"Here is the list, milord," Tybalt bowed deeply as he held out an ornate scroll, a tricky maneuver he'd had years to master. "It contains all of the cities that meet our needs: sufficient population, lack of significant defenses, relatively distant from known champions." The Gentle Gift of Crimson leaned forward slightly and took the scroll, slowly opening it and reading the many names inscribed. "Ah, so many choices. How to decide?" He looked to the right, to a string of numbers that followed each name. "What is encoded here?" he asked his Dreadknight, turning the scroll around to indicate the relevant section. "Milord, the numbers refer to the many ways in which the inhabitants describe locations. The first set are geometric coordinates, the second are used for verbal communications, the third for physical deliveries..." Tybalt was cut off by the raising of a finger. The Gentle Gift of Crimson had spotted a number that stood out. "That last one...do the first three digits of it have any special significance on their own?" "I believe so, milord. The first three digits refer to a general region. Then the next two narrow it down further, and..." "Excellent. This region's 'delivery number' pleases me. It will tweak Mr. Jones's nose a bit to launch our invasion here, I believe. We shall invade Topeka...coded 666." He chuckled, and Tybalt suppressed his shudder. @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- \\ // -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ .|,Coherent Comics Presents \\ // #2 - Vox Scritori, Vox Dei? --X------------------------- E }X{ ARCHS copyright 2002 by the '|` A Superguy Tale // \\ Dvandroid (Dave Van Domelen) @>-`-,-`-,-`-,`-,-`-,-`-,-`- // \\ -'-.-'-.'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-<@ The four displaced and confused members of Dvandom Force stood among the unconscious bodies of the Lai Lee Poh Guild and faced the trenchcoated figure that had just stepped out of the trees moments before, claiming to have the answers to their questions. "If you're not exactly the Dvandom Stranger," Sig.Lad broke the momentary silence, "then who exactly *are* you?" He tipped his black fedora, revealing gleaming metal and glittering circuitry on the skull underneath. "The Dvandroid, Telepresence Unit DVD-02, at your service." "What happened to DVD-01?" Kopikat asked. "I don't like to talk about it. Suffice to say it involved a cheese grater and very high velocities, and leave it at that," he replaced his fedora. "Anyway, I am an agent of the local powers, empowered to answer questions in an appropriately cryptic manner and set you on the road to your destiny. That sort of thing." "Fine," Rotanna shrugged. "How did we get here, if you're allowed to give a straight answer? And where IS here?" The Dvandroid stuffed his hands into the pockets of his trenchcoat and grinned. "Well, you're in 973HONGKONGFILMS, not that this will mean anything to you. And you guys were right about the explosion and stuff. When Squidman hit the Plotdevicium amulet with the AtomiCheez arrow [see Dvandom Force #48 - Ed, glad to be working again after all these years], it ripped a hole in reality and dropped you through like a house through a wet paper witch. You're no longer in the Looniverse, or any of its neighboring realities. You've essentially left the entire Usenet Multiverse, if only barely." "Okay, that wasn't cryptic, but it still made no sense," Cheez Arrow grumbled. "It gets better," the Dvandroid promised. "The Plotdevicium's energies weren't totally expended in ripping reality a new one. You each absorbed a significant amount of Drama in the process, which now lies dormant in you. You will be somewhat less than you were before, but also somewhat more." "THAT'S cryptic," Kopikat sighed. "So how do we get home?" Sig.Lad asked. "Find some more Plotdevicium and repeat the process?" "Nope. You're in the Altiversal Structure now. Drama exists as a force, but it isn't the fundamental force of reality. Cut off Drama and things just get boring, not dead like the Legion of Occult Heroes' home reality," the Dvandroid replied. "Or like the Looniverse would have been had Acton Lord's plan to insulate the Looniverse from the Writers succeeded [see Dvandom Force #42 - Ed, on a roll!]