Blue Light Productions presents
L U R K E R L A D
#4
"Plotlines and Danglers Abound..."
By Ben Rawluk
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[Cover - The entire cover is taken up by the head of the OmniDimensional
Green Author Guy, with a red logo. At the bottom, the blurb reads: "The
storm brews..."]
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Lurker Lad stared with a bemused grin. "You have to be kidding
me....you look like some kind of...1950s space hero!" Johnny Stomper stood
before him. The two were in the central costuming chamber of LNHQ, with
Johnny wearing a bright blue costume, with a band of black around the
waist and wrists, a jetpack strapped to his back. Johnny held an old-style
raygun. "Whatcha up to...off to solve some Mystery in Space?" was all
Lurker Lad could say, before breaking down into hysterics.
"*Pfuh*....gee, thanks, O Hero of Heroes..." Johnny sneered. "I
just needed a change...a new motif, y'know?" He adjusted the jetpack, and
added, "Anyways...maybe the world could use a few space heroes."
Lurker Lad didn't stop laughing for a good ten minutes.
---
The warehouse was probably as old as Net.Ropolis itself. In fact,
probably all the warehouses in the city were equally old, having sprouted
up from the ground when the first net.villain needed a hideout, in which
to battle their heroic counterpart in the standardised climatic battle
scene. This warehouse, in particular, was old and dark, most of the
doorways boarded and the windows covered. But, despite its outward
appearance, the warehouse also housed two incredible powerful beings.
"Muh-ha-ha-ha!" The insane laughter of a floating, green figure,
about 4 feet tall, echoed throughout the warehouse. Strange energies
surged about him, and the figure had out his notepad and pencil. "It shall
be glorious! A work of art!" he giggled incessantly, and his compatriot
wondered if bullets would make him stop.
"Would you -please- hurry it up? All the insane laughter is giving
me a headache." the green figure's partner finally growled.
"NeverneverneverNEVER interrupt an author at work...." the green
figured giggled some more, and his partner suddenly finding a pair of
gaudy purple earmuffs forming over his ears. "...especially not the
OmniDimensional Green Author Guy(tm)!" the green villain laughed again.
"Since when do you have a '(tm)' after your name?" the other
villain had removed the earmuffs, sighing with frustration and annoyance.
"Since now! Since always! Who knows! Looniversal time is twisted,
yes indeedy-do." The Omnidimensional Green Author Guy(tm) had already
jumped into another train of thought, his partner sighing. "Never you
mind, Mr. Admiral-Captain-Coredump-sir!"
"*sigh*...-Tell- me your getting -something- done..." Captain
Coredump slumped down onto an old crate, sitting behind him, in the
darkness. "....and not just -mucking- about..."
"MUCKING-ducking-trucking...I never -muck- about. Now, Mister
Coredump...."
"-CAPTAIN- Coredump..."
"Captain, of course, of course!" the green villain started
snickering again, and then stopped suddenly. Grandly, he gestured into the
darkness, where a spotlight appeared, shining on a tall figure, seemingly
shaped of metal and mortar as well. "Meet....Downtime!"
"I....like it."
"Goody-goody gumdrops! Lets send it after that nasty ol'
LurkerBadLad!"
The creature, Downtime, looked up with ruby-red eyes, and let out
a primal "grrrrrrr".
---
Ordinarily, the cafeteria of LNHQ is quiet, except for the
occasional argument between Cheesecake-Eater Lad and any LNHer who'd
mistakenly gone to the Pizza Pit for lunch. Not so that day. While no one
was quite sure -how- everything started, but it involved someone
commenting on the lunch menu. Things kind of degenerated from there.
Basically, practically any LNHer who wasn't in the amidst of a
personal storyline, was reserved, dead (And had stayed that way), or
otherwise engaged, was participating in a monolithic foodfight. All except
Lurker Lad and Ultimate Ninja. "I'm pretty sure it started when Johnny
commented on wanting a bit more variety to the lunch menu, UN. I think
he's developing an allergy to cheesecake, actually."
"Hrm. Yes. And then?"
"Well...things started to get out of hand, and I lurked outta the
way to go get you. It escalated. Obviously." Lurker Lad ducked to the
right as a piece of day-old cheesecake flew past...or at least, it
attempted to, for Ultimate Ninja deftly sliced the moving target with his
katana blade, sending the two halves in opposite directions. "I've seen
you kill simulations of the entire Legion, in the Peril Room, in under ten
seconds...think you can stop them fighting that quickly?"
"Of course. A -true- ninja knows when violence is not needed to
defeat a foe." UN stepped forward, raising his arms. A stream of cherries
hit him in the forehead. The calmest of all LNHers sighed, heavily, and
then, at the top of his lungs, screamed, "SILENCE!" However, he managed to
remain absolutely calm and collected at the same time.
The -entire- Legion stopped, all at once, and looked at their
leader. "Uh-oh." someone muttered.
