Vampire For Hire

Author: Gary W. Olson



The roar that emanated from the Cube only had the effect of redoubling the volume and pace of the chanting mutant congressbeings and talk show hosts. The Cube was coalescing, it's pieces melding into a whole again. A pulsing white light throbbed from it, overwhelming even the light coming from the Queen's Emerald.

Chalandra thrashed about in her chair. She was almost free of her bonds. There was something in that Cube that wanted out!

"At last!" Phil Donahue shouted, somehow above all of the reckless chanting and miscellaneous religious incantations. "The Cube is whole again! Our Lord and Dread Master, Chthulu, will be reunited with us again!" The white light played upon his face, making him look particularly liberal.

Chalandra finally felt the ropes part. The other members of SNUCCI who had been guarding her were too caught up in the unholy ceremony that was taking place. She took advantage of this, kneeing Regis Philbin in a sensitive area and punching out Kathi Lee with a quick turn.

"The sacrafice!" Geraldo exclaimed. "She is free! Capture her! She must be sacraficed so that Chthulu is brought back to our plane! I'm using too many exclamation points! Help!"

Episodes: 4 (July 1990)

Major Characters:

Chalandra Harkness, having left her job with the government to become a private detective, is hired to find the Queen's Emerald, which was recently stolen. She tracks it down to Washington D.C., only partially rebuilt after being destroyed the year before by Dangerousman. There, she finds mutant congressbeings, undead talk-show hosts, a mercenary donkey and a plan to bring Cthulhu to Earth. Can she stop it in time? If not, do eldritch gods find vampires tasty?

This was the first story to focus on Chalandra as the primary title character, setting the tone for her later appearances in the Rad series and major character status in CalForce. It also introduced another eventual CalForce member, Badass.

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