks up. "Not that I
   listen to Sting. Or enjoy him in any way. Especially visually." He
   pauses for a moment - saved by the suicidal bird!
Impulse immediately says, "I didn't do it!"
Jack listens idly to the chattering, but at the thud, his head jerks up.
   "What's that? You guys have big mice?"
Jay Garrick says "I know you didn't Bart."
Impulse says "Okay. I'll fix it, though!"
Impulse is gone in an eyeblink.
Jay Garrick looks up. "Superboy? Do you have x-ray vision or something?"
Jay Garrick says "Bart, don't ... ack!"
Superboy glances at Jack. "Err," he says. "Mice? I hope not." He glances
   at Jay, and then shrugs. "Yeah, but they're in my room. Don't ask."
Jack stands up. "Something wrong?" he asks Jay, turning into the
   Concerned Grown Up.
Jay Garrick nods. "So Bart will get himself in trouble, probably. You two
   stay here."
Jay Garrick blurs, and is gone in, well, a Flash.
Jack glances at Superboy. "He said to stay here," he says with a smirk.
Superboy nods slowly. "As you can see," he says, "the man says a great
   _many_ things." He grins, somewhat evilly. Somewhat charmingly. C'mon,
   he's a teen idol!
Jack says out of the corner of his mouth, "Last one up's a rotten egg."
   He darts off at a significantly lesser speed than the speedsters,
   running into danger like the Good Superhero he is.
Superboy curses as he jets in Jack's direction. The unfortunate thing is
   that the stairways aren't wide enough to fit two - so he ends up a foot
   behind Jack the whole time, muttering all the way.
Impulse walks up the stairs.
Impulse has left.
You walk up the stairs.

Second Story Foyer - Titans HQ(#1283RL)
Impulse

Superboy enters the foyer from the level below.
Superboy has arrived.
Jay Garrick enters the foyer from the level below.
Jay Garrick has arrived.
The room is even colder here, if possible. A light bathes the floor in a
   green, foggy mist which any rave would kill to have. Laying in the
   corner is a frozen, dead squid, one tentacle reaching towards the wall
   in a last, futile gesture. Scrawled in imperfect English (squids don't
   have a good educational system; but that's another topic) are the
   ominous words, "Heeeelp meeeeeee ... " Next to the last period rests
   the frozen tentacle.
Jay Garrick looks at Bart, expectently.
Jack darts up the last few stairs and glances around, stepping aside
   quickly to let Superboy through.
Superboy stumbles forward past Jack, but stops short. "A squid!" he
   cries, glancing at Jack. He looks back at the squid, and frowns.
   "Where'd he learn his grammar?"
Impulse just *looks* at Jay, then looks back at Jack and SB. "Well. Hm. I
   don't think that's Gory."
"Damn!" Superboy says with a smile as he glances at Impulse, "I knew we
   couldn't be so fortunate."
Impulse moys Superboy. "I'll let that one slide."
Jack sticks his hands in his pockets and sets about looking cold. "Nice
   ... decorating job," he comments, looking askance at the green mist.
   "How do you get that ectoplasm look to it?"
"If I knew," Superboy said, "I'd stop doing it." He kneels down, looking
   closely at the squid. "That's frightening."
Impulse peers at Jack to see whather he's kidding or not, then figures
   it'd be the same answer anyway. "Slimer. From Ghostbusters? I hired him
   especially."
Jay Garrick looks up. "Where is that light coming from?"
A little looking around will reveal that the strongest concentration of
   light is coming from the direction of Bart's room. As well as a
   decidedly fishy smell.
Jack ahs wisely at Impulse's words and moves through the mist with
   professional interest. "People would pay for a dance floor like this,"
   he comments offhand.
Impulse facefaults. "No," he says simply. "Please no. I just -cleaned-."
Jay Garrick knew something like this would happen.
"We did," Superboy notes to Jack, a slight smirk spreading across his
   face. "We did." He glances at Bart, and then at the squid. "Baaart?"
A faint thud, of the same resonance but much softer, can be heard on the
   other side of Bart's door. It sounds like scratching.
Jay Garrick starts to vibrate into intangibility ... looking at him makes
   your head hut ... and he goes to open the door to bart's room.
