Script: The 'C' Word
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* HERMAN'S HEAD *
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SCRIPT
"THE 'C' WORD"
(episode 34)
by Michael B. Kaplan
Original airdate (Fox): 11/03/92
Script transcribed by Stephen Hill
(Email: steve.d.hill@gmail.com)
Started : 23rd August 1994.
Completed : 3rd September 1994.
Episode sypnosis: (From Dean Adams' episode guide)
Herman has commitment problems with Elizabeth, when an old flame returns
to town. [Note: this episode was aired as an election day special]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
**************************************
* Characters and their abbreviations *
**************************************
Regular cast:
Herman Brooks .................... William Ragsdale
Jay Nichols ...................... Hank Azaria
Heddy Newman ..................... Jane Sibbett
Louise Fitzer .................... Yeardley Smith
Angel ............................ Molly Hagan
Animal ........................... Ken Hudson Campbell
Wimp ............................. Rick Lawless
Genius ........................... Peter MacKenzie
Paul Bracken ..................... Jason Bernard
Guest Cast:
Elizabeth ......... Julia Campbell
Susan Bracken ..... Roxanne Beckford
ABBREVIATIONS
Main Characters :
_____________________________
/Herman = H / Louise = L /|
/Heddy = HD / Bracken = B / /
/Jay = J / Crawford = C / /
/____________/_______________/ /
|____________|_______________|/
'Brain' Characters:
__________________________
/Angel = A / Wimp = W /|
/Animal = AN / Genius = G / /
/____________/____________/ /
|____________|____________|/
Other characters
Elizabeth : E
Susan Bracken : S
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
<OPEN : Jay and Herman are in the elevator, along with some other people>
J : So-er, what do ya wanna do Friday night?
H : Er, I'm going to see Elizabeth again.
J : Okay - how about Saturday?
H : Elizabeth.
J : Okay Hermo - there's something..going on here.
H : <laughs> What - you think so?
J : There's a word for what's happening to you my friend. Its an old-fashioned,
corny word but, it applies.
H : "Love?"
J : No - "Whipped."
<The elevator opens and the occupants walk out>
H : That's ridiculous Jay. Look, I know you and Elizabeth got off to a bad
start, but I really like being with her.
J : Ah! - Great sex. Why didn't you say so?
H : Actually, we haven't had sex yet. She doesn't want to make that leap until
we're sure where this is going.
J : Y'mean to tell me she's your girlfriend and you still haven't planted the
flag yet?
H : She is _not_ my girlfriend. She's just someone I'm seeing.
<Herman and Jay walk into the Research dept>
J : Herm... Herm. She's a woman. Woman only want one thing - commitment. It's a
big problem.
H : <laughs> You know, maybe you're the one with the problem. What's the
longest you've ever been with a woman?
J : An hour.....and a half.
H : No - I don't mean in bed, I mean in a relationship.
J : Oh! ..... An hour and a half <walks out of the Research dept>
<Cut to brain>
A : Oh no! Are we like Jay - are we afraid of commitment?
W : Well, why not? There's plenty to be afraid of. Remember what happened when
we fell in love with Susan?
<Wimp turn on a TV situated in the brain - showing a clip of a previous HH,
where Herman falls in love with Susan>
S : I was offered a job today...It's a tour.
H : A tour? I thought you didn't want to tour any more?
S : Well, I thought so too but..I realised I just can't take any job. I'm a
dancer, that's what I do.
H : I don't want you to leave Susan, I just found you.
<Cut back to brain. Angel is sobbing on Wimp's shoulder>
W : Y'see, we can't go through that again.
<Camera cuts to Animal - he is watching another clip of Herman's past. Herman
is in a photo-shoot with lots of women around him. Genius walks up to Animal>
G : What are you doing?
AN : You got your memories, I got mine!
<Cut back to Research Dept. Louise walks up to Herman's Desk>
L : Hi Herman. How's your girlfriend?
H : <Sternly> She is not my girlfriend, she's just someone I'm seeing.
L : Ahhh! So your obviously in a relationship that's proceding in a direction
that scares you tremendously as a result of fear of commitment. Possibly
stemming from a traumatic incidance of childhood abandonment. <Cute smile>
H : Louise, where is this coming from?
