Dave's Machine Wars Rant:

     Sandstorm
     Soundwave
     Starscream

     While out shopping for my sister today, I lucked onto the above three at
Kay Bee.  Musta helped my karmic balance with the mission of mercy (sadly, I
came up empty-handed in my main quest, but the week is young and I know the
toy is out there).  Anyway, the shipment came in Thursday, but they didn't
bother to put it out until Monday, but they came out at "auto-clearance"
prices of $9.99 for the Deluxes and $14.99 for Screamer.  True to the pattern
that seems to be building, Colorclash Prime and the little'uns hadn't come in
yet. 

CAPSULES

     Sandstorm: Very nice vehicle mode, pretty good robot mode (if about as
poseable as a brick), weapons neutered but some gimmicks remaining.
Recommended.  $9.99 (clearance priced from $14.99)
     Soundwave: Okay vehicle mode, okay robot mode, almost completely
unposeable, weapons completely removed (no gun, no missiles).  Very mildly
recommended.  $9.99 (down from $14.99)
     Starscream: BIG jet mode, big robot mode, lots of gimmicks left even
after several were removed, no gun but bomb bays still work.  Less poseable
than your average brick.  Recommended.  $14.99 (down from $19.99)

General Notes

     There's a few things all of these Euro-repaints have in common.  I'll
mention them all here rather than repeat them three times.
     Faces: The faces were not remolded to look like the toys they're named
after, so it may be hard for fans to really think of these toys as actually
being the originals in new bodies.  Heck, Starscream's head looks more like
an Optimus Prime head than a Starscream head.
     Stickers: They all have stickers, unlike Beast Wars toys.  However, they
don't have complete sticker instructions, and Screamer doesn't even have all
of his stickers available.  Some stickers are totally pointless, not having
been changed when the toy was recolored.  
     Allegiance Symbols: These guys are pre-G2 Euro toys, so they have G1
Autobot and Decepticon symbols, yay!  The techspecs cards on the outsides of
the boxes use the G2 symbols, though.
     Poseability: There is none.  Arms are the only part that really moves,
and not much (Sandstorm's the best in this department).
     Neutering: The missiles these toys originally came with were not up to
US choke-gate standards, being far too short.  All launching mechanisms have
been removed, including several handguns, and only Screamer even came with
the missiles (although all three have places to store the missiles).  In
addition, Skyquake (Starscream) and Stalker (Soundwave) had viewer gimmicks
which let you see various pictures either alone or when other members of
their subteam were plugged in.  However, these other members are not being
reissued, so the pictures have been pulled completely.  You can still look
through the sights, but there's nothing there.
     Glowing Eyes: This was the group of toys for which the glowing eyes
gimmick was invented.  They all have it.
     Packaging: It's more and more obvious as I look at the boxes that this
was something of a rush job.  Aside from the reused art, there's unretouched
transformation instructions, no pictures of the overall line, and no inserts
other than the sticker sheets and a few loose pieces like Screamer's missiles
or Soundwave's radar dish.


RANTS

AUTOBOT: Sandstorm
Original Name: Rotorstorm
Function: Desert Reconnaissance
Vehicle Form: Modified AH-64 Apache Helicopter (VERY modified)
Quote: "There's a bad storm brewing, and I'm it!"

Sandstorm has adapted [sic] a new battle copter configuration...but can still
scream across the desert wastelands like a turbo-charged fireball!  Dual
turbine engines make speed his greatest asset, and they also double as
powerful laser cannons that fire air-to-ground laser bursts which explode
upon impact.  Watch out, Decepticons!

STR 7  INT 4  SPD 10  END 6  RNK 5  COUR 8  FRP 7  SKL 7  Avg 6.875

     Notice how they bend over backwards to explain why the weapon doesn't
fire anything?  Oh, and for those wondering why the [sic], one "adopts" a new
form, or "adapts" to a new environment.  Note: be careful when removing this
guy from the package, I almost ended up tossing out one of his skids because
it stayed in the cardboard even after I removed all the wires.

     Helicopter Mode: Nice camo pattern...it's more jungle camo than desert,
but oh well.  No significant undercarriage garbage, but a lot of tail
garbage, as the normally slender helicopter tail is widened into a double
tail so that the robot mode arms can fit inside.  Effective use of clear blue
plastic.  Still has the pushbutton gimmick which drops the turbines down to
the side as weapon pods.  9 inches (22cm) long and 3.5 inches (9cm) tall.
     Transformation: Pretty complicated.  You do need to remove the turbines
before transforming or they get in the way.  Once you have the hang of it,
though, there's no unnecessary complications or places where excessive force
is required.
     Robot Mode: Less stable than I would like.  The tabs for keeping the
shoulders in place aren't the right size, leading to loose fits.  And there's
no tab to secure the cockpit/chest.  The legs could have been made much more
poseable, in a Hero Optimus Prime sort of way, with little effort, but the
effort was not made, and the legs are joined at the knees.  The legs also
have the ability to bend the wrong way, necessary for the transformation.
The arms can bend at the elbow and swing out at the shoulder, but not rotate
at the shoulder, so dynamic poses are pretty much out.  And the head is fixed
in position.  7 inches (17cm) tall.
     Gimmicks: Not many left.  As mentioned above, in copter mode his
turbines can spring down to gun pod position.  And he's got glowing eyes.
Nothing else remains.
     Stickers: Sandstorm's the worst when it comes to black stickers on black
bodyparts, or stickers which obscure paintjobs and make things uniform.
Stickers 3-4 seem to go on the leading edge of the landing skids, and 5-6 on
the outside of the tail fins, but those are guesses.  Haven't found a good
home for 1-2 yet.  9-10 and 13-14 are pointless.
     Overall: Pretty cool for a ten dollar toy, despite the flaws.


