In other news, to absolutely no-one's surprise, Microsoft Hotmail developed a gigantic hole that allowed anyone to log into any account and make changes without giving any password whatsoever. The mood of Microsoft executives following this announcement was reported to be "bored". "What the hell did you expect, security?" whinged a random tech, "This is Microsoft (motto: How would you like to be violated today?) we're taking about here. They could purposefully release software that let anyone break into your machines at will, and their stock price would still go up... oh, wait, they alreday did that. It's called 'Windows'."
This just in from Wyoming! Small child arrested by government agents for sending a 'Captain Crunch Secret Message Decoder Ring' to a pen-pal in an as-yet-irrelevant foreign country. "We know it looks bad," commented a random agent, "But the law makes exceptions for no-one, no matter how young, how old, or how irrelevant." Democratic candidates have yet to comment on wether this is an issue they'll bring up to point out how they're "tough on juvenile crime".
"Oh my god, it's full of weed!" remarked a random partier at the annual Berlin parade o' potheads out to support the concept of legalizing the grassy root of all evil. German politicians, many of the more liberal of which had been seen at earlier depraved events, hid under their desks in terror of such ideas, emerging only briefly to make a half-hearted attempt at annexing the Sudetenland. "Really, we'd love to legalize the stuff," commented one, "But those darn Americans would frown at us again and our country would collapse into sarcasm and irony."
In other news, 512-bit RSA keys were successfully cracked in secret by a bunch of hackers with too much time on their hands. "I'd make a comment," stated one, "But I'm off to undermine the European banking system." Stated government officials, "Well, duh, of course they can be cracked. Why do you think we let you idiots use them?" Efforts were made to secure the opinion of a silly green duck on this issue, but he was busy dancing on a table, under which were hiding an assortment of government officials who were hoping to be protected from anything which might remotely resemble a clue.
As a special bonus, pick out the 'false' article in the lot and win a big pile of... nothing!
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