L : Well, this morning my therapist got tired of hearing about me, so I decided
to talk about you.
<Louise walks back to her desk. Heddy walks into the office>
HD : Morning Herman.
H : Morning Heddy. Aren't you gonna ask me?
HD : Ask you what?
H : How my girlfriend is?
HD : Why would I do that?
H : Well, it's just's everybody's been asking me all morning "How my girlfriend
is."
HD : FIne - how's your girlfriend?
H : <Annoyed> She is _not_ my girlfriend. Just...someone I've been seeing.
<Camera cut s to Bracken, who is just walking out of his office>
B : Listen up people. Due to a dissapointing third quarter, Waterton Publishing
is instituting some austerity measures - here's a complete list of the
changes.
<He gives copies of the list to both Heddy and Herman. They start to read..>
HD : "No more using office supplies for personal use."
<Camera cuts to Louise, who is sitting at her desk>
L : <Standing up> I could have used office supplies for personal use?
<Camera cuts to Herman>
H : "The company caferteria is no longer offering employee discounts."
<Camera cuts to Louise>
L : I could have had employee discounts?
<Camera cuts to Heddy>
HD : Our phones will no longer be able to make long distance calls.
<Camera cuts to Louise. She slumps into her chair..>
L : <Sad voice> I could have made long distance calls?
<Bracken walks out of his office>
B : That's right - only my phone will have long distance access.
L : <Standing up and walking to Bracken> Oh Mr.Bracken, this just isn't fair. I
mean, I wouldn't be so upset if you were taking away things that I knew I
had had and had been able to enjoy for a while, but you're taking away
things I never even knew I had! <All said in one breath!>
<Bracken takes some a couple of objects from her desk (I think one of them is
her Horseradish jar!) and walks back into his office, leaving Louise standing
where she is>
L : That's more like it.
<Cut to MacnAlleys. Herman and Louise are sitting together>
L : I can't believe all these cutbacks. Maybe I should just forget this whole
research thing and become something else...Like a military strongman.
H : Military strongman?
L : Yeah - sure. Wouldn't it be great to hear on the news one night: <Adopts low
voice> "The state department today issued a stern warning directed to
military strongman - Louise Fitzer." <cute smile>
H : Louise, you might want to bump up your therapy to twice a week.
<Louise is not amused and gently punches Herman on the shoulder. Elizabeth
walks in>
E : <To Herman&##62; Hey there!
H : <Standing> Hi there!
L : Ho there!
<Elizabeth and Herman sit down>
E : Well Louise, how are you?
L : I'm fine, thank you.
<Herman looks at Louise for a couple of seconds>
L : <Standing> Well Herman - I'm just gonna leave you here with your
girlfriend.
H : Look, Louise, she is not my... <But by now Louise has left their table>
<to Elizabeth> I mean, I wouldn't want to presume...
E : Yeah - a bunch of my co-workers were referring to you as my boyfriend
today, <laughing> isn't that funny?
H : <Laughing> Yeah, it sure is...
<Elizabeth interrupts Herman's laughing>
E : <Sternly> What is that supposed to mean?
H : I dunno, I was just agreeing with you.
E : The though of being my boyfriend is funny to you - funny how? How is that
funny?
H : What's going on? One second we're saying "Hello" and the next second you're
Joe Pesci in "GoodFellas."
E : We've been spending a lot of time together recently. I'd like to know where
this is going.
<Camera cuts to brain. Animal and Wimp are looking directly into the camera>
W + AN : Uh oh!
<Cut back to pub>
H : <Struggling> I..I really..like being with you and I think we should
continue to be together.
E : Okay, cards on the table. Is this a relationship?
H : Well, if by a relationship you mean.. people relating...like..ships....
H : Herman. I want a commitment.
<Cut to brain. Animal and Wimp are hurridly trying to pack a suitacase with
clothes>
AN : C'mon, c'mon - let's go! <Still trying to pack the clothes> Forget about
the clothes! Let's get the hell out of here! <They run about and
eventually leave the camera's view>
<Cut back to pub>
H : A...commitment? What about all those awful replationships you've had. What
about your being certain that if we got involved it would be disasterous?
