Back on the Anonymous, technicians anxiously awaited the weapons tests
results from the Blue Squadron’s unnamed escort fighter. They waited for
much longer than they had expected. Eventually, they both had to accept
that something had clearly gone wrong.
“Clearly,” Tom Kadar said, “something has gone wrong.”
His partner, Beth Gaelen, looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.
When it became obvious he wouldn’t, she returned her attention to her
computer console.
“You seem remarkably unconcerned about this problem,” Tom commented.
“Look,” Beth said, “you know Blue Squadron. They’re probably just
shooting a few more rocks than we planned for. After all, what’s going to
happen? We’re alone out here in a gigantic starship. What could create
problems?”
“The QuiteLarge cannon could have exploded, killing them all. It would
explain our total lack of communication with them.”
“Oh come on, they probably got into an argument over the
meteor/meteoroid distinction and forgot to check in.”
“Why didn’t you just have a continuous connection transmitted over our
satellite network?” asked Tom’s younger sister Megan.
“Because we didn’t think of … say, what are you doing here?”
answered Tom.
“‘What are you doing here?’”
“Ha. Very funny. Listen to me laugh.”
“I just wanted to see what you technician types are up to,” explained
Megan. “Hi, Beth.”
“Hi,” Beth responded, not looking up from her console.
“Don’t disturb her,” Tom said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “she’s
busy trying to ignore me.”
“Not true,” Beth protested, “I’m designing stuff.”
“Giant robots?” Megan asked hopefully.
“No,” Tom replied, “not giant robots. Especially not transforming
giant robots. Why do you have this obsession with robots anyway?”
“They’re cool!”
“Perhaps they are,” said Beth, “but it’s not our style.”
“Oh well,” sighed Megan. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Tom waited for her to leave and mumbled something unkind about
teenagers.
“Anyway,” Beth suggested, “if you’re concerned about Jen, I could ask
Roy to take a look. He’s on Green Squadron, you know.”
“Of course I know that. But it’s a good idea, anyway. Odd that we both
have siblings in the fighter squadrons, though.”
“That is kind of odd, now that you mention it.”
Having come up with a plan (and inadvertently informed the readers
about a few details), Beth logged out and went to find Roy.
Finding Roy wasn’t as difficult as one might guess, given the spaciousness
of the Anonymous. He, like the rest of the elite fighter pilots (they
actually had admitted every volunteer, but they called themselves elite
because it impressed the civilians), tended to spend a lot of time in the
pilots’ lounge. On occasion Beth asked him what he did in the lounge, and
he usually said something about the pilots trading stories to help each
other improve. She almost believed him, except that every time she visited
the lounge they were all watching TV.
She quickly moved over to Green Squadron’s traditional table, and got
their attention.
“What’s up, Beth?” asked Squad Commander Rick Hydrospok.
“Well,” she explained, “I was wondering if your group could go and check
on Blue Squadron.”
“They here?”
“No, they’re out testing weapons in space.”
“Oh. So you want us to leave the relative comfort of the Pilots’ Lounge
to go flying around looking for a ship loaded with experimental, possibly
dangerous weapons?”
“C’mon, Hydrospok,” commented Squadmember George Daniels, “you think
they’d be out testing non-dangerous weapons?”
The others snickered a bit at that. When they had stopped, Hydrospok
continued, “I’m just not sure I want to get near a ship loaded with weapons
that could accidentally vaporize my fighter.”
“Besides,” Roy added, “Mystery Science Theater is almost on.”
“Well, I can see why you wouldn’t want to miss that,” Beth said. “Maybe
Black Squadron could go and check.”
“Whoa,” began Daniels, “we can’t let them go out and do this.”
“Why not?” asked Hydrospok.
“They’re our arch enemies.”
“Since when?”
“Since they beat us in air hockey.”
“Oh yeah.” He turned to Beth, “All right, we’ll go out and find them
for you. Green Squadron: move out!”
The others stared at him.
“What?”
Daniels spoke up, “I hope you don’t intend to use that line again.”
“Whatever. To the hangar!” Hydrospok strode briskly out of the room.
The rest of Green Squadron looked at each other, sighed, and followed.
Beth stayed behind and watched Mystery Science Theater 3000.