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Deciphering Order of the Stick #393

By Dave Menendez
Tuesday, December 26, 2006, at 12:09 AM

Summary: My translation of Haley’s dialogue in this pivotal page of Rich Burlew’s Order of the Stick.

Last April, I posted about deciphering Haley’s dialogue in Rich Burlew’s Order of the Stick. Somewhat sheepishly, I later realised that figuring out Haley’s dialogue is pretty much equivalent to solving the cryptogram puzzles that come with some newspapers, near the crossword or jumble.

Anyhow, Haley’s dialogue in page 393, “Truth”, is fairly extensive and significant so as a service to my readers, I’m posting the deciphered dialogue here. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

Panel 1:

Haley: NALE? I kissed Nale? Ugh!!

Panel 13:

Haley: Woooooo! Kick his ass, Oddly Effective Elan!

Panel 15:

Elan: Huh?
Haley: Huh?

Panel 20:

Haley: You’ve got to be kidding me. Elan, you’re not buying this, are you???

Panel 21:

Elan: I… I don’t believe you. You’re lying!
Haley: Damn straight he’s lying!

Panel 22:

Nale: Is that really the dress of someone who’s NOT an evil temptress?
Haley: He bought me this dress! Come on, would ANY woman CHOOSE to wear this thing?

Panel 23:

Nale: Wasn’t she the smart one in the party?
Haley: No! I’m not! I’m stupid! I’m so stupid!!

Panel 24:

Elan: Haley… This… isn’t true, right? He’s just making it up?
Haley: Of course not! This is absurd! I'm Chaotic Good! Ish!

Panel 25:

Nale: She does not look happy that I’m blowing her cover.
Haley: Why are you listenicg [sic] to him?? He’s the VILLAIN!

Panel 26:

Nale: Oh yes. Laughing at you, not with you.
Haley: No, I haven’t!

Panel 27:

Nale: She told me she couldn’t stnad to be near your incessant idiocy for one more day.
Haley: You have to believe me! He’s lying!!

Panel 28:

Elan: I went through all this to save you, and you were a bad guy the whole time!
Haley: What?? No! NO!!

Panel 29:

Nale: Very, very angry…
Haley’s self-loathing: He’ll never forgive you.
Elan: You’re worse than Nale is!
Haley: I can’t…
Haley’s self-loathing: He’ll learn to hate you.
Haley: …think…

Panel 30:

Elan: I never want to see you—
Haley’s self-loathing: And then he’ll leave.
Haley: I can’t lose him…
Haley: I—I thought…
Haley’s self-loathing: Just like everyone else—
Nale: Angry enough to kill, even…
Haley: I thought—

And in the next panel, Haley regains the power of comprehensible speech. Hooray!