." "Y'know, I always wondered about that," Cheez Arrow pulled on his beard. "Why doesn't Limp-Asparagus Lad destroy reality around him if he's anti-Drama?" "Not my problem," the Dvandroid shrugged. "Ask his Writer. Although I think he just slows the flow, instead of cutting it off entirely." "Wait, we're forgetting something important," Rotanna interjected. "What happened to the others? Squidman, Kid Macro, Sidewinder...heck, DeFacto V, for that matter?" The Dvandroid made a gesture of dismissal. "They're fine. Everything is well in hand. DeFacto V has been thwarted, and will eventually be destroyed, with a little help. [I ain't telling. - Ed] Your immediate destiny lies elsewhere, however, as agents of the Looniverse's Drama. To use an obscure term, you're exarchs. Literally, powers outside their normal stomping grounds." "Exarchs?" Sig.Lad mused. "Sounds like an X-Book." "But are we a good X-Book, or a bad X-Book?" Rotanna wondered. "Oh, a very good X-Book," the Dvandroid assured them. "And much, much more." "Fine," Kopikat snarled. "What's this destiny, and how do we get to it and then home?" She paused. "Well, back to the Looniverse." [Kopikat is not a native of the Looniverse - Ed, feeling his oats] The Dvandroid started to pull something out of his pocket, then paused. "Before I show this to you, I want to remind you that the rules are different in the Altiverses. Things that you consider fundamental aspects of reality may be utterly unimportant, or simply different. Dire threats may be harmless and cuddly." "Fine," Sig.Lad acknowledged. "What is it?" The Dvandroid removed a golden armband with a pinkish gemlike object from his pocket and tossed it to Sig.Lad. "It's the Tarsus, a portable dimensional gate generator, tuned to your Drama Signatures." "What's this pink thing?" Sig.Lad asked. "It's...crystallized spham," was the sheepish reply. "SPHAM? Are you crazy?" Sig.Lad dropped the Tarsus as if it was on fire. "Do you want the entire Order of St. Doomas down on us? They'd take us home alright...as ashes sticking to their coats!" [The Order of St. Doomas is a fanatical force against Spham - Ed] "I TOLD you things are different here," the Dvandroid sighed as he picked the Tarsus up. "Spham is not the reality-eating malevolent force here that it is in the Looniverse. For the most part, it's just luncheon meat, with one exception. It is excellent fuel for dimensional travel, even better than slug slime." He held the armband out to Sig.Lad. "Trust me, it's not dangerous. Well, no more dangerous than any d-hopper." Sig.Lad reluctantly took the object and slowly slipped it onto his left arm. It shimmered blue for a moment, the aura spreading out over Sig.Lad like an oil slick, growing dimmer as it spread. "I'll tell you how it works in a minute," the telepresence unit stepped back from the foursome, briefly kicking one of the bandits in the head as he was starting to wake up. "It will take you where you need to go to fulfill your destiny, but you can't go there directly." "Why not?" Rotanna asked. "Some sort of mystic quest first?" "Of sorts, yes. You have the power of Drama within you, but no real way to use it consciously. There are five legendary weapons scattered through the Altiverses that can channel your power, each corresponding to one of five elements: air, fire, earth, water and wood." He turned and addressed the sky, "And no, it's not a Pentad, so don't have a hissy!" He turned back to the somewhat confused Exarchs. "Anyway, the weapon representing water was once in this Altiverse, but was taken years ago. Its faint echoes were enough to pull you here, however, starting your journey...you will see it again in good time. But that leaves four weapons, one for each of you. I cannot say what form each will take, only that it will be appropriate to you. And the Tarsus will lead you to the vicinity of each of the weapons. "Sig.Lad, Richard Franklins, yours is the element air. Much like the element of Net that you are accustomed to, it has aspects of inquisitiveness and leadership. It is the storm and the icy wind of the north. It can cut or caress. "Kopikat, born Kat Anders, you embody earth. Like Pixel, the foundation and building block of the world. Stability tied to violent and sudden change. It is the memory of reality, and you may find that your nanites have learned to embody that concept, holding more memory than you ever thought possible. But this comes at a price, one you will find yourself paying in the future. "Rotanna, Anna Tanner, a fire burns within you, deep and abiding. You hide it well behind a facade of sophistication even as it threatens to consume you. The magic you once commanded