E : Oh - it would! We'd drive each other insane. I would get crazy, forcing you
to break my heart. You meanwhile would suffer emotional, physcological and
possibly even physcial damage - so, whaddya say, you up for it? <Eager for
a reply>
H : Physical damage?
E : You just think about it. I don't need an answer right now - I'll give you
until I get back from the bathroom. <Leaves the table>
H : <To himself> I hope there's a line!
<Cut to brain>
AN : <To the other characters> Wait, if..if we do this commitment thing, will
we get to sleep with her?
W : Yeah! But only her and _nobody_ else.
<All the lights dim. The only one left is alluminating Animal's face>
AN : The horror....the horror!
<Cut back to pub. Elizabeth returns to the table>
E : Okay Herman.
H : No line huh?
<Jay walks into the pub and spots Herman>
J : Hermo!
H : Jay!
J : <To Elizabeth> Shrew!
E : <To Jay> Bore!
J : I hope I..am interrupting something?
E : Actually you are. Why don't you drag your knuckles back the way you came.
J : <To Herman> Enjoy <gesturing to Elizabeth>...being around this?
E : <To Herman> What kind of frat party male bonding nightmare do you share
with him?
J : Damaged goods Herm.
E : Major loser.
J : Obviously frigid.
E : No doubt impotent. <Jay laughs#62; *
J : I haven't had any complaints.
E : Have you ever related to a woman with any organ other than your
penis? *
J : You just wish you had one. *
E : So do you! *
<The lines with a * next to them get BIG roars from the audience! ;) >
H : <Interrupting the slanging match> Guys!
J : Stay out of this Herm. I'm in a battle for your very soul.
E : <To Jay> Herman can fight his own battles.
J : <To Elizabeth> He doesn't know what he's dealing with.
H : <Interrupting again> I think he's right here at the table! Jay, your heart
is in the right place, but if you'll excuse me, Elizabeth and I were in the
middle of something important here.
J : Oooh, is this the "This isn't working out" talk - oh please don't let me
interrupt. <standing up>
H : Actually, it's the other talk.
J : Oh Herm, no!
H : I'm sorry Jay...
E : <Interrupting Herman> You're sorry?
H : <To Elizabeth> I didn't mean "I'm sorry", I meant that he was...
E : <Interrupting and standing up> You want this to end right now?
H : No - I don't want this to end now!
J : <To Herman> That's right - at least sleep with her first.
E : <To Herman> I can't believe you confide in this idiot.
H : Well this idiot is still my friend.
J : You tell her Herm!
E : Look, are we going to do this or not?
H : Look, we're going to do this.
E : You're making a commit..
H : Yes! I'm making a commitment!
E : Then let's get the hell out of here!
H : <Shouting> OKAY!
E : Okay!
<Elizabeth and Herman leave. Jay sits down at the table again>
J : <To himself> Oh man....
<Louise walks back to the table>
L : Hi Jay, hi. Boy, isn't it terrible, all the cutbacks they're making at
work?
J : Louise, I just had my best friend taken away from me.
L : What!? I could have had a best friend? Damn!
<Camera cuts to Herman's apartment. Elizabeth and Herman come in through the
front door and start kissing>
E : Okay, save my place Slim - I'll be right back. <Walks towards the bathroom>
<Cut to brain>
AN : She's gonna come out naked - let's take our clothes off! <Starts tearing
his clothes off. Genius stops him>
G : And if she comes out fully clothed and we're standing in the middle of the
room 'El buffo?'
W : <To Animal> He's right - we could get a chill.
G : Look. Let's comprimise and take off our jacket and tie <Starts removing
his tie>
#60;Camera cuts back to apartment. Herman takes off his jacket and tie and lies
down on the bed. The door to the bathroom opens and Elizabeth walks in wearing
a nightshirt>
E : You're still dressed?
H : I wasn't sure so I took off the jacket and tie.
E : Oh..You're dressed and I'm not - what are we going to do about that?
#60;Herman gets off the bed and stands up in one movement>
H : Well I'd hate for you to have to get dressed.
