Dave's Machine Wars Rant:

     Hubcap/Hoist
     Mirage/Prowl
     Skywarp/Thundercracker
     Megatron/Megaplex

     Thanks to Jameel for getting me most of these (although, true to
Murphy's Law, I found them all in a store the same day the box from Jameel
arrived).  For those who don't already know, there are four molds with two
color schemes (and names) each, so I'll be doing them a pair at a time.

CAPSULES: All $4.99 (auto-clearanced down from $6.99) at Kay Bee

     Hubcap/Hoist: Autotransforming mechanism a bit sluggish, chest almost
obscures face, weapon a bit on the dorky side.  However, the transformation
scheme itself is pretty neat.  Mildly recommended.
     Mirage/Prowl: Or Mirage in his summer and winter wardrobes.  Vehicle
bits get in the way of poseability in some places, but transformation is
clever and all the parts fit together well (and stably) in vehicle mode.
Combat shotguns nice, too.  Recommended.
     Skywarp/Thundercracker: Robot mode looks kinda bad from the side, jet
canards get in the way of the arms.  Pretty straightforward transformation,
good color schemes (if not correct for the characters).  Mildly recommended. 
     Megatron/Megaplex: Kinda loose in jet mode, but very nice in robot
mode.  Face looks like Megatron's.  However, the color scheme on Megatron
himself is mildly disturbing...Megaplex looks far more like a proper
Megatron.  Megaplex is recommended, Megatron is mildly recommended.

GENERAL NOTES

     These four molds are leftover from the end of G2, and were going to
follow the Cyberjets before Hasbro shifted gears and went to Beast Wars.
With the exception of Hoist/Hubcap, all the package art is recycled from
various sources.  They all have Cyberjet-level poseability in theory,
although some of them have aspects which restrict this.  And the heads are
uniformly less poseable (and larger).  All the heads were designed for the
glowing eyes gimmick, but like most Beast Wars toys have had the clear
plastic replaced by opaque.

RANTS

AUTOBOT: Hoist
Function: Maintenance
Vehicle mode: Wrecker
Secret Weapon Location: Grille of wrecker mode
Quote: "Proper maintenance prevents poor performance."

Hoist believes every Autobot should operate at peak efficiency levels at all
times, which means he's a stickler for proper maintenance of both internal
micro-circuitry and external structural integrity.  He's always prepared to
tow an injured Autobot in for repairs.  And if fired upon in the line of
duty, he'll quickly convert to robot mode and battle back with a vengeance!

STR 8  INT 7  SPD 4  END 8  RNK 3  COUR 9  FRP 6  SKL 7  Avg 6.5

     [No snarky comments]

AUTOBOT: Hubcap
Function: Damage Control
Vehicle mode: Wrecker
Secret Weapon Location: Grille of wrecker mode
Quote: "You smash 'em, I'll trash 'em!"

After a fellow Autobot defeats a Decepticon in battle, Hubcap races in to
haul the enemy away.  He takes the debris back to Autobot headquarters where
he salvages what he can from any surviving circuitry or undamaged armor.  The
rest of the parts he either recycles for scrap, or uses for his favorite
hobby, target practice!

STR 4  INT 8  SPD 8  END 7  RNK 5  COUR 8  FRP 5  SKL 4  Avg 6.125

     [Snarky notes: "Damage Control?"  More like scavenger.  And a rather
morbid one, at that, playing with corpses.  I'm sure the Decepticons LOVE
this guy.]