Jack puts out his hand. "Um ... are you sure that's wise, Jay? We don't
   know what's behind there. Who knows what darkness lurks in the bedrooms
   of little boys ... "
Impulse whimpers. "...noooo...."
Jay Garrick says, his voice ghostly from the vibrations, "We have to find
   out sooner or later, Jack."
"Now that's a scary thought," Superboy mutters. "Hey, bart? What _do_ you
   keep in your room? under your bed? Who knows what could be growing down
   there? Breeding, even?"
Impulse puts his hands on his head suddenly, looking stricken. "My
   -comics- are in there!"
Impulse stops suddenly. "Hmm. Something awfully big, considering there's
   only a top bunk."
"I want a comic book," Superboy mutters, glancing at Impulse. "Err - have
   you checked in the bottom bunk? You didn't take any strays in again,
   did you?"
Jack's eyes go wide. "Talk about your monsters under the bed."
Impulse turns to face Superboy, pointing out, "I don't -have- a bottom bunk."
The sound of thunder crashes through the cold stillness of the room.
   Outside, the storm is getting worse.
Impulse says "And the only stray I took in was Gory, who's still supposed
   to be in the kitchen sink."
Superboy rolls his eyes. "Pedantics, semantics - you know what I mean!"
   He grins at his words, pointing to the door. "It's hella spooky night.
   Wonder why these things always happen when it's raining with
   lightning?"
Jack looks lost. He turns to Jay. "Gory?"
Impulse shrugs to Superboy, "Dramatic effect?" He grins, "As -if-. I
   dunno. Maybe life is scripted by Vincent Price. Wonder if it eats Jay."
( I wonder if Vincent Price is God ... )Oo. Superboy thinks, before
   shrugging. "Gory's a squid. Imp's squid. Stray squid."
Jay Garrick quickly shuts the door and returns back.
Jack walks over to the squid. "I wonder if the little fella was trying to
   warn us ... of something ... " He glances involuntarily towards the
   room.
Jay Garrick says "It's like something from Vincent Price all right. Using
   old pizza's as fungus growing plates, dirty socks as test tubes, think
   Price as designed by Dali.""
Impulse says "Hey!"
Impulse says "Is not."
Impulse moys Jay.
Superboy nods slowly. "It's as I feared. Impulse's room has been possesed."
Jack perks up. "Dali?" He stands and moves towards the room. "That's not
   normal ... is it?"
Jay Garrick says "No, not even for Bart's room"
Impulse says "My room looking like Dolly? No, well, no, not unless, say,
   Supergirl moved in."
"Well, wait, Garrick," Superboy says, "let's not be too hasty. He _does_
   tend to keep his room a bit like'a bomb shelter."
Impulse grins twistedly.
Jay Garrick says "Last I saw the only squid in there was this high"
   gesturing with his hands "and was not a mad scientist"
The sounds begin again from behind Bart's door, and the soft strains of
   maniacle laughter underscore the heavy, thumping bass.
Jack says what everyone should be thinking, he thinks. "Maybe we should
   investigate?"
Jay Garrick says "Are you armed, jack?"
Superboy grins at this. "Hey, ho," he says. "Let's go!" he nudges the
   door in front of him, glancing over his shoulder. "Err - you're with
   me, right? I'm not going in alone."
Impulse says "Sure. Off to see the wizard. Squizzard!"
Impulse says "The Squizzard of ia."
Jack nods. "Got two of them right here." He doubletakes. "Oh ... you mean
   *armed*."
Impulse hehs. "Who needs arms, when we have our legs to run with?" He
   pokes, "Come on. Or should we find Dinah ans send herin first? To test
   the air?"
Jack swings the tube from over his shoulder and looses his Cosmic Rod.
   "Does anyone need any Scooby Snacks before we go in there?"
Superboy glances behind him, his hand an inch from the door. "You a
   superhero, yeah? You don't .. whoa. That's one wicked looking
   instrument you've there," he says as he turns back to the door.
   Straightening his back, he knocks the door open with a quick kick of
   his boot. "Evildoers, beware!"
Impulse blinks at Jack, totally missing that one.
