Being a paranoid constant saver, I didn't actually lose anything, and really, it was relaxing and a good excuse to wander on home.

We now must remark upon an interesting fact of southern drivers. Or, at least, small-town southern drivers. See, the odd thing about people down here is, if traffic's really cranky and you're trying to pull onto the road, a lot of people will slow down and let you pull out. It's, you know, courtesy. This doesn't, of course, apply to big cities like Atlanta, where everyone drives like a complete maniac, doing ten over the highway speed limit with two feet of seperation between vehicles and people weaving around in all directions.

But back to our story. There's a truly awful intersection between two of the roads I must travel on to get to and from work. They're both one lane, they're both major throughfares, and they both have lots of smaller roads feeding into the general area, to boot. Specifically, right before the intersection between the main throughfare, there's a McDonalds (where people tend to get stuck in the little out lane and can't pull out because there are zillions of people waiting at the light) and beyond that, ANOTHER street, where MORE people get stuck. Not to mention the people trying to turn left onto that street from either direction. It's just a mess. Add to this that the light is rather slow, so people back up a ways. Now, being a fairly laid back sort of person (at least when I know I'm not going to make it through the light any faster anyway) if traffic's heavy and stuff ahead is backing up, I'll generally stop to keep that street clear so people can make their insane left turns against all odds, or pull in or whatever.

This time, when I did so, the driver behind me got a bit surly and honked. Which didn't get me to alter my plans any, but made me irritable anyway. It's not like moving forwards the two car lengths that were available to fill in the free space was going to help much as far as going through the light. Damn yankee bastard.

As a side note, some people will cut through the parking lot of the hapless McDonald's to escape waiting at the light of doom. This is not one of the brightest of plans, since 1) It's technically illegal, and 2) The other name for these two major throughfares (besides sucking annoyances from hell) is "cop alley". Bad motorist. No cookie.

• Gold Digger #50 - The last B&W issue of Gold Digger, I discover, as the series is being "relaunched" as a color monthly. I'm not sure wether this is good or bad... we'll have to see. More cast of thousands fun, yup yup, and it would take nearly as long to explain everything that's going on as it would to explain all of Dragonball Z. So I won't bother. The poster wasn't worth 3 extra dollars. Bastards.
• Ironcat #1 - It's been a while since I've run into a comic I'm actually embarassed to have bought. What tripe! What juvenalia! What utter crap! And not in a good way, either! And I thought that the busty anime girl in the tiny bikini on the cover was just a marketing gimmick. No! It really is complete garbage. The main points seem to be 1: Look! Large breasts! 2: Look! Wacky villains! 3: Look! A talking cat!. We've seen Sailor Moon parodies before. It's not funny any more! This senseless waste of trees seems to exist for the sole purpose of earning money with a few snickering nudity jokes and the occasional flashed nipple. It's books like this that earn comics a bad name. And adding insult to injury, everyone talks like a badly dubbed action movie! Which is sort of appropriate, but still! The final crushing blow, however, is that Our Heroine (who spends most of the episode either whining or being extremely embarassed) gets stuck in a sentient battle bikini. Next time, guys, translate some manga written by someone above a fourth grade reading level.
• Generation X #54 - And now, it's time for another edition of Why Writing The 'Marvel Way' Sucks. The 'Marvel Way', you see, works like this. The writer writes up a plot outline, sends it to the editor. The editor gives it the nod, and either gives it back to the writer to flesh out or sends it straight to the artist. The artist then looks at the plot outline, laughs openly, and proceeds to draw whatever he or she damn well pleases. This is then sent back to the writer to have dialog and narration added. After the writer is done recovering from the heart attack induced by seeing a drawn comic which bears no relation whatsoever to the script, and is finished bitching about the damn artist, he or she sits down to knife the baby, trying to cram their the round peg of their script into the square hole of the comic. Now, Jay Faeber, the Generation X writer, is fairly good. The artist on the book, Dodson, is fairly good. But, to quote from Independance Day, "We need to work on our communications skills..." Now, perhaps I'm just a surly bastard, but if you end #53 showing two heroes confronting all the villains, with the rest of the heroes far away, and begin #54 with everyone scattered about and those same two heroes discovering the villains in a completely different way, and no explanation of how everything got so muddled, something's Not Right Here. And, since this is the Marvel Way, I'm guessing it's the artist. Bastard.
• Transmetropolitan #24 - Surl, surl, surl. We like surl, yes we do. We like surl, how 'bout you. Finally, a book for cynics. Like me!
• Animaniacs #51 - It's faboo!
• Battle Chasers #6 - You know, it's a bad sign when the guest written backup feature is better than the actual comic. The artist/writer for Battle Chasers reveals that he sucks in this issue. Not only did this issue take three months to put out, but it's only got 12 pages of actual story by the real writer in it, in which nothing at all happens. Except that Red Monika's breasts are even larger than the last time she showed up. Now, to explain this a bit, Red Monika is the 'Bad Girl' of this particular comic. She dresses in skimpy outfits. She tends to kick plenty of butt. And she has really, really enormous hooters. Now, the writer has claimed this is parody, but... you know, she still has Really Enormous Hooters. We're not talking merely Very Large, or even Very Very Large, we're talking Mighty Endowed, here. We're talking requiring a skill on the level of a Jedi Master merely to remain standing. Damn Huge. It wouldn't be so bad if Red Monika was just an incidental, but I get the feeling she'll show up a lot. Bastard. The backup feature is by Adam "Dirty Pair" Warren, who tells a tale of a day long past when Red Monika was just a kid, and was actually sanely proportioned. And it's... funny. Kill the regular writer, guys, and put Adam in charge. Yeesh.

