Team Cynical

Author: Bill Dickson

Email: wrd@beer.wa.com

"There's no vanilla," Nora fumed. "Besides that crap stuff, anyway, and I'll be damned if I'm going to contaminate a good Thomas Kemper root beer float with that."

"You see?" said Ramrod, his voice rising. "Those of us who like the simple flavors are being ignored. B&J's makes vanilla, I've seen it, so why the Hell (tm) can't you ever find it? They're trying to railroad us into their damn bizarro flavors -- I mean, take Chunky Monkey, what kind of name is that? That's not a flavor, that's something an Ill Dude would cough up."

"I like Chunky Monkey," High Jinx said. "If you two are going to insist on being bland, just get some chocolate or something."

"They're out of chocolate," said Dog Thing angrily.

"What do you mean they're out of chocolate?"

"They only have chocolate in the napoleon boxes."

"Well, they've got vanilla in them, why don't you and Nora-"

"I refuse to eat anything that's been that close to those, quote, strawberries, unquote," Nora said. "Do you know what they pump into those things?"

"What about Haagen-Daas?" High Jinx said, pointing at the display. "Haagen-Daas built its rep on chocolate. There must be some good chocolate over there, have you looked?"

Dog Thing held up a pint of Haagen-Daas Super-Duper Ultra-Fudge Foozball Chunk With Little Marshmallows and Bits of Carrot.

"It's the only flavor in the case," she explained.

"Well...that looks chocolaty," High Jinx offered lamely. "Look, I don't care what you guys get, I'm just going to grab my Chunky Monkey and... and..."

"What's wrong?" Ramrod asked.

High Jinx closed the door to the bin. "They're out of it," he said. "Let's go get a beer at the Big Time."

Current Run: April 1993 - Present

Main Characters:

The adventures of Ramrod, High Jinx, Dynamite Vest Man, and Rainy Day Woman, four underpowered, underfunded, and underinformed superheroes working in Seattle, a fairly low-crime area. Operating from their secret base in old underground Seattle, the Cynic Pit (a crumbling set of rooms heated by their high-methane-output cow, Bossie), the world's least expensive superteam ventures forth periodically to protect Seattle and the Pacific Northwest from the occasional menace, keeping the world safe for fine beer and comfortable footwear.

Bill tries to save his most serious work for miniseries, while keeping the regular series relatively light. However, Team Cynical is a mixture of light humor and dark, personal drama, largely because the characters, particularly Ramrod, lend themselves easily to such a treatment. The series ranges from the absurd ("Congressic Target," a combined spoof of "Jurassic Park" and "Hard Target," with a dash of "Like Water for Chocolate" thrown in) to the brooding and serious (the team's role in "Songs of Darkness," as well as episodes following the death of Miche and Skids of the Awesome Force.)

Bill attempts to write an episode a week when at all possible, but often falls far behind this schedule.

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