Well, herein lies a tale of woe. In a burst of transcendant morale boosting, a co-worker and I decided to try and set up Command 'n Conquer so that we could play it on the company LAN (after-hours, of course). His computer had been bought fresh (because he griped about his old one), but mine was an aged, 200MHz god-only-knows-what from the days of yore. We installed C'nC easily, then went to run. Hmm. Unable to create Direct Sound Device.
Off to the Component Room I went, casually to inquire if there were any spare sound cards lying around. I was handed a little board and a CD containing software and sent back to install it. After a bit of fiddling, in went the little sound card, and I began trying to figure out how to install the drivers. The software thing that came up didn't seem to have any easily understandable "Look, just install the drivers, dammit" button, so I ended up merely doing a full install from it and hoping for the best. Why does a 'Creative Labs SoundBlaster Software' CD need to install Internet Explorer? My puny little Mac-centric mind was not up for delving into such horrible mysteries.
Naturally, this procedure called for restarting.
A brief wait ensued. Nothing happened. Hmm. Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of plug and play recognition? Oh, well. Time to search through the system control panel. Aha, 'hardware device is not functioning properly, or...' Reinstall drivers. Restart. Wait. Nothing.
Back to Tech Support to pester the people who gave me the card. Back to the computer with a Tech Support person ("What do you want a sound card for, anyway?" "um..." "Playing music off CD or something?" "uh, something, yes."). Reinstall drivers. Shut down. Pull card out, put card back in. Restart. Wait. Nothing. Shut down. Repeat. Wait. Nothing.
"Hunh. Must be a defective card."
Not only was it a defective card (or possibly a defective slot), but it wasn't what we thought it was (chock-ful of SoundBlaster goodness). I don't even know if it was, in fact, a sound card at all.
Much lack of amusement at brain-dead PC programs that require sound cards to run followed. I don't want sound. I don't have the slightest wish for even the faintest peep of sound. My level of desire for a sound card could be used as a new metric standard for zero. But no, the game requires soundage.
The next day. Come in, find a note and a sound card by the computer. This one actually SAYS 'Sound Blaster' on it. Cool. Insert, start up, computer recognizes it, installs drivers. Cool. Plug and play actually works.
...is the computer supposed to be running this slowly?
Shrug, try and start game. Thrill to it immediately spitting me back out. Open manual to troubleshooting section. Hmm. Video card incompatibility.
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter.
Spend a moment pondering the wonders of Interrupt Request problems, which is probably why the sound card is making the computer run so slow. Shut down, remove sound card. Give up.
Come to the realization: PC hardware is only cheaper than Macintosh hardware if your time has no value. My ancient Quadra 610, with its puny 40-odd MHz processor, has no need for sound or video cardage, and runs perfectly fine. If C'nC weren't a PowerPC only thing on the Mac platform, I'm betting I could run it out of the box (albeit very, very slowly) with no problems.
It's things like this that restore your faith in Apple. Yeah, they may be more expensive. Yeah, they may occasionally be dicks. But at least it's better than the alternative.
In other news, Hurricane Floyd has gotten some measure of revenge for being dissed by me the other day. Shipments from Diamond (the monopolist comics distributor) all have to go through Jacksonville, which happens to be on the east coast of Florida, just sound of the state line, for those of you who don't know what a map of the US looks like. Mutter mutter mutter.
There's a few things I really like about Dragonball Z (which I'm finding is oddly fun, despite the fact that it's an entirely pointless show about people hitting each other). First is the fact that the writers are apparently quite aware that they're writing an entirely pointless show about people hitting each other. Secondly, there's the marked break from the typical anime tradition, where merely having a pure heart is enough to win the day (well, at least if you're a main character). In DBZ, the 'Heart of a Warrior' certainly helps, but it's not a substitute for raw ability to whup some serious ass. And intelligence counts a lot too; the smart usage of power can overcome someone who's stupidly buff... well, to a point, anyway. In this episode, we get to see Freeza AND Goku surprised by people being more intelligent than they are.
