This oneshot appears after KID MYSTICISM & THE NET.TITANS #35, though the exact time is variable thanks to the power of retcon. RETROACTIVE LAD #1(of One) "Have Retcon, will Travel!" A One-Shot By Ben Rawluk It's LNH...but bordering on the Elsewhirlish... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *PLOP!*...the noise kind of annoyed him, he recalled. It was sort of constant, and his other ear wouldn't stop ringing. He was having difficulty...the answer was on the tip of his tongue, if it was an answer. He couldn't, for the life of him, remember the question. He was also having difficulty recalling who he was. Or what he was. All he knew was that he felt overly warm, and his clothes were skintight. He opened his eyes, slowly. The inky blackness dissolved. The light was too bright! He reached out, with what he hoped was his hand, to shield his eyes. He was in a bar. Sort of. He pulled himself to his feet. "Can I help you?" The new voice was high and nasal. He remembered...sort of...the details were all sort of confused and dis-jointed, but he knew he was something called alive, in a place called...the Looniverse, he thought. Looniverse...hokey name...He was called....Retroactive Lad...'lad'...what a hokey name. It took him a moment to remember what 'hokey' meant. "Can. I. Help. You?" The voice repeated, now mildly irritated. "Uhhhhh...." Retroactive Lad mumbled, as he vaguely recalled his encounter with the so-called Legion of Net.Heroes [*see Kid Mysticism & The Net.Titans #35- Ben]. He glanced down at himself. The colors of his costume were drab...shades of grey, really. And he was wearing a trenchcoat for some reason. He looked up, and finally saw the owner of the voice. A rather amusing looking figure, more of a caricture than a human being. "Um...sorry. Where am I?" "Sir. You are in Thornefire's Bar at the Tuesday before the End of the Looniverse." "You have GOT to be kidding me..." Retroactive Lad mumbled. He shut his eyes again...He had tried to retcon the LNH out of reality, but screwed up...and did it to himself..then he must of accidently reversed it, and ended up here....But why the shades-of-grey costume and trenchcoat? Maybe if he tried retconning himself into having better control of his powers? Retroactive Lad focused, much to the ire of the waiter. A single, tiny retcon shifted through him, before subsiding with continuity slightly different. "Hullo there." The third voice was pleasant and calm, yet seemed to have a mildly-powerful god-being behind it. "Good to see you're figuring things out...nice characterization, pleasant intro-sequence." RL looked up. The figure before him shimmered in and out of perception quickly and quietly. "You look confused...allow me to introduce myself. I am...." He paused, for simple dramatic effect, "...The Reviewer! Or one of them...but you, of course, can call me Augie." He quietened his voice. "Not to be confused with the other one that fought the Net.Titans...some silly fellow calling himself Chris occasionally." He looked to be a youngish fellow, with reflective shades covering his eyes, a fedora hat on his head, and a simple black rain-coat on...not to mention a cool silver cane. A white "RACC" symbol could be seen in his shades. "Um...Net.Titans....? I have no idea what your talking about...." RL mumbled. "You're confused...I can except that." Augie motioned, and reality crescendoed, the bar dissipating. Suddenly, the two of them were standing amidst the stars of the Looniverse. "Lemme say this...the coat n' colour scheme were caused by the retconning...You retconned yourself out of one perspective of the Looniverse, and into another." "Uhhhhh....." Retroactive Lad mumbled. "You've lost me." "*SIGH*...I should have known..even retcon-based net.hero types have difficulty grasping these concepts...where IS Kid Kirby when I need him?" Augie sighed, and glanced back at Retroactive Lad. "Look...I need a small, infinitesimal favour." "Um...what?" Augie waves his hand, and reality crescendoed. The two flashed down the timestream, to a point somewhere mid-April 1996. Also, it did not escape Retroactive Lad's attention that they were in free-orbit around a planet, with metal satellites nearby, each puffing metallic dust into the planet's atmosphere. "What are we doing here?" Retroactive Lad asked. "A small favour you could do me. Would you mind retconning a small hole...the size of a personal starcruiser...in the metallic cloud of the atmosphere?" Augie explained. "Um...sure..." Retroactive Lad motioned, and a retconnic burst distorted continuity so a small hole in the cloud materialized, just big enough for a starcruiser to fly through. Promptly enough, one did. The cruiser flashed away, towards Earth, and lightspeed. "What the heck?!" "You see...this is the planet Lar. A small opening had to be retconned into the atmosphere, so that a Larian youth, B'Enel, could escape, and regain his superpowers, long enough to get to Earth, and join the LNHaires." [*See LNHaires: The Original Mini-Series #2-4 - Ben] Augie exposited. "Big help. The Writer just needed to close up that plot-hole." In an instant, the two were back in the present. "Ok...your problem is sort of self-image. Maybe a new name, a new costume...a new place in the Looniversal Balance...and you could be quite powerful. And I can provide you with that." "You wouldn't mind? I'd be pretty grateful." "Done." Augie snapped his fingers, an independant reviewed retcon mixing with Retroactive Lad, transforming him.... In RL's place, stood a tall, bulky fellow, with a craggy jaw and blueish skin. He was garbed in a sort of grey body armour, and retconic power constantly whirled around him. His eyes were contemplative. "You are now....Retconatos!" "Excellent. My transformation is brought rebirth of both mind and body. My retconic mind sees the reality of the looniverse, its complex lattice a simple puzzle to be solved. My need for revenge against the LNH too is gone..." Retconatos spoke, his voice monotone and awe-inspiring. He glanced at Augie. "Thank you, Reviewer. Good luck finding your counterpart. I am off...I would like to solve the puzzle of reality..but first I must select a piece to start with." Retconatos continued, and closed his eyes. A white cosmic envelope of existence appeared, sealing him inside, and folded up...flashed through Hyperspace Priority Post. Augie shifted on his feet in the blackness of space. Stars winked all around him. After a moment of quiet reflection, his muttered, "Now...I believe that Chris fellow was stuck in Forgotten Character Limbo, if I recall." Elsewhere/when Retconatos stood on an asteroid, carefully observing as a star went Nova after a billion-year-existence. The labcoated individual behind him tapped his shoulder. "Fascinating, isn't it?" Doctor Stomper asked. "Yes, Doctor. It is QUITE interesting. But now, please do go on about this adventure called the first Flame War." Retconatos answered. He gazed at the LNHer, who was showing no signs of explosive decompression. "It was really neat, you see? 10% of the LNHers vanished, completely, out of reality! We were in the middle of our encounter with THE EDITORS, when..." Stomper replied, and started to go on a tirade of excitement. Retconatos cleared his throat. "While this has been very interesting, I realize I have things to do. I believe it would be to my benefit to replicate the Insanity Gems, and study their variety of energies. Therefore, I must end our conversation." "Oh, of course, Retconatos. Talk to you later. You have been a very gracious host." Stomper exclaimed. Retconatos snapped his fingers, and a retcon swallowed up the simulacrum of Doctor Stomper he had retconned into reality an hour or so before.Retconatos then glanced off into the distance, and grinned. A single, small red jewel popped into existence on his palm, which snapped shut. It was gonna be fun... The End. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CREDITS: Retconatos and Augie are owned by me. Dr. Stomper is public domain.Back to the Index.