     Colors: Hoist is black with some reddish brown and grey, and yellow
stickers in a few places.  Overall, a very somber look.  Hubcap is bright
yellow where Hoist is black and black where Hoist is brown.  My first
impression was "It's the Magic Schoolbus-bot!"  A little garish, but not
unacceptable.
     Vehicle Mode: Only four wheels, which looks kinda odd on this vehicle,
six would work better (although they might not all fit right).  Wheels roll
well enough for hard plastic, not too many robot bits hanging out.  Pretty
stable, thanks to pegs holding parts together, and the lower number of ball
joints. 
     Transformation: Pull up the hook and in theory it all blossoms out.  In
practice, the shoulder pieces don't quite make it around by the time
everything else is in place, so you have to manually finish the
transformation.  The trick is in not touching the arms or side panels of the
back of the truck while transforming, or you prevent them from coming out.
Also, the feet are joined by pegs, you can pull them apart.
     Robot Mode: Less ball joints than the standard Cyberjet model, it has
them at the elbows and hips, but uses hinges for the knees and a combination
of hinges and swivels for the shoulders.  This would be much cooler than it
actually is if it weren't for the side panels/shoulder pieces.  They get in
the way of the legs, and since they don't secure to the sides with pegs, they
tend to swing out when you move the arms.
     Gimmicks: Autotransform and hidden weapon.  The weapon has Armordillo
Syndrome, in that it's a gun with a big chunk of non-gun hanging off the
back.  In this case, the radiator grille of the truck.
     Overall: For the novelty, it's certainly worth getting one.  But not
both.  I'd suggest Hoist.


AUTOBOT: Mirage
Function: Counter Intelligence
Vehicle mode: Formula-1 Racer
Secret Weapon Location: Pieces hidden in lower legs.
Quote: "Like a ninja in the night, I strike swiftly and unseen."
    
Mirage would rather be out hunting turbofoxes than battling for the Autobots,
but he's an effective fighter and valuable intelligence gatherer -- that's
why Optimus Prime keeps him around.  Electro-disruptor alters physical
appearance for up to 6 minutes.  Invisibility within these short periods
earned him his name.  Remains unsure of Autobot cause, and can't be fully
trusted. 

STR 6  INT 9  SPD 9  END 5  RNK 7  COUR 5  FRP 6  SKL 10  Avg 8.125

     [Snarky comments: oh, gag, that has to be one of the worst quotes I've
seen in a long time.  And more skill than Soundwave?  I don't THINK so.]


AUTOBOT: Prowl
Function: Security
Vehicle mode: Formula-1 Racer
Hidden Weapon Location: Pieces hidden inside lower legs
Quote: "Logic is the ultimate weapon."

Chief of Security for Autobot forces.  Calculating, quiet and competent.
Thought processors intensely logical.  Enhanced racing design conceals
sophisticated micro-circuitry capable of processing 30,000 bytes of
information per millisecond.  Loyalty and patience perhaps greatest assets.

STR 6  INT 8  SPD 10  END 7  RNK 7  COUR 9  FRP 6  SKL 6  Avg 7.375

     [Snarky comments: 30 Meg per second processing.  Wow.  Advanced.  Sigh.
Techspec guys should not use numbers they don't understand.]

     Package Art: Retouched from Laser Rod Jolt.
     Colors: Mirage is very close to the real deal.  A darkish blue-green and
white, with black wheels.  Prowl is a weird milky white with black accents
and a pea green head (same color as most of Thundercracker's body).  Looks
okay, though.  Both have their names on stickers on their spoilers in funky
fonts.  Mirage has a number 7 sticker, and Prowl an 8-ball sticker on his
nose end. 
     Vehicle Mode: A good solid Formula-1 design.  A bit of a lowrider, but
F-1s are that way.  All robot parts hidden from view from side or above, and
from the bottom look like just more car underside stuff.  Very stable.
     Transformation: One-step autotransform again, but with a few clever
bits.  The elbows are set up to hide the joints when the arms are straight,
so you almost have to bend the arms before it's obvious they have elbows.
And the spoiler springs up and hits the driver's seat, triggering little tabs
which push the arms out to the side to clear the front wheels.  And, like
Hubcap/Hoist, the feet are joined by pegs.
     Robot Mode: Wheels and spoiler get in the way of poseability, despite
heavy use of ball joints.  Only the knees are hinges.  Oversized shoulders
also don't help in the poseability department.
     Gimmicks: Autotransform and hidden weapon.  Weapon is a fairly nifty
two-piecer, with the part with the handle useable on its own as a sawed off
shotgun or with the barrel extension for a mighty rifle.
     Overall: Okay robot, one of the best I've seen for a F-1 design.  Very
good vehicle mode.  Definitely get Mirage, maybe hold off on Prowl.


