The unbearable Tallahasseeness of being


Just when you think it's safe to go outside...

There have been several articles in the local paper that have made me want to wander around savagely beating people with trout, but unfortunately they were from several days back, so I can't unleash rants on the editorial section. Oh well.

Firstly, we've got yet another fuckwit writing in with a simple little letter to the tune of "If Elian's father really loved him, he'd do anything to get his son back. Since he hasn't come to the U.S., he obviously isn't trying very hard, so Elian should stay!" Arrgrh! If I see just ONE MORE of these stupid letters in the paper, I'm going to have to tell them what I REALLY think, at which point the Cuban-Americans will have me quietly killed. But we digress. Not only is this the fallacy of shifting the burden of proof, but it's clearly yet more of this "Aiie! Must... throw up... more barriers..." crap that's all we're getting out of the Cuban-American camp lately. In their festering hatred for Castro, it's clear that they've become that which they hate, and then some - worse, Castro seems to genuinely be the popular choice of the Cubans, and while certainly not a nice person, can't really be said to be any worse than any other regime. While our fair Cuban-American populace seems cheerfully inclined to play out their revenge fantasies on this kid, and whine and curse and stomp their little feet when they're called on it. It's over, guys! You lost! Give the kid back to his father, already! You know, father? Paternal parent? Closest living relative? Any of this ringing a bell? Helloooo?

Also, Elian's great-uncle insists that even if he loses the latest court battles, the family won't hand the kid over to anyone but Elian's father. No doubt they're perturbed by the fact that Castro then cheerfully prepared to fly a plethora of Cubans, including his father, up to Washington to join in the legal fun. We're not sure what the next stupid condition will be, but it will probably involve stalling while the family quietly sneak out the back way to another country. If you can't win, cheat.

And in the humor section of Break, we've got some more poking fun at the second amendment. Seems some utter moron decided to play a practical joke on his (armed) friend, running up and reaching into the guy's car, grabbing his jacket, and yelling "I've got you!"

Hmmm. Darwin award candidate, right there.

But I get the feeling that this isn't being presented as a "Look! Darwin award candidate!", but more like a "Those wacky gun-owning types. Ha-ha!" Would it be funny if the article was "A random car-jacker ran up to a guy's car, reached in and grabbed the driver, but was foiled by the sudden appearance of several bullets in his head." Well, actually, yes, but in a different way.

In these crime-consious days, what kind of utter, inconceivable moron is going to impersonate a car-jacker? I mean, really. It's like taking a long stick up and perching on the roof of a building, then pretending to shoot people. You're gonna get precisely what's coming to you.

Morons. The lot of 'em.


Gundam Wing #17 - "Betrayed by home, far away"

and

Gundam Wing #18 - "Talgese destroyed"

Up in space, Lady Une has let her hair down (literally) and is cheerfully commanding the Taurus suits as they wipe out the surviving Alliance space forces. Of note are the fact that several of the Taurus suits use a "mobile doll" system which allows them to operate semi-autonomously, and the fact that OZ is setting themselves up as a liberating force.

Which we see shortly thereafter as Lady Une delivers a PR video to the colonies, casting the Alliance forces as an evil occupying army, and OZ as the forces of freedom. Une seals this gambit by shamelessly flirting with assorted colony officials, but is interrupted in mid-flirt by the news that her troops have captured one of the Gundam designers, who was caught trying to blow up his secret manufacturing base.

Down on Earth, Quatre and Duo decide they can do no more good here, and decide to head for space, by stealing some OZ transports. They can attack OZ again, for the simple reason that since OZ is being nice to the colonies, they can't threaten to blow them up any more. Oops.

Une meets with this fellow, who has the longest nose of anyone in this show. It's almost as long as his head! They banter. It's revealed that, yes, the assorted Gundam designers really did have no communication with each other, and the fact that all their Gundams showed up at once is just coincidence. Really!

Elsewhere, Une's troops engage in de-mining operations to clear a way for the colonies to communicate with each other again.

In one of the colonies, the official that Une flirted with is pushing for an alliance with OZ, since he believes their intentions are now clearly honest. They're even removing all those space mines! He's debated a bit, but everyone seems to be buying into OZ's little scheme.

Duo and Quatre attack an OZ space launch facility, and are surprised by the resistance of the OZ forces. Namely, because the OZ forces are actually able to hit things now. My god, they've discovered gunnery training! Duo and Quatre piddle about for a bit, not because they're slack, but because they want this to take a while so it'll get on the news and the other pilots will figure out what the plan is.

Up in space, it gets in the news all right, but after another bit of debate, the result is the colonies condemning the Gundams as enemies and disavowing any knowledge of their plans. Oops!

Meanwhile, Une and friends have rounded up all but the last of the Gundam designers, Dr. J. Dr. J puts up a bit of a fight, having stashed some heavy firepower around his lab, but surrenders when Une - YET AGAIN - threatens the colonies. After all, if they're damaged while OZ is shooting at the Doc, well, it's hardly OZ's fault. It's those rebel scum, don't you know. Will they never learn?