<Camera cuts to brain. Animal is having and shower and is singing>
AN : I love commitment, la la-la la-la!
<Angel appears in the shower from a curtain at the rear>
A : You see, commitment will be a wonderful thing. Pass the soap.
<Animal presents the soap to Angel, but just as she goes to take it he flips it
into the air and it lands on the floor. He puts on a forced "Oh dear!" kind of
face.. I suppose you have to see it really.... Genius walks into the shower
the same way Angel did>
G : Okay. Condoms are in the night table. Where's the soap?
A : He dropped it again.
<Camera shows Animal's face. He makes the same "Oh dear!" kind of face. After a
second or two the scene cuts to Herman and Elizabeth, who are now both on the
bed, facing each other>
E : Y'know Herman - I'm beginning to think that this time is going to be
different. I think I can get romantically involved and not go crazy. I think
maybe this it's gonna work...<Herman interrupts>
H : Elizabeth!
E : Yes Herman?
H : You talk too much.
E : I know.
<They start to kiss again. There is a knock on the door>
H : Ignore it!
<They continue to kiss. Another knock on the door>
E : Just go to the door and tell whoever it is to go away.
H : Okay.
<He walks towards the door, puts on a dressing gown and opens the door. Susan
Bracken is standing there>
S : Hi Herman.. I'm back.
<Commercial break>
H : Susan?
S : Am I interrupting something?
H : No, of course not.
E : Herman!
H : <Quickly> I mean yes, you are. I get those two mixed up.
S : Obviously suprising you was a bad idea. Look, I'm back in town - I'm
staying with my father. Why don't you call me tomorrow?
H : Okay.. you bet I will.
S : It's good to see you again Herman.
H : Yeah, yeah you too.
<Cut to brain>
A : She's back. Susan is back. <Does some sort of 'love pose' which is hard
to describe. Genius walks into the shot>
G : Susan is the past. Elizabeth is the present.
AN : <Walking into shot> So let's go an finish unwrapping our present!
<Genius and Animal walk quickly out of shot. Huge cheer from audience>
H : <To Elizabeth> Jehova's witness. <Walks back to Elizabeth> So Elizabeth,
where were we? <Starts kissing her neck>
E : Well, let's see. You and I were just about to make love when your
ex-girlfriend showed up.
H : What makes you think she's my ex-girlfriend?
E : Herman, give me some credit.
H : Look, sh sh..she's my bosses daughter, we saw each other for a little
while then she left town - it's not a big deal.
E : It is a big deal. She's back and you clearly have feelings for her. I knew
this would happen. I knew the second I trusted someone, the second I let
down my guard and decided this time would be different...
H : <Interrupting> Elizabeth...
E : I know - I talk too much! <Turns and kisses Herman>
<Cut to Brain. All four characters are stood in a line looking at something off
screen. The camera changes shot and you can see that the brain characters are
looking at a *huge* image of Susan, who is looking at them scornfully>
<Cut back to Herman. He breaks off the kiss>
E : What's the matter Herman?
H : Look, maybe it's just too much too soon, but I can't do this right now. I
mean..you are really..great..Susan. I...
<Elizabeth quickly gets off the bed and walks into the bathroom>
H : I mean, Elizabeth! I'm sorry - it was a slip of the tongue. <Walks to
bathroom door> Come on, I know you're a reasonable person. Can we just talk
about this?
<The sound of breaking glass can be heard>
H : <Angry> Hey! That was my last bottle of 'Hai Karate.' You know that stuff
is not easy to find. Look, I did not know she was going to be here - it's
just one of things. I swear I have not thought about her in days.
<Smash>
H : I mean..months!
<Smash>
H : No - I mean.. Elizabeth! Susan!
<Smash>
H : I.. <Gives up trying to talk.>
<Elizabeth walks out of the bathroom, nearly fully dressed>
E : Well, it's been a wonderful relationship. Too bad it had to end like this,
but we'll always have the last five minutes!
H : Elizabeth, I really am crazy about you.
E : Yeah - well you say that like it's a consolation prize or like at this
point I'm supposed to care.
