Congressic Target

Author: Bill Dickson


"By any chance did you use the special effects used to simulate Mike Polinski?"

"Good lord," said Dr. Waters. "He's right. You did, didn't you?"

"Why, yes, but-"

"But of course, Professor Polinski's paper had not been published yet. He hadn't even awakened. So you didn't even think of the Mighty Joe Young Effect."

"What?" asked Camero, the lawyer. "I don't understand."

"It has been noted that Mike Polinski's size fluctuates with his situation. He's been as small as 30 feet, as big as 3,000 feet. Professor Polinski says this syndrome, identified thousands of years ago by one of his fellows at UAA, was called the Mighty Joe Young Effect, in honor of a movie they predicted involving a gorilla of variable size. And you used special effects of Polinski to splice the genes of your government officials," he said, staring at Rockefeller, "which explains why they are now enormous lumbering beasts."

"Yes, that was unexpected," admitted Rockefeller. "And some of the more... aggressive politicians turned into ravenous carnivores, too. But we felt that was merely an exterior reflection of their interior nature, and therefore not a flaw in the process, but rather an enhancement."

"Ravenous?" asked Ramrod. From the nursery, there was the sound of teeth crunching through bone, followed by a hideous scream of pain.

"Yes," said Rockefeller with a smile, "but not to worry. Everything here is perfectly safe."

Episodes: 7 (October - November 1993)

Major Characters:

When Nelson Rockefeller turns out to be alive and well and running a brand-new South American island amusement park featuring genetically engineered politicians, Team Cynical is called in to make sure the park is safe before it opens to the public. Meanwhile, Rockefeller's young distant relatives have arrived to get a sneak preview of the park, and stateside, FlatPhoot and his big-game-hunter partner Thick have cooked up a scheme to take wealthy people on safari, gunning for superheroes -- and Team Cynical is their first intended target.

As if the scooter-riding lackeys of FlatPhoot's hunting party weren't enough trouble, the Island's security system is sabotaged by a disgruntled employee, and it isn't long before Team Cynical is contending with ravenous politicos, including the dread T. Foley. Fortunately, they find George Washington, a politico who wound up with more brainpower than expected, to lend them a hand.

A combined spoof of Jurassic Park and Hard Target with a touch of Like Water for Chocolate thrown in, this one's just silly. And, the author hopes, funny.

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