Nothing.
Vast, huge, looming piles of nothing.
Doesn't that make you all feel so much better?
Now, granted, New Media never sleeps, so to speak, and I actually woke up on Monday, made lunch, drove in to work, etc. Only to pause at the gate of the parking lot, see that nobody else was there, and go home. I may be loyal to the company (or, at the very least, to my paycheck) but even I know when it's clear that everyone actually takes this particular vacation seriously.
On a side note, who was the wise guy who came up with 'Bar-B-Que' flavor snacks. What the hell was wrong with plain, ordinary, Fritos, I ask you? Ackthpt. I don't want 'barbeque flavoring' on anything that isn't, in fact, actually barbeque. I especially don't want it on something that's just flattened corn imbued with a secret mixture of chemicals, all of which were created in a laboratory by some guy named 'Melvin' pouring random flasks together and cackling madly. They've done enough to those poor corn chips already, do they have to stick them with faux-BBQ flavoring, too?
I'm reminded, at this point, of a George Carlin rant, during which he pointed out that labels that something has been "flavored" almost never imply actual content of that type. Ie, "Nummy chocolate flavoring" means the same thing as "Contains no real chocolate whatsoever". At least, I think that was Carlin. It may have been some other surly comedian.
Decadence. Pure and utter decadence. There are people in Third World countries the world over that would kill one another for a few packages of plain, ordinary Fritos, and here we are perverting the purity of the corn chip form with our horrible flavors and chemical baths. Is there no end to the decadent waste of the American Empire? Have we no pride? None? At all?
Well, no, of course we have no pride, after having our President publicly humiliated in front of the entire world. That's pretty well justification for anything. Knowing that history books the world over will refer to "The Cigar Incident" in the same smug tone that they refer to everything else American (when we're not out kicking their asses, anyway). "In the closing years of the twentieth century, the American Capitalist Dogs demonstrated their 'ingenuity' and disregard for human dignity by finding strange, new uses for cigars! Also, they allow their females to wear pants!"
If only we'd known. We could have... what? Done absolutely nothing to change the course of the American electoral system? Been completely unable to put a sane driver at the head of the careening train of the Republic?
But soon, perhaps, we'll have the option of voting for a pro wrestler for President. I'm all for it, really. At least then we'll know what we're getting. It's not like the government can get any more undignified -- we ought to at least have a little fun with it. Besides, wouldn't YOU want to see the Chief Executive challenge petty dictators to a 'Hell in the Cell' match? You can't buy entertainment like that!
Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or alien spores of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Certified 'Syndicate Approved'. Squeeze the lemon. Four out of five dark elves surveyed agree: It's surl-a-riffic!
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