DECEPTICON: Skywarp (side note: mine came without his gun, bummer)
Function: Warrior
Vehicle mode: Dassault Rafale advanced fighter jet
Secret Weapon Location: Pieces hidden in legs
Quote: "Strike when their backs are turned!"

Considered the sneakiest Decepticon to ever fly in the sky.  Pulls practical
jokes on fellow fighter planes.  Low intelligence makes him prone to
accidents and occasional mid-air collisions.  Instant conversion capabilities
allow for immediate battle-ready status.

STR 5  INT 2  SPD 7  END 7  RNK 3  COUR 7  FRP 6  SKL 4  Avg 5.125

     [Snarky note: Dumber than a sack full of hammers, and stripped of his
teleportation ability, probably because he's now a danger to himself and
others.  Hard to be sneaky when you're having trouble remembering your name.
A rival for Space Case's position as Biggest Loser In The Decepticons.]

DECEPTICON: Thundercracker
Function: Rebel Warrior
Vehicle mode: Dassault Rafale advanced fighter jet
Secret Weapon Location: Pieces hidden in lower legs
Quote: "The best weapon is terror!"

Believes in the Decepticon cause, but remains rebellious among his own
ranks.  Contemptuous and cruel to anything that can't fly.  Produces 200-mile
radius sonic boom at excessive flight speeds.  Uses terror tactics to strike
fear in enemies, and panic among the innocent.

STR 6  INT 4  SPD 7  END 7  RNK 4  COUR 8  FRP 6  SKL 4  Avg 5.75

     [Snarky comments: "You, you're the designated rebel warrior.  Now go and
rebel."  Sigh.  A loyal rebel, just what we need.]

     Colors: Skywarp is mainly white with black upper limps and innards, plus
red accents on his wings (and a white Decepticon symbol, woo).  Not Skywarp,
but not bad.  Except for the bright yellow head.  Someone needs to find the
guy who decided to randomize the head colors from out of the available hues
and slap him around.  Thundercracker is pea green where Skywarp is white and
reddish brown where Skywarp is black, and has a black head.  He also has a
nifty brown and white camo pattern on his wings, and the USAF insignia (odd,
since the Rafael is a purely Euro design).  Both have silvery grey eyeslits
and cockpits.
     Vehicle Mode: Pretty good from the top, a huge amount of undercarriage
junk, though.  Limbs flop around a bit, they aren't really secured although
there's slots to guide them into position (the heel spurs fit loosely into a
slot on the rear fuselage).
     Transformation: Bend down the nose and it autotransforms.  Very little
else to do.  The tail section moves up when this happens, which is kinda
cool.  It doesn't seem to quite transform all the way, though, and the nose
ends up pointing out some.  
     Gerwalk Mode: Very nice.  Heel spurs make the reversed feet much more
stable than on most Cyberjets.  Just pull down the legs and arms without
activating the autotransform.
     Robot Mode: Pretty nifty once you get past the partial transformation
problem.  The canards on the cockpit section get in the way of the arms, and
make for perfect pivot points to pop the arms out at the shoulder (as I
repeatedly found out).  Head doesn't really move at all, sadly.  All joints
are ball and socket.
     Gimmicks: Autotransform and hidden weapon.  Like most of the others,
it's a pistol with a barrel extension piece.  The sight of the pistol can
also fit into a slot on the robot's forearm, for arm-mounted weaponry.  The
pistol also has a forward grip, and if you're really careful you can get a
two-handed grip going.
     Overall: Both pretty neat toys with techspecs kinda insulting to the
original characters, and a transformation flaw.  Neither one is obviously
superior to the other, though.