H : Yeah - but you do.
E : Yes - I also like to go swimming after a big meal, I've a very
self-destructive nature.
H : I dont want this to end - I'm just not ready for it to...start at this
particular moment, maybe in a few days. I'm just sure what I want right
now.
E : <Putting on her coat> Well, maybe this will help. <Opens the door to the
apartment and leaves, slamming it. Herman sighs loudly>
<Cut to brain. Genius, Angel and Animal are standing, in that order, in the
camera shot>
AN : <Angry and shouting at Angel> I can't believe we let the half-naked chick
get away!
G : I thought you wanted Elizabeth.
A : I love Elizabeth....I love Susan, I... I feel very strange <Genius and
Animal back off out of the shot> I....oh...oh..oh <She splits into two
copies of herself..I'll call them A1 and A2 from now on>
A1 : <To A2> I want Elizabeth.
A2 : <To A1> I want Susan.
A1 : Elizabeth!
A2 : Susan!
<Shot cuts to Animal sitting in a chair, trying to look intelligent. He is
wearing a pair of dark-rimmed glasses and has his hands touching each other
(palms inwards, the same as a 'praying' gesture> with his index fingers
touching his lips. He is also putting on a (pretty awful ;) ) German accent.
AN : Strictly in ze interest of peace. Might I suggest we sleep wiz boz of zem.
(we sleep with both of them ;) ) <As the audience cheer and clap, a small,
evil smile crosses his face>
<Cut back to the apartment. Herman is standing by the door when Elizabeth burst
back in>
E : You've slept with her, haven't you? <Slams the door shut>
H : Look, we were _kind of_ involved for a while..
E : Well, that's not fair! How can you possibly make an informed decision? Well
- I'm not going to lose you without giving it my best shot.
H : Your best shot?
E : Take off your clothes!
H : Elizabeth, I don't know, I...<Elizabeth walks to Herman and kisses him>
<Camera cuts to Animal>
AN : <Looking straight at the camera> Fair's fair!
<Camera cuts back to Herman and Elizabeth>
H : Well, I suppose I do have to make an informed decision.
<Camera cuts away. A small 'jingle break', then the camera cuts back to the
research department the next day. Heddy is on the phone...>
HD : Oh Pierre, that is so sweet of you. No wonder they call french the
'Language of love.'
<Herman walks up to Heddy>
H : Heddy, you talking to Paris again? I thought they cut the long distance
access on all but Mr.Bracken's phone?
<Heddy beats Herman away with a rolled up magazine>
HD : I'm..I'm sorry Pierre - someone was talking to me, I didn't catch some of
that. Now tell me again how you intend to make love to me......Oh yes...
<The camera cuts to Mr Bracken walking out of the office, tracing the phone
line from his office to Heddy's desk. She is laughing..>
HD : Wooo! I've done that before!
<As Mr Bracken gets to the telephone on Heddy's desk, he takes the receiver
from her and puts it back on the phone, cutting off the call. He takes the
phone and walks back to his office>
HD : <To Bracken> Well I don't know why you need it - I'm the one with the
social life.
H : Heddy - these phones can be used for business purposes as well!
HD : I'm sorry, I didn't know!
<Camera cuts to Herman's desk. Louise walks into the office clutching a box>
H : Louise, what have you got there?
L : Office supplies! I am taking them Herman! Don't try to stop me! I never
took anything before while everyone else was taking things! I want this
Herman! I really really want this.
H : What is it?
L : _Sixty million staples!_ <Cute smile, looks pleased with herself>
H : Louise, that's crazy.
L : You're right - I should have swiped a stapler too.
H : Can I ask you something?
L : Sure Herman - how many ya want? <Opening her box>
H : <Sighs> No, not that I.....well okay - I'll take two boxes. <Louise takes
the staples from the box and gives them to Herman> Louise, have you ever
been in love with two guys at once?
L : <Laughing> Of course! It was wonderful - I was in college.
H : Really? What happened?
L : Mel Gibson was married and Tom Selleck didn't return my calls. Oh, wait a
minute Herman. Am I to understand that you are in love with two women?