Freeza faces down Guru and Naihl, and cuts right to the chase, demanding the Dragonball password. Guru stalls for time, knowing the Earthers are closing in on the elusive Dragonballs, and instructs Naihl to buy as much time for them as possible by confronting Freeza. Freeza's perfectly content to be challenged by Naihl (even though Guru points out that Naihl, unlike the various Dispose-A-Nameks, has actually been trained in the arts of whup-ass), but his overconfidence is his weakness, as he allows himself to be drawn away from Guru's by Naihl on some flimsy excuse (not wanting Guru to see the fight). Naihl cheerfully runs down the clock by flying off into the distance with Freeza patiently following.
Meanwhile, Captain Ginyu has finally realized a weakness he can exploit with Goku - namely, the fact that Goku has fallen for the same trap that many of Goku's own opponents have fallen for in the past, namely thinking he's so utterly bad-ass that he doesn't need to waste effort quickly disposing of his enemies. Jayce is momentarily worried by Cap's bursting out into maniacal laughter, but soon realizes what the plan is. Cap Ginyu tests his theory by hurling a few attacks at Goku, which the hero merely stands there, casually blocking. Then Ginyu starts powering up a new attack...
Meanwhile, Bulma is fleeing wildly across the landscape, pursued by some native Namekian wildlife, only to be saved at the last minute by Gohan and Krillan, who've finally tracked her down. Whereupon she gives them a giant chewing out for abandoning her like they did, until Gohan pick-pockets the Dragon Radar from her, locates the Dragonballs and leaves with Krillan to retrieve them, leaving Bulma alone, AGAIN, to find her way back to the camp-site. Bulma's rage is distracted, however, when Gohan tells her in parting that Goku's shown up, whereupon she gets all daydreamy. It's been so long since she's seen him, wonder what he looks like now?
Which is, of course, setup for our next scene. Cap'n Ginyu takes off his Scouter and tosses it to Jayce for safekeeping, while Goku just stands there like an idiot. And then he directs his attack... at himself? Goku continues standing there like an idiot, staring in shock as Cap'n Ginyu tears a big wound in his own chest. Why's he do this? Goku finds out soon enough as Cap'n Ginyu powers up one final attack. Tricked by the earlier skirmishes into thinking this will be just another energy blast, Goku braces... and Cap'n Ginyu unleashes a *mental* attack instead of a physical one. Completely taken by surprise, Goku is helpless to resist as Cap'n Ginyu unleashes an attack that swaps their bodies! (Also fun at parties.)
Meanwhile, Freeza finally goads Naihl into fighting, and is impressed by the Namek's powering up. However, he's so ludicrously higher in power than the Namek warrior that Freeza intends to fight with one hand behind his back. And wins, as he allows Naihl to futilely hit him, then rips the Namek's right hand off. Gaah. No wonder the original dub cut off before this point! Icky purple (or is it green?) Namek blood everywhere. Naihl surprises Freeza, though, with the ability to regenerate this injury, growing a new hand in an instant. "That didn't show up on the scanner," Freeza murmurs, concerned. Still, Freeza has only to get serious and the fight would be over in an instant. But Naihl has intrigued the villain, and thus even in losing, he wins, by running out the clock. By the time Freeza gets done playing around, the heroes will probably have the Dragonballs.
Meanwhile, Cap'n Ginyu, now in Goku's body, retrieves his Scouter and leaves with Jayce to return to the ship and intercept Goku's friends before they can retrieve the Dragonballs, leaving Goku behind in the body of a mortally wounded, under-powered alien in a pro wrestling costume.
This episode could just as easily be called "people beating far more powerful opponents through the use of a little thing called 'brains'." Unfortunately, intelligence (and lack thereof) work just as well for the villains as the heroes. It's starting to look like it'll require a serious Deus Ex Machina to set things right -- and ain't in convenient that the heroes are about to get a hold of one?
But two questions remain -- will Cap'n Ginyu, in Goku's body, be able to accomplish even mightier poses than ever before? And, also, where the hell is Vegeta?
Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or alien spores of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Certified 'Syndicate Approved'. Squeeze the lemon. Four out of five dark elves surveyed agree: It's surl-a-riffic!
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