Kid Kirby's Guide To Cosmic Beings

The following is a description of the various cosmic entities that I created, as well as a few that I've seen along the way. Note that most characters would not have access to this information, for it is stored in Kid Kirby's MegaComputer, to which only Kid Kirby and Sing-Along Lass have access. Cosmic characters (Continuity Champ, Halls Jordan) and the ladies who accompanied Sing-Along Lass on her journey into space would know some of this stuff. This file incorporates the additions written by Constellation and entered by Sig.Lad.


Internet is the manifestation of the network in all it's expansiveness. Generally, it appears as a member of the viewer's race, composed of a grid over which pulses of information flow. As the complete representation of the net, Internet is generally unconcerned with the well-being of individual components of itself, like most beings are oblivious to the well-being of individual cells of their bodies. Also known as


The second of the duality of Interneternity, Neternity is the manifestation all the time spent on the network. It usually manifests as a member of the viewer's race, though it is not as regular in its forms as is it's sibling, Internet. Neternity always manifests as the opposite sex of Internet. It, also, is usually unconcerned with individuals. Also known as


Are.Em is the manifestation of the end of all things of the net. Normally, Are.Em's plans are unknown and unknowable, though it has been seen to manifest at the deaths of significant (cosmically speaking) beings. Are.Em normally manifests as the viewer's vision of death.


The second of the Deletion duality, Killfile represents the systematic ignoring and forgetting of things that have run their course. Like its sibling, Are.Em, Killfile's plans are generally unknown and unknowable. For some unknown reason, Killfile manifests as a humanoid with a tablecloth as a cloak and cowl.


Alt.Lactus is the third in the triad of Interneternity, Deletion, and itself. Alt.Lactus is feared throughout reality, for it is the devourer of newsgroups. Alt.Lactus has a role in the cosmos known not even to it, but it's role is significant in the cosmic scheme. Alt.Lactus manifests as a member of the viewer's race.

Lord MUD

Lord MUD represents the use of the network as a source of entertainment. As such, the Legion of Net.Heroes fall under its desmenes. Though more active than the Interneternity, Deletion, Alt.Lactus (IDA) triad, it's schemes generally do not affect the physical reality of the net. Lord Mud manifests as a head of a member of the viewer's race, but a head that is chaotic, ever changing.

Master Workload

Master Workload is a member of a duality with Lord MUD. Master Workload represents the use of the network for business and serious work. Master Workload manifests as a perfectly rendered head of a member of the viewer's race. It often manifests in the midst of a three-dimensional fractal pattern as a manifestation of mathematical purity on all scales.

The Multi-Tasker

The Multi-Tasker was created by Lord MUD and Master Workload to be a factor in between them, not unlike Alt.Lactus serves as a factor in between Interneternity and Deletion. As a joint creation of Lord MUD and Master Workload, the Multi-Tasker represents using the net for work and play, both at the same time. This gives the Multi-Tasker the unique ability to represent both work and play, seriousness and frivolity, Mathematica and Xtrek. All polar opposites reside within this being whose manifestations are both big and small, male and female, young and old. Needless to say, meeting this being and visiting its dimension of dualities is a mindbending experience to all save the strongest minds.

The RACelestials

The RACelestials, led by the Scowling RACelestial, reside in the RAC realms and pursue their various pursuits. It is they who split the LNH Looniverse from the RAC realms and projected the various worlds into the new Looniverse. However, the split was incomplete, and only the LNH: shield keeps the RACelestials appeased. They are two thousand-foot tall humanoids in complete body armor.

The Elders of the Looniverse

Though not as powerful as the above beings, the Elders of the Looniverse have been included in this file due to the impact that they have upon the Looniverse. The Elders of the Looniverse are beings who have completely devoted their lives to one pursuit and, in doing so, outlived their races and, in some cases, their home newsgroups. There are numerous Elders, though many have yet to come in contact with sentients. Their numbers include:
Flamer, who lives to flame everyone in existence
Basher, who lives to bash every possible group/race/religion/etc.
Lurker, who lives to subscribe to and read every bboard, yet never post
(writer's note: Though I have heard rumors linking Flamer and/or Basher to the Dorfs, I have discovered little concrete evidence to support this. Thus, I have chosen not to include said information. So speaks Kid Kirby...) (writer's note: Due to information from one of Continuity Champ's possessions, the Silver Sphere, I have reason to believe that Continuity Champ may have been an Elder of his native reality. The last of race, extreme longetivity, and devotion to the preservation of continuity all point toward Elder status. This may bear further investigation...)


