Uh.. testing, testing, test test. Is this working? Okay. Good. Well, hi there. This is Rob Denny speaking. I'm an actor, 24 years old, and I'm standing in my dingy, one room apartment in New Troy. Athena, actually. I know, I know, it's not Haydn - but it's close enough to the Neon City, okay? And it's all I can afford. Hey, what am I apologising to you for, anyway.. so. Let me think. Well, this recording, I hope, is going to be the start of a regular thing for me. A journal, a diary, I guess. Probably not too regular. But it's important, to me.

I've decided to start doing this for a few reasons, but I think the basic one is that I need to get my head clear on a few things. My life... has become pretty confusing, since I came here. Coincidental, really, that things got weird when I came to New Troy. But now is really the first time in my life, that I feel like I'm not driving things forward. It feels instead like something else is guiding me.

Anyway, enough philosophising. On with the journal. I want to talk to you - whoever 'you' are - about things up to now. I'm gonna start in Florida. It was a hotel room, late at night - almost the middle of it, really - and I was calling a friend.

"Rob? Jesus, man... Christ, it's half-midnight. No, no... well, yes. I was sleeping on the mixing desk. Listening to the stuff we did today. Where are you?"

"I'm somewhere north of Miami. In a cheap hotel."

"What's up? Can't sleep?"

"Well, no and yes, I just wanted to say hi, and tell you about this porno movie I'm watching. It's so bad, I had to call."

"A skin flick? Which channel?"

"Calm down, Mr Harman... it's on one of those closed circuit systems. Private show for me only."

"Damn. How many on the checklist so far?"

"What? Cut to the chase, huh. Sounds to me like Bruce has seen one too many blue movies."

"Hey, look, when I come back from a gig, all I wanna do is soak my hands in an ice bucket, and watch crap TV. I can't even hold my dick, much less use it. But other times, you know... Anyway, since when do you end up watching porno flicks alone?"

"As opposed to what, with someone?"

"Hey, whatever goes on, goes on."

"What is that.. Well, I guess I was just lonely, you know, and hell, the card made it sound so good."

"Lonely? Whatever happened to the Denny charm, the Denny smile, the Denny patented can't fail seduction technique?"

"They're having a night off. Hey, I didn't call to talk about my sex life...."

"Makes a change."

"Do you wanna know about this movie, or not?"

"Okay, clue me. Title."

"Habit Harem."

"What? What the hell does that mean?"

"A group of nuns - who all happen to look like models - go on the trip of a lifetime to some desert country, I ain't been paying attention. Anyway, they're in slavery, they're in a harem, you can guess the rest. I mean hey, it's got nuns, it's got a harem - what else were they going to call it? Nuns in the Sun?"

"Alright, okay... so, how we doing? Clue me."

"Well, on our scorecard tonight, we've had positions one through three, several times. We've had position four, once. We've had lesbian. We've had a threesome. There's a donkey in this scene too, but this isn't hardcore enough for that."

"Never were my thing. Remind me about position two. One is missionary, right?"

"Right. That's the one even a blind man could do. Two is reversed - her on top. Very popular in porno, because of course - "

"You get to examine the star even more carefully. Three's what, doggy style?"

"And variations on that, correct. From behind. And four is that yoga thing, the one I don't usually bother with. If one through three doesn't do it, something's gone badly wrong."

"So, what's going on here? Give me a visual picture."

"I thought you said you couldn't use that dick of yours? I mean, there's this guy, and this girl, and they're having sex. What more do you wanna know?"

"Positions, noises, details."

"Jesus, Bruce... noises? How long have you and Carol been split up? You're sounding more desperate than I'm supposed to be."

"Just spill."

"Okay, well... he's got a beard - "

"Good taste."

"Not nearly as good as yours, though. She's.. well, she's kind of uptight, overdressed. Even for a nun. Too much makeup. Blonde, good.. well, okay body. Lousy actress. Oh, look at the tongue go. There it is."

"How was the lesbian scene?"

"Not a single stir from this camp. One of them had nipple rings."

"Ouch.. always makes me think, what about metal detectors? I mean, you're always going to get searched."

"That sounds like the lead-in for a porno movie scene right there... oh, she's giving him the ol' mouthwash right now. There she goes. Oh, that looks believable. She's lying down, now.. God, look at that tan line. She's supposed to be a nun? Yeah, right. Oh, man... now look at this."

"What? What?"

"Position three. Of course, it has to end with three. Naturally."

"Sounds fine to me."

"Yeah, but for every single sex scene? I mean it's unrealistic. I've had plenty of good sex in just one position."

"You - you, Rob Denny, just use the one position? You surprise me."

"No.. well, not always. Depends on what they want to do. I'm very accommodating, really."

"I bet. What's happening now?"

"Well, it's over, of course. Sounded like mutual satisfaction was achieved. Not exactly convincing, though."

"Tell me this, you'll know.. do they really do it? I mean, have sex on camera?"

"Probably not for this cheap crap. For good hardcore, though, sure. Isn't much fun, after a while, though."