H : Kind of. I was ready to make a commitment to Elizabeth - then, out of
nowhere, Susan Bracken returns.
L : So - you're saying you have _two_ fabulous women, both of whom are crazy
about you, and you have to choose which one you want?
H : Basically.
L : So basically, you have two women and I have two cartons of staples....
Imagine how depressed I'd be if I didn't have these staples.
<Camera cuts to Mr.Bracken, who is coming out of his office>
B : Herman, I wanna talk to you.
<Camera cuts back to Herman and Louise. Louise quickly picks up her staples and
walks out of the research dept. Camera changes shot, and Mr.Bracken is now with
Herman>
B : I didn't say anything to you yesterday because Susan wanted to suprise you.
H : Oh, w..well she certainly did that.
B : Well you know how I felt about you seeing her.
H : Yes - yes I do.
B : Well I want you to know that now I'm OK with it.
H : Oh really?
B : Now you have my blessings Herman. Only don't break her heart - I may have
to kill you.
<Mr.Bracken looks at Herman seriously for a few seconds, then laughs (looks
false.) Herman laughs back, just as falsely>
<Camera cuts to the outside of MacnAllys. The shot cuts to the inside. Herman
walks into the Pub and sees Susan sitting alone at a table>
<Cut to brain. Genius is standing with the two Angels>
G : Well, we asked her to meet us, and there she is. What do we do now?
<The two angels speak simultaniously>
A1 : Look. the heart's my department and I say Elizabeth.
A2 : Look, the heart's my department and I say Susuan.
<A1 and A2 look at each other, and growl simultaniously>
<Cut back to pub. Herman approaches the table>
H : Susan - Hi!
S : Hi Herman. Thanks for seeing me. Look, I'm sorry about last night - I just
thought it would be fun..
H : <interrupting> I know, and it would have been, it's OK.
S : So, <sternly> who is she?
<Cut to brain>
A1 : A girlfriend.
A2 : Er - nobody special <false laugh>
<Cut back to pub>
H : Someone I've been dating. S..so what brings you back to New York?
S : My dancing career's over. Tore an Achillies tendon. I'm going to get a job
and stay here for good.
H : W..Well I'm sorry about your dancing.
S : No - it's OK. In fact it's for the best - I..was hoping you and I could
pick up where we left off.
H : I loved your letters.
S : I loved yours. The whole time I was gone I thought about you. I want to be
with you Herman.
<Cut to brain>
W : The other one scares me. I say Susan.
G : Elizabeth!
A2 : Susan!
A1 : Elizabeth!
<Animal walks into shot and up to Genius>
AN : The blonde at the bar!
<Cut back to pub>
H : I'm sorry, what?
S : I was asking if you've been thinking about me?
H : Yeah - of course I have, constantly.
<Elizabeth walks up to the table>
E : <To Herman> Define 'constantly.'
H : Elizabeth....
E : Constantly as in every time we've gone out in the past few weeks?
H : <To Susan> Susan, you remember Elizabeth from last night.
<Susan and Elizabeth say 'Hello' to each other, although not in a terribly
friendly way>
H : <To Susan> Elizabeth is a writer. <To Elizabeth. Herman is now fumbling for
things to say> Susan is a dancer. <To himself> I'm a dead man.
E : Listen Herman, there is something I wanted to say to you. I realised after
I left last night that you're not choosing between Susan and me. You and I
made a commitment. If you want her, you're going to have to dump me first.
S : Look Herman, if you've made a commitment, just tell me.
H : <To Susan> I...wouldn't call it a _commitment_........<Elizabeth looks at
him angrily> Although that's what it is.
<Jay walks in and notices Herman, he walks up to him>
J : Hermo!
H : Jay!
J : <To Susan> Susan!
S : <To Jay> Jay.
J : <To Elizabeth> Cow!
E : <To Jay> Scum!
S : <To Herman> What kind of commitment?
H : <To Jay> Jay, you're just in time. Please join us <the group all start to
sit down. Herman moves closer to Jay's ear, so that Elizabeth and Susan
don't hear> For God's sake join us!
J : <To Herman> I can see what's going on here, you're in a lot of trouble.
