Black Widow #2: You can never have too many secret agent babes in tight black spandex, I always say. The old Black Widow faces off against a new, replacement Black Widow, who was sent by Black Widow I's old masters, those darn Russians. The only problem is Black Widow II is really, really pathetic. Almost to the point of comic relief. Oh, and there's a sub-plot about some biogenetic plague, which Black Widow I was supposed to do... something with. But she decided instead to kidnap the scientist responsible and force him to make an antidote. This made the people who hired her (the Americans AND the Russians, in this case) very, very surly. And the Americans have better agents to send than the pathetically incompetant Black Widow II...
Inhumans #8: Who'd have thought you could get so much mileage out of the Inhumans. Frankly, it's worth getting just to see powerful, godlike Marvel characters running around like chickens with their heads cut off because normal humans are actually daring to interfere in their affairs. Who would have thought a bunch of Portugese (Portugese!) mercenaries could be so bad-ass as to leave the Inhumans (who are even more isolated from the mainstream Marvel universe than your average X-team) sitting around looking like idiots. It's good to see even awesome power is no match for hefty cojones and a devious plan.
The Authority #3: It's like JLA without the stuff that sucks. Ie, it's the same grand sweeping epic nature without a crack-smoking writer and characters who can't be developed outside of their own books. Zowie! The Authority, a team of surly super-humans with an inter-dimensional base, continues their battle against Kaizan "Cranky Old Bastard" Gamorra, as old Kaizan thumbs his nose at the toothless U.N. from behind his force-field, then sends out a battalion of super-powered mooks to pop open a big can of whup-ass on L.A. If this was a mainstream title, now would be the point where we'd see a crossover with some young punk team, who'd run bravely into battle to defend their malls. But it's not, so we don't. cool.
Oni Double Feature #12: Mmm. Drug stories. Two pot-based super-heroes confront the forces of evil! A group of druggie prep school students plans to strike back at the forces of authoritarian oppression, but end up being monumentally stupid! It's just like high school!
Captain America #19: Captain America beat Korvac in the future, even though Korvac could reverse time. So Korvac now scrolls back to issue #17, where Cap whacked Red Skull. Only this time, Cap also remembers the future, and doesn't kill Red Skull. Red Skull gets surly and slaps everyone around, only to stop again as he starts to absorb the omniscience from Galactus ship, which was conveniently laying around. Of course, if he really was omnipotent (and the Red Skull currently is, having acquired the Cosmic McGuffin... er, Cube), you'd think it wouldn't take all that much time... Cap, sidekick Sharon Carter, and the extremely surly Korvac go up to try and find a way to stop Red Skull. Except Red Skull promptly disintigrates Korvac in a fit of pique, and turns Sharon Carter into a surly minion. Except Cap then cures her of minionitis by savagely attacking with an over-used cliche. But Red Skull has already gone over to the data-steam flowing from Galactus ship. And Cap keeps a straight face as he says "Oh, no, Br'er Skull, don't go into the data-steam", because he, unlike the Skull, is smart enough to know that data-stream transmissions aren't visible, and the Skull is about to wander into the anti-matter stream from the ship's propulsion unit. Which he then does, and complains ceaselessly until he's finally obliterated. Only it's obviously not an anti-matter stream, because Cap is able to reach into it to touch the Cosmic Cube and help himself and Sharon down to the surface. Only they're obviously not done yet, because Sharon promptly disappears, and... WHO WROTE THIS THING, ANYWAY?! Oh, Waid. Nevermind.
Eat-Man, Second Course Graphic Novel: It's more Eat-Man! Everyone's favorite gourmet hero puts his talents to work in this episode, producing from his hand, at varying points, a giant metal sphere, a mile-long cable, a full sized motorboat, and an assortment of guns, guns, guns. He also eats a small godling. Burp.
The Morning Weather: Cool and adequate.
Rant 'o the day contains no additives, preservatives or small woodland creatures of any kind. Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not fold, spindle, multilate or remove identifying tags. Handle with care. Contains less than 3% milk fat by weight, not by volume. Squeeze the lemon.
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