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We're glad that you've decided to find out more about Bob City, one of America's most exciting cities! In this brochure, we'll show you exactly what makes Bob a wonderful place to live, work, and visit, as well as all the many tourist attractions and nightspots that make Bob City's night life such an adventure!
A City Called Bob
Over a hundred years ago, a small, sleepy village called "Big Lick" decided to change its name, and today, that city is known across the nation as "Roanoke, Virginia." In much the same way, a town that we used to call "Thatratherlargecityoverthereopolis" is now the forward-looking and vibrant city of Bob.
Bob. It's a name that says "America," a name that tells the world of the decency, the forthright and honest nature of the city. There's always a helping hand and a flotation device close by in Bob. Why not stop by and give our city a chance?
How to Get to Bob
Sadly, many American schoolchildren cannot find Bob City on a map. Even more unfortunately, many American businessmen cannot find this thriving metropolis without a few hints, the exact longitude and latitude, and a USGS survey quad. However, many major airlines have some idea of where Bob is, and no more than three airplanes a day fail to locate Bob City International, our world-renowed airport and seaplane marina. Simply ask call your local travel agent, ask for a ticket to Bob, and agree that yes, you really do want to go to Bob and yes, you have had a recent malaria immunization.
If you don't want to fly into Bob, then why not consider a trip down the lovely Bob River, the river that gave our city its name? It's a pleasant cruise through history, and one that will remind you of such cinematic classics as The African Queen, Heart of Darkness, and Apocalypse Now. After your cruise, you can visit the world-famous Kurtz Memorial Hospital, where dedicated researchers work day in and day out on cures for hundreds of tropical diseases.
And if the Bob River isn't your cup of tea, then there's always the interstate highway system. Many bus companies, if given no other choice, offer tickets to and from Bob City. Both I666 and US451 pass through Bob. I666 connects directly to the Bob City Beltloop, and US451 becomes Franklin Avenue as it passes straight through downtown Bob. Either route is a self-contained tour through fascinating sections of our city, and the Bob City Tourist Bureau will be happy to provide you with a Tour on Cassette(tm), which will describe everything you see as you drive.
Where to Go in Bob
Once you're in Bob City, you'll no doubt be asking "What do I do now?"
Well, there are thousands of answers to that question, from "Get on the first plane out and never look back" to "Drown like a rat while attempting to survive a flash flood," but we have other suggestions.
You can always visit Bob City's famed Space Needle and Rotating Fun Park. Not only is it one of the largest structures ever built on a permanent flood plain, it's also the site of a major Civil War battle, Bob City's own amusement park (complete with world-record-setting log flume ride), four-star restaurant, occasional spaceport, and the actual site of the forty-first assassination attempt on President Ford. It's conveniently located near the Bob City Marina, and features live entertainment during the lobster season. Why not visit and see if you can actually guess which portion of the foundation contains the superhero team Captain Nap and the Snooze Patrol?
If you're not up for the fine dining available in the Space Needle, then a quick taxi ride will take you to Franklin Street, where a wide array of dining establishments await you, from Cosa Nostra Pizzeria to Happy Belly of Fong's Mongolian Food-Yurt. A hundred different dining experiences await you!
After you dine, there's the wetlands adventure that awaits you in the Bob City Central Swamp. The twining vines and mangrove trees lend an aura of beauty and surreal attraction to our downtown scene. Hiking, kayaking, and camping are all possibilities within a few minutes' walk of our bustling downtown district. Take your hip boots along, and prepare yourself for an experience like no other!
You can also visit Winchester Heights, the residental part of Bob, the suburban communities of Morganston, Feldspar Central, and Jim, the docks, and, if none of these places tickle your interest, the Bob City Reactor, known world-wide as the only major nuclear power plant built below the water table.
Events and Happenings in Bob
It's a rare weekend when there isn't something exciting happening on the streets of Bob. From the yearly kayak races down Main Street to the bimonthly Farmer's Market on Franklin Avenue, Bob City is a never-ending festival. Call (555) BOB-LIFE for a weekly schedule of events.
Some Locations of Note in Bob
Some people think that,because Bob City architecture tends towards concrete boxes and sump pumps, there isn't anything to see in the Bob City skyline. There could be nothing farther than the truth. Bob City is the site of the world-famous Spitz Tower, for instance. Located on the shores of the river Bob, this majestic building is a true work of architectural art.
Another work of architectural art is Manchu Towers, the largest apartment block in the city. We're not actually sure how the thing was built, or why, but anything with a floor plan like that one is either art or an accident, and we don't think that it's an accident.
Concluding Notes
It's true that Bob City has weird weather. It's true that it rains every bloody night, it's true that we don't have much in the way of superheroes defending our streets, it's true that our downtown was recently destroyed by a plague of giant monsters, and it's unfortunately true that our major tourist attraction seems to have a tendency to blast off for outer space at the drop of a hat...
...but, after all, don't all major cities have problems?
The Bob City Mini-FAQ
As the Author and Primary Creator (tm) of what's now known as Bob City, I'd like to answer a few of the not-very-frequently-asked questions about the joint:
1. "Can I write something in Bob City?"
Not without asking. Bob City is not repeat not a communal property of Superguy. Okay? Ask first, write later. Please treat it just as you would a hero in the Superguy universe. That is; feel free to mention it in your own storylines, but don't drop large nuclear weapons on it, don't destroy it, kill it, or change it without letting us know first. Usually, the two proprietors of Bob (Ben Brown and I) will be happy to let you have a guest shot; but considering the last time someone else came into Bob, the resulting mess, in essence, stomped all over the essential concept of the city, we're understandably (I think) going to be a little cautious in the future.
2. "Why does it rain at night there?"
Because of the aforementioned essential concept of the city. From an Authorial standpoint, the rain is there for two reasons. First, because it's a dandy running gag, and second, because it makes for great atmosphere. Dark streets, rain, figures in black trenchcoats and fedoras running around. That sort of thing.
We haven't answered why it does it in the context of the storyline. Anybody who comes up with an interesting and appropriate explanation will be rewarded with a boot to the head and a salmon up the jacksie. (Some questions are better left unanswered.)
3. "What is the essential concept of the city?"
Bob City is the city of pulp fiction, of 1930's private eyes, of rain and corruption, and of film noir. This is the city that Hollywood was trying to portray in movies like The Maltese Falcon, Chinatown, The Long Goodbye, and Casablanca. Cars are big and chromed, women wear long skirts, and men wear suits and fedoras. The streets are dirty and the architecture is shabby. There's not a lot of hope in Bob City. Not much at all. The best that our heroes can do is prevent things from getting worse, and the greatest hero of the city is a common street thug.
Of course, this isn't terribly clear in some of the stories, but I assure you, it's what we're trying to do. Success is another question.
4. "Why don't you ever say where Bob City is?"
Because, again, it's the generic film noir city. It's not L.A., it's not New York, it's not Vienna or San Francisco or any of a hundred cities that we've seen on the silver screen. It's indefinite; it's wherever it needs to be for the purposes of the story.
5. "So, if it's this dark, 1930's movie city, then why do you have the Extreme Team in it?"
Well, that's a point. The Extreme Team aren't very 1930's-ish. Well... Deadman is...he's taken somewhat indirectly from the classic B-movie D.O.A. Pinky (DEATH KNIGHT 3000) is somewhat vaguely related; he's got elements of the Common Man-style hero from the era his character. Bulletproof is (sort of) the gun-wielding G-Man of the early 1930s, and Mister Safety is just weird. The Extreme Team is, in some ways, you see, the 1930's heroic ethic taken to logical (or, in most cases) illogical extremes.
Thus, you see, the name.