Lurker Lad mumbled, "Uh-oh is right."
---
Some hours later. Doctor Stomper's lab is considered by some, to
be the ultimate pseudo-scientist's lab. It is filled with all manner of
technology, from the simplest micro-scanners to the largest
Enchelophlonianicator.
The owner of the lab, Vincent Stomper, stared up from the scanning
device in his hands, at the figure sitting in front of him. The figure was
short, with glasses, looking a lot like Net.Elementalist did as Fan.Boy.
His costume was also similar to Fan.Boy's, only much more Golden Age-like
in style. "So, you and your fellow 'prophets' come from Looniearth-B,
correct?" Stomper addressed the young man.
"Only me, actually...I'm that Looniearth's Fan.Boy. Only, I seem
to have lost my powers, recently..I'm a member of the League of Heroes."
Fan.Boy-B answered.
"I think I can explain that. All Fan.Boys around the Net are
reflections of our Fan.Boy...who's now Net.Elementalist, and recently
gained new powers." Stomper took another quick scan of F.B-B. "When our
Fan.Boy lost his original powers, all the abilities of his counterparts,
vanished as well. And, if only -you- are from Looniearth-B, then where
are Lord Stomper and Lean-Apples Lad from?"
"Well...Lean-Apples Lad has encountered his counterparts
before...he's from Earth-I. and Lord Stomper is the version of you from
Earth-AA. We're here because of...of..."
"Because of this cosmic threat you mentioned?"
"Um...yeah..." F.B-B looked away. "Its currently trying to consume
-my- looniverse...we want help stopping it there. If it reaches -this-
looniverse, it will become infinitely stronger..."
"..and be unstoppable?"
"Oh, yeah.."
"Not a problem...happens all the time around here. Threats to all
time and space are a dime a dozen these days..."
---
Downtime started its long shamble down the streets of Net.Ropolis.
{LurkerBad Lurker Lad Lad Lurker Bad Lurker...} its considered, the logic
of a certain green villain interwoven into its every fiber.
---
"I can't believe this...I've only had this new costume for two
minutes, and its already -ruined-!" Johnny Stomped glanced at the mirror,
looking back at his blue-and-black costume..covered in cheesecake and,
curiously enough, celery bits. Lurker Lad stood beside him, grinning
profusely.
"Awww....you -can- get it dry-cleaned, ya know..."
"Just you be quiet..."
Lurker Lad snickered. "Sorry, sorry. Next time you'll know not to
comment on the menu."
"Can I -help- it? I'm starting to get allergic," Johnny sneezed,
picking some cheesecake off his costume, "To -cheesecake-!"
"Oy. How are you gonna survive in the Legion, then? Everyone knows
CE-Lad will only let foodstuffs containing cheesecake into the kitchen."
"I -know-. Any ideas?"
"You could always try quiche..."
Needless to say, an instant later, Lurker Lad was pelted with
celery bits.
---
"Your counterpart believed me, thank writer." Fan.Boy-B looked at
Lean-Apples Lad and Lord Vincent of Stomper, as the three sat in the
exclusive LNH guest quarters allotted to them by the LNH.
"Good. I think it would be a good time to contact our 'friend'.
Yer lordship?" Lean-Apples Lad prompted the fellow in the robes and
pointy-hat.
"Aye, Lean-Apples Lad. I shall cast the spell to conjure him..."
Lord Vincent raised his hands, gesturing wildly and chanting. "By
Pratchett's disc, and Tolkien's ring...I call the...One!"
Retcotheric energies surged about the trio, eventually shifting
and forming into a figure...an illusionary form. *Ahhh....my three
friends. I take it you have contacted the Legion?*
"Yeah, sir. Doc Stomper's agreed to form a team of LNHers to head
to my looniverse." Fan.Boy-B stared at the illusion.
*I'm glad...Ol' Stomper's always a rational one....and open to
outlandish stuff. I remember him well from my time with the Legion.*
"You never did explain to us why you left...?"
*I had issues...and they're -my- business.*
"Ok..ok...I'm sorry." Lean-Apples Lad shrugged at the illusion, as
it faded away.
"So..until the team forms...anyone up for Parcheesi?"
Lord Vincent and Lean-Apples Lad both glared at Fan.Boy-B.
---
Lurker Lad opened the door to his personal quarters. The room was,
as usual, in a state of organised chaos, obviously ineffectual against the
forces of Entropy theory. The bed -had- been made, but was under a mound
of civilian clothes, spare costumes, and training uniforms. The floor was
in disarray; last weeks comics, printouts of the 'Crisis of Infinite
Sidekicks' reposts, and a printout of all the Retcon Hour tie-ins and
trade etherbacks covered most of the carpeted area. About the only
modestly clean section of the room was the desk area, where the computer
console was located. That was covered in piles of used and new paper,
pens, disks, more comics, further printouts, and a photograph of the
original Net.Titans. Captain Cleanup would have had a heart attack. Lurker
Lad glanced around the room, briefly, before plopping down onto an unused
corner of the bed, and took out a copy of the latest _Impulse_, and began
to read.