Jack sighs at Impulse's look. "I *am* getting old," he tells himself.
Jay Garrick says "Evildoers beware? Even in my day we didn't say things
   like that."
Impulse peers into the room, and immediately makes a horrid face. "Oh,
   -eeewwwwwWWWWwwwWwwWWWwww-!" he exclaims, "What -died- in here??"
Superboy pauses. "And I thought I was all old-school," he mutters, making
   his way in. "Imp? What the _hell_'re you growing for Bio?"
Jack follows behind, muttering to Jay, "It's the nineties. New trends and
   all that."
Impulselooks back at SB, eyes wide. "I didn't do it! I swear by the guns
   of navaroney, this isn't my fault! You can't pin it on me! You can't
   prove anything!"
The green glow is definitely stronger here. The smell of acrid fishiness
   and burnt wood fills the air. On the ceiling is a black, charred circle
   ... right above the squid tank. And what of the squid within the tank?
   It's the one currently under Bart's bed, concocting ... something.
   Only a vague, boxer draped shape can be made out.
Jay Garrick says "Well Bart, I can almost guarentee you, Herr Fang is not
   behind this one."
The squid raises its tentacles to the sky and says in a deep, throating
   voice, "My creation ... my greatest scientific endeavor ... my son,
   a*rise* from the depths! Accept the life that I grant to you!
   Muahahahahah."
Impulse facepalms.
Jack squints at the squid and says sqeamishly, "This is either the
   Bedroom of Dr Moreau or that tuna salad I ate for lunch coming back to
   haunt me."
"You have _got_ to be kiddin' me," Superboy says in a low voice. "What
   the hell? What the hell is this?" He appears to be honestly frustrated.
   "The JLA gets to fight .. like .. stuff! Real stuff! And we get Dr.
   Squid? Dr. Squid?? Wuzza hell, man."
Impulse hops up on the top bunk and peers down, hair doin' its
   upside-down-head thing. He raps on the wooden frame and asks, annoyed,
   "Gory, man, whatcha doin' with my boxers? What if a -girl- came in?"
Jay Garrick says to Supes, "At least it's not penguins."
Gory waddles around the shoebox on which the boxers are draped and peers
   up at the large humanoids with red, bloodshot eyes. (Not that squids
   have blood, but it looks good and we have a small special effects
   budget.) "Who are you? How dare you disturb my work?!"
Jay Garrick kneels down. "I think you should come out here and discuss
   this with us."
Jay Garrick says "Bart, please, next time I will take you to the pound
   and we will get a nice cat or something."
Impulse blinks. "Gory? Doncha remember me? I fed you and changed your
   water and played little squiddy games with you and everything..." His
   face darkens, "And you repay me by sliming up my comics, messing up
   my room, misting up the hallway, and hanging my boxers out for the
   world to see? It's just not cool, man, it's just _not_."
Jack mutters, "I think we should be glad it isn't a cat. I'd hate to see
   the damage a cat could do." He circles around, doing his best to treat
   this adversary with the same caution he treats all of his opponents.
   Which is to say, not much.
Superboy shakes his head sadly. "I told you, man," he says to Impulse.
   "Shoulda gotten a ferret. But did you? No! No. You wanted a _squid_. I
   _said_, 'Look, man, it's just gonna go evil and try to take over the
   world!' But did you listen? No. No, you didn't."
Jay Garrick gets a broomstick and encouragedly pokes Dr. Squid trying to
   get him out from under the bed.
Gory waves an impertinent tentacle at Jay. "There is nothing to discuss!"
   he hisses. "You will leave, now!, or I will unleash upon you my
   barbarian hordes." Seeing the broomstick coming for his unmentionables,
   Gory (aka Dr Squid when in costume) jumps back out of the way. "Ah! I
   see! Then it shall be war!"
Superboy tightens his fists into tight .. umn .. fists. "Bring it on,
   squid-o," he slurs, straightening his back. "We'll take you _and_ your
   grunge rock minions on!"
Impulse shrugs helplessly. "How was I supposed to know you'd be right?
   You're never right about this kinda stuff. You weren't right about
   those girls we tried to get to join, and you -seriously- weren't right
   about..." At this point, he glances at the depraved squid and sighs.