There is no known 'master' of any element, but several known elementals. There are four Elements, each with at least one representative.
The most basic, destructive element, it really needs no further description. Mr. Horrible and Invisible Incendiary are both flame elementals to some extent.
The flow of the net, thread is the water analogue. Crossposting powers tend to draw on this element, as do killfiles. Professor Killfile has some potential in this, but has focused more on his devices. His mystic clone, Kid Killfile, had this potential brought out fully. Other Thread Elementals are possible.
The medium for everything, this is the equivalent of Air. This is perhaps the least understood of the net.elements, and perhaps the one closest to the Source Code (see below). Lagneto taps this element, and his mystic clone L-2 was more completely an elemental of Net.
Punctuation or Characters
The building blocks of net.matter, this is Earth. CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, Typo Lad and Lettering maN all have some control over this element, and Ellipses King has been retconned into a full fledged Punctuation Elemental. Full control of this element allows one to break down physical reality itself or create anything imaginable. It is possible that Kid Anarky's Useless Power (tm) to create visual sound effects may be the tip of the iceberg, and that he has the potential for greater Character control. This element is sometimes split into two subgroups, Punctuation which focuses on grammar, and Character which focuses on spelling. Spelling Boy and Grammer Lad are specialists in this sense. This is perhaps the most fully understood of the elements, yet strangely few bother to master it. If it is desirable to name both areas under one banner, it is called the Keystroke element.

Dvandom Stranger, Strangers in general

Every full dimension has at least one Stranger assigned to it, a powerful guardian and observer who is charged with maintaining the cosmic balance, but given a certain laxity in interpretation. They usually have some kind of omniscience to allow them to watch over their assigned universe. Depending on the nature of the universe, the Stranger may be nearly omnipotent or barely at the cosmic level. All-Knowing-etc-Destiny-Whiner Woman (or whatever }->) used to be the Stranger of the Looniverse, with very little power because the Looniverse was separate from the rest of the Net. However, as crossposting increased, it was necessary to reassign a Stranger to the entire Net, as despoilers began invading news.groups formerly devoid of life. The Dvandom Stranger was given the job, but because of the vast nature of the Net, he is stretched thin, and often unable to do more than warn. In larger universes of more completeness, there may be a heirarchy of Strangers to deal with problems, with some kind of Tribunal at the top.

The Living Moderator

Direct servant of a power greater than even the great dualities, the Living Moderator serves as the ultimate judge of all things cosmic. This being's judgement is final, for it's master does not directly interfere. This impossibly powerful being has the ability to utterly destroy an individual reality in order to carry out its verdicts. The Living Moderator manifests as a rough-hewn humanoid with three faces. One face is completely hooded, representing the completely uncontrolled bboards. The second face is only hooded from the nose up, representing the bboards with charters and no moderators. The final face is uncovered, and its penetrating gaze represents the moderated newsgroups.

The Source Code

The power to which even Neternity and Are.Em answer to, the Source Code is that which created the Net. It is said that even a glimpse of this code can grant immense power, and several would-be-conquerors have faced ingominy after failing to reach the Source Code. The Source Code is the direct superior to the Dvandom Stranger, but grants the other cosmis beings a great deal of autonomy. It also created the Pega.SYS, which has recently been assumed back into the Code to protect it from further harm. All-powerful and aloof, the Source Code rarely interferes with reality.

The Writers

Not necessarily cosmic beings per se, these are inhabitants of other dimensions who are somehow linked to one or more denizens of the Looniverse. Being from a reality of stronger 'presence' their imaginations can shape reality in the Looniverse. However, the link works both ways, and events in the Looniverse can shape their thoughts. Writers can never directly enter the Net, because they live in realities with incredibly strong natural laws, but they can influence their counterparts in alternate realities to do so. These counterparts live in parallel universes with weaker laws, and can at times enter the Net. The mysterious Dhenry is one such counterpart, and the Dvandom Stranger was originally a counterpart. One writer, presumably named wReam due to the large number of net.residents with names like that, has littered the Looniverse with his creations, perhaps sparking a conflict in that far-off reality of the Writers by accident or intention, judging from how the fates of such characters tend to swing wildly from positive to negative. }->
The above beings are unimaginably powerful and should be used with caution, noting that they usually won't act outside their own desmenes. Other than the above warning, these characters are public domain. Feel free to add to the above list if you think of a cosmic being in the LNH reality that wasn't on the above list.

Jameel al Khafiz /