"How would you know? Audition for any porno movies lately?"

"No.. but I knew a guy, met him at an acting class, who had been in one. He only did it because he'd been watching the actress in it for years in these things, and he'd just decided that he was going to screw her. So he did."

"A man's got to have ambitions."

"Yup. He just made that one movie, but he said it was a nightmare. Just hours and hours of sex, hardly any breaks, and he had to keep it up all that time."

"Sounds so terrible."

"I mean yeah, at first, he's loving it - he's there, having sex with this woman he's been fantasising over for years. But after a while he realises it's just routine to her, and that he would have been better off staying with his fantasy."

"Man, what a comedown."

"You're telling me."

"So I guess his fantasy was ruined, huh?"

"Well not exactly. After the gig was over, months later, he runs into her in a bar, she remembers him, and they end up having the greatest sex of his life."

"I love a happy ending."

I was lying there, listening to the traffic outside, and I realised I was fed up of hearing it. I mean, I was really, really sick of hearing that constant freeway noise every night of my working life. I'd only been out on the road for a year, but instead of living my dreams like I'd said I would, I was spending my time in a chorus line dressed as a cat, and hoping, praying, that the two guys above me would get sick so I could spend a night as the star of the show. Never happened.

Frankly, I always thought my acting career was going to be something more than throwing myself around a stage five nights a week dressed in a leotard and whiskers.

So I just decided to do it. I mean, to hell with it, right? I'd starved before, I'd starve again. I didn't have any problems with that. And I knew I'd get some kind of work out here, even if it was just diggin' ditches. So the next day I handed in my notice, gave back the cat costume, and then took a ride to the bus station.

"One way to New Troy, please."

"Cash or charge?"

"Uh, cash, I guess."

The fare almost sucked my cash dry, and the ride north was a nightmare. By the time I stumbled off the bus in Glenborough they could have made a mold for seats from the shape of my butt. I was also an expert on all present, past and future branches of the Hashweiner family, thanks to the grandma next to me. So I hit a bar.

"Hi there. Can I get... an ice-cold draft... whatever."

"As cold as they come. Here ya go."

"Can I run a tab?"

"You going to pay it before you leave?"

"Uh.. always do."

"Then sure, go right ahead."

The bartender was pretty. Slightly worn looking, but rough around the edges really suited her. Fairly long, dark brown hair, pulled back. Faded jeans. A white shirt, tied just below her ribcage. Nice ass. I kept going.

"Thanks. Do you live around here?"

"Uh-huh. Just about three blocks south. You visiting?"

"That obvious?"

"The duffel bag kind of gives you away. Got friends here?"

"No. Just here looking for work."

"What kind of work do you do?"

"I'm an.. exotic dancer."

Okay, yeah, I know - bullshit. But hey, I'm an actor. I act. Hey, it got a smile. That's more than a whole year of dancing my butt to death.

"You're a what?"

"An exotic dancer. You know... I dance. For money."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Done it for... three years now."

"Are you good?"

"Sure, sure I'm good. They call me the Wild Horseman."

"Why's that?"

"Because when I get on, you're in for one hell of a ride."

A smile, a little blush. I looked at her again; she was thinking, position two, and the lights stay on.

"You want another one?"

"I'd love one, yeah. That was good."

"Where'd you come from today?"

"Miami. Well, I wasn't in Miami.. Orlando. Near Disney World."

"Lots of work for exotic dancers there?"

"Yeah. It's kept kind of quiet, but I think Mickey and Minnie are really into that kinky stuff."

"I'll bet... you come in on the bus?"

"No, I flew. Just got in a couple of hours ago, needed a beer."

"Why didn't you go near the airport?"

"I like this place. Came here especially."

"That's a big detour."

"Well, I think it might have been worth it."

By this point, I'm starting to make plans. Some more foreplay, maybe dinner, then a little position one, some two, maybe go the whole hog and end with three. She doesn't look like a four kind of gal. I figure four, five more beers, and provided I keep up the chat, it's a walk. Then she throws the curve ball.

"I get off in a half hour. D'you wanna go get coffee, or something?"

I mean hey, she asks me. That's always a great feeling, ain't it? So, I say yeah, of course, and we go for coffee. She even picks up my bar tab. I'm thinking, this had better be worth it. It's almost too easy. Back at her place, we're having fun. It's then I realise - this has got to be a position four night.

"You know what...?"

"Mmmmm..?"

"I.. just.. just wondered, you know...."

"What is it, baby.. tell me."

"Could you dance for me?"

Some dumb luck I've got. I guess I deserved it, I mean, it was my fault for lying to her. So, I did what I had to do. I got up. I moved around, teased her a bit, threw my clothes around the room. Apologised for not having tearaway pants. She understood. And eventually - once she'd stuffed dollar bills in my boxer shorts - I managed to get completely naked. Positions one and two followed in short order. It was too much fun to push on to three, though.

Then I told myself, hell no. I'm too good an actor to waste on that.

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