The Cynic Pit

It was quite some time ago -- the late 1800's and early 1900's, to be vague -- that downtown Seattle underwent some major reconstruction. Partly this was due to the city's expanding population; partly, it was due to the fact that the city burned down and needed to be rebuilt.

One of the first things the city did was to bulldoze the city's hills extensively. Visitors to Seattle today may not believe this as they pant and sweat their way up Yesler or Denny or Queen Anne, but the city is now considerably flatter than it used to be. Earth was moved from the tops of hills to the bottoms, expanding the ground outward into Puget Sound and generally making for some gentler inclines. Old streets were buried, as was a schooner that had been beached on the shore.

And, as it happens, so were the bottom stories of some of the burned downtown buildings.

For decades, the resulting catacombs were considered just something buried under the downtown area, but more recently, some enterprising tour groups began showing people around the basements and buried streets and corridors that make up Underground Seattle.

Still more recently, a pair of ex-Awesome Force members known as Ramrod and High Jinx discovered that the catacombs were far more extensive than the tour companies had realized. Too poor to afford a decent apartment, they shrugged and moved in, to be joined shortly afterward by Rainy Day Woman and Dynamite Vest Man. And thus, the damp, drafty, old brick rooms began to get spruced up just a bit, and became the Cynic Pit, home, hideout and headquarters of Team Cynical.

The Cynic Pit proper is a small, dingy set of rooms under Pioneer Square that has been converted into a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and four very small bedrooms. An adjacent room contains Bossie, the high-methane-output cow that has been ingeniously connected to a gas heating system that provides heat and hot (well, warm) water to the Pit. There is no communicating door between Bossie's room (which is fairly large and generously lined with straw) and the main rooms; it is necessary to go into the hallway. All four members of Team Cynical has a great deal of affection for the cow, even though they usually refer to her as if she were a furnace. They keep her very well fed, referring to the feedings as "stoking the cow." One room further down is High Jinx's makeshift laboratory.

Some way further down the hall, deeper into the catacombs, is a large, crumbling room known as the Hazardous Room. This is where Team Cynical practices.

Electricity and telephone service has been stolen from some underground cables running through Pioneer Square. They have also tapped into the water main. All utility service is very spotty, as none of the Team Cynical members is an expert in such matters. Their most reliable service is their heat which, as has already been mentioned, is provided by a cow.

The Cynic Pit's location is known only by Team Cynical, High Jinx's former lover Kim Stone and their young son Donnie, and Wonder Grunion. Radian and Andro, the Cheshire Cat, once teleported into the Cynic Pit and back out again, but it is unknown whether they could find it on foot. Additionally, the phone number is unlisted (obviously), and only a very small handful of people have the number; the Mayor of Seattle, the Governor of Washington, and Andy Awesome are among them. The answering machine is completely unreliable.

The full extent of the catacombs is unknown; there is plenty of room for expansion of the Cynic Pit.

However, there's no real call for it.

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