Quatre and Duo hear the broadcast, and angst a bit. Unfortunately, this angst involves standing around and talking, which with the OZ pilots' new improvements in gunnery means that the Gundam pilots get shot in mid-angst. Oops! Duo and Quatre decide to have a nice lie down, but are saved by the sudden appearance of Wu Fei, who whups up on the OZ pilots a bit. Quatre has a little happy moment as he realizes everyone's figured out what he's up to.

Une deposits Dr. J in with the others and they all have a little chat. It's been fifteen years since they've seen each other, after all. No, really!

Duo and Wu Fei take over a pair of mobile suit sized space launch vehicles, which are just sort of conveniently sitting around, while Quatre covers for them. Quatre is a bit of an idiot by not giving himself a chance to make it into space, and Duo points this out. But, no, Quatre seems bound and determined to compound his idiocy, and while the other two are taking off, he... triggers his self destruct? What?! What the hell was the point of that?!

His Gundam seems to have a life of its own, though, and insists that he get out before the explosion. Quatre has an emotional moment with his giant robot before stealing another (conveniently lying about fully fueled and ready to launch) shuttle for himself.

Une, in space, is notified of the launches, and orders the space defenses to shut them down, just in time for said space defenses to be disabled by jamming and power fluctuations.

In the cells, Dr. J muses smugly that OZ is going to be REALLY sorry that they left the Five Doctors alive...

Next episode...

Down on Earth, Zechs is escorted to the bridge of an OZ ship. There, he's put in touch with everyone's favorite leader guy, Treys. Treys offers to forgive all the past wackiness if Zechs will just rejoin them as their chief defender. Zechs, however, refuses, saying he can no longer follow the Romafella Foundation's plans. So Treys settles things by ordering Zechs into a battle he can't possibly win - he'll be set up as a target for some of the Alliance's forces. This glorious death in battle will inspire OZ's forces, who won't know it was a set-up. Treys, however, seems to think that Zechs might survive anyway...

Nearby, several Romafella Foundation types are watching a test of their Mobile Doll system, which has been set up in a few Leo suits. The upgraded Leos easily massacre a bunch of tanks, and the Foundation's chief engineering goon muses that this will mean that regular soldiers are irrelevant on the battlefield of the future. But this smugness is interrupted by the arrival of Treys on the battlefield in another Leo suit - he gives them a ring and explains that if they go with remote-control mecha, he'll be irrelevant anyway, so why not have a bit of a challenge? The OZ officers refuse to control the Mobile Dolls to attack their superior, but the Romafella guy simply takes control himself. Treys seems about evenly matched, when he... cheats, ordering his troops in the control room to kill the Romafella guy (they point their guns, but don't fire). Having thus severed the command and control of the Dolls, Treys wipes the floor with them, smugly commenting that machines still have humans in control of them at some point, so they shouldn't be so quick to discount humanity.

Up in space, some of the surviving Alliance troops notice Quatre's shuttle just sort of drifting around, Quatre having passed out from all the stress. Some of them consider going and catching him to try and get in good with OZ, but their leader realizes that their only hope of survival is to try and ally with the Gundams. Even if this pilot is Gundamless, he can provide an 'in' with the others. But their plan is spoiled when Une's troops come calling, looking to blow up the shuttle. Oops.

In the OZ base, Une shows off a Taurus suit to the Five Doctors, hinting that she'd be keen on then building another suit for OZ - better than the Talgese or the Gundams. They muse that the Mobile Doll system is really stupid - it's only seeing the consequences of war that brings it to a halt, and when it can all be fought out by remote control with no risk, it's nothing more than a sick game. And, additionally, it would be a cold day in hell before they'd work for OZ.

Elsewhere, the Taurus mobile dolls lay waste to the Alliance space forces, with the Alliance pilots making helpful little comments like "They're so fast!" and other power-level stuff for our benefit before they go pif.

Une is watching this from her Taurus suit's monitor, when the Five Doctors realize that Quatre is probably aboard that shuttle, and confirm it by discovering Quatre's been murmuring encouraging things in his sleep, into an open helmet microphone. Whups. They ask Une to spare the shuttle, and she looks smug that she's found something that can inspire them to work for her. And then, when they're out of earshot, she orders the shuttle blown up anyway.

But the Alliance leader, realizing that the gig is up, decides to have his revenge. He gets into the shuttle, and tucks the unconsious Quatre into his mobile suit, which he then shoots at a bit to make it look disabled so the Taurus suits will ignore it. And then he runs off in the shuttle. The Taurus suits follow, and blow up the shuttle, thinking they got Quatre...

Down on Earth, the ship Zechs is on is cleared out, and left as bait for the Alliance troops. Zechs gets into the Talgese, which was helpfully placed on board for him, and decides to show these mooks just what he can do. Despite being outnumbered seventy to one, Zechs lays waste to the Alliance forces. However, as he does so, his mask breaks, for no readily explicable reason other than it's really dramatic. He's finally willing to completely abandon his loyalty to OZ, and after shooting some more enemies, he simply flies off.

Up in space, Heero is inexplicably giving a speech, presumably having been transferred to yet another school, while we get lots of cut scenes. He goes on and on for a long period of time about how the colonies are turning into the same thing that Earth was, getting all militarized, et cetera, until finally someone points out that he's being completely irrelevant and he shuts up.

Meanwhile, down on Earth, Zechs has landed on an island and is having a nice lie down on the beach. Oh no! It's an episode of Gundam's Isle!


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