helped you channel this flame, but now you must find new ways to deal with it. Like the Flames of your home reality, it may rage beyond all reason if you are not careful. "And Stanley King, the Cheez Arrow, yours is a complicated element, one with no fundamental counterpart in the Looniverse. It is life and change and death and all the things that come with them. It is wood, strong yet flexible." He paused, as if wondering how much more he should tell them, then shrugged. "When you reach your final destination, you will meet the Exarch of Water, who is fluid and unpredictable. He will not know you, but he will share your cause. And then there will be the servant of the Abyss to contend with, who would absorb all life into death, all light into darkness. It is in defeating him that you will find your home." Sig.Lad carefully sheathed his borrowed sword in the belt of his costume, having determined that the bandit he took it from had no scabbard. "So, how do I work this thing?" he held up his arm to indicate the Tarsus. "When you're ready to go on to the next Altiverse, it will open a roadway leading there. Simply follow the Golden Path," the Dvandroid assured them. "It'll drop you somewhere near your objective, but out of the way enough that no one will notice your arrival. Oh, and you might want to keep an eye out for anything else that might be useful in these other Altiverses. A few of you could use better protection than your costumes. Especially since you'll be attracting dramatic events long before you learn to use your new powers to defend yourselves." "Everyone ready?" Sig.Lad asked. "I think so," Kat replied, concentrating. Claws extended from her fingertips, ending in needle-sharp points. "I'm good to go," Anna experimentally whipped her spear around, slicing a branch off a nearby tree. "Anyone got a bowstring?" Stan smiled weakly. "Or a bow?" He wobbled his spear, demonstrating its flexibility. "This thing would have a pull of about ten pounds. The rest are either weaker, or too brittle." "The only bows around here are in the hands of the pals of these guys," the Dvandroid nudged an unconscious bandit with his foot. "You should be able to find something in the next Altiverse, though. Heck, maybe your weapon will be the first to be found." "In the meantime, stay behind me," Kat smirked, withdrawing her claws. "Great," Stan sighed. The Tarsus flared pinkly to life, tendrils of blue energy twining about inside the overall glow, and a shimmering golden roadway materialized over the footpath, seeming to reach vanishing point within a few meters. "Guess the Tarsus thinks we're ready, Stan," Sig.Lad shrugged. "I suppose we should head out. Dvandroid, will we be seeing you again?" "At the end of the story, maybe," the robot shrugged. "You're on your own until then. I've already said too much and too clearly." "All aboard the plot railroad," Kopikat sighed, as she stepped onto the Golden Path. The others joined her, and with a last look back at the Dvandroid, disappeared into the vanishing point. A small winged figure fluttered out of the tree above the Dvandroid. "So, why didn't you tell them?" "Tell them what, my Muse? By the way, thanks for staying out of sight. I'm not sure Kopikat would have reacted well to seeing a little winged version of herself." "Tell them the truth about who and what they are?" the indignant Muse explained in words of one syllable (and one word of two syllables). "Oh, I think they'll be better off finding that out on their own. Come on, I'm meeting Swede at the buffet." "You're a robot! You don't eat!" she protested. "What, do I look like Haley Joel Osment? I'll eat if I want to, Kat. Come on." "Fine. But I'm not cleaning up the mess...." IS DVANDROID'S MUSE GOING TO CLEAN UP THE MESS? DOES THE DVANDROID LOOK LIKE HALEY JOEL OSMENT? WHERE WILL THE EXARCHS GO NEXT? DOES THE AUTHOR EVEN KNOW YET? WILL ED MANAGE TO HOLD ONTO A JOB THIS TIME? Answers to some of these questions and more, on the next...Superguy! ============================================================================= Author's Notes: Okay, if the Latin in the titles for these first two issues is actually correct, I will be amazed. }-> And yes, the first three numbers of the Topeka area ZIP codes are 666, I was inspired when I saw the postmark on the envelope containing my lease documents (I'm moving to Manhattan, KS at the end of June). Finally, sorry about the exposition chunking. Hadda be done somewhere.