This only lasted several seconds, when suddenly the room was
filled with a bright glow. "What the devil...?!" Lurker Lad exclaimed, as
a shimmering woman with a red cape on and a blue costume appeared before
him, an aura of intense energy surrounding her. "Who..who are you?" The
LNHer shielded his eyes from the brilliance.
"Help me Lurker Lad...you are my only hope..." The woman's eyes
held great distress in their very look.
"Oh great...not another ghost...." Lurker Lad sighed, wishing the
luminescence would decrease. "I thought I was done with them after
DeadHeadMan vanished [*See _Lurker Lad_ #3, and the upcoming _Day of the
DeadHead_ oneshot, whenever its finished - Footnote Girl]!"
"I am no ghost...I am trapped...trapped!" The woman faded from
sight as her final words were heard. Lurker Lad glanced around the room
again, in disbelief.
---
"This is sure gonnagonnagonna be a hum-dinger of a escapade,
Admiral!" The OmniDimensional Green Author Guy(tm) cooed, as he floated
within the darkness of the warehouse.
"Captain." Coredump glared at his partner, for the billionth time.
"I'm -Captain- Coredump."
"niatpaC ti si!" The emerald-skinned imp grinned.
"Stop it! Talk forwards, you little...!"
"yhW?"
"Just do it."
"yhW?"
"I said....!"
"Fine." The ODGAG(tm) scowled, the grin gone from his face.
"repoopytraP!"
"*sigh*"
---
"I dunno, Doc. Maybe it -was- a ghost...maybe I should go see
Occultism Kid?" Lurker Lad was sitting in Doc Stomper's lab, the Explainer
Extraordinaire sitting across from him, in his usual seat.
"I honestly doubt that it was a ghost. Spirits tend to leave
behind traces on the retcotheric or ectoplasmic wavelengths. Are you sure
you didn't dream or hallucinate this..woman? The scans of your quarters in
the time frame you say you saw her in, have absolutely -no- abnormal
signatures."
"I couldn't have....I was awake...and I was in the correct frame
of mind at the time."
"Perhaps your unusual link to the Lurking allowed you to perceive
her...perhaps she is a lurker as well?"
"I guess its a possibility...is there a way for scanning for
lurkers?"
"No way that's consistant enough. Now, you mentioned she was
surrounded by light?"
"Yeah...it was -really- intense...like staring into the sun."
Lurker Lad shifted in his seat. "But it felt...ethereal...like light, but
not like light."
"Interesting. Now then....I'll try to look into a few tests to see
if anything turns up. BUT, in the meantime, I need you to report to the
conference room, for a mission to another Looniearth. Limp-Asparagus Lad,
Johnny, and a few others should be there already...tell them I'll be a
long in a few minutes to do the briefing."
Lurker Lad nodded, standing up quickly. "Okay. Sounds like an
interesting mission....I've not been to an alternate Looniearth since that
thing with the OmniDimensional Green Author Guy [* Obviously, LL doesn't
know about the (tm) yet. See _Kid Mysticism & The Net.Titans_ #25 -
Footnote Girl]." He faded from sight, moving unseenly out of the room.
---
On another vibrational frequency of reality, an entity of immense
proportions began to feed on an alt.ernate sun called Sol.
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NEXT ISSUE: Part 1 of the Crisis on Looniearth-B, the first annual Legion of
Net.Heroes/League of Heroes crossover, guest-starring Limp-Asparagus Lad!
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D R A M A T I S P E R S O N A E
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Lurker Lad is owned by Ben Rawluk.
Johnny Stomper is owned by Josh Geurink.
Footnote Girl is property of Blue Light Productions.
Ultimate Ninja is owned by wReam.
Doctor Stomper and Cheesecake-Eater Lad are Public Domain.
Fan.Boy-B is owned jointly by Ben Rawluk and Jamas Enright.
Lean-Apples Lad is owned jointly by Ben Rawluk and Saxon Brenton.
Lord Vincent of Stomper is owned by Ben Rawluk.
Captain Coredump is owned by wReam.
OmniDimensional Green Author Guy is owned by me.
Downtime is owned by me.
AUTHORIAL NOTES
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You probably noticed that this issue isn't part one of the Crisis on
Looniearth-B. Silence from Saxon has prevented me from getting part one
finished (I think it may have been mail problems on one of our sites), so I
wrote this to keep from getting forgotten. :) Its made up of bits of
different plotlines I was planning to begin -after- the crossover, but I
just wrote them up with some pre-crossover stuff. Hope you liked it.
Comments, suggestions, and reviews are welcome, either through private email
or in a review on RACC.
Back to the Index.