   "Look. Do I have to turn a fork on you, like we did to the curried
   guy?"
Jay Garrick says "I can reach down and get him ... Superboy, do you have
   any rubber gloves here?"
Impulse snickers.
A long, soulful groan can be heard from the object under the boxers. Gory
   turns, distracted, and cries out, "Yes! Yes! Arise, my son. ARISE!"
Superboy blinks at that, his straight stance slacking a bit. He glances
   at Jay. "What kind of boy do you _take_ me for?" he inquires, his face
   bunched up. "Of course I do." He reaches into an inside pocket of his
   jacket and flings two gloves at Jay. "You wanna hold him and .. and,
   umn .. Jack, right. And Jack and I'll pound 'im?"
Impulse stares at Superboy.
Jack glances at his Cosmic Rod. "Maybe I'll just set this down. I'd hate
   to take out the whole room for a little squid." He nods to Superboy.
   "That sounds like a plan. Jack smash," he says, unable to maintain a
   straight face.
Jay Garrick dons the gloves to protect his hands from squid slime. He
   vibrates his hand down through the top of the bed, attempting to grab
   the squid and vibrate him back up.
Superboy nods at this. "Yeah. We'll break him like a Nancy Kerrigan's
   knee, man." He steps forward, flexing the 24" pythons.
Impulse snrks, just totally unable to...to..to process that. "Hey.
   Remember I sleep here."
Gory looks up and sees only a blur. "The Dark Claw," he whispers, voice
   full of religious zeal. "The Dark Claw comes to bless this occasion."
   He throws up his tentacles and offers himself to his own, personal
   Jesus.
The boxers move and shift, and something sits up.
Impulse looks boggle-eyes at his boxers. "Um. Um. No. Um. That's /wrong/."
Jay Garrick attempts to grab the praying squid, and pull him up through
   the bed into the light of day.
The creature under the boxers moans again, it's arms raised parallel to
   the ground.
Gory becomes caught by the 'Dark Claw'.
Superboy flexes his muscles, bouncing up and down on the balls of his
   feet. "Hold 'em steady! We gonna hit him so hard he squirts ink ... "
   Damn. Trash _talkin'_.
Impulse uhs at Superboy, and makes a face. "Um." He blinks. "Um, why
   don't I just get a fork?"
Jay Garrick holds the villain at eye level. "Now, let's talk this over,
   shall we?"
Gory does the predictable. He narrows his eyes and drawls, "You aren't
   the Dark Claw. Heathen! Take *this*!" He raises his tentacle to squirt
   ink at Jay, handily at eye level.
Jay Garrick agcks, briefly blinded, and drops the squid onto the floor.
Gory drops with a sickening thud and scrambles away on slimy tentacles.
Impulse looks around his floor, pondering. "Know I left one in here
   somewhere." He starts to scrabble around, totally having lost the whole
   point. Random, odd things end up in the air, somehow. An old high-top
   (one of those nasty heavy ones) sneaker goes flying, roughly in the
   direction of Gory. Does it land on his head? It might...
Jack dives for the squid. "He's getting away!" But the squid (having more
   legs than Jack) scrambles quickly into the dirty laundry and disappears
   ... for now.
Superboy sighs softly, shaking his head. "Never send an old man in to do
   what is _obviously_ a clone's job." He steps towards the dirty laundry,
   flexing his hands. "Imp?" he asks, "I'm hoping you wash regularly."
   Bracing himself, he .. reaches .. *gasp* ... into the pile of laundry.
The sneaker, going for Gory, lands nicely on Jack's temple. "Ouch!" he
   says, grimacing and looking up at the ceiling from which it fell.
The laundry shifts and sifts through Superboy's fingers as the object of
   his desire wiggles further into unknown territory.
Several empty soda cans and the pointer from a Ouija board, as well as
   half of one of those really dumb plastic cowboys'n'indians sets (with
   the little figurines and all) get tossed through the air. So does a can
   of spam. Don't ask.
Impulse calls out, "Hey! Superboy! Don't go in there any further."
Jay Garrick smears the ink from his eyes. "Where did it go?"
