Fleem
Yet another weekend. Fear it.
This weekend's book was The Joy Of Work, yet another Scott Adams book,
because you just can't get enough of that Dilbert guy. This time, Adams
took the slacker approach and put in a lot of things that people had just
mailed in to him, so as to avoid having to think up too much original
content himself. Still, surly work-place stories (including the infamous
Meg Ryan Sound story and the tale of the consultant who managed to work two
jobs at the same company for at least six months before getting busted) are
always fun.
I also went to see Pitch Black (along with my sister, who's back in town for
spring break). For those of you who've blanked this one out, it involves
people running around in a planet during a weird eclipse, being eaten by
aliens that hate the light. It is, amazingly, not a sucky movie. I mean, for
all that the whole aliens eating people thing has been done a zillion times,
it still manages to pack a few surprises. Of course, it also involves the
characters doing clearly foolish things from time to time.
List of things I will do if I'm ever stuck in an "aliens eating people" movie:
- As soon as I figure out there are aliens going about and eating people,
I will make sure that my fellow humans understand the concept of not wandering
off alone. Of course, if any of them are stupid enough to then wander off alone
anyway, we're probably better off without them.
- If faced with aliens who like dark spaces, I will not intentionally
go into dark spaces. Alone or not.
- I will get someone to explain to me the concept of a "mission-critical
skill". As long as there are other people around, I will try and make sure
we don't go sending people will those skills off alone, into dark places, to poke
around and see what they find.
- Sending the only trustworthy pilot off alone, into a dark place, to see
what she can find, should not even be a consideration, drama be damned.
- If I'm too stupid to realize why this is so, I'm clearly doomed anyway.
- I will learn Murphy's Law. I will then realize why you should include a
little thing called a "battery back-up" on the only ground vehicle and not
just run it off of solar power. If I'm on a world where it appears that night
will never, ever fall, nope, no way, I will include _two_ battery back-ups.
- No matter what other problems it might cause, I will absolutely not leave
essential components a long ways off, thus resulting in my having to go off
and get them at the last minute and get stranded out in the open when the
aliens come.
- Bad, good, I'm the one with the gun. If I have one, though, I will keep
it properly maintained so it doesn't jam up on me when I forget all the other
things I've just pledged to remember and get stuck alone, in the open, when
the aliens come.
- If we're running from the aliens and I drop something, I will _not_ go
back to get it. I mean, duh.
- I will, if at all possible, keep the bad-ass member of the group as
close as I can.
If he goes very still or simply ducks behind cover, I
will do
likewise. If he's hiding, there's gotta be a reason, and I will certainly not go poking around to see where he went.
And if he's taking cover, I will not panic and go running off,
decoying the aliens away from him. If he's so bad-ass, let him handle
them.
In other news, I had my moment of glory, when I was in the comic shop and
actually got told by another customer "I'm buying this because of your
review, you know. So you owe me lunch if it sucks." Wow, people actually
read the local paper. And listen to what I have to say. My evil plan to take
over the world proceeds apace.
Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or
alien spores
of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to
direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags.
Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume.
Certified 'Syndicate Approved'. Squeeze the lemon. Remember, kids, only
users lose drugs.
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