DECEPTICON: Megaplex
Function: Warrior/Clone
Vehicle mode: F-22 Advanced Tactical Fighter
Secret Weapon Location: Pieces hidden in lower legs
Quote: "The skies belong to me!"

Megaplex was built to function as a clone for Megatron, a strategy designed
to confuse enemy Autobots who seek to shoot down the elusive Decepticon
leader.  But Megaplex is more than just a decoy, he is equipped with powerful
attack weapons that make him a formidable warrior in any air battle.  And in
robot mode, he only gets tougher!

STR 5  INT 5  SPD 8  END 7  RNK 6  COUR 8  FRP 7  SKL 6  Avg 6.75

     [Snarky comments: Okay, the whole "clone for Megatron" thing has been
and will be discussed ad nauseum, I'll only add that the designers may have
taken inspiration from Hitler's double.  And as for the quote, methinks
Megatron should watch his back...'Plex doesn't seem to think of himself as a
subordinate....]


DECEPTICON: Megatron
Function: Commander
Vehicle mode: F-22 Advanced Tactical Fighter
Secret Weapon Location: Pieces hidden in lower legs
Quote: "Prepare for oblivion!"
 
Megatron once again "takes to the skies in disguise" in his latest aerial-
attack configuration.  Body armor [is] composed of stealth deflector shields
that allow for invisible attacks on Autobot enemies.  Twin turbo thrusters
rocket him to speeds of up to 600mph in less than 17 seconds.  In robot or
vehicle mode, this evil commander is one of the worst threats in the
universe. 

STR 10  INT 10  SPD 9  END 10  RNK 10  COUR 10  FRP 9  SKL 10  Avg 9.75

     [Snarky notes: His quote is taken from the very limited release Megatron
ATB (Dreadwing G2 recolor), and his note implies that form is in
"continuity."  I'd hope 600mph isn't his top speed, since that would mean he
could be outflown by the real F-22.  BTW, that acceleration figure given is
about 1.6 times the acceleration of gravity, impressive but not unsurvivable
for a human pilot.]

     Colors: Megaplex is primarily silvery-grey with blue-green upper limbs
and innards, and dark blue buckethead (silvery-grey face).  Basically, take
the picture of him from the package and insert silvery-grey where the picture
shows dark blue.  He has black parallel stripes on his wings, which is okay.
Megatron, however, is kinda ugly.  He's a sort of slightly greyish light blue
where Plex is silvery-grey (fading to white on his wings/tail), with that
weird milky white plastic for upper limbs and innards.  His head is solid
color with grey eyes, the head being the same weird blue as his wings.
Frankly, his color scheme is a serious strike against him.
     Vehicle Mode: Nice solid F-22 with a middling amount of undercarriage
junk.  The limbs stay put only due to tight joints, the guide slots are only
guides, not pegs.
     Transformation: Simple pull down the nose and it transforms, with the
tail section moving up as this happens.
     Gerwalk Mode: Quite nice, especially with the elbow spurs (see below)
evoking the classic Valkyrie (Jetfire) look.  Just pull down the limbs
without triggering the autotransform, and twist the lower legs around to
reverse the direction the knees bend.
     Robot Mode: Very nice.  Big spurs on the elbows suggest devastating
elbow smash attacks in hand to hand.  Nothing to really get in the way of
poseability, and the head even moves fairly well.  While the nose doesn't
come down parallel to the wings, it's nowhere near as bad as on Skywarp/TC,
and just leaning the robot forward a bit takes care of this (you almost have
to to keep it standing anyway).
     Gimmicks: Autotransform and hidden weapon.  Weapon is another pistol
with barrel extension, and the pistol part also has a secondary semi-grip
farther forward.  And since there's nothing to get in the way on this mold, a
variety of two-handed weapon grips are possible (and the fact the head can
move to look in the direction the gun points makes the two-handed poses even
better). 
     Overall: Very nice toy, but if you want two, I'd almost suggest two
Megaplexi over one of each, since Megatron really doesn't look so good.  But
if you only get one of the small Machine Wars toys, it should be Megaplex.