Welcome To Dave Thomas Deluxe University
by Rob Rogers
We at DTDU applaud your interest in our fine institution, producing
bright, upstanding students and quality hamburgers for over three years.
Located conveniently in downtown Net.ropolis, DTDU's sprawling yet
surprisingly trim campus comfortably houses each of our departments,
representing the zenith of academic achievement and food preparation
available at the collegiate level today. These departments include:
The University Grounds include a football stadium with concession stand,
an Athletic Center (large leather couch, TV displaying sports events, and
concession stand), a Performing Arts Center (with two concession stands),
and a Student Transportation Division (STD) linking each of the concession
stands on campus. There are also residential living areas for students,
including several theme dorms: Those Who Like Onions, Those Who Like
Mayonaise on Everything, Those who Refuse to Eat Meat So Why the Heck are
They Going Here, and Those That Watch seaQuest:DSV, among
others. A University Health Center complete with a brand-new Cholesterol
Wing and concession stand, a Student Union with several concession stands
and a bookstore and a series of concession stands rounds out the rest of
the much-recommended and
- The DTDU Library contains a wide selection of over forty books,
including the exceptionally rare and valuable signed first edition of
Dave's Way, the autobiography of our founder (copies of which
in fact comprise ten of our other thirty-nine books.) The library also
contains at least one working computer with Internet access and a very
kind librarian who will flip sleeping students over once per hour with a
large spatula issued to her by the University for that purpose.
- A recent issue of the Net.ropolis Observer Sunday
supplement described DTDU's Arts program as "fine." What more can we add?
- None. (Why discourage students whose aptitude in other areas is so
often hampered by requiring them to complete tedious distribution
- In addition to several introductory level and advanced courses in
Hamburgerology (with a microwave lab, Grill Room, and Mock Serving
Environment for which no expense has been spared), Really Deep Frying
(complete with mediation chamber and complementary incense), and
Contemporary Practical Sociology (How to Kiss Butt and Act Like You're
Doing a Heck of a Lot More than You Actually Are), the University offers a
course in Physics which meets occasionally and is taught by esteemed
Professor Theodore Wong, believed dead but still tenured.
Thank you for your interest in DTDU. If you have any further questions
about the campus or the preparation of ground beef chuck, please do not
hesitate to contact my office for details.
Provost / Dean of Admissions / Short-Order Cook
The Dave Thomas Deluxe University
Rob Rogers / email@example.com
This page last updated: 1/10/96.