DECEPTICON: Soundwave
Original Name: Stalker
Function: Communications
Vehicle Form: Nuclear Missile Truck (think Doubledealer)
Quote: "Cries and screams are music to my ears!"

A smooth talking opportunist who uses his eavesdropping abilities on friend
and foe alike.  Equipped with advanced radio wave and energy sensors,
Soundwave is a crucial communications link for Decepticon forces.  Four
armored treads equip him for any terrain, and the giant electron rocket makes
him a devastating warrior, earning him the nickname "The Terror Tank."

STR 8  INT 9  SPD 2  END 6  RNK 8  COUR 5  FRP 8  SKL 6  Avg 6.5

     Excuse me a moment while I vomit.  Bad enough he gets a massive brain
drain, from Skill of 9 in Action Master form to 6 now (he started with a 10
in tape player form), but his profile is the worst of several worlds.

     Tank Mode: Grey and maroon with green camo stripes and a white rocket,
it looks pretty good.  It rolls along on tiny wheels, making it a little less
all-terrain than advertised.  }->  There's still numerous pegs and holes on
the exterior for accessories that were removed from the toy.  Six inches
(15cm) long and three inches (8cm) tall in tank mode.  Rocket is 6 inches
long and 1 inch (2.5cm) thick.
     Transformation: Fairly simplistic, but still has a few challenging parts
to it (and one frustrating part, in the arms).  Panels in back of legs are a
nice touch, avoiding the "hollow calves" syndrome many similar toys suffer.
Unless you have long nails, you'll need a tool to get the head out, since it
lacks any sort of tab to pull or push on.
     Robot Mode: Seven inches (17cm) tall at the head, add an extra inch for
the radar and rocket on his shoulders (or an extra 3 inches if you leave the
rocket on his back).  Almost totally unposeable, the arms don't even have
elbows, and moving them at the shoulders is made difficult by the huge tread
shoulderpads.  Looks nice, but doesn't move.
     Gimmicks: The rocket has a sight you can look through and see a pretty
blue blur, or slide the shutter closed and see a slightly darker blue blur.
No gun or missiles included.  Eyes don't even glow very well.
     Stickers: Everything but the placement of the Decepticon symbols can be
figured out from the photo on the box and the instructions.  Jameel says the
emblems go on the treads, but I just put one on his upper chest in robot mode
and saved the other for later.  I'd rather not put any obvious emblems on the
outside of the vehicle forms ("Hey, look, a perfectly normal jet...with
Decepticon insignia.")
     Overall: For ten bucks, I suppose he's okay, but nothing to search high
and low for.


DECEPTICON: Starscream
Original Name: Skyquake
Function: Pursuit and Capture
Vehicle Form: Heavily modified SR-71 Blackbird mixed with random elements
Quote: "Conquest is made of the ashes of ones [sic] enemies."

Starscream is ruthless, cold-blooded and cruel, yet considers himself the
smartest, most sophisticated Decepticon of all.  He believes Decepticons
should rely more on guile and speed rather than brute force to defeat the
Autobots.  He's a powerful air commander who can reach speeds of Mach 2.8 at
an altitude of 52 miles, even while flying heavily armed with his
heat-seeking, air-to-air missiles.

STR 7  INT 7  SPD 9  END 7  RNK 5  COUR 8  FRP 7  SKL 7  Avg 7.125

     Easily Starscream's wimpiest incarnation, despite also being his
largest.  He's got his Action Master Rank, Courage and Speed, but not the
higher Strength and Intelligence of that version.  Earlier versions were
faster, braver and higher ranking than this guy.

     Jet Mode: Thirteen inches (33cm) long, with a nearly foot-long (30cm)
wingspan, this is one big toy.  A big chunk of the length is the big
viewscope tail unit, though, removing that pulls off three inches from the
length.  Mainly black with some grey and blue accents, if you ignore the neon
green missiles he looks VERY cool in jet mode.  Has bomb dropping system that
rotates a drum in which you can store up to four missiles (three easily, four
with difficulty), landing gear, shutters over some clear plastic parts, and
the viewsight.
     Transformation: Requires excessive force on the legs, otherwise both
complex and smooth.  Well, okay, not too complex, but it has a few tricks to
puzzle those who like to try transforming without looking at the
instructions. 
     Robot Mode: Ten inches (25cm) tall, he towers over just about any other
Transformer made in the last few years.  He IS the Man.  Only poseability is
ratcheting at the shoulders (and pistoning punches if you count the
transformation motion), and the knees tend to knock together.  But sheer size
covers for a lot of flaws.  Heel extensions keep him quite stable despite the
viewscope sticking out his back.
     Gimmicks: His gun's gone, but he still has the nifty bomb-dropped
mentioned above.  Starscream's main gimmick selling point, though, is the
extensive use of transparent plastic, and the ability to control whether
light can get through.  His head has a movable shield on the back so you can
"turn off" the glowing eyes.  The viewscope can see through his hollow chest
and transparent blue chestplate, but has a shutter to close it.  Slots on the
top of his wings let light through to glow in his chest, but shutters can be
closed over these slots!  Tres keen.
     Stickers: Screamer seems to be missing a sheet of stickers, some of
which are even on the instructions for placement.  Oops.  I used the
no-instructions sticker 9 to replace the missing sticker 23, and stickers 1-6
can be placed pretty easily without the instructions by referring to the
picture on the box (5-6 are wingtip decor).  I ended up putting the
Decepticon sigils on his forearms instead of on his wings.
     Overall: Definitely worth $15, and probably worth $20.  Not poseable,
but still quite cool if you can look past that.

     Dave Van Domelen, getting irritated by the rattling of the missiles in
Screamer's bomb bays, and giving the missiles to Soundwave.