"Damn it!" Superboy cries, "where's he - gah!" The cowboys'n'indian set
   smacks him in the side of the face, and he tumbles forward. "I'd tell
   you to grow up and stop playing with these damn things for _my_ sake,
   but for the fact that I've still got my action figs."
Boxer-creature (for lack of a hip, happenin' Super Villian name) rises
   from the old shoe box and stands on its ... tip? The slice of moldy
   evil turns a pepperoni eye on those hunting its master. "Grmmph groooan
   mrrrrhhghch!" it says emphatically.
Jay Garrick says "oh god" at the stench.
Jay Garrick says "That's enough."
Impulse gets up, dusting himself off. "I found the fork. And I wouldn't
   worry too much about Gory - he won't be able to survive very long in
   the bottom layers of that pile."
Jay Garrick attempts to scoop up the creature with the rubber gloves and
   race off to the kitchen, intending to pop it into the microwave.
Superboy nods at Impulse's words as he brushes cooties from himself.
   "True. It'll disintegrate beneath that .. that .. thing."
Boxer-creature, slow and stupid as it is, is easily captured. It's
   stench, serving as its most powerful weapon, wafts through the air.
Impulse looks at the fork, then tosses it to Superboy. "Here. Be right
   back."
Superboy scrambles with the fork, finally catching it. "Err -" he says,
   "this is outright disgusting."
Jack stands up, the can of spam in his hand. He looks at the laundry.
   "Isn't this too cruel? All he wanted was the chance to live, the chance
   to follow his destiny. Ah, Dr DementSquid, how little we knew you," he
   says, staring thoughtfully at the spam.
Jay Garrick presses "20 minutes" and "hi temp" and turns on the
   microwave.
Boxer-creature shrieks, "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrmpaaaaaaaaaaaaapaah!", and
   finally explodes, the insides of the microwave coated in tomato paste
   guts.
Superboy ponders Jack's words in silence. After half a moment, he shakes
   his head. "Don't care. In this case, ignorance was bliss. Hope you rot
   in Squid Hell, Gory!" he exclaims.
Impulse comes back in with a huge bottle of ketchup and several other
   forks. He hands one to Jack, and lays one aside for Jay. "Here. We can
   make it think it's bleeding," he says in an undertone.
Jay Garrick presses "clear" and "off"
Impulse blinks.
Impulse says "Well."
Impulse says "Unless you wanna be more direct about it."
Jay Garrick gets some highly toxic disinfectant and, bracing himself,
   starts to clean out the inside of the mircowave, at high speed to avoid
   as much smell as possible.
Jack startles and looks at Impulse. "Oh ... the humanitarian method of
   superheroics? Alright. I'm up for a lark." He slips the can of spam
   into his coat pocket for a later date and picks up a fork.
Superboy frowns at this. "Screw humanitarianism," he exclaims, "I'm up
   for some squid blood."
Jay Garrick plunks the mess and the gloves into a sealed plastic baggie
   and zips off to a toxic waste dump where he deposits it. He reappears,
   "Ok, now for the good Dr."
Impulse shrugs, "Well, see, Gory was a good pet." Then his face darkens
   once more, twisted and vengeful, "But he killed my room, destroyed my
   comics, and -used- my -boxers-!"
Jay Garrick reappears at Bart's door. "How are the lads?
Impulse tosses Jay a fork. "It's time for Squid Death II - the Revenge of
   the NBYT!:
The sounds of coughing fill the air, and struggling up from the pile of
   dirty laundry comes the pale (well, paler than usual) form of Dr. Gory,
   MD. "*cough* ... can't ... breathe ... Must break free ... *cough* ...
   argh!"
Jay Garrick grabs the fork, raises an eyebrow, and watches the ongoing
   proceeding with interest.
Jay Garrick says "Well Bart, make good work here and you won't have to
   write the essay."
Superboy wrinkles his nose. "Where," he asks no-one in particular, "is my
   Superboy Ultility Belt when I need it? Where is the Superboy squid
   repellent? The Superboy gas mask?"
Jack's brow quirks upwards. "I think your laundry is taking care of our
   problem all by itself."