It's OK, I'm in your corner Herm. I'm with ya. I'm with ya.
S : <To Herman> So, what kind of commitment do you have with her?
J : <To Herman> Alright, cover up Herm <Jay adopts a boxer's guard>, cover up.
<Herman does the same>
E : <To Herman> It's a good question Herman - I'd like to know that too.
J : <To Herman> Alright, bob and weave Herman. <Jay start's weaving about
behind his guard> C'mon, bob and weave. <Herman copies Jay poorly>
E : I mean after all, we did sleep together after she left last night.
J : <Hitting Herman lightly> And you didn't call me? I always call you!
S : Herman, what's going on here?
<Herman fumbles for something to say. He notices that Louise has walked in
(still with her staples.) He gets up from his table>
H : Louise! C'mere! <Herman grabs Louise and pulls her to the table, while
talking quickly> Look everybody it's Louise and guess what, she has
staples, anybody want staples?
L : Hey hey hey! You don't go giving away my staples. You got two women here,
all I got are these staples.
<Mr.Bracken walks in....>
B : Hello everybody.
H : Hello Mr.Bracken.
<Mr.Bracken walks to Susan and kisses her>
B : Hello princess.
S : Hi daddy.
B : Oh, it's good to see you and Herman back together.
S : Well we're not quite back together. Herman's been seeing someone.
B : <Looking angrily at Herman> Oh really?
H : <Getting up and moving away from the table> Look, I really don't think that
this is the place to....
S : <Interrupting and also getting up from the table> Herman, look. If you don't
want me, I'd like to know now. I don't wanna be strung along.
E : <Appearing behind Susan> I certainly don't wanna be strung along either.
<Jay walks quickly behind Herman>
J : <To Herman> String them both along as long as you can. <He walks to to bar>
S : What'll it be Herman?
E : Choose Herman.
<Mr.Bracken appears behind Elizabeth>
B : Yes Herman, choose.
H : <To Mr.Bracken> Well - I've narrowed it down to these two, I'm sorry
Mr.Bracken, but you're completely out of the race.
<None of the three are amused. Herman nervously laughs to himself>
<Camera cuts to Herman's apartment. His front door buzzer goes off. Herman
answers it. Susan is standing there>
H : Hi! I'm glad you could come.
<Susan walks in>
S : You were very brave back there at the bar to just come right out and say
what you wanted in front of all those people.
H : You mean a lot to me Susan.
S : You mean a lot to me too......So, can I have the picture?
H : Of course. <He fetches a picture from his desk and hands it to Susan> There
you go.
S : It's a great picture of us.
H : Yeah.. It was really great to see you again and I want you to know
that..what we had, was _very_ special and I'll always remember it.
S : I guess our timing's pretty bad.
H : Are you going to be OK?
S : I'll be fine. Take care Herman. <She walks out>
H : You too.
S : <Standing in the doorway> Tell Elizabeth that she's a very lucky woman.
<They smile at each other. Susan walks away and Herman shuts the door. Herman
walks a way around his apartment. Elizabeth emerges from the bathroom with her
night shirt on>
H : <To Elizabeth> You're a very lucky woman.
E : I heard. So, are you sure you made the right decision?
H : Susan was someone from my past. We have something in the present.
<Cut to brain. The two angels are standing by the 'memories' filing cabinet.
Angel number two is holding a framed picture of (presumably) Herman and Susan>
A1 : <To A2> Can we get rid of that now?
A2 : <To A1> I can't just get rid of it. I'm going to put it here, where we'll
always have it. <She opens the top drawer of the filing cabinet, puts the
picture in, and closes the drawer.
A1 : Ready?
A2 : Ready.
<The two Angels merge back into one again>
A : There! Now let's give our heart to Elizabeth.
<Animal walks into shot>
AN : You give her the heart. I got a little something else she might enjoy!
<Camera cuts to Herman and Elizabeth>
E : Y'know Herman - I know what we're doing is scary for you, and even though
it'll work for about as long as that five dollar watch I bought on the
street, I still think...
H : <Interrupting> Elizabeth!
E : What?
H : You talk too much.
E : <Slightly distressed> I know...
<They kiss... >
<END>
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