Son Goku

Badass Saiyan warrior, defender of Earth, father of Son Gohan.

Son Gohan

Perky little blighter, son of Son Goku. Trained by, and dresses like...

Piccolo

Surly green alien guy. Has antennae. A native of planet Namek. Currently stuck in the afterlife with...

King Ki

Guru-type, fond of really stupid jokes, looks like a cross between a turtle, a human, and a cockroach. Capable of monitoring the whole universe from his abode in the Next Dimension.

Yaumcha

Human hero, looks like Goku except with facial scars. Got whacked during Vegeta's attempt at conquering Earth. Currently in the Next Dimension training under King Ki.

Chen

Earth hero with three eyes. Tends to go around without a shirt. Also got whacked during Vegeta's attempt at Earth conquest. Also training under King Ki.

Chatsu

Earth hero who looks like a little floating mime. Also got killed, etc, etc.

Vegeta

Surly Saiyan warrior, attempted to conquer Earth and failed, used to work for Frieza but has rebelled after discovering Frieza was responsible for the destruction of the Saiyan homeworld. Currently on Namek hunting Dragonballs. Hates everyone.

Frieza

Purple guy, looks deceptively cute but is really capable of planetary destruction at the drop of a hat. Commands an organization of other super-powerful bad-asses. Currently on Namek hunting Dragonballs and occasionally vaporizing his own henchmen. REALLY hates everyone.

Bulma

The Dragonball team's Ingenue. Also responsible for programming their VCRs. A human with no powers of her own, she nonetheless manages to be fairly effective on problems which don't involve beating people up. Carries around a small package of 'Capsules', which, when activated, turn into various pieces of equipment.

Meanwhile, Gohan, Krillan and Bulma cower in their hiding place, and Bulma surls a lot. Krillan remarks that the only way they're going to be able to get the Dragonballs from Vegeta is if they go to the Eldest Namek and have him boost Gohan's power level. Bulma surls about being left alone, but there's no other choice.

Vegeta's surly thinking and Bulma's surly lounging around and waiting are interrupted as Frieza finally grows impatient and starts chucking fireballs randomly around, causing earthquakes around the whole planet. Vegeta sits down to wait it out, but the Dragonball which Bulma was left to guard starts rolling out into the open... When the Earthquakes stop, she gives chase, only to pull up short when the Dragonball rolls into the ocean. Now, it's literally only in a foot or so of water, but Bulma is completely unwilling to put so much as a toe in the ocean to get it out, and so becomes involved in a variety of panicked attempts to push, pull or prod the thing back in. Which backfire, of course, and it rolls into deeper water. Bulma panicks for a bit, then remembers her Capsule-box and conjures up a mini-sub. Problem solved, as she's now sitting behind the helm of a heavily armed submersible.

Her quest is interrupted by various problems, such as 1) A sea monster, which she scares off, 2) A giant clam, which tries to lure her in with a big pearl (Bulma's rather greedy) and nearly eats her, and 3) a giant crab, which wrecks the mini-sub. Bulma, luckily, thinks quickly and pops another capsule, this time conjuring up a battle-suit for herself. After staving off a crab attack (the crab was defending its big egg sac, which the Dragonball was stuck to), Bulma retrieves the Dragonball and returns to the surface, feeling good about herself and the world.

It's at this point, naturally, that she's ambushed by some of Frieza's patrolling henchmen...

Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or small woodland creatures of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Squeeze the lemon.

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