Impulse tilts his head. "Mostly. But hey. I wanted to be a Power Ranger!"
   He does the 'Hai!' thing, and all.
Superboy glances at Impulse. "Pathetic," he mutters, looking up at Jay.
   "Jay? I can call you Jay, can't I? Look what television's _doing_ to
   the youth of America! Rotting minds!" He pauses. "_My_ television show
   would be educational and informative."
Gory flops onto the ground and looks up at the gathered humanoids and
   shakes his tiny fist. "Damn you ... damn you for what you've done to my
   work. I will get you for this!" His voice quavers at teh end.
Impulse looks at Superboy condescendingly, "I'm so sure Superhuman
   Samurai Syber Squad is any -better-...you just like lookin' at the girl
   with the mecha armor."
Jay Garrick shakes his head.
Impulse looks down at Gory. "Now, now. That's not very nice."
Examining his fork, Jack lowers it from the en guarde position. "I think
   our work here is done," he says. "And only one casualty. You *did* kill
   the ... uh ... villian, didn't you, Jay?"
Superboy shrugs. "B'I admit it, which absolves me of the sins." He kneels
   down, looking closer at Gory. "In the end, all it wanted .. all it
   wanted was a fair chance." You might swear you see a tear well up in
   the corner of one of his eyes.
Jay Garrick nods to Jack.
Jay Garrick says "Well Bart, this isn't exactly what I meant, but I
   suppose I will have to keep my word."
Impulse says "Let's toss him in the harbor."
Impulse frowns. "Or the River."
Jack turns to Impulse and says, "Hey, I'm sorry we killed your pet. If
   you want, we can get you another one." He gestures with one hand at the
   surrounding room. "But what I still wonder is how it happened in the
   first place."
Impulse sighs, then looks rather disconsolately at his room. "It's okay.
   It was either him or me. He managed to take most of my room with him."
Superboy sighs, turning to Jack. "I think this place might be haunted,"
   he says, looking around the room. "I mean - _I_ didn't feed it any
   subliminal messages or anything. Right? And none'f you guys did either,
   yeah?"
Jack tilts his head. "You mean, a moral to this story?"
Impulse frowns, "I don't think Gory -had- any morals."
Superboy pauses at this, musing on the subject. "I think .. I think he
   did. I just think in our ignorance, we didn't try hard enough to find
   them." He glances up at the rest of you. "This .. this'll teach us.
   Just because squid morals are _different_ from our own does _not_ make
   them worse!"
Jay Garrick furrows his brow in pain, rubbing his forehead. "Bart, if you
   don't mind, I think we'll forgo Sea World for today"
Impulse nods, bowing his head in a moment of silence. "So passeth a
   worthy opponent..."
Impulse awws, in a whiny type of voice, "Whyyyyy?"
"Well," Superboy begins, "perhaps not worthy. Perhaps .. perhaps more
   _entertaining_ than worthy. I mean, y'know, *Sidearm* was a tougher
   fight than this guy."
Impulse snorts.
Jack bows his head, and then cringes at the whiney voice.
Jay Garrick pats Bart on the shoulder. "I think we've seen enough sea
   creatures for today, eh?"
Jay Garrick thinks . o O (I hope Joan wasn't planning on fish ... or
   pizza ... for tonight)
Impulse says "Yah, dirty laundry got him in the end. I mean,
   that's...nevermind. 'S not even worth commenting on. But hey - maybe we
   could sell the movie rights?"
Impulse says "Or at least Saturday morning cartoon rights?"
Impulse nods to jay.
"Doubt it. Doubt that, too." Superboy looks up at the others in the room.
   "I - hey, has it stopped raining?"
Jay Garrick opens a window to air out the stench in the place. "Yes."
Jack moves towards the window and says, quietly, "I wonder if anyone else
   experienced any unusual ... weirdness today. Or if it was a local
   phenominum. Maybe we should look into this." He grins lopsidedly. "Move
   over Ghostbusters."
Impulse shakes his head, muttering, "Vincent Twice, Vincent Twice."
Superboy rocks back on his heels. His earlier apprehension has moved into
   a level of confidence. "Yeah," he says, "Make way for the ..
   Squidbusters."
Impulse yays!